


Life is a Game of Risks

by Lass_Kicker



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Past relationships, Car Accidents, Child Abandonment, Childhood Friends, Close Siblings, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Old Friends, Old crushes, Poor Life Choices, Verbal Abuse, sibling bonds, single parent, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2018-12-21 08:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 98,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11940687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lass_Kicker/pseuds/Lass_Kicker
Summary: Tom walks into a cafe near RADA while working on Hamlet to see a woman sitting down in a corner, he knows her, but he is not sure from where. It finally dawns on him, an old family friend, the one that suggested to him to go into acting and whom as they ascended to adulthood, he had a crush on, but time passed and nothing happened. Now he meets Alexianna again and he is not going to miss the chance to speak with her once more, but there is an issue, time has not been good to her, her life is more complex now. Can Tom handle what it entails when the one you care for has a child already and can Alexianna deal with the pressures of being the real life girlfriend of the internet's boyfriend?





	1. Do I Know You?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random thought that has turned into this story, not sure how it will go, but sure, we'll give it a lash. I started it last Monday and I am already 36,000 words in.

Tom's mind raced for a moment, he had to try and remember where he knew that face from. Was it from a movie set, a premiere or even a meet and greet, he just couldn't remember. But yet it seemed so familiar. So using some cunning and pretending to be scouring the coffee shop for something to get another glimpse of the woman sitting alone staring at a laptop screen, several sheets and folders out in front of her. Her glasses slid down her nose slightly, they were the design many people were going for these days, Tom included, large and thicker framed, the "nerd" ones. His eyes widened as he thought of it. He knew a girl, years before, who had those glasses and was called a "nerd". It suddenly came back to him, the dark hair which never seemed to be straight or wavy, just a messy combination of the two, her blue eyes and her almost tick-like chewing of her bottom lip.

 

He knew he could seem mad, but he had to check, he walked over and looked at her, her too engrossed in her work to realise there was someone next to her for a moment. But finally, she did seem to realise there was someone there. 'Sorry, am I blocking...?'

 

'Alexianna?' the woman frowned at him, confirming that it was her name and she was  wondering how he knew it. 'I don't know if you remember me...'

 

'Thomas, Tom.' She seemed to realise.

 

Tom smiled brightly. 'Yes, how are you?'

 

'Good, yeah, hi, sorry.' She smiled as she shook her head slightly. 'Sorry, I am in my own world. Hi, how are you, I have not seen you in...'

 

'Fifteen years.' Tom answered, she frowned at the realisation that he seemed to know the answer off the top of his head like that. 'I thought of it to myself as I walked over, hoping it was you and that I was not about to make an absolute tit of myself to some random woman.'

 

'No, you guessed right. Yeah, wow, fifteen years, really? It's been a long time, how are you, how are your sisters, your mum?'

 

'Great, everyone is great, Emma and Sarah are both happily married now, Sarah has a little girl, Mum is great, small health scare a while back, but you know her.'

 

'It will take a lot more than that to get your mum, she was always so incredible, I was always jealous of you guys, I wish she had been my mum, she was so brilliant.'

 

'She still is, until you put a foot out of line.' Tom laughed.

 

'All the reason to behave then, wasn't it?' Alexianna smiled. 'She was always a great role model, I was thinking about her a lot recently, she was always so incredibly strong.'

 

'Yes, she has been. What about you? How are you these days?'

 

'Good, busy. I went back to school recently, so I am busier than I thought possible, but good.'

 

'Great, what are you studying?'

 

'Public relations.'

 

'Really?' Tom's brows rose, 'Well you know, I know a few people in that field, if you have any questions, I am sure they would answer you.'

 

'I wouldn't want to impose.'

 

'Please, tell you what, I have a meeting today with my publicist, give me your number and I will get him to contact you, he is a great personal friend of mine too.'

 

Alexianna looked at him warily for a moment. 'I'm...honestly Tom, I don't want to impose.'

 

'What was it you used to say, the worst he can say is no?' Tom grinned.

 

Alexianna gave the smallest attempt at a smile at that before nodded. 'Something like that.' she took a piece of paper and scribbled her email address on it. 'A compromise.' she stated as she handed it over. 'I am not one for giving out my number.'

 

Tom chuckled, 'You might need to get over that in PR.'

 

'I am not a P.R.O. yet, and I don't plan on a public role for myself, but if I do decide to, until I am, I will remain as cautious.' she shrugged.

 

'If I was to try and contact you, can I use this too?' Tom probed gently.

 

Alexianna bit her lips together, thinking about what he was asking before nodding. 'Yeah, sure. If you think of a reason. Just...please don't give it to anyone, other than you PR friend, please.'

 

Tom frowned slightly but nodded. 'I promise.'

 

'Tell your mum and sisters I say hi when you see them, if you remember to, of course, I won't be offended if it slips your mind.' She began to tidy away her paperwork. 'It was great to see you, Tom, I was so delighted for you when I started seeing you on posters, you're incredible at your work.' she smiled politely.

 

'You've seen my work?' Tom's eye lit up.

 

'Yes, Loki, Sharpe, Adam and Laing anyway. I have a few others on the Sky box I plan to watch soon, and I have the Kong DVD, but I am sort of stuck for time recently, so I will get around to it, but you are great, I cannot commend you enough, you are.'

 

'Thank you.' Tom blushed. 'You can take some credit, you are the one who suggested I look into acting.'

 

'Yes,' Alexianna smiled, recalling the memory from years before of her suggesting to a young and somewhat lost Tom of how to use his emotions in acting rather than holding them in. 'I have a lot to answer for.' She half laughed.

 

Tom beamed brightly. 'I cannot thank you enough, you gave me this life.' Alexianna's eyes began to fill with tears, 'Are you alright?'

 

'Yes,' She shook her head and wiped her eyes. 'Yes, I am. I just...I need to go somewhere.' She grabbed her bag. 'It was great to see you, Tom.'

 

'You too, do you come to London often now?'

 

'I live here now.'

 

'Really, that's great, we'll have to catch up, sometime when you are not busy.'

 

'Maybe, yeah. Bye Tom.'

 

'Goodbye Lexi.' she froze as he said that name, the look on her face something he could not read. 'Sorry, old habit.'

 

'It's fine, bye.' she did not look at him again as she rushed out the door, leaving Tom standing in the coffee shop, confused. Looking down, he realised she had left her laptop charger behind, so he unplugged it and rushed outside, looking left and right but not seeing any sign of Alexianna anywhere. But he did not concern himself too greatly, he had her email and that was enough to contact her and offer to return her charger to her, so he put it in his own satchel and decided to continue walking to RADA for his rehearsals for Hamlet.

 

*

 

 

'I'm sorry, what?' Luke looked at Tom his disbelief.

 

'One email, Luke, seriously, just to see if there is anything you can help her with.' Tom pleaded.

 

'Look, I am not going to give away trade secrets to some girl that convinced you into bed with her.' Luke stated.

 

Tom's jaw clenched. 'I've never slept with Lexi, she is an old family friend, nothing more.'

 

Luke noted the visible change in his client/friend's demeanour. 'Okay, well, that's a bit different, but still.'

 

'She is studying public relations and was clearly stressing over definitions, seriously, that's all.'

 

'Tom, if you cannot get the definitions, how are you supposed to do the job?'

 

'Please Luke, just see if she can be helped, at least save her time if she is not made for it.'

 

'You want me to tell someone whether they are cut out for this or not?'

 

'You own your own firm, you are someone she would here this from regardless.' Luke was forced to concede that that was indeed true. 'Just one email, see what it is that she is struggling with.'

 

'Can I ask why? Why this girl, what is the history?'

 

'None, there is no history, she and Emma were friends, her mother moved away and we all lost touch.'

 

'How long ago?'

 

'I have not seen her in about fifteen years.'

 

Luke stared at him in shock. 'Fifteen years? Are you serious? Tom, what is going on here?'

 

'Look, please just...' Luke kept looking at him. 'Alexianna never had it easy, her dad left when she was small and her mother was always less than pleasant, she always worked hard at everything and she deserves to get ahead in something in her life. The way she was today, it's obvious, she is still fighting uphill. I want to help if I can. This would help her, get her a career, set her up.'

 

Luke thought for a moment. 'Sure, yeah, help someone help themselves rather than do everything for them and not let them look after themselves, I understand that.' he took the email address. 'I'll put her in my contacts and get to it after this.'

 

'Thank you.' Tom smiled gratefully.

 

'Alright, but if she's useless, I cannot be nice about it, I will have to be honest.'

 

'Lexi used always say "I can be nice or I can be honest, which do you want",' Tom recalled fondly.

 

'Wait, this is THE Lexi?'

 

'Yes.'

 

'The one that got you into acting?'

 

'The one and the same.'

 

'Well, that explains the want to help her.'

 

'She is the reason I am me.' Tom smiled.

 

'Yeah, yeah, I get it, I...hmm.'

 

'What?'

 

'Her name is in our system.' Luke explained. 'She has applied here for an internship.'

 

'Really?' Tom rushed around to the other side of the desk. 'Yeah, that's her, Alexianna Hughes, aged thirty-one, well, I guess it was only about thirteen years then, not fifteen.'

 

'Jesus you really are terrible at maths.' Luke commented. 'Yes, she is applying bottom rung, she has a cover letter here.' He clicked on it. 'I let Elizabeth in HR deal with applications, these are only the ten finalists for the position, so she cannot be totally useless.' Luke commented, scanning the lines of writing in front of him. 'She has a serious mark against her though.'

 

'What is it?'

 

'She has not been working for nearly ten years, why is that do you know?'

 

'I don't.' Tom frowned, 'She was working when she was only fourteen in a sandwich company after school and weekends, she had two jobs when she was doing her A-Levels, she is not lazy.'

 

'Burn out maybe?' Luke suggested. 'Did she have any issues health wise, physical or otherwise?'

 

Tom knew what he was asking, did she have depression or any other such issue. 'She got panic attacks as a kid, she grew out of them though by the time I stopped seeing her around, the last thirteen years, I have no idea.'

 

'Well she would have been hired already if there were no blanks in the CV, she has a near perfect recommendation from the course head, her work is great and she seems to have good references, but the gap is something of note.'

 

'I can see if there's an explanation for that?' Tom suggested.

 

'Tom, this is business, don't get emotionally involved.' Luke warned. 'She is clearly hard working and because she is the something to you, I will help her on that level if she needs it, but on this,' He pointed to the screen in front of him, 'This is business and I have to think of what is best for Prosper first, not what I want.'

 

Tom inhaled deeply, 'I understand.'

 

'Good, I will allow Elizabeth do the interviews and see where that goes from there.'

 

'Thank you, I appreciate it, Luke.'

 

'I will drop her an email later and see if I can assist her in any way.' Luke promised.

 

 


	2. Sure Thing, Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom contacts Alexianna about her charger and shows her that he is instilling trust in her by giving her his phone number, leading to them arranging to meet.

**Lexi,**

**I hope you don't mind my emailing you, you forgot your charger at the café so I have it with me, I can meet you to give it back if you are free anytime, or I can drop it to you.**

**I promise I only gave your email to my friend Luke, he said he will try and talk to you some time.**

**If you want to meet regarding the charger, my phone number is underneath. This is my personal one, to prove that I trust you as much as you trust me with your email.**

**Kindest regards and looking forward to talking to you again,**

**Tom.**

 

Alexianna looked at the email on her phone screen. She had scoured high and low for that charger, freaking out because she only had half battery left and needed to finish an assignment for another internship application, so she knew she would have to get it ASAP. It had been years since anyone had called her 'Lexi'. Tom and his sisters always called her it, it was nice, it made her feel good in herself, even their mum, Diana called her it. She smiled fondly when she thought of their mum, she was always so nice to her, treating her the same as Emma and Sarah, as though she had been her third daughter. She looked again at the screen, worried at how to respond. She thought to use email, but Tom had included his number, and she knew he would be more inclined to answer a call than an email quickly, and she needed that charger, so she copied the number and put it into her phone. She thought to keep her number private, but she herself never answered private numbers and considering Tom could very easily be the same, especially as a celebrity, she decided against it, inhaling deeply, she pressed the call button.

 

'Hello.' Tom answered after a few rings. 'Hello?'

 

'Tom.'

 

'Lexi, hello.' she could hear the smile on his face. 'How are you?'

 

'Better now that I know where my charger is.' she found herself smiling too.

 

'Yes, I have it with me. I am at RADA at the moment, do you want me to drop it over after rehearsals.' there was silence on the phone for a moment. 'Lexi?'

 

'I...I need it as soon as possible Tom, I have a lot of course work to do. What time are you finished?'

 

'Not until ten tonight, at least.' Tom sounded downtrodden.

 

'Damn.' There was silence for another moment. 'Are you able to leave it at the front desk?'

 

'Yes, I am, I think.'

 

'I can go there and grab it.'

 

'Perfect. I will tell the desk guy.'

 

'Thank you, Tom.'

 

'Anytime Lexi, I gave your details to Luke too.'

 

'Yes, I read.' Her voice was low.

 

'What's wrong?'

 

'I didn't realise you would give it to him.'

 

'Is there a problem with that?'

 

'Well, I applied to his company for a job, now you turn up with my information, it seems a little... "using a name to get ahead sort of thing".'

 

'I know, he was able to tell me that, but he leaves hiring to his HR person, he still wants to talk to you.' Alexianna bit her lips together. 'You don't need to worry Lexi, I told him you would never want to use knowing me for something and it was me that approached you today, not the other way around.'

 

'Thanks, Tom.' She had a faint smile at that. 'I better stop wasting your time and let you get back to more important things. Bye.'

 

'You're not wasting...' but Tom heard the line go dead. Looking at the phone, he say "call ended" on the screen. Putting his phone down, he thought to himself. Alexianna, though she had a tough enough life was never one to put herself down so much. He thought of Luke's comments regarding her career gap too, he found himself wondering what happened Alexianna to turn her into the submissive person that was convinced she was something of an inconvenience.

 

*

 

'Yes, I was told to tell you to go in.' Alexianna's eyes widened as she stared at the deskman. 'It's the third door on the right.'

 

'Is it not here?'

 

The security guard looked at her as though she was mad. 'No, Mr Hiddleston is inside and he said to allow you in, so the third on the right.' The man reiterated, bored of the conversation.

Nervously, Alexianna walked in and towards the door, pushing it slightly, she noticed most of the room was in darkness, but not the stage, on which, Tom was standing, pacing frantically. She watched as he recited the lines she knew from her own time studying Hamlet, a small smile coming to her face as she watched him perform the scene, the raw emotions involved were incredible, he was even better on stage than on film, she ascertained, but she had felt that before when she had gone to Coriolanus in 2013. She watched and found herself suddenly remembering the lines more clearly as he stated them into the emptiness as Hamlet did in his madness.

 

' _ To die: to sleep; _

_ No more; and by a sleep to say we end _

_ The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks _

_ That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation _

_ Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep _

_ To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; _

_ For in that sleep of death what dreams may come _

_ When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, _

_ Must give us pause: there's the respect _

_ That makes calamity of so long life' _

 

He paused and smiled directly at her. 'Two minutes,' he called to the side and jumped down off the stage, running up the aisle of steps to her after grabbing a bag on route. 'Hello again.'

 

'I thought you said you were leaving it outside.' Alexianna asked.

 

'It's not that desk guy as much as I do the other two.' Tom explained. 'I know how important it is to you.'

 

'Thank you.' She smiled, taking the bag. 'You're great.'

 

'I'm not near ready yet.'

 

'You could open tonight and be deemed a hit.'

 

'That's because I have been blessed with a few die-hard fans.'

 

'Well, I think you are good.'

 

'Even if it is this play?' Alexianna frowned. 'I remember you not being a fan when you did it in school.'

 

'He was always a mopey prick.' Tom erupted in laughter as Alexianna smiled.

 

'You still maintain that?'

 

'Yes.' she stated confidently.

 

Tom realised it was the first time she seemed to be the same girl he knew so many years before. 'Have you time for a coffee?'

 

'But your rehearsal?'

 

'I have done three hours straight, I am due something, come on, there is a canteen down the hall.'

 

Alexianna paused. 'I am not sure.'

 

'Please, Lexi. Just a coffee and a catch-up.' He pleaded.

 

'Okay, but I have to be home for five.'

 

'Sure thing, Cinderella.' Tom held the door for her.

 


	3. Tea and Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna get coffee and discuss things in greater detail, leading to a few reveals about Alexianna's life over the past few years.

'So, is there someone, in particular, you need to be home for at five for?' He asked, trying to not sound nosy. In truth he just wanted Alexianna to actually talk about herself and thought it a good place to start.

'Not really, no.'

'So no boyfriend?'

'No, you?'

'Not really into guys myself, no.' Tom smiled before laughing slightly, 'No, I am single these days.'

'No more pop princesses?' Alexianna teased.

'No.' The way Tom looked at his cup told her a lot. 'That is not something I would ever consider again.'

'That's your choice.' Alexianna stated, not pushing the issue any further.

'Do you talk to your mother these days?' There was a sudden tension in the air as Alexianna looked at him silently. 'I'm sorry, I should not have asked.'

'I haven't spoken to my mother in four years.'

'I would have thought you would be happier about that if she was the same as she was when you grew up,' Tom prodded gently.

'I suppose I should, it came to a head, everything, and I needed her, but she wasn't there, I was really down about it. I thought she would be there, because she knew what it was like, but no.'

Tom frowned, unsure of what to say. 'I'm sorry.'

'Not your fault.' Alexianna dismissed.

'Was it even yours?' she did not answer. 'Lexi?'

'It doesn't matter. I know it wasn't, but still, part of my brain niggles at me that if I had done this or that better, it wouldn't have happened.' she explained. Tom took her hand in his and squeezed it gently, to show her he was there, noticing that it was hot and sweaty. 'I was married.' she admitted it as though it was something dirty, something to be ashamed of. 'But he left, four years ago.'

'I...' There was nothing Tom could think of to say to that. 

'I have not heard anything from him since, nothing. I finally applied last year for a divorce, but I couldn't find him to sign the papers.'

'Where does that leave you?' Tom asked curiously, knowing nothing of such situations.

'I am doing it through a solicitor that deals with these sorts of cases, but it is not easy.'

'I dare say not. How long were you married?'

'Three years.' the manner in which she said it told Tom it was not the most pleasant of times. 'I made some terrible decisions, it cost me college, everything.'

'So that is why you are back in college now?' She nodded. 'You are so strong.' he commended, smiling encouragingly at her.

'I got a bit sideswiped, but I'm getting there.' Her smile was not as big, or as confident as his, but she still meant it. 'What about you?'

'No marriages or anything, I have been so busy with work, then last year...'

'You sound like you regret it.'

'I do, in many respects, I don't in others.' he decided to be honest, she was more than so with him. 'Is that why your mother...'

'When it happened her, it was my father’s fault, he was in the wrong, he was the problem, when it happened me, it was all me, I made the mistakes, I was the reason he left.' she stated.

'How does Daniel feel about it?' Tom asked, referencing her older brother.

'Daniel wants to know where he is,' she admitted. 'So he can find him and bury him.'

Tom smiled, Daniel was only two years older than Alexianna and they were always close, she almost mothered him in many respects, cooking, cleaning, being the mother they didn't really have. 'Do you still talk?'

'He works on the rigs up in the North Sea, he is down every few months, he pays my rent and everything, he forked out for me to get back to school.' She smiled fondly. 'I just make sure he is fed and his clothes washed when he is back. He is home at the moment.'

'Good, tell him I said hi,' Tom was relieved she at least had her brother for company.

'I will.' she promised. She looked at the expensive watch on Tom's wrist. 'I have taken enough of your day.' she rose to her feet.

Tom was somewhat startled by her jumping out of the chair. 'It's no trouble, Lexi.' she gave a small grimace of a smile. 'Do you not like that name anymore?'

'It brings back some memories.' she explained.

'Bad ones?' Tom guessed.

'No, not bad.' there was a distance in her voice and a smile on her face as she said that.

'I don't understand.'

'Your family always called me that, you guys and Daniel, so it just...it can be hard hearing it, I miss those times.'

'Have you spoken to Emma recently?'

'I haven't spoken to Emma in ten years.' Tom frowned. 'She went to college and I just...I never heard from her again, I guess she got busy.'

'Did you try to contact her?'

'Yeah, for a while, but things got bad then so...' She gently took the bag off the table, 'I better run, Tom. I need to get back before Daniel, he lost his old key so we got new locks in so he doesn't have a key, he'll be locked out otherwise.'

'Of course,' he rose to his feet, noting how she never grew over the five foot three she had been when he last saw her. He realised too she lied about someone waiting for her but said nothing. 'I know this is odd, but would you mind if we met again soon?' She looked up at him, perplexed. 'I enjoyed catching up with you, not many people have time for normal talk these days, they all want to know who I know and how I can help them.'

'The joys of celebrity.' Alexianna joked before becoming serious. 'I...' Tom looked at her pleadingly. 'You have my number now, you can talk whenever you're free.'

'I promise I won't give it to anyone.' he held up his hand like he was swearing an oath.

'I know, I have far more leverage than you in this. I am a nameless no one, you are a movie star with crazy fans.' she grinned.

Tom licked his teeth, 'Yes, the ball is in your court there.'

'I would never do that Tom, you know...you can trust me.'

'I don't know you as I did,' he acknowledged. 'But the Alexianna I knew would never tell anyone anything she knew she shouldn't. I think you're still her.'

'That's a lot of faith to put on a person you have not known in years. Has that bitten your ass before now?'

'Yes, it has. I guess I am a slow learner.'

'Or the perpetual optimist,' she smiled. 'I won't give it to anyone, I have a lot of shit on teenage you and I never even uttered a word to your sisters or my brother.'

'Like what?' Tom asked curiously.

'The time you stole your mom's car and went to buy alcohol and then dinged her car on the way back.' Tom's eyes widened with horror. 'I saw you, and I said nothing.'

'Thank you.' Tom smiled. Alexianna went to extend her hand to shake his, but Tom leant forward and embraced her in a hug. Part of her wanted to pull back, but the smell of his cologne engulfed her, along with his kind gesture, making her cease her protest and embrace him back. 'You've filled out.' She noted when they moved apart.

'You too.' Tom immediately stuttered. 'Not that you are fat or anything, just that you got breasts. I mean, shit.' In a mix of hilarity and mortification, Alexianna laughed. 'I'm so sorry, I made this so awkward.'

'It's fine. I will see you soon Tom.' she turned and walked away.

When she was out of sight, Tom put his hands behind his head. 'I am a fucking idiot.'

'Do I want to know?' he turned to see Branagh behind him.

'I just bumped into an old friend today.'

'Riiiight.' the older actor asked, not seeing how that was an issue. 

'I just told her she filled out, then proceeded to tell her that I did not mean to imply she was fat, but that she got breasts.' he explained. Branagh stood still for a moment, computing Tom's words before erupting in laughter. 'Yes, I have just made a tit of myself.'

It took a few moments for Branagh to cease laughing. 'Please do not tell me this "family friend" is someone you wished to pursue as something more with.' Tom did not respond, 'You don't like making life easy on yourself, do you?'


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna goes home after her coffee with Tom to her brother, who is not overly pleased when he realises something.

'Hey, sorry,' Alexianna ran to her front door to see her brother waiting. 'I had a really weird day.'

'Sounds...interesting.'

'Do you remember Tommy, Emma's older brother, they used to live a few streets over from us.'

'Yeah, gangly guy, he became an actor.'

'He recognised me in a café today and started talking to me, then I forgot my laptop charger because I was trying to get away and well, he emailed me and then insisted I have coffee with him.' She rambled.

'Why does any of this matter?'

'I am so sorry I am late.'

'So, you are apologising for "being late" which, by the way, it is ten to five, so you are still here ten minutes before I said I would be, and you are apologising because you met someone we used to know and actually interacted with them, as adults do. Al, I love you, but you need to remember that you don't have to explain where you are all the time anymore.' She bit her lip. 'Stop that, how have you not chewed through that thing yet? You are giving yourself an uneven bottom lip.' he scolded. Alexianna said nothing in return. 'Come on, open the door, we are going to get soaked if you don't let us in.' he indicated to the sky, which was dark with clouds and threatening to open up on them.

'Right, sorry,' She opened the door and walked in. As soon as he came back from the bedroom, she handed him the key. 'Thanks, Daniel.'

Daniel pulled her to him in a one handed hug, 'Anytime, I...you smell of cologne.'

'Yeah, Tom gave me a hug.' she explained.

'Okay, I remember him being a hugger.'

'Yeah, he hasn't changed much, his hair is shorter and less young puppy chub on his face, but still the same. Better fashion sense though.' Daniel laughed. 'But still him.'

'You had a crush on him, if I remember correctly.'

'No.' she walked off.

'You're as red as a beetroot, you had it bad if I remember.'

'Shut up.'

Daniel laughed, walking after her, wanting to tease her more. 'You were smitten for him, Al.' He looked at the guilty look on her face. 'Oh Jesus, you still are.'

'Just shut up, you liked Emma.' she walked off again.

'I did, and I grew out of it.' he pointed out. 'You haven't.' she said nothing. 'Is that why you went for Jon....'

'Don't mention him.'

'They look something alike.'

'No, they don't.' she pointed at him and her face contorted. 'I mean it Daniel, do not mention him, ever. And that's not...' she swallowed hard.

'It is, isn't it. That is why you actually went with Jonathan, because he looks a little like him, blonde curly hair, taller.'

'He had brown eyes and was far bigger built.'

'That's not much of a difference.' Daniel pointed out. He looked at her sympathetically. 'I'm sorry, Al.'

'I...When I looked up today and saw him, I thought...'

'You thought it was him?'

'No, I knew it wasn't Jon...him.'

'Why can't you even say his name? Does it hurt that much?'

'Hurt, you think I am hurt, that hearing his name upsets me?' She shook her head violently, 'Hurt, no. I don't feel hurt, I feel angry. I feel so angry I want to scream. I want to spit fire and I want to hurt something.' she explained. 'I don't want that in my life, I don't want to be like that. I want to be a happy person, I want to feel good, be positive. He is not here, he will never be here again, I want to stop feeling so angry and I can't if I hear his name, it all just boils up again.'

'But...' Daniel indicated to the other room.

'No, I don't think of him anymore with all of that, I think of me, of what I have to do, what I need to do to do this right. I spent my marriage afraid, I broke, I wasn't even allowed to work, now, now I am free and I am me again and I am going to be the best possible example I can be.' she stated firmly.

Daniel walked over and hugged her close. 'Both of us.'

'I am so lucky to have you, Dan.'

'Damn right.' Her phone went off. 'Who...?' she went over and looked at the message, immediately worrying her bottom lip as she did. 'It's him, isn't it, it's Tommy?'

'He wants to know if I want to meet for coffee again sometime.' she explained.

'Look, Al, I cannot tell you how to live your life, you know that, but I am begging you, think of yourself before you answer that. If you can keep your distance and not get hurt, then go for it. You always got on with the Hiddlestons, him and his sisters, but if you are setting yourself up to get hurt, you have been hurt so much already, don't actively seek more.'

'You're right.' She put down her phone. 'I am going to get something to eat and say nothing until I think more about it.'

'Good, I just don't want you getting hurt.' Daniel watched her nod and leave to cook some food. Part of him wanted to go over and delete Tom's number from her phone, to block it, or to send a text saying to never contact her again, he had watched a few of Tom's films, he had seen his life splayed on the internet unintentionally, especially last year, especially when his niece, a minor with her face displayed to the world. He did not think Alexianna needed that in her life, he knew she didn't. But he remembered when she had been friends with Emma, that was when she was her happiest, he wanted her to grow more into herself again, to the girl before Jonathon Rice. He just hoped Tom Hiddleston did not bring trouble on them again, now that he realised the unintentional destruction Tom had brought before.


	5. Fancy Meeting You Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again Alexianna and Tom met.

'Hello again.' Alexianna looked up from her paperwork. 'I feel like I am stalking you now.' Tom sat across from her, his coffee in hand.

'It is starting to feel like it.' she smiled back, putting the paperwork to the side. 'Do you often frequent this establishment?'

'Not in a few years, but now that I am around the corner in RADA, I am here a bit more.' he admitted. 'Why do you ask?'

'I was wondering if this is going to be a regular occurrence.'

'Do I irritate you that much?' He asked, feigning hurt.

'No, you're not irritating in the slightest.' She smiled back.

'That's good to know,' Tom smiled. 'I rang my mum the other day. I told her I met you. She asked how you were, what you are doing, everything,' he informed her.

'Aw, that's nice.' Alexianna smiled politely.

'No seriously, fifteen minutes of her interrogating me on the phone about you.'

'Sorry.' Alexianna gave him an empathetic look.

'Don't be, I was only too happy to tell her everything that I thought was appropriate.' Alexianna frowned. 'I assumed you did not want to declare to the world about your personal problems regarding past decisions.' he explained without going into any specifics.

'No, I don't tend to discuss that often.' she toyed with her finger where once her wedding band rested. The day it went on, she felt like it was a ball and chain, or barbed to constantly tear at her, reminding her of its presence. 'It is not something I like to think about.'

Tom put his hand on hers, stopping her fidgeting. 'Then, please don't. Let's discuss something happier. I was talking to Emma too, she nearly shrieked my ear off when I said I was talking to you. She would not stop begging me for your number and email address, but I said I would not, not without your permission first. In fact, I was going to text you today regarding it.'

Alexianna swallowed and thought about it. 'I'm not sure.'

'She lost her phone on a drunken night out in college, she lost your number and with your going to college, she sent a letter to your home address, but it was never replied to.' Alexianna stared at him confused. 'You never got it, did you?' She shook her head. 'Do you think...?'

'Marie must have opened it and tore it up.' Tom frowned. 'She got very bad about then, trying to stop me having any friends. She rang different friends on my phone, telling them to stop talking to me, and others she texted horrible stuff to, but when I told them it wasn't me...'

'They didn't believe you.' Tom finished, nodding slightly.

'Would you?'

'I would, but that is because my sisters and I actually knew your mother, knew what she was capable of.' Tom replied honestly, 'But no, if you didn't know her, you would not believe that.'

She said nothing for another moment. 'Sure, yes. Give her my number.' she gave a small smile as Tom lit up. 'Did you tell her I tried to contact her?'

'I did.'

'I should have written. I feel so stupid for not thinking to do that.'

'Don't, you thought she was avoiding you, it's completely understandable.' Tom smiled. 'I never even asked was I alright to join you, I am not intruding, am I?'

'If I said yes, would you leave?'

'Of course.' He went to rise from the chair.

'You're not intruding, I was just asking.'

'Why would you feel the need to ask that?'

'Just did.' she shrugged.

Tom took note of her words and actions, though he said nothing more on it, he was beginning to suspect what it was that altered Alexianna so much. 'Did Luke get on to you?'

'He did actually, thank you, he was a great help.' She smiled. 'I was stuck on something that all the literature made sound so complex but in truth was just basic, he put it in an in practise scenario and it made sense immediately.'

'Good. I am glad to hear it.'

Alexianna smiled for a moment before she looked at the wall behind them and her face fell. 'Shit.' She jumped to her feet.

'What's wrong?' Tom asked.

'I'm going to be late for work.' She started grabbing her stuff.

Tom frowned. 'You work?'

'Of course, everyone works.' She scoffed. It wasn't entirely true, some people elected not to work, others were unable to, but she was somewhat too occupied with getting out the door for semantics. 'I am fucked if I don't go now.'

'Where are you going to?'

'Em, Belsize. It's not far from here, thankfully.'

Tom stared at her. 'Why Belsize?'

'I have a job there.' she laughed in disbelief. 'A few actually.'

Tom had no idea what it was she was doing. 'Look, I live there, I can drive you to the front door of wherever you need to go.' She paused for a moment, clearly thinking over his offer. 'The traffic is light at this time of day. It's faster than the underground.' He took her bag. 'Please, it's my fault you're late.'

Desperate not to get in trouble, Alexianna agreed, allowing Tom to whisk away her belongings and her with them. 'I really should say no, but I need this job.' was all she said on the matter.

'Where is Belsize is it?'

'10 Gregory Street.'

Tom paused, 'That's a house.'

'Yes Tom, most buildings, tend to be houses around there.'

'Why are you going to a house?'

'To do some work.' she said nothing more on the subject.

Tom, knowing she was not going to give him anything more decided to just help her as best he could. 'Here's my car.' he took the keys out of his pocket and pressed the unlock button. Alexianna just stared at the machine in front of her. 'Yes, it's a Jag, it's very nice, you have work, come on, let's go.'

'I can't, what if I...'

Tom realised the sheer terror in her voice. 'Lexi, are you alright?'

'I'm sorry,' She walked over and took the rest of her belongings from him. 'I need to go.'

In his shock at her reaction, Tom allowed her to take the books and watched for a moment as she walked off. Finally, he snapped out of it and rushed after her. 'Lexi, come on, it's just a car.'

'It's a fucking Jaguar, one of the most expensive cars on the market.' She pointed out.

'Lexi, you're not exactly from the tenements of the inner city, so what if it's expensive.' he ran in front of her cutting her off. 'Look, I know you are clearly after going through something that has caused you to become as skittish as a mouse,' she swallowed. 'I have no idea what, and I am not going to force you to tell me. If you ever want to, I am here, and I will listen, but until then, I will never push you, but whatever it is, it is not worth losing your job over. My car, should it accidentally become written off, is nothing but a car, you are not going to look at it and it fall apart.'

'When I was twenty-two, I was in a car accident, the owner of the other car had a Bentley, it wrote off my Focus, he claimed it was my fault, I thankfully won in court as he was on the phone and went through a red light, but anytime I see a big car now, I just...' She shuddered before rubbing her arm, 'I seize up.'

'I cannot imagine what that is like, I cannot, but you need to get to work and whether it is a Jag or a Bentley or even a Peugeot 106, it is a car and you need to get there. We are wasting a terrible amount of time.'

Inhaling deeply, Alexianna nodded and walked back. He opened it and though she hesitated for a moment, when Tom held the door for her, she got in. She looked at it for a moment, even in her terror she could appreciate the sheer comfort and class of the vehicle. But she yelped when Tom sat in the other side. 'Sorry.'

'Don't apologise, just breathe, I'll get us there.' he promised. Turning it on, he noticed that her fear was mixed with something else. 'You always liked cars.' he remembered. 'You loved the Ford Focus, you always swore you would get one.'

'I did, I was so happy when I got it, it was my baby.'

'Did you ever get another one?'

'No, I never drove after...I...my arm was pretty banged up, and when I got fixed...things happened.'

'He happened?' Tom assumed.

'Yeah, I didn't drive when he came along, and now I live in London city, a car is not something really needed around here.'

'No, it's not. I used the Tube most days myself. I was just lazy today, early rehearsals.' he agreed, indicating for a moment before going to another lane to get them where they needed to go. 'What happened with the claim?'

'He got caught for the fees, I didn't claim compensation, I just insisted on my hospital fees, of course, the judge signed off on that immediately.'

'Most people go for the "Ah, my neck" route these days.'

'I didn't want to ask for bad karma.' A moment later she laughed coldly.

'It came anyway?' She nodded. 'Should have gone for the money so.'

'Hindsight is twenty-twenty.' she commented. He pressed on the break as a person jaywalked in from of them, causing her to grip the seat and door with her two hands in terror. 'Sorry.'

'You're fine.'

'No, I'm not, nothing is worse when you are driving than a nutter acting like they are in some sort of Fast and the Furious chase scene.' Tom laughed. 'What?'

'Even with everything, you still are you under there.' He smiled fondly. When Alexianna shifted uncomfortably, he sighed. 'I'm sorry. I have no idea how to skip around this...thing.'

'After the crash, I went through a phase, I thought I was deformed, my arm was...it still is badly scarred, I had broken glass in my face, part of the medical expenses was to get my face sorted. It was all scars, I really took a hit, psychologically.' she explained. 'He smelt it, my insecurities, I thought I was deformed, never to find someone to like me, and he acted like he did.'

As her eyes filled with tears, so too did Toms, he realised then where everything stemmed from, why the girl who he adored for being witty and always smiling turned into such a meek, apologetic shell of the person he knew. 'I'm so sorry.' he voice was hardly above a whisper.

'You didn't do it.' She commented. 'I am really trying to get myself somewhere with all of this.'

'Have you tried...?'

'Talking to someone, yeah. I didn't find it helped, they wanted to focus on him, I want to focus on me. He is gone, even if he came back and begged me to forgive him, I never could, I...'

Tom gave her a smile and took her hand, squeezing it slightly. 'Good, you have no idea how relieved I am for you to hear that.'

'Hear what?'

'That you want to focus on you, think about you, not think about him or ever consider him, you don't need people like that Lexi, you have always been incredible.'

'I try to channel your mum. I mean, I know your dad never did any of that to her, they just didn't feel it was right anymore, but she always raised the three of you so well, she made sure to be everything for ye, I want to be like that, strong and able.' she smiled.

Tom swallowed, pride swelling in him at the thought that she felt that way. 'Yeah, mum was always so strong, but I remember the times she was...not weak, but faltered slightly, the days she would cry when she thought we weren't paying attention, the days where she was just a little selfish because she needed to be, to keep her going. Remember to have that too.'

'I will, when I get this, I have it planned, a new hairstyle, get rid of these greys that are sneaking in, at a nice salon, and a nice pair of boots, fancy ones.' Tom looked over and smiled, it was clear in her face, she could picture them clearly. 'When I land a proper job again, I'll get them, first pay check splurge, then be all grown up and actually do proper things.' she smiled.

'I bought the Peugeot 106 with my first big one.' Tom confessed. 'The boots are probably a better investment.' he chuckled. 'Jesus, it was a shitty little car.'

Alexianna started laughing a little. 'How did you even fit in it?'

Tom began to laugh. 'I had to push the seat all the way back, I felt like I was in the boot.' That only set Alexianna off harder, she laughed so much she failed to make any noise, unable to catch her breath. 'Remember to breathe.' That only made her laugh even harder. 'Don't die, I cannot explain that to my sister and mum when they are dying to meet up with you again. "Sorry, yes, she was alive, but I killed her with mental imagery of me looking like I was in a clown car".' Alexianna only laughed more. 'Okay, I'll stop now.' Tom said no more, instead bringing her to the address she gave him, a house less than a street away from his own.

It took that long for Alexianna to cease laughing. Looking into the mirror in the sun protector in front of her, she wiped away the tears. 'I look a state and my cheeks hurt.' she complained.

'At least it is from laughing.'

'Look at me.' she indicated to her bright red face. I look ridiculous.'

'I humbly disagree.' he smiled. 'I think you look great with a smile.'

'Get a guide dog.' Tom glared at her. 'What?'

'When you are in my presence, you are not to talk like that.' he demanded. 'I never even noticed your face.' he admitted. 'It looks exactly as it always did.'

'No it doesn't, there are fewer blood vessels in the area that is repaired, see.' she indicated to the areas of skin not as reddened as the others.

Tom looked at them, realising for the first time it was true, there was some parts of her face that were not as red as others, all on the right hand side. 'You had to point it out, you'd barely notice.' he dismissed. 'I never even noticed.'

'Thank you.' she smiled. 'I better go. See you again Tom.' she leant over and kissed his cheek before realising her actions and blushing. 'Sorry.'

'You're fine.' Tom smiled, a slight pink tinge going up his neck. 'Goodbye Lexi.'

'Goodbye.' she got out of the car and walked up the steps, a taking out a set of keys and went inside, giving Tom a small wave as she did.

When she went inside, Tom frowned and drove off, wondering what sort of profession would have her have keys to clearly well-off homes before driving to his own.

Inside the house, Alexianna groaned into her hands before turning and walking into the kitchen, 'Hello Mrs Matthews.' She smiled politely.

'Ms Hughes,' The woman replied coldly, not looking up from her paper. Alexianna rolled her eyes as she walked into the supplies closet and took out the cleaning agents to get on with the job at hand.


	6. Talking and Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom meets Alexianna after she finishes at the house and invites her to his home for tea, leading to revelations.

Tom paced his kitchen for a while, thinking over everything Alexianna had said, her accident, her husband, he realised, after everything her mother had forced her to endure over the years, she never really got to be free. He paced again and just stopped when he heard his phone ring. Looking at it, he realised it was his sister. 'Hey, Emma.'

'Hey, how are you?' she was clearly in good humour.

Good, I bumped into Lexi again today, she told me to give you her number.'

'Really? She's not mad at me?'

No, she never got your letter by the way.'

'Really? I bet Marie dumped it, the bitch. She was always a wagon.'

'Yes, she was. Lexi suspects it too.'

'Honestly, Lexi was the nicest, most level headed person ever and her mother acted like she was a crack-whore.' Emma began to rant.

'Yes, well, it is always the parents that don't have to worry that act up the most.' Tom commented.

'Mom had to worry with us, we were terrors.'

Tom chuckled. 'Lexi put us all to shame. She used compare you two from time to time.'

'I remember, "Look at Lexi, in studying, you should do it too".' Emma impersonated their mother's voice, 'Did she become a vet in the end, she always wanted to be a vet.'

'No, she's not. She's studying PR now.'

'Wait, she's only in school now?'

'Yeah, apparently she hit a few roadblocks in life, but she's getting back on track.'

'Did she tell you this?'

'Yes.'

'Tom, tell me what happened.'

'No, she'll tell you, if and when she wants to.'

'She was my friend.' Emma argued.

'Meaning she will tell you when she tells you.' Tom stated firmly. 'It's her business Em, she deserves to decide who she tells it to.'

'Is it that bad?'

Tom knew he had to forewarn her. 'She's been through the ringer Em, she's not the same as she was. She's taken a few bashings, but she is still there, under everything.'

'Jesus.'

'You know nothing, Em.'

'Fine, I know nothing.' She repeated.

'Who knows nothing?' there was a voice behind Emma.

'Tom met Alexianna, do you remember her?'

'Lexi, from two streets over, yeah, I remember her, Tom used to have a crush on her.'

'I did not.'

Sarah laughed at her brothers high pitched comment through the phone. 'Yes, you did, you always went trying to act all cool and went all pink when she came around, and I swear if you stared at her any harder when she started getting boobs, honestly, you were creepy staring at her. Especially when we all went to the river that time, you refused to come near the water and hid any time we saw her after that.' Sarah commented.

Tom swallowed hard at the memory of the day in question. Alexianna had bought a surfing bikini, he could still remember the ‘Roxy’ symbol on it and her boobs, which he only realised existed a short period before, be it that she was late blooming or her love of hoodies meant he never realised them before that, resulted in him sporting a very noticeable tent in his shorts for a time, meaning he had to not reveal it by sitting down away from water. 'You're mistaken.' there was a terrible high squeak in his voice with that.

'Oh my God, you had a crush on Lexi?' Emma realised. 'She was my friend.'

Tom said nothing, all he could think about was the kiss she had given him on the cheek only a few hours before, an odd sensation boiling in his stomach at the idea of it.

'Tom?' He did not reply. 'Tom?'

'Yeah?'

'Are you alright?'

'Fine.' he dismissed. 'I am just off for a run now, I will talk to you when I get back.'

'Okay, well, text me on her number, alright?'

'Sure, yeah.' Tom hung up the phone. He had been due to go for a run, so he stretched and decided to do just that.

He had gotten to the street he had left Alexianna on when he stopped. Coming out of the house he left her at, was Alexianna, who seemed almost tired as she walked down the steps. She closed the gate behind her and walked towards him, not paying attention, when she noticed him, she froze.

'I am not stalking you, I swear.'

'I am not going to lie, this is getting weird.' she declared, walking on once more. 'Once is chance, twice is coincidence, but now.'

 

'Well, I do live around the corner and this is the way to Regent's Park.' Tom pointed out before indicating to his attire.

'Fair enough, I won't delay you.' she smiled and walked by.

Tom inhaled deeply and immediately recognised the smell of about four cleaning agents. 'Wait that's what you're doing? Alexianna looked at him. 'You clean houses.'

'Yes,' she looked to the ground for a moment, embarrassed.

'That makes a little more sense.' Tom chuckled. 'I had been wondering.' he made a mental note to tell Luke why she seemed to have no employment.

'Yeah, with how tight things got for a while and with time constraints on my day, I wasn't able to really get a proper job, so this had to suffice.'

'You're working, more than a lot of people do, so it is a proper job.' Tom argued.

Alexianna gave him a small smile. 'So you live around here? Very fancy.'

'Yeah, just around the corner actually.'

'You shouldn't be admitting that in the middle of the street, who knows who would hear you.' She suggested.

'They find you no matter what, and for some reason, it is apparently up on the Belsize Wikipedia page that I am living here, so...'

'That's weird. I don't think I would like people knowing where I live.'

'Out of curiosity, where are you living?'

'Around Archway.'

'Not too far.' he smiled.

'No, and all I have to do is take the Northern down to the university.'

'That's...wait, you're studying at University of London?'

'Yes, RADA is just around the corner, why do you think you see me at that café?'

'I am an idiot, I never put it together.' Tom chastised, which caused Alexianna to just smile. 'So are you off somewhere else now?'

'Yes, home.'

'I could drive you there, if you want?'

'No, thank you, I have pushed myself enough in a car today.'

Tom's eyes darted side to side for a moment. 'Then perhaps an undisturbed coffee before you go, your one earlier was somewhat abandoned.'

Alexianna eyed him carefully. 'Why are you wanting to be around me so much?' Tom's expression was one of confusion. 'Asking me for coffees all the time, offering me lifts, why?'

'Because I am glad to have bumped into you again, because after what you told me, I feel like I want to be there for you some bit, I enjoy your company.' Tom answered honestly.

'But you're a famous actor now, you could be talking to beautiful women not some cleaner student with a basket full of issues.'

Tom's jaw clenched at that. 'Have you met any actresses?' Alexianna shook her head. 'They are, for the most part, conceited, vain and generally not good company. You, however, I have always, since we were teenagers, actually, I think you were eight or nine when we met, I found you better company than any of them.'

Alexianna gave a small smile at that. 'You need better friends.'

'Why do you think I am trying to talk to you again?'

Alexianna bit her lip, 'Sure, why not? What about your run?'

'I was just on my way back.' Tom lied.

'So you still kept it up after the London marathon?'

'Yes, but never to that length again, that nearly killed me.'

'I remember, you were almost passed out on your mum's couch for three days after. You had that little bell, for food and what's worse is after about an hour, everyone started waiting on you.' Alexianna laughed.

Tom joined in, ‘Never underestimate the power of irritation.' they walked up to the front of his house. 'Here we are.' Alexianna paused for a moment. 'What do you think?'

Alexianna spent another moment looking at the house. 'I like it.' Tom raised a brow. 'Not overly in your face or anything.' she smiled.

Tom nodded as he opened the door. 'I wanted something nice, but not overly big.'

'Good call.' Once inside, Alexianna looked around. 'Wow.' Not even thinking, she ran over to his bookshelf in his living room and scanned the titles. When he walked up beside her, she froze, then pulled back. 'I'm so sorry, I...'

'You and Emma used always trade books.' Tom recalled. 'Do you read still?'

'Not near as much as I want, but whenever I can. I have a wall of my place, it is nothing but books, Daniel is at me to either donate some or box them away, they are a safety hazard apparently.'

Tom chuckled. 'What sorts?'

'Everything and everything, biographies, autobiographies, classics, sport, history, politics, everything. Same as you.' She pointed to the different shelves.

'The rest are in the spare room upstairs.' Tom confessed. 'I am somewhat of a hoarder.'

'You're talking to your soulmate there.' Alexianna paused, 'Sorry.'

'Stop apologising for talking, for being you.'

'You can talk, apparently, you are one that does it all the time too.'

'I confess, I used to, I trained myself out of it though, we should do the same with you.'

'What are you going to do, spray me with a water gun?'

'If I have to.' he grinned. He noticed from his height advantage, he could see down her top somewhat; her breasts, he noted, had grown since she was a teenager. His tongue darted out across his bottom lip for a moment. When he focused again, he realised Alexianna was looking at him, and though her face was neutral, he was aware he had been caught. 'Sorry.'

'I...' before she could say anything else, Tom leant down and pressed his lips to hers. 'Tom. I'm not...'

'Interested at all, or interested in going further right now?'

'Further right now.' She had no idea why she was even saying anything, let alone being completely honest.

'I don't want to push it further, I know it is fast, and I know you need time to trust me.' he promised, terrified that he had scared her off, elated when she leant up on her toes to kiss him again. They continued for a few minutes before their necks began to ache, the height difference was not conducive to their actions. Tom groaned as it pulled back. 'Would you like that tea?'

'Please.'

Tom took her hand in his and walked towards the kitchen, when he got in, he paused for a moment. ‘I just got this place done, I forget where I have things.' Alexianna giggled. 'That's a tad embarrassing.'

'No, it is what it is.' she smiled. When he got out the cups, she frowned. 'Why are your cups not near the kettle?'

'I have no idea, I just tidied everything away after they put in the cabinets.'

'I can't look, it's chaos.' her arms flailed slightly.

'You were always a neat freak.' he made the tea and let her alter it to her specifications.

'Can I ask you something?' Tom turned to face Alexianna, who had her bottom lip firmly between her teeth. He nodded, looking her in the eye as he did so. 'What just happened, it was just...did you...'

'I wanted to, for a long time, a really long time. I want to see if perhaps, we could...'

'We're completely different people, you're outgoing and public, I'm anything but.'

'I'm two different people, my job is to be public, to do interviews and such, but me, Tom; I am not, I like minding my own business, sitting in watching a good movie and reading.' Tom explained. 'I am not like that all the time, if I am honest, I hate having to do so much public stuff, but it is part of the job.' He walked over to her, 'I wanted to kiss you, I want to kiss you more.' he admitted.

'You're really good at it.' Alexianna commented.

'So are you.' she looked at him disbelievingly. 'No really, you are a good kisser.' he leant down and kissed her again, her reaction was slow, but when she did kiss him, she did so with tenderness and passion. 'You're really, really good at that.' The tea cups sat on the countertop ignored as they began to kiss once more, Tom deciding to hoist Alexianna onto the countertop so to save their necks. By the time they stopped, the pair were slightly out of breath and had dark pink lips from their actions. 'Somewhat of an aficionado really.'

'Tom.'

'Lexi.'

'I need to go.'

'I'll drive you home. I'll get you there safely, I'll look after you.' It sounded more like a promise than anything else.

'I'm sorry.' She seemed to breathe out the words rather than talk.

'What did I say about apologising?' he whispered back.

'I wish I was braver.'

'I don't want someone to hop into bed with me for half an hour and leave, I want something that matters.'

'How do you know I am the person for that?'

'Because since the moment I saw you when I came back from college that summer, when you were seventeen, in just your bikini, laughing with Emma in the river, quoting Wilde before splashing in, I knew, I knew there and then I was utterly smitten with you.' he declared.

Alexianna stared back at him. 'What?'

'When we were younger, you were seventeen, it was really hot...'

'No, I remember that Summer, that was the last time I saw you for anything over fifteen minutes.' Alexianna remembered the day in question, she was joking with Emma, cannonballing into the water because of the stifling heat. She remembered seeing Tom, lithe and in only a pair of swim trunks, she remembered blushing, feeling herself become lightheaded as he walked towards them. Emma caught her attention again and with a quote from Oscar Wilde, she ran and jumped into the water again, her swimsuit riding up in the process, her breast coming out for a moment, and with a shriek, she tucked it back in. She remembered looking at Tom, or where he had been standing, and the feeling in the pit of her stomach as he walked off. He never allowed himself around her alone or in a manner that meant they had to interact again. 'I thought you hated me.' Tom looked at her, shocked at her assumption. 'You looked disgusted.'

'That wasn't disgust.' Tom informed her. 'That was me, trying to hide the biggest...let's just say, I had to hide for a while and allow blood redistribute itself.'

'Really?' Tom nodded. 'Why didn't you just say something?'

' I thought you would be creeped out by a twenty-two-year-old thinking you were hot, I mean, at that age, that isn't normal.'

'No, I guess not. We were expected to stay closer our own ages then. It's weird how it changes, back then weird, now it's nothing of note. Anything younger than when I was seventeen...'

'Well, you looked like an adult then, with natural development and everything, I didn't have any interest in you that way before then.' Tom explained awkwardly. He cleared his throat before continuing. 'I better get you home.'

'Yeah.' she put down the cup that she had been toying with and inhaled deeply.

'You can do this.' He smiled encouragingly, kissing her forehead.

'I know.'


	7. Shock Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom drops Alexianna home, only to realise she has failed to mention one particular part of her life to him.

The drive back was easier, if Tom was honest, he assumed that that was, in part, due to Alexianna having to give directions and not focus as much on her fear. But a part of him had to laugh, she reminded him a slight bit of Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping Up Appearances when she got over nervous at a cyclist and a few pedestrians who clearly were in no danger. The comparison, when mentioned, resulted in a glare that he was forced not to react to, but he desperately wished to laugh at. When they arrived, Tom looked at the house in question, it was not a house, but a tiny flat, one he was not sure how it passed leasing laws on it was so small, he noted that though Alexianna said it was Archway, yet it scraped inside the border of Hampstead Heath. 'Safe and sound.'

'Thanks, Tom, I appreciate everything.' She smiled, he blushed slightly as he leaned over and kissed her gently. Her smile grew before looking to the door of her home to see Daniel looking at her, his face unreadable. 'Shit.'

Tom looked to see why Alexianna suddenly swore. 'What's the best way to deal with this?'

Before Alexianna could answer, Daniel walked forward, indicating that he was coming to the car. He opened Alexianna's side before looking it. 'You're in a big car?'

She nodded, 'Yeah, Tom was just helping me get over myself.'

'You've done a better job in a week with her than I have in nearly eight years.' Daniel commended. 'Then again, there are incentives I cannot give.'

'Shut up.'

Daniel looked at his sister for a moment, realising that indeed, Tom had altered her somewhat, he had not seen as much of the real Alexianna since the accident. 'Thank you.' He was sincere in his words.

Tom gave him a genuine smile. 'Delighted to have helped.'

'I suppose after how many offers of tea to Al, we should return the favour.' Daniel offered.

'I don't think...' Alexianna began to her brother as Tom got out of the car.

'Al, seriously, I know it's a small flat, but it can actually fit him, he is not a big guy.' Daniel jested.

Alexianna looked worried as Tom walked toward the dwelling, his face, though curious, was not showing any sign of judgment. Inside, he noted it was cluttered, yet clean. There were more belongings than there was space to tidily keep, yet everything seemed spotless.

'So, what is planned for the famous actor next?' Daniel asked as he threw on the kettle. 'It is so weird to think you are an actor, honestly, I nearly spat out my tea the day I turned on Wallander and you were on it.'

'Yes, it seems somewhat surreal sometimes.' Tom agreed. 'I am doing a play in RADA soon.'

'Which one?'

'Hamlet.'

'Always loved that one.' Daniel smiled. 'Got an A because of it in my A-Levels.'

Tom chuckled. He was about to respond when he noted the cartoon children's plate on the counter, as well as a matching cup. Before he could say anything else, the bedroom door opened slightly and a small pair of blue eyes peeked out at him. 'Has she had her dinner?' Alexianna asked, having seen the door move slightly.

'Yep.' Daniel beamed. 'Lily, look who's finally home.'

Tom watched as a shy child, no more than three or four, walked out of the small bedroom, some children's toys on the floor, and rushed over to Alexianna, who whisked her up into her arms. 'Hello, Princess.'

'Mommy!' the child gripped her arms and legs tightly around Alexianna, burying her head into the side of her neck. 'You were gone a long time today.'

'I know Sweetheart, but I had to go to school and work.'

'I am going to school soon too. We can go together.'

'We'll be in different schools.' the child pouted, turning to look away from Alexianna only to notice Tom. 'Who's that?'

Tom still had not moved since the girl had called Alexianna her mother. He did not know how to react to such information.

'That's a friend of mine since I was about...eight years old.' Alexianna explained.

'How come I never sawed him afore?'

'Saw and before, love. And you have not seen him because we didn't see each in a really long time, over ten years.'

That's forever.'

'Stop, you make me feel old when you talk like that.' Alexianna grumbled. 'His name is Tom, remember, I told you about his sister Emma and his mom?'

'And he is Captain Hook.'

'Yes, in the Pirate Fairy, he is Captain Hook.'

'He's a bold bad guy.'

'All bad guys are bold.'

'But he pretended to be nice and then was mean, that was the boldest.'

Tom gave a small smile before his phone went off, 'Sorry.' he checked the number, 'I need to...'

'Bedroom.' Alexianna indicated to the small room.

Tom walked into the room and answered the phone. 'Hey.'

'Hi, is everything alright?'

'Yeah, fine. What's up?'

'Mom wants everyone home, right away.'

'Why?'

'Your guess is as good as mine. She swears it's nothing wrong, but she says it's important.'

'Okay, I'll head tonight.'

'Is everything alright Tom?'

Tom was looking around the tiny room, it was smaller than his back kitchen. 'Yeah, I'll talk to you tonight, Em.' he hung up before she said anymore, his attention going to the double bed that took up most of the room, then to the wardrobe and drawers, small and full of a mix of adult and child clothing. He focused on the bed again, there were two beds on it really based on the bed sheets. One was clearly an adult, the colours suggesting a female, and the other, again, similar children's characters to the plates in the other room. On the end of the bed, folded up, was a duvet and a pillow, but no bed to go with it, suddenly, he recalled the couch in the living area seemed to be a fold out. The whole apartment was small enough to fit in his living room, and in it, it housed two adults and a young child. Realising he was staring around the room too long, he walked back outside to see Alexianna cuddling the child, he looked at her for a moment, she had her mother's blue eyes, but the curly blonde hair was not something she got from her. Alexianna's hair had, what his mother called, Celtic kinks, neither curly nor straight. But the girl's were proper ringlets. He felt someone staring at him, he turned to see Daniel was assessing him. 'That was Emma, my mom wants us all in Suffolk tonight.' He informed the room.

Alexianna rose to her feet. 'Is she okay?'

'According to Emma, it's nothing bad, but I have no idea why the short notice. I am so sorry, please excuse my rudeness, I have to get going.'

'Of course, yeah.' Alexianna tried to put the child down, but it was clear the child was having none of it. 'Lily, I have to say goodbye to Tom.' but she did not move. Alexianna groaned and walked to the door, the child still attached to her as she did so.

Tom gave a small salute to Daniel before walking after her. 'I...' he looked at the little girl again. 'Why didn't you mention her?'

'It's complicated.'

'It's not really Lexi, no.' he bit his lips together, 'I will talk to you soon.' he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

For a moment, Alexianna looked at the door before feeling herself become upset. 'Mommy, are you okay?'

'Yeah, I am.' She wiped a tear away and walked into the living room again.

Daniel walked over and took Lily from Alexianna's arms. 'Lily-pad, go into your room for a minute, I need to talk to your mum.' the child began to grouse. 'Go, or there'll be no yogurt before bed.' Lily bolted for the room. Daniel closed the door after his niece. 'What the hell, Al?'

'Just leave me alone.' She walked to the kitchenette part, putting on the boiler to wash the dishes.

'You were kissing him in the car. What part of you thinks this is a good idea, he is an actor, he is hardly ever around, he is Jaguar cars and Ralph Lauren jackets, not one bedroom bedsits and Primark.'

'Just leave me alone Dan, I...' Alexianna inhaled deeply, trying to keep herself calm. 'It doesn't matter now anyway.'

'What, so that's all it was, one quick fuck and get dropped home after.'

'I didn't...'

'Well, what the hell makes you say it doesn't matter?'

'I never got a chance to tell him about Lily.' Daniel paused. 'He...I guess kids are not something he wants in someone.'

'Why, what did he say?' Daniel stepped forward angrily. 'What did he say, Al?'

'Nothing bad, he just asked why didn't I tell him but the way he said it. He's not interested anymore.' she turned and walked away.

Daniel shook his head slightly. 'I'm sorry, Al.'

'It's my own fault, you warned me, but my brain didn't get much of a say over my...it didn't get much of a say and it's my own fault.' She walked off again, but in a small apartment, there were very few places for her to go. 'I am really shit at falling for people.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know he's being an asshole, people do actually judge single mums harshly.


	8. Words Can Hurt Like Knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is at home with his family and ALexianna and her daughter are discussed, but Tom's comments hit very close to home for one Hiddleston.

Tom stared at his niece absentmindedly. She was playing with one of her toys when he noted the little pink attired dog on her bag which was the same as the one he had seen in Alexianna's home. 'Hey.' He turned to see his sister looking at him. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes, why?'

'Because you are staring at Sophie, weirdly.'

'The dog bag.'

Sarah looked at her daughter's bag, 'What about it?'

'Is that popular these days?'

'Not that I know why you are asking, but yes, Paw Patrol is incredibly popular, in the two to five-year bracket.'

'She's six.'

'Yes, but that bag has fluffy ears and was a gift from Yakov's sister, so she loves it.' Sarah explained. 'Why are you asking about the Paw Patrol.'

'I met with Alexianna again.'

'Okay, this is the most scattered conversation ever, but you're all in a tizzy, so I'll bite and see if I can make heads or tails of this. Right, Paw Patrol and Lexi, what about her?'

'I kissed her.'

Sarah frowned, then nodded. 'I'm still with you.' Tom gave an anxious look. 'She did not want said kiss?'

'No, she was okay with it.'

'Then I am afraid you lost me again.'

'She has a daughter.'

Sarah's brows furrowed more. 'Okay?' she elongated the word as she spoke. 

'She never mentioned that before.'

'Why would that matter?' Tom gave her a look. 'No, seriously, why would that matter? You are thirty-six Tom, you're getting to the age where anyone worth having has been with other people before and through some thing or another, has become single, but they will all have something, a divorce or kids usually, or both; anyone who doesn't is usually someone to worry about.'

'Hey!'

'Tom, you are thirty-six with no major previous partners, you are a walking warning, it screams there is something wrong with you that no one has been interested.' Tom gave her a hurt look. 'Where is the father? How involved is he?'

'I don't know, she never told me about the child, much less its father.'

'Tom, you told me already she's a girl, don't refer to her as an "it".' Sarah warned.

'I can only assume she is her ex-husband's daughter.'

'Alexianna was married?'

'A few years ago, yes, she is trying to get divorced for a while now but he's not around.'

'Those are difficult ones. So he has nothing to do with his daughter?'

'If she is his, no.'

'So, no awkward ex trying to pit her against you, that's never a bad thing. How old is she?'

'Lexi?'

'Her daughter, you idiot. I know how old Lexi is.'

'She is starting school next month.'

'So four then.' Sarah looked at her own daughter. 'I loved when Sophie was four, they are so cute.' she smiled in nostalgia for a moment.

'What's going on in here then?' Diana walked in with Emma in tow.

'Tom was just telling me that he was talking to Alexianna Hughes and that he may or may not have kissed her.'

Emma looked at her brother with a mix of shock and confusion, 'Wow, you really didn't waste time there.'

'I always liked that girl.' Diana smiled fondly.

'Isn't that the girl you were looking for an address for before?' Jack asked his wife.

'Yeah, Tom found her in London. So, other than making up for ten plus years of lusting after her, what are we discussing?' Emma looked between her siblings.

'Apparently she has a daughter.' Sarah's statement was met with silence.

'Okay?' Emma looked around after a moment to try and understand the peculiar atmosphere in the room, 'I don't get it. I mean, I didn't realise she had one, but she is my age so I suppose it makes sense why she is only in school now if she dropped out before to have a kid. I can see her being a good mum.'

'It won't be from Marie she got it.' Diana pursed her lips after her comment, thinking of their old neighbour, who was nothing near what her children needed in a mother. Diana looked at her son, who seemed to have an odd expression on his face. 'Is there something wrong?'

'She has a child.'

'So?' Emma shrugged. 'Loads of people do these days.'

Diana eyed her son's expression. 'If you like her, what does it matter if she has a child?'

'You're joking, right? It complicated everything. Who wants to deal with that mess?'

The atmosphere in the room went from confused to Baltic cold immediately. Emma and Sarah stared open-mouthed while Diana pursed her lips again before nodding her head. 'Sophie sweetheart, go into the kitchen and have a bun.' Excited, the child jumped to her feet and left the room, not waiting to allow her mother argue with her grandmother about getting a treat before dinner. When she left the room, Sarah closed the door. 'A mess? If having one child makes Alexianna a mess, what did me having three make me?' Diana challenged. Tom's breathing became shallow as the realisation of the effects of his words impacted on him, his mother's heartbroken expression adding to it. 'I went two years after your father and I separated worrying that no one would want to love me again because I had two teenagers and a young daughter. I felt as though I was going to never be in a relationship again where I would be happy, because of people judging me for not only my marriage collapsing, but the fact I had three children as well.'

'Mum...' Tom's voice was tight. 'You never hid us.'

'Did Alexianna actively hide her daughter, or was she waiting until a good time to mention her? The fear that your children will become attached to a partner only for them to leave is terrifying, Thomas. It took me three months to even gently start bringing Paul into this family.'

'Not every mom wants to be defined as just being a mom, Tom.' He turned to look at Sarah. 'I hate it, it's one of the first things people label me. If Lexi is trying to get jobs, she's not going to mention a daughter unless asked, that's a huge no to a lot of people, and a single mom even more so. They are associated with taking time off and being flaky, who the hell wants that assumption of them in an interview. The same with meeting someone, one mention of her daughter and look at you, you ran for the hills, you actually sound disgusted. She is thirty-one years old, what, was she supposed to stay like a nun just in the off-chance she might one day meet you again? She was fucking married. This isn't some stupid mistake she made when she was fifteen.' Sarah's rage grew with each sentence. Beside her, though silent, it was clear Emma was seething also. 'You know what, she is hard working and doing the best for her daughter, she is trying to make their lives better, she doesn't need some shallow shithead in her life. She is better off this way, who the hell needs someone like you in their lives if all you are going to do is get judgemental? At least she found someone to actually have a marriage and child with, what have you found, one night flings and a publicity relationship.' Sarah stormed out of the room after that.

As much as her words deeply stung, Tom did not reveal what Alexianna told him about her marriage, he felt he had hurt her enough in one week, revealing her information like that was not fair at all. Emma looked at him judgmentally, clearly agreeing with Sarah. 'If you are talking to Lexi, she...don't talk about her marriage.' was all he said, Emma frowned. 'Just don't, please.' Emma nodded and left the room also. Leaving him to face the person he dreaded most. Turning, he swallowed back tears as he realised his words had truly hurt his mother. 'Mum, I am so sorry, I never realised...'

'No, you didn't.' She stated sadly. 'I have no idea what Alexianna told you about her marriage, but clearly it was not good.' Tom shook his head. 'And to say she kept that little girl under wraps means does not want her to be judged for it. You have no idea what is going on in her life. You said you liked her, you apparently showed her you like her, then you run when she mentioned her daughter. You have no idea what it feels like Tom, when someone's face changes after they hear about a child, to see them suddenly not want anything to do you with. The sense of rejection...' she swallowed, her voice breaking. 'It hurt more than the divorce, that I can tell you from personal experience.' with that, she too left Tom in the room alone with his thoughts.


	9. Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom takes time to assess his reaction to Alexianna's situation, including speaking to her, revealing more about her situation, and another conversation with a still irked Sarah, who adds a little more insight for Tom.

It took half an hour of thinking through his thoughts before Tom got up the courage to bring up Alexianna's number in his phone and press the call button. At first, he thought she had seen who was calling and decided to not answer, but after a moment more, the line picked up. 'Hello?'

'Lexi, hi.'

'Hi, Tom.' Her tone told him she wasn't overly pleased it was him.

'I owe you an apology for my leaving so suddenly the other day.'

'Is your mum alright?' Her voice was clipped and to the point. 

'Yeah, it wasn't an emergency at all, not really, she was renewing her vows for her China anniversary, or is it platinum, they changed it in recent years.'

'Okay, that is so cute.' Alexianna's tone became softer immediately. 'Aw, she and Paul were always so sweet together.'

'Yes, and apparently my procrastinating at getting to Suffolk meant she and Paul thought I would not come back in time for it, so they made Emma lie to me.'

'That's sort of mean.'

'I'm glad someone sees it the same as I did.' He smiled for a moment before his smile fell. 'I also owe you an apology for how I acted the other evening when I met...'

'I didn't hide her on purpose.' Tom let Alexianna speak. 'I know it is daunting, and I know some people do not want to have partners with kids from previous relationships, and I respect that, not everyone wants kids. I understand, but I never intended for us to go there at all, much less that fast, so I never got to tell you properly.'

'You never wanted us to...'

'I did not think you were interested.'

'I was, I am.'

'But when you saw Lily...'

'I was not prepared for her, that's all.' Tom inhaled deeply. 'I handled it wrong, and as a result, I acted terribly. I made myself out to be a prick of the highest order.'

'Not the highest order, trust me, you are a far cry from that.' Alexianna assured him.

'Can I ask...?'

'Yes, she is Jonathon's.' Tom assumed that to be her ex-husband, since she never said his name before. 'He left when she was born, the day she was born.'

His eyes widened. 'How...?'

'During the pregnancy, he insisted on finding out the gender, I didn't want to, I wanted a surprise. They told us we were having a boy, and everything was fine, we got ready for a boy.' Tom frowned. 'When she was born...in the delivery room, when they said they had got it wrong, it happens about five to ten percent of the time, well he just left.'

'He left the delivery room?'

'I was in theatre, there were complications, so it was a section birth, and he walked out. When I rang him a few hours later to ask him to bring in the rest of the baby clothes we had bagged for the hospital, he never answered the phone. I got a call at two in the morning, he said not to bother him again. I had clearly been cheating on him.'

'How did he deduce that?'

There was a silence for a moment before she answered him. 'Real men don't have girls, apparently.' Tom's mouth fell open at her words. 'He called me every name I have ever heard and more besides for a whore and that was the last time I ever heard from him. It's been me and Lily since. Daniel picks up a lot of the slack, he came back from abroad to help for a while and everything. Marie was no help.'

'I am so sorry.' Tom only then realised he was on the verge of tears. He thought of the little blue eyed girl, cuddling into her mother, clearly elated to see her home from her day's work and study. He could not fathom a situation where a father would abandon their child based on its gender.

'You didn't do it, he did. She doesn't know about him, she never asks and I never tell. How do I tell her that?'

'And how do you lie and say anything else because then she will start wondering why he is not there and if she tries to find him and he rejects her...' Tom added.

'Exactly.' Alexianna seemed relieved he understood. 'I did plan to tell you, I swear, but it's not like it's the first thing you say to people.'

'Hi, I am Alexianna Hughes, I am a mother, thirty-one and an Aquarius.' Tom put his voice up a few pitches to attempt a female tone causing Alexianna to laugh.

'Yeah, something like that.' Her smile was blatant over the phone. 'Thank you Tom.'

'What for?'

'Your terrible habit of making me smile.'

'I endeavour to do so frequently.' Tom grinned. 'When I get back, could I perhaps convince you to finally have a full cup of tea with me?'

'Always with the tea.'

'I am trying to get a full cup of tea before I work my way up to a dinner.' he felt someone looking at him, turning around, he saw Sarah standing behind him, slightly startled to hear him on the phone. 'Lexi, I am sorry to cut this short, but I am being called back inside. I will ring you when I get back to London, if that's okay with you of course.'

'I will talk to you then, tell your mum and Paul I say congratulations.'

'I will. Bye.' he hung up the phone and looked at his sister. 'Yes?'

'What are you doing?' Sarah demanded. 'If you are stringing her along...'

'You were right.' Sarah paused and looked at him in shock. 'You were completely right. I was being ridiculous and yes, at thirty-one years old, of course, Lexi was going to have a past. And me getting judgemental about it was wrong. Mom had three of us. Lexi only has Lily.'

'That's a really nice name,' Sarah smiled. She looked at her brother. 'What?' Tom shook his head but did not speak, his hands shaking, Sarah well able to recognise the sheer anger in her brother’s expression. ‘Tom, whatever it is, tell me, it will stay between us.’

'If you tell mum or Emma I will never speak to you again.'

‘I swear, on Sophie.'

'Lexi's husband was a prick. He was abusive and manipulative and when Lily was born and he realised she was a girl, he left and never came back.'

Sarah's hand went to her mouth. 'Did you know?'

'When I met Lily, no, she only told me that last bit of information on the phone a minute ago.' Tom revealed. 'I know I should not be talking about it but I have to tell someone.'

'Tom?'

'Who...who abandons a child because it's a girl?' he asked, his frustration finally bubbling to the surface as he paced his mother's garden. 'She is so small, she's a tiny wisp of a thing, as dad would say...and he left them. He left them in the operating theatre and never came back.' again the tears came to his eyes.

'Some people are like that Tom, I don't know what else to say.' Sarah stated, her own voice tight from her emotions on learning such information. 'We can't help the actions of others.' She touched his arm in a comforting manner. 'How did the conversation regarding the situation with Lexi go?'

'She said she understood if I did not want to have kids around, that she knew it wasn't for everyone and that she wouldn't blame me if I did not want any more to do with her.' Tom explained. 'She said she had planned on introducing her properly, that she had not intended to dump the news on me like that.'

'That is very understanding of her. And you are okay with it now?'

'It's not ideal, but I really like Lexi and you were right, she has a past and Lily is here, so I have to accept that or move on, I think I want to try and accept it.'

Sarah nodded sagely. 'Before you go any further Tom, I have to tell you this, because you need to make a properly informed decision.' Tom gave her a concerned look. 'Lily is going to be Lexi's number one priority, no matter what.'

'I know.'

'Your premieres, your jobs, your wants will always come second to her, no matter what.'

'If she was willing to drop her, I would be worried.'

Sarah smiled and nodded. 'Good, as long as you know that.'

'Why do you think like this, you and Yakov...are you alright?'

'Our marriage is fine, it has its ups and downs, they all do, but we are not planning on separating any time soon.' Sarah insisted. 'I have thought about that scenario though, after Sophie was born, I did worry that someday, I could be like mom and yes, I thought about how I would not be able to get someone if they saw I had a daughter.'

Tom was somewhat shocked that Sarah had told him such. 'I never thought...'

'No, we don't, do we? Not when it is nothing to do with us normally.' she sighed before looking back to the door. 'So you actually met her daughter, that's when you first knew about her.'

'The first mention of Lily was when she rushed out of a bedroom and jumped into Alexianna's arms shouting 'Mummy'.'

'That's a bit of a land.'

'It was, yes.' Tom nodded. 'But it explains a lot, her CV gap, her not getting back to college after the accident.'

'Accident?'

'She had a car accident when she was in college, she got banged up and then her husband came along.'

'Then came her daughter and her husband left.’ Tom nodded. ‘Does she talk to her mother still?'

'Her mother blamed her for her marriage failing.'

Sarah scoffed. 'Well, that's fucking rich.'

'I know.'

'At least you don't have to worry about the father getting involved, I bet that makes things more complicated.'

'How do I treat her?' Sarah shook her head slightly, showing him she was unsure what he meant. 'Lily?'

'Like a four year old child obviously. You remember Sophie at that age. Just make sure you don't spoil her to make her like you, that will only make Lexi's life harder.'

'The dog bag.'

'The Paw Patrol, what about it?'

'Everything in the house belonging to her is of that.'

'They focus on something. Sophie was Doc McStuffins.'

'Their home is shit.'

'What do you mean?'

'They live in a bedsit.'

'London is expensive, Tom.'

'But they are probably paying a Holy fortune for that bedsit where some other places they wouldn't have to share a bed.'

'Where is it?'

'Just inside Hampstead Heath.'

'She is playing the location game.' Tom frowned. 'You have to live in certain townland lines to qualify to send your kid to a certain school, Lexi is playing that game, Hampstead has better schools, better funded, fewer delinquency issues, she knew that and got what she could afford in that area to ensure Lily got into a good school, she is very smart.' Sarah explained. 'We did something similar, it's why we sold one house and bought one ten minutes away, it's in a better schooling zone.'

'Makes sense. She just never seems to catch a break.'

'She is not letting what happened to bother her Tom, she has accepted it and rolled with it to the extent that she is able to get up and get to college and raise her daughter right. Don't let it bother you.'

'But they share a bed, their home is tiny.'

'You do realise, a hundred years ago whole families shared beds, right? Not everyone's family could afford private schools and everyone having their own bedrooms.'

'Alexianna was privately educated.' Tom pointed out.

'Yes, she is used to more, I am sure at the beginning it was a slap in the face to her, but she is still kicking.' Sarah smiled. 'Come on, dinner's ready.'


	10. A Full Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna meet after their on phone discussion and talk more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter.

Tom smiled brightly when he saw Alexianna walking towards him. 'Hello.'

'Hi,' she toyed with some of her hair anxiously. 'How was your mum's?'

'It was wonderful, everyone was asking for you.'

'Emma texted me.' Tom smiled at her expectantly. 'She wants to catch up.'

'Are you okay with that?'

'Yes, I am, I just...I don't know how I will deal with the Jonathon thing.'

'You should be honest.'

'Oh, I will be, I just don't know how she will react and I hate the pity.'

'You don't need pity.' Tom agreed, 'Just tell her, before you mention anything that you don't want pity or other comments, that you just want to tell her and to leave it at that.'

'And Lily?'

'She's your daughter, he may have given her some genetics, but she is not his, she is yours.'

'I don't regret her. I regret him, terribly, but not her.'

I would hope not, she's your daughter.' Tom smiled. 'She looks like you actually.'

'She has blonde curly hair.' She held out some of her own brown hair.

'That's not everything, she has your eyes, your smile.'

'She has paler skin than I am.'

'She's a little English rose. With pale skin, Lily is a perfect name. Though I have to say, people associate lilies with death.'

'I named her after my nan.'

'Oh, I recall, she died when you were about...ten, was it?'

'Eleven, so yeah, about then. It drove Marie mad, she always hated Lily.'

'Anything would drive her mad, that's not a feat.' Alexi laughed. 'Where is she now?'

'Daniel has her, he is going to Scotland again tonight, so he is bringing her to the cinema before he leaves.'

'What will you do for a childminder then?'

'I will have to study more at home, obviously, so less coffee shops, but I'll have to bring her with me once a week to get all the downloading done for my coursework.'

'What about cleaning?'

'I will bring her to the houses. She just sits and plays on my phone or colours. I keep a few DVD's ready to occupy her too.'

'You're incredible.'

'I am trying, nothing more.' She dismissed.

'You are doing an incredible job, Lexi.' He opened the door of the coffee shop. They ordered, Tom insisted on paying and sat in a quiet corner. 'I know you probably don't want to rush into her and I meeting properly, but I got her something, I hope you don't mind.'

'Tom, you don't need too.' Alexianna scolded. 

'Please, my niece Sophie, she loves hers so I thought it would be nice, I noticed she has everything in this at your place.' He help out the bag he had been holding. Alexianna took it and glanced inside. 'She's a Paw Patrol fan, right?'

'Fanatic is the only word for it, my head is wrecked with it, thank you, you are too kind.' She smiled, looking at the backpack. 'She is going to want that for school.'

'She is starting in September?'

'Stop, she is growing up too fast. She is going to the one just up the hill from us, I was so happy she got there, it's close and it's good.'

'You moved there specifically, didn't you?'

Alexianna shrugged. 'You have to live in certain areas to get into certain schools.'

'Good move.'

'She'll get a good education there. I mean, it's not what I had, but a normal school in a good area is everything she needs.'

'What is she like? Lily?'

Alexianna gave a small smile. 'She is a good child, honestly, she has been since the start. Happy, energetic, bossy and strong willed.' She smiled fondly as she spoke of her daughter. 'She is perfect.' Tom grinned at her expression. 'She was shy with you there, but she is actually that clingy.'

'She loves her mum, you do everything for her and she knows it.' Tom smiled. 'So she never asks...' Alexianna shook her head. 'Surely she has noticed though.'

'I think she has, but she just says nothing. I really don't know what I'll say when she asks about him. How do you tell a little girl her father didn't want her? But I don't want to lie to her either.'

'I honestly don't know.' He took her hands in his, 'But you are so strong, no matter how you approach it, you will still be the sort of mum she needs.'

'Of course, she is my world.' She bit her lip for a moment. A habit that Tom was starting to realise she had. 'When I realised I was pregnant, I cried. I felt so guilty, I didn't want a baby, I felt as though...'

'He could control you more?' Tom assumed, Alexianna nodded.

'He was happy, so much so it weirded me out. He was rarely happy with anything. I thought maybe this was a new him, that he was going to be nice again. When they said it was a boy, he became even nicer, buying all sorts of toys and clothing, soccer jerseys and everything. I was excited to meet "George" in the end, but when George was actually Lily, I realised he was far worse than I ever imagined. He changed the locks and said my stuff was at a Travelodge. He kept everything he got for the baby. I have no idea what he even did with it, but I don't care. Daniel came, helped me out, spent a fortune on Lily and has spoiled her rotten since. I think that's probably why she never asked; she hears what a dad does and thinks Daniel is enough in that role.'

'It is highly possible. I adore spoiling Sophie, if Yakov ever abandoned her and Sarah, I would be there in a heartbeat for them.'

'Yakov?'

'Sarah's husband.'

'Ah.'

'Yes, I just...I cannot believe that your husband...'

'Ex-husband.'

'Yes, that he would do that. I see Yakov with Sophie, my friends with their daughters, I just cannot understand how the hell the gender matters.'

'If you ever figure it out, please, let me know, because I can't understand it either.' Alexianna shrugged. 'It doesn't matter, because even though I didn't realise it at the time, Lily saved me.' he frowned. 'I wasn't strong enough to leave, she got him to and in doing so, stopped me from doing something terrible. She stopped me from staying. You said how lilies are associated with death, to me, it's the exact opposite.'

'She is incredibly lucky to have a mum like you.' Tom smiled. 'And Marie...'

'She sided with him, of course. It was my fault, it's not that hard to just have a boy.' Tom's brows rose. 'Yeah, as though we get a choice.'

'Boys aren't worth the trouble.' he shook his head. 'Look at me.'

'You had your rough patches, but I doubt your mother would ever say you turned out badly.'

'Not to my face maybe, I gave her enough heartache, I still do from time to time.' Tom sighed. 'We all make mistakes.'

'Who are you telling?' Alexianna laughed.

'I hope you that you feel after a while that I can meet Lily, properly I mean. I know that sometimes it is best to feel things out before doing anything like that.' he tried to not feel like he was pressurizing her.

'I hope so too. I think she would like you.'

'I love her assessment of Hook by the way, about him pretending to be nice makes him all the meaner, she is very astute.'

'You have no idea.' Alexianna laughed. 'If I'm honest, I am half worried about getting her ready to meet you, I am also worried about getting you ready to meet her. You cannot BS her or anything, she is just so smart, she notices tiny little things you never will and she will not forgive you if you lie to her.'

'That's fair enough. I want this to go well, I know she is your paramount concern, if she's not happy, this can't work.'

'So you still want this?'

'Yes, I do. Do you?'

Alexianna paused for a moment before nodding. 'Yes, I do.' her smile was faint but it was honest. 'I got a taxi yesterday.'

'You are so strong and amazing.' she blushed. 'How did it go?'

'I think I had two panic attacks, he must have realised I was insane because he said nothing to me.'

'Well good, not the panic attacks, but the fact you took it, it means you are getting more confident.'

'It's your doing. He wasn't as calm a driver as you are though.'

'I am something special.' Tom winked and laughed.

An hour later they rose from the table. 'I cannot believe we finally finished a cup of tea.' Alexianna joked.

'Yes, hopefully we can make an attempt at dinner soon.'

'You'll need to let me know, I need to arrange a childminder. Weekends are harder for me.'

'Okay, next Tuesday, seven o'clock?'

'Say eight, it would be easier if I put Lily to bed before leaving.'

'Of course, how silly of me. I'll collect you if you'd like?' Alexianna bit her lip. 'Stop that, it's not good for you.'

'You're worse than Dan.'

'Good, if we all keep badgering you, we'll get you out of it.' he smiled encouragingly before looking at his watch. 'It's my turn to dart now.'

'I'll see you on Tuesday so?' Alexianna smiled hopefully.

'If I don't meet you beforehand. But Tuesday is a definite. Let me know if you have babysitting issues.'

'I will.' she promised.

Leaning down, Tom kissed her chastely. 'Goodbye Lexi.' he whispered before turning and leaving.


	11. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna and Emma finally reconnect, with a new little addition to their friendship.

Alexianna  _ \- Emma, I am not fobbing you off, I swear, but I cannot get a sitter, I can't meet you today. _

**Emma - Bring her, I want to meet her. I am used to a young child being there, Sarah has Sophie with her all the time. Please.**

Alexianna found herself chewing her lip again. She knew Emma would reference Jonathon in some way and she never liked to speak about him with Lily around, so she knew that it would be awkward. But at the same time, she knew sitting at home in a tiny house all day every day was unhealthy, she needed to force herself to talk to people more again and Emma, at least, knew a little about her. So she confirmed she would still be coming and got ready.

Emma beamed as Alexianna walked into the bistro, Lily in tow. She had barely gotten to the table when Emma squeezed her arms around her tight. 'Hello.'

'Hi.' Alexianna gave a nervous smile back. 'You look incredible.'

'How do you look almost the exact same after ten years?' Emma asked. 'Seriously, you look great.'

Alexianna toyed with some hair but did not answer the question. 'This is my daughter, Lily.'

Emma noted the timid way Alexianna spoke but as Tom had warned her, she did not reference it. She knelt down and looked at the little girl in front of her. 'Hello Lily, I am Emma, your mum and I were friends a long time ago.'

'I know, she told me, she has pictures of you in a box. I am Lily and I am four.' she held up a hand with all five fingers out.

'That's five, Lily.' her mother corrected with a small laugh.

'I'm four.' the girl repeated, not phased by the correction.

'Wow, so you are starting school?'

'Yep, in September.'

'You're a big girl so.'

'Of course I am, look at the size of me.'

Emma laughed. 'She is amazing.' she spoke to Alexianna again.

'She really is.' Alexianna looked at her daughter adoringly.

'Come on, let’s get something to eat.'

They sat and talked of different things, how Emma was now a midwife and of Alexianna's degree in PR, the whole time evading the conversation regarding Alexianna's marriage. When finally, Lily became engrossed in her colouring book, Emma looked at her.

'She looks a lot like you.'

'Yes, I get that a lot, paler skin and blonde hair though.'

'Is that from the other side?'

'Yes.' Alexianna gave a grateful smile at the way that Emma evaded mentioning certain things yet found a way to talk about them. 'Tom told you...'

'No.' Alexianna frowned. 'He just said not to mention certain things and with the way you haven't mentioned them, I assume you don't want them mentioned in front of little people.'

'No, certain people don't know anything about these things and until I figure out what to tell them, it's going to stay that way.'

‘Fair enough, but can I ask...are you okay?'

'Yes,' Alexianna knew she did not sound the least bit convincing. 'I am getting there, but I think I am.'

'Good, I'm here if you want to talk sometime.' Lily stuck her little tongue between her teeth in concentration. 'She is so cute.'

'She is.' Alexianna rubbed her daughter's head. 'She is just incredible.'

'She is so good, I mean most kids are going mental after ten minutes, she is sitting here an hour and completely calm.'

'Yes, I was lucky with her.'

'I won't be as lucky when I have one, I think I'll be punished for everything I put mum through.' Lily looked at the other woman. 'You are a great girl, do you help your mum?'

'I have chores and I help mummy with everything, don't I mom?'

'Yes, Princess.'

'See, I told you.'

'She is very confident. I wonder who she reminds me of?'

Alexianna gave a sad smile. 'Yes, it's amazing how much she reminds me of how I used...of me.'

Emma said nothing, just took note of Alexianna's choice of words, she was starting to realise just what Tom was implying concerning their old friend. 'So, you and Tom. That's unexpected.'

'Yeah, we are going to dinner tomorrow, hopefully.'

'Why hopefully?'

'I am half afraid he is going to come to his senses.'

'You know he's had a thing for you since you actually hit puberty and not the whole actual puberty, that's just weird, but the whole started getting boobs and everything.'

'So he said.'

'Really?' Emma laughed. 'Why did he reveal something like that?'

'I assume because I was expecting him to yell out it was a dare or a fleeting moment of madness at any moment.'

'Tom doesn't mess around.'

'Can I ask you something? I know I should really ask Tom, but you know last Summer?' Emma pursed her lips together. 'When he was seeing...'

'What about her?'

'What was that?'

'I have no idea.' Emma answered. 'You're going to have to ask Tom because honestly, I have no clue. We had the family week together, as we always do, the same one I was not allowed bring my boyfriend to before we got engaged and here he is with her and they only together eighteen minutes, if at all.' She shrugged. 'Tom will have to answer that for you, I'm afraid I can't.' Alexianna just nodded. 'Is that a concern for you?'

'Yes.' Emma was startled by her abruptness. 'Lily is going to be something people are going to focus on, I don't want to bring her into something if she is going to be nothing but a fashion accessory to this years 'look at me' collection.'

'Tom's not like that.'

'I can tell you what your niece looks like, do you think I ever wanted to see what she looked like splashed in a paper?' Alexianna challenged. 'I am just worried, it wouldn't be fair on Lily to have someone come in for a short while and leave. Especially when she is old enough to use Google.'

'These are the problems with someone like Tom. I can tell you he would never use her like that, and that he will always be able to think of you first, but that is not something I can make him stick to.'

'I am not stupid, I know what this entails, I am trying to do this for a living, but also I have researched his public persona, extensively and I know that entails, I am willing to try and fit into it all somehow, I am just worried about Lily. I am making an informed decision but is it something she would want if she could decide.'

'I don't know what to say, Lexi, I cannot say what way it would go, but I do not think Tom would do anything like that to her.'

'Daniel has threatened his life if he does.'

'I would believe him.' Emma recalled Alexianna's older brother, he was only five foot eleven to Tom's six foot two, but he had always been far stronger build. He played Prop Forward in Rugby and as such was as wide as he was tall, as some would say. 'Why didn't he end up playing rugby professionally in the end?'

'He took a bad tackle, did a serious number on his neck, then with all that research into repetitive brain injury in NFL players, he decided it wasn't worth it.'

'What does he do now?'

'He works the rigs in the North Sea as an engineer, something to do with extraction or some other thing like that.'

'So no doctor to plump up Marie's ego?'

'No.'

'I am sorry I lost my phone that time, I was talking to mum about it before the wedding, I wish you had been there.'

'I cannot wait to meet Jack,' Alexianna beamed in return, having heard about him in the time they had been talking.

'You'll have to soon.' Emma smiled. 'I need to tell you something, now listen to me before saying anything, alright?' Alexianna frowned but nodded. 'Tom was very concerned at first about Lily and everything, he didn't think properly, but when he did, the first thing he did was ring you, after that he went to mum and Paul and asked them, what sort of things to ask and talk about regarding Lily, and how to help her get used to him.' Alexianna swallowed at hearing the effort Tom was going to. 'He asked Sarah and Sophie about Paw Patrol, did I say that right, and went researching online for the nicest things to get her to try and apologise for how he acted.'

'He was just shocked.'

'Yes, but still, that's no reason to have blanked her.' Emma looked at Lily, who realised the other woman was looking at her and gave a childish wink. 'Okay, seriously, I am stealing her.' She picked up Lily and put her on her lap. 'Do you want to come home with me?'

'No, I love my mommy.' Lily seemed to know it was just a game and laughed playfully.

'Nope, you're mine now.' Emma declared, snuggling her close, loving the sound of giggles as the small girl laughed gleefully at the attention.

'Can I see the man again?' Lily asked her mother when she had settled again.

'What man, sweetheart?' Alexianna asked, not knowing who she was referring to.

'The man that came to our house and gave me the bag, I never said thank you.'

Emma smiled at Lily's happiness when referring to her brother. Alexianna gave a smaller smile. 'Soon love, we will see him again soon and you can say it then.'

'Pinky promise,' Lily held out her finger and Emma almost cooed at the child's innocence as she held out her index finger.

Alexianna looked at the finger worriedly. She had never broken such a promise, but she was fearful of such a one now, knowing it could be broken if things went badly. 'I...'

'Even if things don't work out with you two Lexi, let her see him again to say thanks.' Emma encouraged.

Nodding slightly, Alexianna extended her own finger and did a shake. 'I'll talk to Tom, okay?'

'I like him, he is nice.' Lily satisfied, went back to her fooling around with Emma.

'Good.'

'But why did he kissy kissy you?' Alexianna stared at her daughter silently.

'Wow, she misses nothing, does she?' Emma laughed.


	12. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna go to dinner.

Alexianna stood inside her front door, having put Lily to bed and the babysitter was settled for the evening. 'Call me if there is any issue.'

'Of course.' the girl smiled, used to Alexianna's worry when she was leaving Lily.

In all her waiting by the door, the moment she had turned her attention elsewhere was when Tom knocked, causing her to jump and the babysitter to laugh. 'That would happen.' She opened the door half laughing. 'Hello.'

'Hi,' Tom looked at her oddly, 'Is everything alright?'

'Yes, I just scared myself.' 

Tom gave her a baffled look before he looked down. 'Oh, hello.'

Next to Alexianna's leg was a small child. 'Lily, what are you doing out of bed?' Alexianna looked sternly at her daughter. 'Go back in.'

'No, I want to say hi to the man.'

'His name is Tom.' Her mother informed her again.

'You pinky promised I could say thank you to him for my bag.'

'Yes, but not when it was passed your bedtime.'

Tom knelt down and smiled brightly at the tired child. 'I am delighted that you like it, but your mum did want you to go to bed.'

Lily smiled coyly back at him. 'I like him.' she looked up at her mother.

'Good.' Alexianna looked at Tom, who seemed elated by the declaration. 'But we are going to go out for a while and I will be back later for some cuddles, okay?'

'Will Tom have cuddles too?'

Alexianna bit the inside of her cheeks at that, something so innocent could easily be construed as something more sexual to older people. 'No, Tom and I are just going to have some dinner and I'll be home later, okay?'

Lily eyed her mother carefully. 'I'm going to steal your pillow.'

'That is not news Lil, you do that every night.' her mother shook her head. 'Say goodnight to Tom and go back to bed.'

Lily looked at Tom, who was still down at her level and jumped forward to hug him, bowling him over onto his ass. 'Oops.' Tom chuckled, having made sure Lily was safely against him and not at risk of being hurt.

'Lily!'

'She's fine.' Tom mouthed remembering to not make Alexianna's job any harder with her daughter.

'No, she cannot do that, you could have fallen down the steps.'

'There's two, I'd have lived.' Tom dismissed. 'As long as you're alright, right Lily?' Lily tucked her head into his shoulder and refused to move it. He looked at Alexianna to ask her what was wrong.

'You are about to meet the drama queen.' Was all she said on the matter.

When Lily did pull back, Tom was forced to admit, Lily could easily be an actress and she could be incredible at it. Her eyes were filled with huge crocodile tears, and her face schooled to look as though she was she was in anguish and her bottom lip stuck out. 'Oh, you are good.' he nodded with a smile.

'Yes, she is. Don't feed it or she'll make Hamlet seem like a happy-go-lucky individual.'

Tom smiled. 'You're alright, aren't you Lily?' She nodded, keeping up her acting. 'And I'm okay, so it's okay.' Lily looked at him for another moment before inhaling deeply and skipping back inside cheerfully. Alexianna helped Tom back to his feet. 'She is adorable.'

'She's a little nuisance some days. Are you sure you're okay?'

'I'm fine, I played rugby against Dan, remember.'

'You did not get tackled by him though.'

'No, but I did get tackled, and Lily is not near as big as any of them, she's the size of their arms, what was that guy that played Scrum Half on their team, Tom...'

'Timothy Matthews.'

That guy, I was winded for a week after him.'

'I remember that game.' Alexianna nodded.

'Mommy?'

'Go back to bed Lily.' Alexianna rolled her eyes.

'Are you and Tom going to kiss again?'

'Bed!' Lily giggled and ran into her room. 'We were spotted in the car the other day.'

'Sorry, I didn't...'

'It's fine, you had no idea, I did. It's my own fault.'

'She is incredibly sweet.'

'She's been talking about you a lot.' Alexianna admitted. She turned around for a moment. 'Thanks, Elaine, I'll be back soon enough.'

'Okay.' the babysitter smiled before walking into the bedroom to settle Lily.

Alexianna closed the front door and followed Tom, who put his arm around her waist and guided her to his car. 'You look beautiful by the way.'

'Thanks.' Alexianna had decided to wear some of the only good clothes she had managed to get herself since Jonathan threw her belongings in a hotel, not including some of her better clothes that he had bought so that she "would not embarrass him" when they were married. 'I didn't know where you wanted to go so I had to just...'

'You look amazing.' he held the door of the taxi open for her, noting Alexianna's anxiousness. 'I'm here with you.' he smiled comfortingly. Nodding, she inhaled deeply and got into the car. 'Right, sorry about that.' Tom apologised to the cab driver.

'You're grand, mate, my lad was the same, no matter what time of day or night I met up with herself in the early days, he'd somehow be awake to say hi.' the man dismissed.

Tom found himself smiling at the man's admission that he had been in something of a similar situation, and the reference to the boy as "my lad" told him that it had worked out in some manner. Beside him, Alexianna seemed to be too occupied with her anxiety to take any note of the conversation. 'Hey.' he squeezed her hand gently to get her attention. 'It's okay.'

'I was told before that maybe I should go on something for this, anxiety stuff, but I dunno, I always felt that that isn't actually facing it, it's not real anxiety, it is something I put in my own head, not something else...'

'From what I gather, most people's anxiety is a result of something in their head.' Tom commented. 'But you are doing great without taking anything. I am not a professional, so I cannot say what would be best, but surely to say you are doing this yourself suggests you can do it.'

'I am such a train wreck.'

Tom kissed the side of her head. 'No, you're not. So, tell me how your lunch with Emma went. She loved it, I might as well tell you. I should warn you though, I think she plans on stealing Lily and I don't blame her.'

The meal was pleasant, Alexianna smiled as Tom talked excitedly about several projects in his future and he smiled as she discussed her plans for the next few months, there was never a lull in the conversation as they ate. Tom was delighted to see that Alexianna was not a woman to worry about macros and calories, instead, she ate happily. Several more times, Lily came up in conversation, yet Tom realised that it was not something that took over the conversation or something that Alexianna avoided, she simply just spoke and whatever came up, came up. Tom had witnessed some parents that could not hold a conversation outside of their children, Alexianna seemed to just do exactly what she had before, spoken freely, her daughter was not something she was ashamed of, but an area of her life like many others. She still loved cinema, books, theatre and even scribbled a few short stories herself apparently, though she stated they were as an outlet more than anything and refused to go too far into that conversation. When asked as to their content, she merely stated Elizabethan to the Victorian era. Tom smiled, in their youth, Alexianna had been their history checker. She had always adored history, and somehow had recalled the dates of most monarchs and their deaths when in battle, even at ten years old, that had been something Tom had abused when writing for school during the holidays or weekends he was home, his sister's friend was a handy individual on those days.

When finally the meal ended, Alexianna took out her purse. 'No.' Tom shook his head. 'I'll get it.'

'Not a chance. When have I ever let you pay for my meals?' It was true, even as a teenager, Alexianna had always paid her way, in fact, because she worked while in school, she often was the one to pay for stuff for Emma and Tom, whose mother insisted they focus on their schooling.

'Well, now that you have reminded me, how many pizzas and chips did you pay for when you were a teenager?' Tom grinned. 'I owe you about three years of food.' Alexianna could not argue that. 'So I insist.' He beamed as he took out his card. 'What day are you going to the coffee shop this week?'

'I am thinking tomorrow.'

'Can you wait until Thursday?'

'Yes, I can.'

'Then may I join you?'

'I'll have Lily with me.' Tom swore at forgetting such. 'She really likes you.'

'You have no idea how relieved I am at that.' Tom smiled.

'If you want...never mind.'

'What?' She said nothing. 'Tell me.'

'If you'd like, if you want to get to know her a little better...'

'Is that a little fast?'

'She's not really allowing us to take it slowly though, is she? She is dictating her own introduction.' Alexianna argued.

'I will go with whatever suits you and her on this, I will not impose. I am scared, I will admit, I have never had to try and get a child to like me before. Sophie just is used to me being there from as long as she can remember, I am her uncle, nothing extraordinary, but Lily is the first child outside of that whose opinion I need to genuinely fight for.'

'I'm sorry.' Alexianna swallowed worriedly.

'Lexi, please, please stop apologising for this. You cannot control this, this is my worry.'

'I am worried too though, if she decides that she is not happy, I don't know how to juggle it.'

'There will be no juggling then, if she has a genuine grievance with me, then we will have to accept that, if she just has a day where I don't fawn to her getting an ice-cream, however, I would think that different.'

'Yes, it would be,' Alexianna nodded.

'So, regarding this Thursday...'

'I need to download stuff, I won't be great company.'

'Good, it will give me a chance to ask Lily about the Paw Patrol, I am sure she will be more than happy to have someone new to educate.'

*

'The taxi was a good idea.' Alexianna smiled as they left the small Indian restaurant.

'When was the last time you drank?'

'Not since before Lily.'

'Why not?'

'I am a single mum, I need to look after my daughter, being under the influence is somewhat frowned upon in such situations and having a single glass of wine by oneself is somewhat odd at best, depressing at worst.' Alexianna pointed out as they got into the cab.

'When was the last time you went out for dinner, you and another adult only?'

Alexianna remained silent and thought hard. 'Longer.'

'Did he not...?'

Alexianna gave a cold bark of a laugh. 'No, he was not a man for such things.' she responded. 'I was to be the 'at home' wife. I was not allowed my own money and I was most definitely not allowed go out to dinner with people, unless it was a work due, and then definitely no drinking.'

'That's why you...'

'That's why I didn’t have any registered employment, I had been working cash in hand the whole time through my marriage, when he left, I went on the books then.' she admitted. 'It meant when he left, I wasn't utterly destitute.'

'Why didn't you go back to the house after the hospital?'

'Dan did, to see what the story was, but my keys didn't work and Jonathon wasn't there.'

'I never asked, but Lily, does she have his name or yours?'

'Mine. The day I realised he actually meant it was over, I swapped back to Hughes immediately, she is registered as Hughes and her father's name is not on her birth certificate because he never came to sign off on it, so she is Lily Diana Hughes.' Tom stared at her. 'Yeah, I didn't mention that, did I?' He shook his head. 'When I was sitting alone and terrified in the Travelodge with a small baby and only the few possessions I had, waiting for Dan to come and get me, I thought back to my nan, that's how I got Lily, and then I thought of your mum, who was the greatest inspiration to me, so I gave her that as her middle name, even though I had not seen or heard of Diana in what, seven years?'

'She would be honoured by that.' Tom smiled. 'She will probably cry when she is told. Though be warned, where Emma is threatening to steal Lily, she probably will outright just take her.'

When they arrived at Alexianna’s, Tom got out of the cab with her, requesting for the driver to wait a moment and walked her to the door. 'Thank you, Tom, tonight was...I actually cannot put a word on it, thank you.'

Tom beamed, and with the use of the two steps to elevate her slightly, he kissed her for a moment. 'Now that you have confessed to not getting out enough, I am going to make sure you get out more often.' He promised. 'You were wonderful company and I cannot wait to do this again.'

Alexianna bit her bottom lip, something Tom usually chastised her for, but seeing that for once, it was in joy she was doing it, he said nothing. Instead, he was left somewhat startled when she was the one to lean forward and kiss him, her kiss far less chaste than his had been. 'Thank you, Tom.' he stood and waited for her to go inside before turning back to the cab and giving the driver his own address. When he got to the house, he reached forward to be given a wave of dismissal. 'Your lady friend already paid.' the driver admitted.

'She what?'

'Yep, paid and a ten-pound tip, she told me to tell you that “it's only fair”.'

'When did she even have a chance to do that?'

'Listen, man, when a woman wants to do something, she'll get it done, and that is fact. Have a good night.' 

Tom got out of the cab and walked into the house, laughing to himself that Alexianna had been so devious. 'She's still in there.'


	13. Unscheduled Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom goes to lunch with Benedict, and their lunch gets interrupted by an unexpected guest.

'So, what's her name?'

'Who?' Tom looked at his friend, trying to play innocent.

‘Tom, you have, what can only be called, the largest, shit eating grin I have ever witnessed on your face and you cannot wipe it off, so what is her name?'

'Alexianna.'

'Sounds exotic.'

'She's from Suffolk originally, moved to Oxford when she was seven.'

'So homegrown then?'

'Yes.'

'Tell me a bit about her so?'

'Why?'

'I want to see how serious this is?'

How serious what is?'

You're infatuation.'

Tom shook his head. 'She is thirty-one, she was friends with Emma years ago, but the went out of contact for a while, I bumped into her a few weeks ago at a café shop close to RADA because she is studying in University of London, PR if you're curious and we went to dinner last night and I can honestly say, the crush I had on her when I was twenty-two is nothing in comparison to how I feel about her now.'

'Wow, okay, so that's quite the infatuation then.'

'She is well educated, well read, quiet and all-around incredible person.'

'So what caused a change in careers at thirty-one?'

'She never got to complete it before, she had a car crash a few years back and got side-tracked by life for a while, she has two years of it done now, another one to go.'

'Good for her getting back on the horse.' Ben nodded. 'So when are you showing her off to the world?'

'Not for as long as is possible.'

'Not interested?'

'Not in the slightest. She is a quiet type.'

'So wants to work in PR yet not be public, and decides to date a famous actor?'

'I'm sorry, which of us is married to the woman that is, on every occasion I meet her, giving out that you are an actor because someone is trying to photograph the boys?'

Touché.' Ben conceded. 'I...' He looked to the side to see a small blonde haired girl rushing up to them. 'Hello?'

'Lily?' Tom stared at the little girl who stopped in front of him, beaming brightly. 'Lily, where is your mum?'

'She was looking for her Oyster Card and I saw you so I wanted to say hi.'

Tom looked around frantically, not seeing any sign of Alexianna. 'Sh...Damn.' He corrected himself as Lily looked innocently up at him. 'Lily, where is your mum?'

'I just told you.'

'Yes, I know darling, but where was she looking for her card?'

'At the bus stop.' She pointed randomly outside the window of the restaurant.

Tom looked outside at a bus stop, it was busy but none of those waiting was a short brunette woman. Thinking fast, he pulled out his phone, brought up Alexianna's number and dialed. It only rang once before she hung up on him, so he tried again, and again she hung up. 'She's trying to keep the line free.' he cursed. 'Lily, hold still, Sweetheart.' he took a photo of her and sent it to her mother's phone. As soon as it went through, his phone rang. 'I tried to ring you.'

'Where are you?'

'In Ivy Gardens.'

A moment later, Alexianna rushed in the door, where Tom waved at her and she rushed over, getting on her knees and kissing her daughter's head. 'Lily, why did you run off on me?'

'I wanted to say hi to Tom.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because you would have said he was busy and to leave him alone.'

'Because he is busy and we do not bother people all the time and we never, EVER run away on our mommies. Do you know how scared I was? I told you before, you can get lost, you can be pushed out in front of traffic, bad people could take you.' She was patting and touching her daughter's face and hair compulsively as she spoke.

Tom knelt down too, seeing that Lily was uninterested in her mother's warning. 'Lily, sweetheart, I am delighted to see you whenever I can, but you have to tell your mum and we have to make sure you are safe, alright?' Lily nodded. 'We only want what's best for you.'

'Yes, Tom.'

'Oh sure, listen to him, ignore me.' Alexianna declared as she tried to calm herself. 'I am so sorry.' She looked at Tom as she spoke. 'I didn't realise you were here, so when you rang...'

Tom pulled her to him, 'It's alright, you were worried about Lily.' he smiled, kissing her temple as he rubbed her arm.

Lily was utterly unphased by the situation, smiled happily at having gotten to see Tom again before looking to the other man that was looking at her mother and Tom curiously. 'Mommy, it's Dr. Strange.'

That got Benedict's attention on her again. 'Yes, I am.'

'Wow.' she stared at him, fascinated. 'Tom isn't Loki now, so leave him alone.' She even extended her index finger as she gave the order.

Tom and Alexianna just laughed as Benedict received a verbal dressing down from Lily, staring in concern as she gave the order. 'Alright?'

'Lily,' Tom pulled her over to him, Lily still eyeing Benedict warily. 'This is my best friend, his name is really Ben.'

'Does he work like you?'

'Yes, I am an actor too.' Ben smiled.

'He seems okay.'

'Only okay?' Tom asked with a chuckle.

'I don't want him to kiss mommy like you do.'

Alexianna buried her head in her hands as Tom licked his teeth. 'Well, if it's any consolation, he has a wife and two children so I don't think he would want to anyway.' he chuckled, looking to Ben who he realised was figuring out what Lily was saying. 'This is Alexianna, the woman I was telling you about.' Tom's arm went around her again, 'And this demon in disguise, is Lily, her daughter.'

'She doesn't even bother to disguise it, the cute exterior is part of it.' Alexianna tried to regulate her breathing. 'Hi.' She gave Ben a small smile.

Ben gave a small nod. 'Hello.' he looked to Tom, who was analysing his reaction, to which Ben glanced at Lily for a moment and back to Tom, who simply shrugged and smiled slightly.

'You mentioned me, but you hadn't mentioned Lily, had you?' He looked to Alexianna, who, though she was looking at Lily, had noticed the silent interaction.

'I was working up to it.' Tom admitted as he rose to his full height again. 'I see what you mean about broaching it.'

'It's not easy.' Alexianna nodded.

Ben eyed the pair's interactions the entire time as well as Lily's, though it was clear that Tom and Alexianna were very much interested in one another, Lily seemed utterly elated to merely be around Tom. 'No, I would imagine not.' he noticed then that was Alexianna was looking at him worriedly, as though concerned as to his reaction to her having a daughter. He tried to give a reassuring smile before Lily walked over to him again. 'You are incredibly independent, aren't you?' he smiled at the young girl.

'Yep.' She replied brazenly, her head high and her chin out, causing him to chuckle.

'But you cannot walk off on your mum.'

'Okay.'

'Has your heart started to beat again yet?' Ben smiled at Alexianna.

'I think it is restarting.'

'I have not had this worry yet, but with my two, I can only imagine it is going to be a case of when not if. Especially with Hal, he is five months old and I can tell, he will have me bald with tufts of grey before I am forty-five.'

Alexianna nodded. 'I am going that way too.' She gave her daughter a small stare. 'I am so sorry to have interrupted your lunch. We better let you get back to it. Lily.'

'No.' She gripped onto Tom's leg, he winced as she physically pinched his skin in doing so.

''Lily, you are pinching him, we will see him tomorrow, remember?'

Lily was reluctant to let go but finally conceded and did. 'Okay.' As with the night before, the crocodile tears came out.

'She is quite the actress.' Ben commented.

'I thought the same.' Tom confessed.

'Yeah, she is good at turning on the waterworks. Come on Madam, we need to get home.' She juggled the bags she had in her hand as well as lifted her daughter.

'Can we take the Tube?' The child pleaded.

'That is two changes Lil, the bus is only one.'

'Please.'

'Fine, come on.' She immediately dropped the broken-hearted persona and waved goodbye to the men cheerfully.

'I'll call you this evening.' Tom promised as he gave her a chaste kiss, Lily stealing a hug as he did so.

'Yeah, you're working until nine, right?'

'Yes, that's not too late?'

No, it's fine. Sorry again to have interrupted you both. As lovely as it is to meet you,' She looked to Ben. 'I wish it had not been under such circumstances.'

'Yes, no doubt we will meet again soon, sans missing children of course.'

'So before the youngest is crawling then?'

Ben laughed. 'Probably, yes.'

'Yes, well, goodbye.' she gave as much of a wave as she could with a child and bags in her arms and left.

When she had left, Tom sat in his seat again. 'Go on.'

'What?'

'I can see it in your face, so just spit it out. Is it Alexianna, Lily or a mix?'

'Well, you could have mentioned the kid.'

Tom pursed his lips, he realised then the concern Alexianna had about Lily and people's judgment his sister and mother spoke of. 'Does it matter?'

'Well, not if you don't let it, but it is still a big deal.'

'Why?'

‘You're kidding, right? Have you not been paying attention, the child ran away from her mother to come in here to you, she ignored her mother and listened to you, she didn't want to leave you. That is serious Tom, if you decide that this isn't working, that little girl is already attached to you.' Tom swallowed. 'Not that it is any of my business, but I don't know if this is a good idea, when her father sees she is elated that her mother has you, he will not make life easy.'

'Her father hasn't given a damn in four years, he left the day she was born.'

'What?'

'As soon as he saw Lily was a girl, he left.'

'Wait, what?'

Tom sighed. 'Alexianna was married, to what can only be described as the epitome of a horrible human being.'

Ben looked at him analytically for a moment, 'Tom, are you sure what you are saying is the truth?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, are you sure what she told you is the truth, how do you know that is the truth?'

'Why would she lie?'

'Because of a multitude of reasons. Not least because being a single mother is frowned upon. Have a sob story so people don't judge her as badly.'

Tom sighed, 'No, you don't know the girl I knew and the girl that is there now. Even Emma said it, I believe her.'

'I cannot see a man leaving just because a baby is a girl.'

'Because you are a decent man who loves his wife and kids.’ 

‘I am just saying Tom, you should see if it is true.’

‘How?’

‘I don’t know, if she is telling the truth, then that is just how it is and he is the shittiest human being I have the misfortune to now know exists.’ Ben commented. ‘I just don’t want to see you being made a fool of.’ 

Tom frowned and said no more on the subject.


	14. A Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom meets Alexianna and Lily for lunch and suggests they spend the afternoon out, the only thing is, when you go to a major attraction and are a celebrity, it can be you that is the main attraction.

Tom smiled when he entered the cafe, Alexianna and Lily were in the same corner as he came to know her to be in. Lily spotted him first and waved excitedly at him. ‘Hello.’

‘Hi.’ He noted that Alexianna was somewhat upset. 

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ She looked to the side to Lily for a moment. 

Tom said no more as Lily smiled at him. ‘I have a gift for you.’ he handed her a little bag which the child took excitedly. 

‘Tom, don’t feel like you have to get her things.’ Alexianna chastised. 

‘It’s only a few colours and…’

‘Mommy, a Paw Patrol colouring book.’ Lily beamed excitedly. She jumped over to Tom, ‘Thank you so much.’ she hugged him tightly. 

‘You’re welcome Lily.’ he smiled. ‘So, sit down now and colour me a lovely picture.’ She nodded and started. When he looked up again, Alexianna was after going to the counter to get his coffee. When she returned, she smiled. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

‘You pay for our last ones.’

‘I have to ask, how did you pay the cab driver the other day?’

She smiled and shrugged. ‘I am a lot faster than you are.’ 

Lily’s attention was on her colouring as the adults sat. ‘So, what is it?’

‘The solicitor found him.’

‘And?’

‘He won’t sign.’

‘What?’

‘He won’t sign. Apparently, if he did, I could get back pay for Lily and I could go after him, so he doesn’t want to sign.’

‘So what happens now?’

‘I don’t know. I need to meet with them and find out. He claims she isn’t his, so why would he pay for her?’

‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘Don’t be. I was just hoping that I could just get it sorted and be free, I was so stupid to think it would be that easy. Nothing was ever easy with him. It will get sorted though.’ Tom squeezed her hand gently. ‘I’ll get there.’

‘You will.’ Tom reassured her. ‘Where is he?’

‘Isle of Man apparently, the poor island.’ Tom chuckled. ‘His family is from there, so it makes sense I suppose.’

‘It does.’ Tom nodded, ‘I was thinking…’ She looked at him worriedly. ‘I am finished for today, are you?’ 

‘Yes, I did my downloading and got that email there.’ 

‘So how about we take Lily to the playground in Regents Park?’

‘I…’

‘Mum promised the next time we went to Regent’s Park we could go to the zoo.’ Lily piped up.

Alexianna nodded. ‘So not today, we are going to go on Saturday.’

‘We can all go.’ Tom’s face lit up.

Alexianna bit her lip. ‘I…if we’re seen…’

Tom sighed. ‘It’s who I am, I wish I could turn off when people notice me Lexi, but if it’s not something you can accept…’

Alexianna just stared at the cup on the table for a moment. ‘Tom.’ He braced himself for her rejection. ‘I need you to be honest.’

‘I promise to be.’

‘Even if it hurts my feelings, please, be honest.’

‘I promise.’

‘Are we a publicity stunt?’ she looked at him, her face was absent of emotion.

‘No, you’re not.’ Her words stung, if Tom was being honest. It hurt that she would ever even ask that, but he understood her concerns also, his mother had warned him of such. ‘Never.’

‘Are we at risk of costing you a role?’

‘Not that I am aware of.’ scanning his mind, any role Tom would consider would not be affected by such. Most every role he had played, his co-stars were parents, in fact, Marvel seemed to be mostly parents at this stage. ‘No.’

Alexianna nodded for a moment again. ‘Please, if we do this, do not buy her anything, promise.’

‘I swear I will not buy your daughter half of the zoo’s gift shop.’ Tom held up his hand as though swearing an oath. 

Alexianna nodded again, ‘I guess we’re going to the zoo.’ she shrugged. Lily shrieked with joy at her mother’s words. She looked at the two mugs the adults were drinking from silently, as though she was willing the fluids to disappear, but she said nothing. Alexianna realised Tom had noted this. ‘If she badgers someone after they say they will do something, she doesn’t get it.’

‘Good, too many people with no manners these days, this is a far better way to teach her.’ 

*

As Alexianna suspected, they were seen, people took photos of all of them and a lot of people rushed over to Tom for autographs and photographs with him. Alexianna was, for the most part, mostly curious as to people’s attempts to interact with Tom at first, most were polite and had nothing but lovely things to say to the actor, that the loved his work, they thought him brilliant in certain roles, that his Golden Globe was well earned, all thoughts Alexianna shared, but some were somewhat hostile when Lily went over to tell Tom that it was time to see the tigers. It came to a head when a girl, who seemed to be about fifteen or sixteen years old, physically pushed Lily away. Alexianna stepped in, seeing that Tom could not see the incident with his back turned, and collected up her daughter. ‘Be careful.’ She growled at the girl, who looked at Lily and Alexianna as though they were filth.

‘Why is she even near him?’ she scoffed in return. 

‘Because unlike you, her company is something he actually wanted today.’ Alexianna retorted before walking off. ‘Are you okay?’ She checked over Lily. 

‘My hand is sore.’ she sniffled as she showed her dirtied hand to her mother indicating she fell on it. Alexianna brushed off the dirt and kissed it. 

‘Better?’ Lily nodded. ‘Come on, we’ll go see the tigers.’

‘But what about Tom?’

Alexianna looked around to see more people swarming around Tom, ‘Tom is busy at the moment.’

Tom, however, was starting to get annoyed. ‘Please, I am just here for a quiet afternoon,’ he insisted as the girl who had shoved Lily put a camera phone in his face. He turned to look around and noticed Alexianna carrying Lily, who was looking back at him sadly, as they walked off. ‘Lexi?’ 

‘Why are you bothering with some tramp and her brat?’ the girl demanded. 

Tom looked at her in disgust. ‘Excuse me?’ her face fell as anger filled his features also. ‘What way is that to speak about anyone?’ he walked off and rushed after Alexianna. 

‘It serves you right for pushing the kid.’ he stopped and looked around again as one of the girl’s friends scoffed at her. 

Horrified at the idea that someone had hurt Lily, he ran after Alexianna. ‘Lexi?’ 

‘Mommy, Tom is calling you.’ Lily informed her. 

‘Yes, I am not deaf.’

‘So why aren’t you waiting for him?’ Alexianna did not respond. ‘Mommy, stop, Tom is calling us.’

‘Just stop Lily.’ Lily began to squirm in her mum’s arms. ‘Lily!’ 

‘No, Tom wants us.’

‘Tom is busy.’ she argued. Lily thrashed, even more, meaning Alexianna was forced to put her down before she fell. ‘Lily!’

‘No, Tom wants us.’

‘He does not want us, Lily, if he did, he would be here, but he’s not, so stop.’ Alexianna declared loudly. Lily looked at her mother, her heartbreak clear on her little face. ‘I’m sorry Lil’s but…’ she shook her head. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Alexianna.’ She turned to see Tom behind her, ‘Lexi...I…’

‘Just go back Tom, this was a terrible idea, I’m sorry I wasted your time.’ she went to pick up Lily again. In her hurt, Lily did not fight her. 

‘Alexianna, please.’ Tom pleaded, all too aware of the fact they were in public. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I should never have allowed this, I don’t know why I ever agreed to this.’ she kept her voice low, but Tom could clearly see she was very much upset and angry. ‘I was selfish, I should never have put my wants before Lily’s needs. Dan was right.’ 

Tom frowned. ‘You’re wrong.’ she looked at him. ‘I do want you, both of you.’ he walked over and looked at Lily. ‘Lily, I am so sorry that girl hurt you. It was my fault that she did it.’

‘Did you tell her to push me?’ 

‘No, darling, I would never hurt you intentionally, but if I had not been there, she would not have done it.’

‘She wasn’t nice.’

‘No, some people are not nice. I told her off for hurting you.’ 

‘Can we go see the tigers now?’

Tom looked to Alexianna, who refused to look back at him. ‘I think it’s time we go see the tigers.’ He extended his hands to offer Lily over to him, the child accepted immediately. ‘I have an idea.’ he put her on the ground for a moment, turning her around so that she had her back to him and put her on his shoulders. Lily screeched in joy. 

‘That’s not a good idea.’ Alexianna commented, looking at the pair. 

‘Why?’ Tom asked worriedly. 

‘She’s going to get altitude sickness.’

Tom laughed and with one arm securing Lily’s two legs so she could not fall backward, he pulled Alexianna against him with the other. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It wasn’t your fault.’ Alexianna dismissed. 

‘I do want you, if you’ll have me?’ Tom looked worriedly she would not want a repeat of earlier. 

‘Warts and all.’ she leant against him. ‘But if someone touches my daughter again…’

‘I will post your bail.’ Tom promised. ‘You are so timid with a lot of things, but Jesus when it comes to Lily…’

‘I have to, I am her mum, I need to protect her.’

‘You are an incredible mother.’ Tom kissed her head before looking at a sign ahead of them. ‘Now, what does that sign say?’

‘TIGERS!’ Lily bounced up and down on his shoulders as the striped cats came into view. 

*

Alexianna gently took Lily from Tom’s arms, she was bemused that though she insisted no buying Lily anything, after the girl pushing her, Tom insisted he get her something to apologise, and now Lily had a small tiger figurine which she was clinging too tightly, even in her sleep. Alexianna put her in her bed and put the blanket over her before closing the bedroom door. 

‘So, crazy fangirl aside, I think today went well.’ Tom smiled. 

‘Yes, it did I suppose.’ Alexianna half agreed. ‘What is being said online?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Tom?’

‘It doesn’t matter, Lexi, we know the truth.’

Alexianna ignored him and took out her phone, typing his name into the Google search bar before scanning through several headlines. He silently stood watching her reaction. ‘As good as can be expected.’ Tom frowned. ‘I’m not stupid Tom, I knew some people would accuse me of being a tramp, others a gold digger, you are trying to stay relevant and I think my personal favourite is childhood lover you married and have a daughter with and tried not to let anyone know about.’

‘Wait, they think that?’

‘Blonde, curly-haired, blue-eyed girl. She does have some traits similar to yours, so they will assume she is yours.’ 

‘Sadly not.’ Alexianna looked at him in confusion. ‘She is so sweet and good, she is intelligent and fun and her father wants nothing to do with her. She doesn’t deserve that, she deserves a father that will spoil her and bring to different places to expand her little mind. A father who will read to her and actually care about her. I...if she had been mine, I would have her sick of my voice by now.’ 

Alexianna gave a sad smile. ‘It is what it is.’

‘I wish, that summer, rather than running off, I had the courage to actually do something.’

‘I was seventeen, we wouldn’t have lasted.’ 

‘But she might have been mine.’ he leant down and kissed her. ‘Lexi…’

‘We can’t, she could wake up.’ she warned. 

‘I know.’ Tom acknowledged, his frustration clear. 

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t you dare apologise.’ Tom warned, ‘I want this to be a proper relationship, I don’t want someone only interested in sex, I am too old for meaningless flings, I want someone who wants me, who if my hairline recedes, if Hollywood casts me aside, will still want to talk to me about Wilde, Yeats, Shakespeare and many more besides, who will tell me to get over myself when I get over excited at the tennis and sit in and watch tv with me as I wolf a pack of hobnobs.’

‘Chocolate hobnobs, right?’

‘You remember.’ Tom grinned.

‘I craved them with Lily. I must have single-handedly eaten about ten packets in one weekend when I was about halfway. No wonder my belly was huge.’

‘I would wager it was not as big as you thought you were.’

‘No I was, I was huge.’ Alexianna assured him. 

‘Do you have a photo?’ Alexianna looked at him appalled. ‘Sarah has a few, I think it’s nice to have.’ 

‘No, I don’t. I...I did not like it.’

‘Did he…?’

‘I was a whale, I was disgusting, I…I never got to enjoy it, I wanted to be happy, I went to the hospital for my check-ups and there were so many women there, they were happy and excited...I wasn’t. As I said already, I was expecting the Jonathan I knew was there under it all. He wanted his son, he was not overly pleased with how fat I got.’

‘You didn’t get fat, you had a small little human growing in you, that is incredible.’ she had tears in her eyes. ‘He took so much from you.’ Tom played with her hair, ‘don’t fret about him now.’ she kissed him. ‘You have to stop being so good at that.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I am having trouble with circulation.’ 

Shyly, she looked down, sure enough, the front of Tom’s pants was tenting out slightly. She bit her lip as her eyes widened. ‘Wow.’

‘You are doing terrible things to me,’ He grinned as he kissed her again. ‘I need to stop now, before I am very bold.’ 

‘Fine.’ Alexianna groaned, pulling back. ‘Tea?’

‘Please.’ Tom felt his phone vibrating and took it out of his pocket. Looking at the message and accompanying work, he frowned. 

‘Is it about today?’ Alexianna asked from the kitchenette, seeing his brows furrow. 

‘She really did shove Lily roughly.’ Tom commented. 

‘I told you that.’

‘But maliciously.’ 

‘Yes.’

Tom looked to the bedroom door, knowing that inside, Lily was fast asleep. ‘Who could do that to a little girl?’

‘That bitch, apparently.’ Alexianna sighed. 

‘What did you say to her?’ Alexianna frowned. ‘It’s clear you said something in the pictures.’

‘She demanded to know why Lily wanted to be around you, or you us, I cannot remember which and I replied along the lines of you actually wanted our company today.’ 

‘I am so sorry. I left you alone when I got caught up in things.’ 

‘It’s fine.’ 

‘No,’ Tom walked over to her. ‘Not it’s not Lexi, you are not something to be cast aside, you are a human being with feelings and emotions and you deserve to feel loved and as though you matter. No one should ever cast you aside.’ Tom stated firmly. ‘Not even me. I can only apologise and swear to not repeat my mistake.’ 

‘It’s fine.’

‘Stop saying it is. You know I heard what you said to Lily, that if I wanted you I would have been there, I saw how heartbroken the whole thing made you, stop dismissing yourself, your opinions matter Lexi, you matter.’ Tom demanded. 

‘What do you want me to say?’

‘Your true feelings. That you were hurt I did not put in the effort, that I disappointed you. That I was selfish, wrong, anything.’

‘I didn’t mind for a while, but they just kept coming, and they started getting rude.’

‘Yes, I know and that is completely unfair and unacceptable. You have no idea how angry I am for what she did to Lily. if it is any consolation, by the way, there is a huge argument online about it.’

‘What scares me is there is a side arguing it is okay.’

‘Well, yes, that is a concern.’ Tom conceded. ‘They are the small group that are okay with stalking usually.’ Alexianna handed him his tea. ‘I know you think it is easier to not argue, but please Lexi, be honest with me, if you are mad, be mad.’

‘I am tired.’ she admitted. ‘I am so tired of being everything, hiding everything, I just…’ she shrugged. ‘I have been forcing myself to be more assertive recently, and I am exhausted from it.’

‘It is hard to change.’

‘I want to be more assertive, but I am just so jaded and I am worried I come across as a bitch.’ 

Tom laughed. ‘You need to be a bit of one in this life.’


	15. Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gets a call from Chris, joking about him being a father. When he is supposed to be meeting Alexianna for a while, she cancels, causing him to ring to see what is happening, and the plans for the weekend altering drastically.

 

‘Hello.’ Tom yawned as he answered the phone to his friend. 

 

‘I’m not waking you at this hour, am I? It’s what? Three in the afternoon there?’

 

‘Late rehearsals last night.’ Tom groaned. ‘I dozed off on the couch there. How’s filming?’

 

‘Coming together well.’ Chris smiled. ‘How about you, how is Paw Patrol treating you, have you a favourite yet? I like Marshall myself.’ 

 

‘What? How…?’

 

‘There are news outlets outside of Britain you know, and plastered on every last one of the entertainment sections, the front story is “Stepdad of the year, Tom Hiddleston” and a picture of you with an adorable little girl on your shoulders wearing head to toe Paw Patrol.’

 

‘I have not watched it, yet. But I will, I know it.’ 

 

‘It’s better than most other kids programmes.’

 

‘Seems like it has a thousand things for it though. Lily always seems to pull out another toy anytime I think I have seen them all.’

 

‘Is Lily the mum or the daughter?’

 

‘The daughter.’

 

‘So, what is mum’s name?’

 

‘Alexianna, why?’

 

‘They seem nice, you seem happy in the picture, like they center you, ever think of adding one of your own?’

 

‘I literally just started dating her, I think if there was talk of another this early, she would run for her life.’

 

‘A lot of guys do that if you notice? Not ten minutes in the door and she is pregnant with a second.’ 

 

‘Can’t say I pay too much attention to it.’

 

‘You’re part of the club now according to Renner, Evans is pissed, the only member of the original crew that isn’t a parent. He lost the bet.’

 

‘Lily isn’t mine though.’

 

‘What does DNA matter these days? I saw the pictures, she is looking at you the same way India looks at me. How old is she, she looks about India’s age.’

 

‘She’s four.’

 

‘I was right. Are you sure she’s not yours, she looks a little like you.’

 

‘Considering I have never slept with her mother, I am fairly certain.’ 

 

‘Really? You haven’t slept with her and you are out in public like that, how long is this going on?’

 

‘A month.’

 

‘That’s fast.’

 

‘It just sort of happened.’ 

 

‘Well, it’s different when there are kids involved.’

 

‘I had noticed.’ Tom chuckled. 

 

‘I cannot wait to meet her when we are in London for the premiere.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Tom frowned, sounding uncertain. 

 

‘You are bringing her to the premiere, aren’t you?’

 

‘I never asked her and I don’t know if that is her sort of thing.’ 

 

‘She seems nice. Where’s the father?’

 

‘Why does everyone ask that? It is one of the first things people are asking me.’

 

‘Well, since there's a kid, someone had to have fathered it, it is something people are going to ask, often.’

 

Tom could almost see Chris shrugging. ‘He’s not around.’

 

‘Dead or dead-beat?’

 

‘The latter.’

 

‘Too many of them around these days.’ 

 

‘Can I ask you something?’

 

‘Shoot.’

 

‘When you and Elsa found out India was a girl, were you happy?’

 

‘Tom, I did not even hear the gender, all I heard was that the baby was safe and healthy and that if it kept growing at that rate, it would be a little whopper, outside Elsa was the one to tell me we needed to get some pink.’ Chris revealed. ‘Why?’

 

‘Just something that crossed my mind.’

 

‘Do I want to know?’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘So there are no more little sprites arriving?’

 

‘I just told you I never slept with Alexianna.’

 

‘If you’re sleeping, you’re doing it wrong.’ Robert shouted from the background. 

 

‘You have no class, Downing.’ Renner joked. ‘And you’re wrong, Rubble is the best, or he was this morning when I left for work.’ 

 

‘I better go here, I have to get a shower, I am meeting Alexianna and Lily for an early dinner.’

 

‘Alright, talk to your girlfriend about the premiere.’ Chris encouraged. 

 

‘I will talk to her, but I won’t force her into anything.’ Tom commented.

 

‘Make sure she sees the gorgeous dress some designer will throw at her, that usually works with Elsa.’

 

‘Not all women are enticed by designer dresses.’

 

‘Yes, they are, every woman does actually want to look good, whatever their version of good is and there is a dress designer for every version of that.’ Chris laughed before hanging up his phone.

 

*

**Alexianna - Hey Tom, I cannot meet today, something came up, sorry.**

 

Tom looked at the text on his phone. She had sent it only half an hour before they were due to meet, so he was concerned that she had decided against it as a result of their last outing. So he decided to ring her instead.

 

‘Hello?’

 

‘Lily?’

 

‘Hi, Tom!’

 

‘Hello, sweetheart, where is your mum?’

 

‘Giving out to the man.’

 

‘What man?’

 

‘The man that said he would fix our water.’

 

‘What is wrong with your water?’

 

‘It is very very cold. Mommy hasn’t been able to give me a shower this week and she is cold anytime she takes a shower. She said it is broken and the man won’t fix it.’ 

 

Tom thought for a moment. ‘Okay darling, tell your mum I rang, okay?’

 

‘I will.’ 

 

Tom hung up and thought to himself for a moment. Smiling, he grabbed his car keys and jacket and left the house. 

 

‘Honestly, I don’t know why I bother.’ Alexianna growled as she went to her front door, wondering who could be annoying her now. She opened it, not knowing who or what to expect. ‘Tom?’

 

‘Hey.’

 

‘What are you doing here?’

 

‘I rang you about twenty minutes ago.’

 

‘Did you, I have been up the walls, I sent you a text, I'm sorry.’

 

‘I know, I got it.’

 

‘Then…’

 

‘I rang to see if I could help and Lily told me you are without hot water for a few days.’

 

‘Yes, the boiler went on Monday, the plumber is giving me excuses and fobbing me off all week and now it’s Friday evening and he’s off until after the Bank Holiday along with every other plumber in London and my daughter has screeched like a banshee because I have only been able to wash her hair in a sink with cold water this week.’ She ranted. 

 

Tom held her against him and kissed her head. ‘Get a bag, put some clothes in it for yourself and Lily, and whatever else you need.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘You are staying in mine for the weekend, hot water and everything.’

 

‘No.’

 

‘I am not interested in no, you need warm water for your daughter, for yourself. I have a spare room, you both can sleep in there together, I am not doing this for any other reason but to help you both.’

 

Eyes darting side to side for a moment, Alexianna looked around to see Lily behind her, her tiger toy in hand. ‘Okay.’ She nodded, making room for Tom to come in. He walked in and looked at her boiler, which the plumber had left open, something Tom was certain was dangerous. ‘We’ll be a few minutes.’

 

‘Take as long as you need.’ Tom encouraged. When they were gone into the room, Tom took out his phone and photographed the boiler. ‘Just in case.’ He stated to himself.

 

He walked from the kitchenette towards the bedroom again. ‘Don’t forget your blanket.’

 

‘Why are we staying at Toms?’

 

‘Because I am freezing, the house feels damp and you have not had a much of a wash this week.’ Alexianna retorted. ‘You cannot bring the whole Paw Patrol Lily, be reasonable.’

 

‘Yes, she can, she will need to occupy herself somehow, there is nothing in mine, so both of you, chop chop.’ Tom smiled as he gave orders. A moment later, a scowling Alexianna peeked around the door. ‘Now missy.’  She lasted only a moment before laughing at him, Tom smiling with her.

 

Finally, with a few toys and clothes in hand, the trio made their way to Tom’s car. ‘Your car, Lily can’t…’ She silenced when Tom smiled at her and raised his hand. 

 

‘Already taken care of.’ He walked around to the boot, “put in your bags.’ He ordered before taking out something else.

 

‘Why have you a booster seat?’

 

‘Sophie is under the legal height too, safety first.’ He smiled, putting the seat in the car. ‘Now darling, in you get.’ He popped Lily into the seat and tied the belt. ‘You haven’t been in many cars before, have you, Lil?’ She shook her head. ‘Well, you are not allowed take off your seat belt, no matter what, alright?’ 

 

‘Nope, seatbelts save lives.’

 

‘That’s right, they do.’

 

‘Just like mommy’s.’

 

‘Exactly like Mommy’s.’ He smiled. ‘So you stay sitting there, it will only take ten minutes.’

 

‘Okay.’ Lily sat excitedly in her seat. 

 

Tom went to the driver’s seat and got in. ‘Don’t be nervous, if you are nervous, she’ll get nervous and you will get more nervous and there is nothing to be nervous about.’

 

‘Why do you think I am trying to not hyperventilate.’ Alexianna stated between deep breaths. 

 

‘It’s fine love, just breathe.’ Tom took her hand and gave it a small squeeze before turning on the car and driving. 

 


	16. Burrowing Further Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna and Lily stay at Tom's, leading to a few domestic moments.

Lily looked around in awe, she had never known a house so big. Tom looked sadly at her. He had been to the house her mother had grown up in, it was smaller than their house, but big enough nonetheless, Alexianna never was stuck sharing her space and she had a reading room she had just for herself, instead of a flat that was the size of his kitchen. 

‘Tom,’ He looked to Alexianna to show her she had his attention. ‘She needs to know the rules.’

‘Rules?’

‘To your house.’

‘Alexianna, there are no rules, it’s a house, not a prison.’

‘But every house has rules.’

‘No, they don’t.’ he walked towards her, seeing her mind’s conflict with the words she was hearing. ‘Lexi, I have no rules in my home.’

‘But your room…your belongings.’

‘I cannot see what would interest her in my room, but there is nothing there to worry about, I am not a secret drug user or anything, I don’t have a couple of grams of cocaine in there.’ 

‘But she needs rules.’ Alexianna exclaimed frantically. 

Tom paused, realising that the part of Alexianna's mind in control at present was basing her logic on the fact she only ever known such outlines in life. Marie was incredibly strict, as was her husband, of course, in her mind, every home had rules. ‘Okay, no at my room, no into the back kitchen because of cleaning chemicals and no climbing on the furniture, is that alright?’ 

Alexianna nodded, satisfied to have some boundaries for her daughter. ‘Kids need rules, Tom.’ was all she said before going towards the living room again. 

‘I’ll show you to the spare room.’ Tom put his arm around her, Alexianna followed his lead up the stairs with their bags. ‘The main bathroom is across here and you two lovely ladies can have this room.’ Tom opened the door. ‘Sarah was in town for a conference last week so she was in here, the sheets were changed after she left.’

‘Thank you.’ 

He leant down and kissed her. ‘Lexi, please make yourself comfortable, you don’t need to worry.’ 

‘If Lily or I…’ 

‘If Lily was to take the Golden Globe and throw it through the front window, it is only stuff, it can be repaired. I would be worried why she would do it, but it’s not the end of the world, it is only for the weekend until you two have hot running water again.’

‘Any running water?’ Tom frowned. ‘The asshole shut off the mains and jammed it, that’s why he was not able to get the job done this evening.’ 

‘Are you serious? How were you supposed to even get something to drink?’ Tom became angered. ‘What company is it?’ 

‘I dunno, I just Googled them.’ Alexianna took out her phone. ‘Here’s his number, and…’ SHe got up the internet page, ‘Here they are.’

‘Those pieces of…’ 

‘You know that company?’

‘I don’t, but Ben has had serious issues with them in the past too. On Tuesday, we are getting the guy I got to do my kitchen to take a look at your place, alright?’ Alexianna just nodded. ‘Leaving a mother and child without water for a long weekend, the absolute…’ Tom had left the room for a moment ‘Okay, new rule, no four-year-olds on the stairs by themselves.’

‘Lily!’ Alexianna ran out to get her daughter.

*

‘Come out Lily.’ Alexianna could not be as angry as she wanted to sound with her daughter. Lily had never had a bath in a proper full sized one before and she was adoring the experience.’ She had taken a bath as her mother showered, both relishing the hot water. Alexianna's skin was pinkened from the heat she had used, not wanting to get out.

‘But it is so much fun, Mommy. I never want to get out.’

‘You have to, the water will get cold eventually.’ she smiled, patting her hair dry. ‘Lil.’ Alexianna could see there was something Lily wanted to say to her. 

‘I like Tom, Mommy.’ 

‘I know Princess, I do too.’

‘He makes you smile and get in cars.’

‘Yes, he does.’

‘Do we live here now?’

‘No, we are just staying until we get the plumber again on Tuesday.’ Lily’s face fell, ‘Lil, this is not permanent, we have our own home.’

‘This one is better.’

‘But it’s not ours. We have a home, Lily.’

‘I like Tom’s more.’ She pouted.

‘I don’t blame you.’ Alexianna grumbled under her breath. ‘Out madame, we need to get you dried.’

After fighting with Lily to get her out of the bath, the pair dried and dressed, Alexianna fighting for a moment to get Lily to dry her hair, but she fought the process the entire time. Getting the greater wet out of her daughter’s hair, Alexianna decided to call quits on her battle and instead head downstairs again.

As soon as she opened the bedroom door she moaned at the smell that greeted her. ‘Yummy.’ Lily bounced up and down with happiness as they descended the stairs to the ground floor. 

‘Hello ladies, I never asked, are either of you allergic to anything?’ he smiled. 

‘Not that we know of.’ 

‘’How does spaghetti bolognese sound?’ 

‘Please Tom, don’t put yourself out.’

‘Please, nothing. I like to cook.’ He smiled. 

‘Do you have garlic bread?’ Lily asked curiously. 

Tom’s smile fell. ‘Oh…’

‘Mommy…’ Lily looked at her mother expectantly.

‘Have I messed up?’ Tom asked worriedly.

Not at all, you used garlic in that, right?’ She pointed to the bolognese.

‘Yes, I have more.’ 

‘Perfect, and butter?’

‘Fridge.’ 

‘Flour?’ Tom got it out for her. ‘Give me a hot pan and fifteen minutes.’ she smiled. 

Tom watched as Alexianna moved around, happily making something. ‘Did you enjoy your shower?’

‘Yes,’ Alexianna sighed in a manner that caused Tom to have to calm himself, he was realising that of late, being around Alexianna was getting more difficult, their closeness and affection had made him yearn for her in other ways. ‘Thank you.’

‘Your sleeve is going to get destroyed.’ Tom noted as he watched her work.

‘It’s fine.’ she dismissed. When a splash of flour went on it, she cursed to herself. 

‘Lexi?’

‘Mommy doesn’t let anyone see her arm, she thinks it looks bad.’ Lily piped up from her seat at the kitchen table where she had begun drawing, but not looking away from the drawing itself.

Tom looked at Alexianna, who looked at him guiltily. ‘Lexi, please, don’t…’ he walked over and gently took her right hand, holding the sleeve with one hand, her hand with the other. He began to pull back the sleeve, unsure of what to expect, her gaze on him as he did so. Lily’s use of “She thinks” and no ”because it is bad”, told him it was not as bad as Alexianna’s reaction would make one assume. By the time he got to her elbow, all that met him were a few silver marks of old scars on her skin, most seemed to have been shallow and small, and two large ones, where clearly a large portion of glass or surgery was performed. As Alexianna watched in terror, he lifted her arm up and gently pressed his lips to the two larger scars, not taking his eyes off hers. ‘I have seen a lot worse.’ 

‘I…’ 

‘It is nothing.’

‘I was told before by a nurse that I must have been harming myself, they look like that.’

‘Did you?’ she shook her head. ‘Well then, with all due respect, that nurse was talking out of her arse, wasn’t she?’ Alexianna gave a small smile. ‘Now, tell me what it is you are adding to our meal.’ he wrapped his arm around her.

‘Griddle bread, which we are going to add garlic and butter too, to make our own garlic bread.’

‘That actually sounds divine.’

‘It’s delicious.’ Lily agreed. 

‘Yes?’ Tom walked over and looked at the drawing she was doing. ‘Well now, aren’t you the little artist?’

‘That’s me,’ Lily pointed to the yellow-haired stick figure she had drawn, ‘that’s mommy, that’s uncle Danny,’ She pointed to two other figures.

‘Who is giving you the piggyback?’ Tom pointed to the last figure on the page.

‘That’s you, silly goose.’ Lily laughed. 

Tom paused, taking in the picture and Lily’s words. He looked to Alexianna, who was watching for his reaction. ‘I like how you made me taller than everyone else.’ Tom ruffled her hair. ‘It’s a wonderful picture.’

‘I’m not finished yet, I need to put in my tiger.’ she held up the tiger Tom had gotten her. 

‘I cannot wait to see it all when it is done.’ He went to ruffle her hair again but pulled back and walked off. He walked into his back garden and inhaled deeply as he put his hands behind his head. 

‘Tom?’ he turned to see Alexianna standing behind him. ‘Would you rather we leave?’

‘What, no.’ he walked over to her.

‘I tried to talk to her, I know she is overbearing, I am sorry.’

‘No, it’s not that...it’s...I keep thinking about what he did, leaving her, and every minute I am around her...I...I find myself adoring her more and more. She is so innocent and accepting. In two months, she has embraced me into her world unrestrainedly and without any form of resistance, she...she deserves the world.’

‘I know.’ Alexianna nodded. ‘The moment I saw her, I apologised because she was not what he wanted. The moment I held her, I fell in love.’ 

‘I...I am so scared that I do something wrong, that she will no longer want me in her world, or that I am not able to be there and she does want me.’ he looked at Alexianna fearfully. ‘I never…Before this, I knew what it was like to fall in love, I knew that, but that was with a woman, this time, I am falling for you more and more, and while that is happening, there is a part of me that adores that little girl more and more. I want to protect and look after her.’ he blurted out. ‘I cannot explain it.’ 

Alexianna just nodded. ‘She is like a little bug that gets into your skin.’

Tom chuckled, ‘She is not a parasite.’

‘You haven’t seen her eat a dinner.’ Tom’s brow furrowed at that.


	17. Peace and Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna watch a film before going to bed for the night, the next morning is blissfully uneventful as TOm gets more used to sharing his home.

The meal was delicious, and Tom realised what Alexianna meant. Lily sat on her lap or on her chair for the most of it, and though there was food just for her on her plate, she ate only from Alexianna’s. Tom offered some wine, but Alexianna declined, she felt it wrong to drink even a little around her daughter, Tom merely accepted that and then declined to have some himself also. ‘You don’t have to, it is just something I do.’ but he said he was choosing to do it himself putting an end to the conversation. 

Lily, though excited by her new surrounds and Tom’s company for an extended time, was exhausted and soon asked to go to bed. Alexianna readied her quickly, but when she went to put her to bed, Lily ran over to Tom, giving him a tight hug. ‘Night Tom.’

‘Goodnight darling, I will see you in the morning.’ 

She kissed his cheek and giggled at the feel of his facial hair before darting over to her mother. ‘His face is tickly.’ she declared. 

‘Come on, or the Gruffalo will be alone for bed tonight.’ Horrified Lily bolted for the door. 

‘The Gruffalo?’

‘The Gruffalo, why didn’t you know?’ She smiled, leaving the room. Tom had absolutely no idea what a Gruffalo was, curious, he followed after them. He stood outside the door of the bedroom, listening to the story taking place inside. 

‘The fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked…’

‘Good.’ Lily piped in. 

‘Where are you going to, Little Brown Mouse?’

He listened to the story, smiling as it continued; Alexianna, using different voices for the different characters, going high and squeaking for the mouse and low and gruff for the Gruffalo as well as the other creatures. When finally, she finished, she hugged and kissed her daughter goodnight before promising to come back into her soon and left the room. She turned and smiled, having known he would be outside the room, listening. ‘I’ve never heard that story.’

‘She loves it.’

‘It’s fun.’

‘It is.’

‘Where’s the book?’

‘At our place.’ Tom frowned. ‘Two years, I know it off by heart for two years.’ she smiled. 

‘You’re an incredible mother.’ Tom slid his arms around her waist. ‘Thank you, for dinner.’

‘You cooked the dinner, not me.’

‘You added to it.’

‘Thank you for letting us stay.’

‘Of course, how could I not?’ 

‘We are not your problem.’ 

Tom growled slightly, ‘You are not a problem Lexi, do you understand?’

‘Why do you still call me Lexi?’

‘Do you want me to stop?’

‘No, please, don’t.’ He gave her a smile. ‘I missed it, I never realised, but I missed it so much.’

Tom toyed with her hair. ‘Then Lexi stays.’

‘It sounds a bit young though, doesn’t it?’

‘You’re thirty-one.’

‘I’m old.’

‘If thirty-one makes you old, what am I?’ 

‘Decrepit and ancient.’ She joked. 

‘I’ll show you decrepit.’ he growled, gently pushing her against the hall wall and hoisting her up before kissing her passionately. ‘I could kiss you forever.’

‘Likewise.’she bit her lip as she looked at into the blues of his eyes, noting the several shades that made up the irises. 

Tom spent the time she was looking at him to do the same with her, noting that her eyes were a mix of blues and greys with a small tinge of an amber or green on the edge of one. ‘Your eyes are different.’ 

‘I know.’ 

‘Unique, just like you.’ he smiled. 

‘Or just odd.’ 

‘Unique.’ he growled. ‘I was thinking...movie?’

‘What kind?’

‘What are you in the mood for?’ Alexianna shrugged. ‘We’ll see what’s there.’

As he readied for bed, Tom thought about how the evening fared. Alexianna had fallen asleep during the film against him, her breathing soft and even. When she woke, she apologised profusely, to which Tom had to spend five minutes calming her, as she went close to having a panic attack. When she settled again, she seemed to get embarrassed and said she was heading to bed. With a kiss to his cheek, she rushed off. 

He forgot his phone charger from downstairs, so he went to retrieve it, noting that the door to the room Alexianna and Lily were in was open. Thinking that Alexianna had gone downstairs, he found it odd that when he went down, the house was in darkness. He got his charger and walked back up, to see the door was still slightly ajar. He walked over and peeked in, noting the lamp was on. He felt himself smile as he looked at Alexianna and Lily asleep inside, Lily curled up close to her mother. Pulling the door closed, he left them to rest. 

The next morning, Tom woke as per usual before pausing for a moment and inhaling deeply. ‘This is not going to be good for me.’ Getting out of bed, he put on a pair of pyjama pants and t-shirt before walking out of his room. Walking across the hallway, he looked into the room that Alexianna and Lily were using, noting that Lily was still asleep in the bed, but with no sign of her mother.

Going down the stairs, the smell got more and more enticing. ‘Hello.’ Alexianna turned around with a small smile on her face, which fell as soon as she saw him. ‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ her voice was high pitched and she stared at him. 

Tom’s brow rose as she swallowed and her breathing hastened. He grinned and walked forward watching as her gaze went over him. ‘Nothing, you say?’ he grinned. He stood over her, his scent invading her nostrils, watching her pupils dilate as she stood there. ‘You look very beautiful in the morning.’ he smiled. 

‘No, I don't.’ 

‘Yes, you do.’ he stated firmly ‘You are incredibly beautiful, bed head and all.’ he looked at her hair, ‘It has more defined curls.’ he noted. 

‘Lily has ringlets, but I am not without my own few.’ she smiled. 

‘She is still asleep, by the way.’

‘She usually wakes at about eight.’

‘She’s a good sleeper.’

‘It’s a comfortable bed.’ 

‘Good, I am glad you liked it.’ Tom looked at her fondly. ‘What are you cooking?’

‘Pancakes. I noticed you have only almond milk.’

‘I find it is healthier and lactose and I are not really good friends.’

‘I remember, your cousin changed your milk when we were teenagers, you were in agony for a day with cramping if I recall correctly.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Tom rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed she remembered such a thing. 

‘Well, they are made with almond milk, so they are Tom-edible.’ She smiled. 

Tom wrapped his arms around her but did not lean in against her, his lips brushing against her neck. ‘That is very considerate of you, my dear.’ his lips gently making their way up her neck, when he got to the base of her ear, he realised she inhaled sharply and her skin was covered in goose-pimples when he repeated the action, she whimpered. ‘Have I discovered a weak spot?’

‘Not exactly.’ Again, her voice went up a few octaves. 

‘A erogenous one then?’ She whimpered and nodded. 

‘I’ll have to remember that.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for now, breathing?’he chuckled. 

‘That I’m…’

‘Lexi, I told you before, don’t. I am okay with this, I am happier with this. It means we have been building something, when we do finally do other things, it will make it all the better.’

‘You really believe that?’

‘I do.’ She smiled. ‘I genuinely do.’ he promised. 

‘Mommy.’ There was a small voice from the top of the stairs. ‘I can’t get down.’

‘Shit…’

‘I’ve got her.’ Tom walked towards the stairs again. When he came to the bottom of them, he sighed. If he ever thought he would stop finding Lily adorable, it was gone now. She stood in her Paw Patrol nightwear and her hair sticking every direction with one of her stuffed toys in hand. ‘Good morning, Lily.’

‘Tom!’ she jumped up and down on the spot as soon as she saw him, her face gleeful. 

Her sheer joy at seeing him caused his heart to skip a beat, he never realised the joy in a child seeing him in such a light, Sophie was always happy to see him, Lily was elated. ‘With only three steps between him and the top of the stairs, she began to hop up and down with her arms out, so extending his own, she jumped into them before he brought her down. ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Yes.’ She continued to bounce up and down in his arms as he brought her to the kitchen, her mother having just put the last of the pancakes onto a plate. ‘Mommy.’

‘Hello princess,’ She went to take her daughter, but Lily curled into Tom. ‘Are you abandoning me?’

‘I am just that amazing.’ Tom grinned proudly. 

‘Yes, you are.’ Alexianna handed him a plate. ‘They are healthy so you won’t have to worry.’

‘Are you implying I need to watch my weight?’ Tom asked with a grin. 

‘No, no, I…’

‘Lexi, stop, I am joking, please, I know that you were not implying that.’ 

Alexianna bit her lip, only to have him get some water and flick it at her. ‘I warned you.’ she gave a small glare, but nothing more as they sat down to the food. Lily felt conflicted. She wanted to stay with Tom but was scared he would not let her eat from his plate, so defeated, she went back to her mother’s lap. The trio eating happily. 

The day was boring overall, Tom gave Alexianna his broadband code so that she could work on her college work while he went to RADA. Alexianna felt awkward, not wanting to intrude on his home in such a way. She allowed Lily only in the kitchen and even at that, she was strict regarding her movements in there. Tom text at dinner time stating he was finishing for the evening, thinking ahead, Alexianna reheated some of the food from the night before. By the time he returned, Lily had crashed for the night and was in bed. 

‘Hey, sorry I am so late.’ Tom looked around and noticed something was different. ‘Is the house cleaned?’ he realised he could smell cleaners.

‘Sorry, I just…’

‘Lexi, you don’t need to clean because I said to stay here.’ 

‘Sorry.’

He turned on the tap and flicked his wet hands at her, earning her a few drops. ‘I warned you.’ he grinned. ‘So, I take it the dinner and clean house were expected of you?’ she looked at him almost guiltily. ‘Don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing.’ Tom insisted. ‘What was he like when you were pregnant, did he let you put your feet up?’

‘“George” was in my stomach, not my arms and legs.’

‘Can I ask you, do you hear the name George and shudder now?’ 

‘There are six previous King George’s, all of which I have changed the channel rather than watch documentaries on them. As for when I see Prince George, I feel nauseous. There is a day between him and Lily.’ 

‘Really?’

‘She is one day older. I did wonder for a while after, if he felt the same, seeing as George is there to taunt him. I like to hope so.’

‘Poor Prince George, hated for his name.’

‘I feel bad, he is adorable and I just see him and grimace.’ she handed the food to Tom. ‘You put it in the fridge, so I thought you wanted to use it.’

‘Yes, I don’t like seeing food wasted. I went Southern Sudan and when you see children starving from a lack of food, I feel so angered at the waste there is out there.’

‘Of course.’ Alexianna agreed. 

‘Have you eaten?’ She nodded. ‘Good.’ Alexianna toyed with her sleeve. ‘Your scars.’ She looked at him fearfully. ‘What are they?’

She looked unsure as to whether she should answer for a moment, before deciding to. ‘The, uh, the small ones are glass shards, the longer one is the incision to fix the multiple breaks in my arm and the odd one is where a lump of metal went in, that is why it bent in shape.’ 

‘Where did the metal come from?’

‘The Bentley. He tried to say it was my car, but the hospital photographed it, it was dark blue, not my black.’ 

‘That prick, he seemed a right asshole.’

‘I don’t want to think about it.’

Tom walked over and brought her to him, pulling her so that she was next to him at the table before pulling her onto his lap. ‘You do not deserve what has happened you over the years and yet you try not let it drag you down.’

‘What good does it do?’

‘Some people don’t allow themselves get over things.’

‘And as a result, they sit alone wondering why no one wants to be around them and their negativity.’

Tom kissed her again. ‘Very true.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I read in a magazine that Tom eats porridge with almond milk (why did they felt the need to tell us that, I don't know) and in a photoshoot he did with the cat, it was lactose free milk on the table, probably for the cat's health and not anything else, but we are going to pretend he is lactose sensitive here.


	18. Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna and Lily are still at Tom's and Alexianna and Tom's relationship continues to grow.

Alexianna did not fall asleep the second night watching the television; instead, she found herself wondering why Tom had not ceased to stare at her every other few minutes. ‘What? Do I have food on me?’ she looked down worriedly. 

Tom chuckled and shook his head. ‘No.’ Was all he said as he looked at her again. 

‘Tom, you’re weirding me out.’ 

‘Sorry, I…’ he leant towards her and kissed her. ‘I can’t help it.’ 

‘Maybe you should see someone about that.’ 

Tom paused for a moment, smiling at the memory of younger Alexianna joking to him about something with those exact words, her face had the same mischievous smile on it as she did now. ‘Yes, perhaps I should. Or I could just continue to kiss you.’

‘Perhaps.’ she smiled, kissing him back. 

Tom pulled her onto his lap, so that she was straddling him, and cupped her ass. ‘The perfect size.’

‘You have big hands, are you calling my ass big?’

‘No, I am saying it is perfect.’ They continued to kiss for another moment before he groaned. ‘I need to take a break.’ 

‘Have I…’

‘No.’ She looked at him worriedly. ‘I am having a bit of an issue with having my gorgeous girlfriend on my lap.’ That caused her to frown before he indicated downward. Looking down, it soon became very clear what he was implying when his erection was blatantly clear in his pants. 

She bit her lips together looking at what was happening him before she looked up at him again, her pupils dilated and somewhat fearful. 'Sorry,' she removed herself from his lap and looked at him as though waiting for a reprimanding, all she got instead was a kind smile and a kiss to the back of her hand. 

The evening continued with occasional kissing and many looks between the pair as well as light conversation. When a suitable time to retire occurred, they readied the house for the night, turning off appliances and such and made their way upstairs. When they got up there, there was a peculiar look on Alexianna's face. 'Are you alright?'

'I forgot my copy of the sonnets.' She commented. 'I left it at mine. I was so tired last night I hadn't noticed.'

'You read sonnets going to bed?' Tom asked, his eyes wide. 

'Yes, and yes, I know I am weird.'

'That is not weird, that is incredible.' he beamed, taking her hand and kissing it. 'Hang on, I have my copy in my room.' he pulled her towards his room and opened the door. He walked her over to a pile of books next to his dresser, skimming through them until he got the book he wanted. 'There you go.' 

'Wait, this is from your mum's house. I remember this.' she smiled looking at the book. 'Wow, it's really beaten up.'

'I take it everywhere with me.' Tom shrugged. 

Alexianna smiled and looked around the room, after a second she scolded herself and looked down at the book shamefully. 'Sorry.'

'What for?'

'Being nosey.'

'You're being curious, not nosey, you are not going through my stuff or anything. I looked around your room when I was at yours, it is only fair you do so too. Though I apologise for the mess.'

Alexianna turned and looked around her, noting very little out of place in the room. 'What mess, I thought you said you looked around mine, if you did you would see what mess is.'

'Cluttered is not messy.'

'I suppose.' She shrugged, looking at him, noting the way he had readied his facial hair for Hamlet. she bit her lip as she looked at him. 

Tom, noting the manner in which she was looking at him, tilted her head up slightly with his finger, leant down and kissed her again. They continued to kiss as they made their way towards Tom's bed, neither sure who was leading who. When they got there, both had begun to tug slightly on the others clothes. Tom pulled back slightly, looking at Alexianna to see her reaction. 'Do you want to...?'

‘I...please, I am not…’ Tom kept his face neutral, not wanting to have her feel forced into anything. ‘I don’t have a lot of experience.’ She admitted ashamedly. Tom’s brow furrowed, with a daughter, so he knew she was not a virgin, but for her to state she that startled him slightly. ‘I have obviously have....’ 

‘Do you want to?’ 

Alexianna nodded. ‘Yes, a lot.’ 

Tom gently kissed her, ‘If I do anything you don’t like or that hurts, promise you’ll tell me.’

‘I promise.’ Tom began to kiss her again. ‘Tom…’ He halted. ‘If I am no good…’ 

Tom silenced her by kissing her again. He gently moved her backwards so that she made her way to the bed before turning them around and him sitting on the bed, allowing her to take some control. Alexianna straddled him once more, though she allowed her groin to rub against his, leading to both of them to make noises of pleasure, Tom gave a light moan, Alexianna a whine. She repeated the action twice more before Tom became frustrated and gently coerced her to get off him and begin to undress her slightly. He removed her blouse and the pair of dark jeans she was wearing with little issue as she unbuttoned his shirt and pants, her hands finding their way to his ass fairly swiftly after the removal of his pants. 

To Tom’s surprise, under her blouse was a cami top, which seemed to hug in against her skin, showing her ample cleavage to full effect. When he tried to lift it to remove it, however, she pushed back from him. ‘Lexi?’

‘I...please don’t.’

‘Is this another hang-up you have from the accident?’ He guessed, but Alexianna shook her head. ‘Then…Lily.’ She looked down. ‘Lexi?’

‘I shouldn’t have…’ She tried to get off the bed and leave, but Tom stopped her. 

‘If you don’t want to, we won’t, but please talk to me.’

‘My scar…’

‘Yes, you told me, Lily was a c-section.’

‘But…’

‘But what? You told me already.’ She said nothing for a moment. ‘Is that all?’ She shook her head. Tom thought for a moment and came to another conclusion. ‘What else?' She said nothing. 'Stretch marks?’ Alexianna’s nostrils began to flare as tears came to her eyes. ‘Lexi,’ he pulled her to him. ‘You are aware they happen, right?’

‘But…’

‘No buts. Sarah has them from Sophie, Sophie has them from Kit and Hal, Elsa has them from the twins.’

‘How do you…?’

‘Because Sarah cried three weeks after Sophie with ‘Baby Blues’ that she now, and I quote, looked like “a child's manuscript copy”. Chris and I were working on the Dark World when Elsa came by, and their daughter informed us the babies made her mother’s bum have “crack marks”.’ Alexianna gave a sympathetic smile at that. ‘And Ben rang me when I was in the States for something else and asked me to post home some sort of miracle stuff that would work before Sophie got “anymore”. So Lexi, as much as you think you are special with your body’s methods to facilitate your growing child, I am sorry to say you are not and am also forced to remind you that many a man and woman without growing a child have them. I assume after four years, that they are somewhat faded?’She nodded.’Lexi, I know your body is not perfect, no one’s is.’

‘What’s your fault?’

‘Have you seen the scuba flippers I call my feet? Or my hairline?’

‘I like you just as you are.’

‘Yet you do not trust me when I say the same.’

‘Because you are Tom Hiddleston, surrounded by beautiful women.’

‘Many of whom are mothers, I might add.’ Tom added. ‘You are very beautiful, you just don’t see it. I am not interested in any other woman, I only want you. This.’ he indicated to the very predominant bulge in his boxers. ‘Is because of you, it is because you are here, looking as divine as you do.’ Alexianna looked at him, waiting for him to laugh at her expense, but he did not, causing her to wonder if he meant it. ‘I want you, Lexi.’ he kissed her again, Alexianna deciding to kiss him back. As soon as she did so, Tom’s hands went to her sides, enjoying being able to touch her as much as he wished. Finally, he decided to brave lifting her top again, when he did, she paused but did not push him away. He removed the garment and surveyed her abdomen for a moment. There were a few faint lines on her skin, mostly around her belly button, an interesting note, though he could not see her scar. ‘Where…?’ 

‘Under the panty line.’ sure enough, when Tom gently moved down the hem of her underwear, there was a white scar, reaching across like a small concave, about fifteen centimetres long. 

Tom looked up to see her looking at him in terror, before he kissed her hip, then the other and proceed to place kisses up her torso before getting to her breasts and then to her jaw and then her face. ‘You are beautiful.’ he reiterated before kissing her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, there will not be full sex scenes in this story, sorry.


	19. A Surprise Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before, Tom and Alexianna deal with their actions and the arrival of an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for the gifs to the original artist.

 

Tom sighed as he woke, his mind going over the events of the night before again, causing him to grin lazily. When he heard another in the bed beside him, he opened an eye and his grin grew. Alexianna began to stir on the other pillow, her hair messed up in her sleep. Tom took time to look at her, since, from her experiences, Alexianna tended to not allow anyone focus on her too long She moved slightly as he realised that she had freckles along the bridge of her nose, faint and few but still there. He then was able to see the scarring on her face, it was faint, hardly noticeable, he simply knew to look for it. As he thought about the differences between her arm and her face, Tom failed to realise she had woken up. 

 

‘Hi.’ 

 

He looked into her eyes, slightly startled. ‘Good morning.’ He smiled. ‘How did you sleep?’

 

‘Well, thank you. This bed is really comfortable.’

 

‘It is.’ He kissed her. ‘How are you after…?’

 

‘Why, did you think you hurt me?’

 

‘Well you seemed to have fun, but I was worried…’

 

‘That I was acting?’ Alexianna assumed. ‘No, I was not pretending.’ she moved slightly and hissed, causing Tom to stare worriedly. ‘Sorry, I am a bit tender today.’

 

‘Was he the last time you…?’ Tom was not asking because he was demanding a list of ex’s, but out of curiosity.

 

‘Yes.’ Alexianna did not know why she felt bad saying that, it was merely a statement of fact. 

 

‘Why do I suspect he was not a giving partner?’ Tom pondered aloud, Alexianna gave a harsh scoff. ‘He never even bothered, did it?’

 

‘It “put too much pressure on him”.’ Tom realised there was vitriol in her words, more so than on other occasions. ‘I conceived a daughter without ever feeling good with her father.’ she looked at her hands. ‘I thought there was something wrong with me. I could get me...I could make me feel good, but he didn’t, he said it was my fault.’

 

‘He was lazy and useless, in every manner.’ Tom toyed with her hair before kissing her forehead. ‘I think it is safe to say, you can very much get off with someone who bothers.’ 

 

Alexianna blushed as she recalled their activities the night before, how Tom had made her feel incredible, more than once. In fact, the whole experience was incredible. He was not been fazed by her stretchmarks or scar, in fact, he seemed to embrace them, making her feel more confident in herself than she had in a very long time. ‘Did Lily wake up?’

 

‘I don’t know, should she have?’

 

‘It’s the first time I did not make an attempt to sleep in the bed with her.’

 

‘How do you mean?’

 

‘Well, I dozed off on the sofa bed from time to time, obviously, but she is in a strange house and I never went in to her.’ 

 

Tom gave her another kiss. ‘Do you want me to check on her?’

 

‘I’ll do it.’ 

 

Alexianna was about to get up, but Tom shook his head. ‘I need to go to the bathroom anyway.’ he rose from the bed and looked around for the sleep pants he had used the day before. Grabbing them, he put them on, only to notice Alexianna was staring at him. ‘Enjoying the view, darling?’

 

‘Can I ask you something?’

 

‘Of course,’ he walked over to her to show her she had his undivided attention. 

 

‘You call Lily “darling” a lot.’

 

‘I say “darling” a lot in general, would you rather I stop, do you think it inappropriate?’ He asked. 

 

‘No, I just…’

 

‘What Lexi, please tell me. I won’t be offended.’

 

‘I was just curious, she seems to love it.’ She gave a small smile. 

 

Tom frowned before walking back towards her. ‘Is it that I call her that and you don’t want to have to share it?’ He grinned. 

 

‘Did anyone ever tell you that you are something of a narcissist?’ Alexianna laughed, kissing him again. ‘Go check on my daughter if you are doing that.’ 

 

Tom chuckled and left the room to check on the four-year-old. 

 

As soon as he left, Alexianna’s smile fell and she gently put her hand down to her entrance, she winced as she felt fluid on her fingers, bringing it up she inspected it. There was the white of semen and the clear of her own release mixed together, but within it was also a small reddish tinge. Terrified, she lifted the duvet and looked down, she exhaled when she saw there was only a small stain on the bed, something she could easily dismiss. She got out of the bed and went straight to the adjoined bathroom to clean herself before Tom returned. 

 

Tom gently opened the door to the spare room, having noticed no other sign of life in the house. He peeked in and smiled. Lily had decided to use the space of the entire bed to allow herself sleep across it rather than the conventional method. She was still fast asleep and seemed content on staying that way. With a grin still on his face, Tom closed the door gently again, avoided the creaking floorboard in his hallway and went back into the bedroom. On entering he noticed the room was empty, but the ensuite door was ajar, telling him where Alexianna was. He smiled and went over to the bed to check his phone on the bedside locker. He glanced over the bed and paused when he came to where Alexianna has slept, noting the small off red tinge to the sheets. ‘Lexi?’

 

‘One second,’ a moment later she exited the bathroom. ‘Sorry, I think I made a small mess.’

 

‘What happened, are you alright, did I hurt you?’He looked at her in terror, noticing she had stolen his shirt. 

 

‘No, you didn’t, I have just been out of service too long.’ He frowned. ‘The last time anything went near me was a cervical swab six months after Lily, and before that, was when Lily was...’ She explained. Tom looked at her sceptically. ‘I may have a slight issue with me.’ she admitted under his intense stare. ‘My...bits are not as good as they should be.’ 

 

‘Is that why she was a section?’ 

 

She nodded. ‘Yes, that’s why.’

 

‘So when you said the last time you had anything there, was “when Lily was…” what was she?’

 

‘Conceived.’

 

Tom processed what she was saying, ‘So for the entire time you were pregnant, he…’

 

‘No, we never did anything.’

 

Tom watched as she toyed with his shirt. ‘One minute.’ he walked into the bathroom, returning soon after. ‘I was not going to get much thinking done until I went to the bathroom.’ He walked over to her. ‘Why didn’t you say that I hurt you?’

 

‘Because it didn’t hurt.’ Tom raised a brow. ‘Honestly, I felt a lot of sensation last night, and none was pain. Though I do now, I think I found muscles I never thought existed.’

 

Tom grinned proudly. ‘Really?’

 

‘You love getting your ego fluffed.’ she laughed. ‘Where is Lily?’

 

‘I am male, we all love that. Lily is asleep in bed, as happy as can be.’ He smiled. ‘Now, regarding you.’ he looked her up and down again. ‘You look good in my shirt.’

 

Alexianna looked down. ‘I’m sorry, I just didn’t think it was appropriate to go around naked.’

 

‘Don’t apologise, it looks very enticing on you.’ Tom grinned, pulling her back to the bed. ‘Very well indeed.’ Alexianna bit her lips together for a moment, but stopped herself, causing Tom to grin approvingly at her. ‘Good, see, we are getting places.’ he smiled kindly. He sat on the bed but found himself looking at the small stain from Alexianna. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ She nodded. He put some pair behind her ear. ‘You have to tell me if I hurt you from now on, promise me.’

 

‘I promise.’ Nodding slightly, he brought Alexianna onto his lap and kissed her again. ‘I’m sorry about the mess.’

 

‘Don’t, you can’t help it, it is easily washed.’ 

 

‘Tom…’ He looked up at her, his eyes filled with concern. ‘I…’ 

 

Tom smiled at her nervousness. ‘Yes?’

 

‘I lov…’

 

‘Mommy?’ 

 

‘Shit.’ she got off his lap and grabbed her pants before going out the bedroom door. 

 

Tom stared at her in shock at what she was about to say before they were interrupted, not because of what she was saying, but because she was about to say something so intimate to him, after such a short time. He assumed it would take her an age to say anything like that at all, much less to say it outright. Shaking himself out his thoughts, he got to his feet and followed after, seeing a happy Lily rushing for him as soon as she saw him. ‘Good morning to you too.’ He chuckled as he tried to pry her arms from around his legs so he would not lose balance. ‘Aren’t you a chirpy miss in the morning. My niece would never be so good, she is like a zombie in the mornings.’ 

 

‘What’s her name?’

 

‘Sophie.’

 

‘What age is she?’

 

‘She is five, so not much older than you.’ Tom smiled. 

 

‘When can I meet her?’

 

Tom said nothing for a moment. ‘Well, I am not sure, she is not always around, her parents move a lot for work so I cannot say when I will see her next, but I promise, if there is a way to do so, I will arrange for you to meet.’ He offered. 

 

Lily thought over his offer for a moment before nodding. ‘Okay.’ and skipped back to Alexianna happily. 

 

Alexianna smiled at her daughter before looking at Tom, her face turning to one of concern. ‘Did I…?’

 

Tom just smiled and shook his head. ‘No, we’ll talk more about it later.’ he promised. 

 

They went downstairs and had breakfast again, this time, Tom made an English breakfast. 

 

‘Everything is ready at once, that is a skill.’ Alexianna smiled happily as she eyed the pudding and sausages. 

 

‘Not just a pretty face,’ Tom winked proudly. ‘Sit down and let me look after you.’ 

 

Tom was in his study learning lines while Alexianna wrote and Lily was colouring when the doorbell rang out. Alexianna remained still, not knowing should she get it, but when Tom came down the stairs and opened his door, she was relieved. A moment later, Tom came in, followed by a woman. Alexianna looked fearfully at the woman behind him, looking at her with wide eyes. Tom gave her a guilty look. ‘I’m sorry. I probably should explain.’ 


	20. Nana Diana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The surprise visitor has a lasting impression on Lily.

Tom knew that when Diana would see Lily, she would not be able to stay away from the little girl, and sure enough, as she drank her tea, she had Lily on her lap, talking to the little girl as though she was her own biological granddaughter. Lily, who had never had a grandmother present in her life, seemed adamant to make up for her lack of such beforehand by effectively stealing Diana for herself. Knowing it would probably seal his mother stealing Lily, Tom grinned. ‘Do you know what her middle name is?’ Diana looked at her son, ‘Diana.’ Diana looked to Alexianna for confirmation, Alexianna just looked at her hands. ‘Who do you think Lexi was thinking of when she gave her that name?’

Diana’s eyes welled up with tears. Looking to Alexianna, she put Lily down on the seat for a moment before going over to the woman. ‘You poor pet, I don’t know what exactly has been going on with you, but I never stopped worrying about you.’ She hugged her tightly. ‘We’ve missed you.’ 

Alexianna began to cry quietly against the older woman. ‘Not half as much as I’ve miss you all.’ 

‘We’ll look after you now, you’ll have us now, all of us, not just Tom.’

‘I don’t want to be a bother.’

Diana pulled back and and cupped Alexianna’s face in her hands, ‘Listen to me Lexi Hughes, you have never been a bother. Do you hear me?’ she nodded. ‘You have a beautiful little girl that needs her mum, and her mum needs others because no one can do it alone, do you think I could have raised these three if it was just me? I had my sisters and brother and it was still hard. Speaking of which, how is Daniel?’

‘He’s good, he is in the North Sea at the moment.’ 

‘What did he do in the end?’

‘Engineering.’

‘How did she take it?’ There was no pretending who Diana was talking about. 

‘He never told her what it was that he was studying, she thought she was paying for him to study medicine in Scotland, he went and got his degree, when he got the degree, she was livid. She stopped talking to him that day, she only spoke to him again when he kicked her out of his place when I came home with Lily from the hospital.’ Alexianna had been too busy being elated to see Diana that she forgot for a moment the day she came to Daniel’s, sore from the surgery, broken from Jonathan’s cruelty and generally upset from the slump in her hormones from the pregnancy, only to be met by her mother, berating her before she had stepped in the door about how much of a slut and a disgrace she was. Daniel immediately escorted his mother out of his home and slammed the door in her face without a word, she on the other hand, proceeded to call him a bastard and a thief for not doing what she had wanted. ‘Sorry.’

‘Never apologise for your feelings, love.’ Diana smiled. She looked sadly at Alexianna. ‘Whatever was done to you, you cannot let it define you.’ Alexianna nodded. ‘Does his side have anything to do with her?’ Alexianna shook her head. ‘Well, then, she needs her Nana Diana, doesn’t she? Come on my little Lily, you and I are going to do some baking while your mother finishes her work, alright?’Alexianna bit her lips together and quickly cleared the tears from her face as Diana took her now elated daughter away. 

‘Lexi?’ Tom looked over at her. 

‘She always wanted a Nana, she never was bothered about a father, but a nana, she always wanted one.’ she wiped another tear. ‘Sorry.’

‘Stop apologising.’ Tom warned. ‘You have about two hours at least of quiet to get some work done. Mum has to go to the shop as well as bake the food, so come on, get back to work. Though perhaps a cup of tea while we’re at it.’ Tom smiled, throwing on the kettle. 

Alexianna stepped out of the living room two and a half hours later, expecting to see Lily, but as she walked through the lower floor of the house, she realised she was nowhere to be seen. Immediately, she rushed upstairs to Tom’s study and knocked on the door, after a second time knocking with no answer, she opened it and looked it. There were different books around the room as well as paper everywhere in neat piles, but no Tom. She went through the different rooms upstairs, still not seeing a sign of anyone anywhere. When she descended the stairs once more, she was close to hyperventilating, she stopped at the bottom, her hands behind her head as she tried to think. 

‘Lexi?’ she swung around to see Tom looking at her. ‘Lexi, what’s wrong?’

‘Where’s Lily?’

‘In the back garden.’ he pointed behind him. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Where is she?’

‘Lexi, Lexi listen to me, she is with mum in the garden, it is alright, she is perfectly safe.’ he repeated calmly. ‘Come on, you can go out and see her right now.’ he led her gently to the kitchen window and pointed out; there she was, in the garden, tending to some weeds with Diana, Lily was sitting, talking animatedly to her. ‘See, she is fine.’

‘I thought they were going baking.’

‘They did.’ he pointed behind them to the cooling trays that were filled with different buns. ‘Are you in such a tizzy that you never noticed?’

‘I…’ 

‘Lexi, she is safe, mum would never allow any harm come to her, neither will I, alright?’

‘It was just us for so long.’

‘I know.’ Tom pulled her to him. ‘But as mum said already, you have us now. We all adored you anyway, we always have, but Lily, she has captured everyone’s heart.’ He smiled lovingly as he looked out at Lily, who was yabbering away, her eyes bright and filled with love and joy. ‘She is incredible.’

‘Yes.’ 

‘Come on, I think you need to hold her.’ Tom pulled her out to the garden. ‘Lil, look who it is, Darling.’

‘Mummy.’ Lily ran into her mum’s arms, Alexianna holding her close. ‘Nana and I were having a great time.’

‘Did you?’ She smiled back, ‘Have you been good?’

‘Yes Mummy, I need to go wash my hands.’ she declared showing her mother her hands, before walking into the house to the small toilet in the back kitchen to do just that. 

‘Lexi, you have raised one incredible little girl.’ Alexianna gave her a small smile. ‘You are a wonderful mother.’ Diana commended. 

‘I am just trying my best. I always hoped to be half the mother you were to Emma, Tom and Sarah.’

‘I had three little terrors.’

‘Sarah was well behaved.’ Alexianna was all too aware of what mischief Emma and Tom had caused. 

‘Sarah was smoking something that wasn’t a cigarette one night and laughed the whole way through my giving out to her.’

‘For a teenager, that’s actually okay.’

‘Will I quote you on that in fourteen years?’ Diana asked. 

‘No, then it’s completely different because she is my daughter.’

Diana laughed. ‘I have missed you, Emma missed you. She found an old photo of the two of you just before the wedding, she was very upset thinking back over the good times you had had together and for you to have drifted apart.’ 

‘I missed her too, I often thought of her too, and you, of course.’

Lily came back out to the garden, smiling happily. ‘Nana, are you staying here tonight?’

‘I am.’ 

Woohoo.’ 

‘Lily, we are outside, be quiet and think of the neighbours.’ Her mother scolded. 

‘Where will you sleep?’ Lily acted as though her mother had not spoken. 

‘In the spare room.’ Diana smiled. 

Lily’s face dropped, ‘But we are in the spare room.’ Diana frowned slightly and looked at Alexianna who was about to explain their boiler and water issues when Lily piped up again. ‘Or we did, but last night it was only me, Mommy slept somewhere else. Where did you sleep Mommy?’ Alexianna and Tom, who had just returned from stealing a bun when no one was looking, looked away slightly embarrassed and Diana forced herself to not laugh. 

‘We have no boiler working at ours and the water is turned off at the mains, and with the Bank Holiday, Tom suggested we stay here.’ Alexianna explained quickly. 

‘It’s always the long weekends that those things happen.’ Diana shook her head. 

‘Where did you sleep?’ Lily repeated, looking to her mother for an explanation. 

‘It doesn’t matter.’ 

‘Why don’t we go in and try some of those buns?’ Tom suggested, hoping to sidetrack Lily.

Alexianna was usually less than pleased to allow Lily have junk food before dinner, but given the uniqueness of the weekend and the situation she was attempting to get her daughter to cease talking of, she permitted it and said nothing. ‘Thank you.’ Was all she said as she passed Tom. 

‘It is half my fault.’ he commented in responded. ‘You don’t regret it, do you?’

‘No, of course not.’ She smiled. 

‘Just be glad she didn’t walk in on you, Sarah did that once, I honestly think it is part of the reason there is so long between Tom and Emma, it is very off-putting.’ Tom looked to his mother, unable to disguise his revulsion at what she had just said. ‘Do you think you and your sisters just landed on the doorstep?’

‘Mum, please stop.’ Tom begged. 

‘I am sorry, which one of us started this conversation?’

‘We didn’t.’ Tom pointed towards the kitchen. ‘Lily did.’ Diana just laughed at her flustered son. 

*

Alexianna stood next to Diana as she stirred the contents of the pot another time. ‘Another ten?’

Diana smiled fondly. ‘You remember?’

‘I never forgot.’

‘Are we having Lancashire HotPot?’ Lily asked excitedly. 

Diana smiled at the child. ‘Yes, love.’ 

‘Woohoo, Mommy, Nana is making Hot Pot.’ 

Alexianna looked at Diana apologetically. Diana instructed for Lily to go wash her hands so that she could get ready to eat. ‘You can stop that face right now, I said she could call me that, didn’t I?’ 

‘Yes, but I just...if this all falls apart…’

‘We are still here for you both.’ Diana informed her. ‘Tom is insane about that little girl, she is something he seems to have never realised he needed. You both are.’ 

‘Some of his fans don’t seem to agree.’

‘What are the little brats saying now? Honestly, he has lovely fans, but some of them...’

‘I am using him, he is using us, that Lily is his and we’ve been hiding this.’ Alexianna rambled off. 

‘To be expected,’ Diana dismissed. ‘If they see him with you and Lily, if they see his happiness with you both and call foul and say negative things, they are not fans, they never truly appreciated my son and his work. They will have theories because they will want to understand what they are seeing, that is, of course, natural, but you cannot let it get to you. You know different, he knows different, we know different. Nothing you say or do will make some people see the truth, they are convinced otherwise.’

‘I know.’ 

‘Good.’ she nodded. ‘Now, where is my little girl?’

*

Alexianna felt incredibly awkward being in Tom’s home when his mother was there, not because of Diana, but the fact that she knew exactly what had happened the night before, and with the night coming and them needing to figure out where everyone was to sleep when the house only had two bedrooms, the third, Tom had turned into his study. When she politely broached the subject, she was startled with the suggestion she was met with. 

‘It’s not too mad,’ Tom commented. ‘They don’t seem to mind. I have a little bed that folds out for when Sophie comes here with her parents.’

‘But…’ Alexianna did not know what to think. It was not overly mad, or it would not be, if Lily knew Diana more than twelve hours or if they were actually biologically related. ‘Lexi?’

‘But we…’

‘What about us, Mum isn’t stupid, Lily already told her we slept together last night.’

‘We are not doing any of that tonight,’ Alexianna stated immediately. 

‘I would never force you to,’ Tom stated. 

‘Wait, you would, with your mother here?’

‘She wouldn’t hear anything.’ He shrugged. 

‘You’re insane!’ she shook her head. Tom chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. ‘No.’

‘I am not doing anything only giving my lovely girlfriend a hug, nothing more.’

‘That is all you are getting.’

‘Would you be happy if I apologised?’

‘What would you be apologising for?’

‘My mother invading.’

‘That is not something to apologise for though, is it? She came to see you, you're her son, I feel like we are imposing.’ Alexianna admitted. 

‘You are doing nothing of the sort.’ Tom informed her. 

‘It feels like it.’

‘Well, you’re not, so stop it.’

‘Do you not have rehearsal?’

‘It is the Bank Holiday weekend, back in on Tuesday.’ He smiled, ‘And opening night, later this week.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

Tom wrapped his arms around her, kissing her chastely. ‘Ready.’ 

‘You’ll be great.’

‘So, definitely no fun?’

‘Tom.’ he kissed her neck and along her jawline, ‘You’re making this very hard.’

‘You are making me very hard.’ Tom retorted his lips against her skin. ‘You are very enticing.’

‘You don’t have to…’ Tom kissed her, pressing against her so she could feel him against her leg. 

‘Does this feel like I am just trying to make you feel good?’

‘Well, that’s what it did last night.’ she bit her lips together and looked at him cheekily. 

Licking his teeth, Tom chuckled. ‘Oh, you and I are going up that stairs right now.’

‘Your mum?’

‘Went to bed twenty minutes ago.’ 

‘Lily is going to never want her to leave.’

‘What a coincidence, my mother does not want to leave her.’ Tom grinned. ‘Now, bed. You need some rest.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I want to wear you out.’

‘Your mother…’

‘Won’t hear.’


	21. The Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom drops Alexianna and Lily home after their weekend with him, but someone arrives soon after to shatter Alexianna's happiness with a dilemma for her.

Lily was inconsolable as her mother put her in the bedroom to calm down. She was crying when Diana went to stay with Emma for a night and when Tom dropped them home to have the boiler looked at, and she realised they were not going back to his house, Lily went into full meltdown mode. Something Tom had never fully witnessed in a child before. 

‘If you run off, I don’t blame you.’ Alexianna looked at him sadly. ‘This is the flip side to smaller kids.’

‘She is...what’s a good word for this, expressive?’

‘She is, on occasion, the most horrible brat you could ever bear witness to.’

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her head. ‘I am not going to run because your daughter loved being at my home so much she is sad to be away from it.’ Tom stated factually. ‘I am not going to run.’ She looked at him in doubt. ‘Lily is human, she has a good and bad side, everyone does.’

‘Do you remember the time you yelled at the house that you were going to go live with your dad because your mum would not let you go to that concert with your friends.’

‘I was a moody teenager.’ Tom stated, only half as an answer, half as a statement to himself. 

‘What are your downsides now?’

‘I do still have a temper when I am really angry, I have, on occasion, been known to be selfish.’

‘Everyone can be selfish.’ 

‘I have been by myself so long, I think I can be overly so.’ Tom warned. ‘What about you?’

‘You want me to list faults, really?’

‘Real faults, not ones he made you think you have.’

Alexianna thought to herself for a second before answering. ‘I am too non-confrontational, I allow myself to be taken for a fool. I am not assertive and I second guess myself.’

‘That is an accurate analysis.’ Tom nodded. ‘I need to take that into account, that you need me to remember to think of you in everything. But so too do you need to start saying “Tom, don’t forget us”.’

‘“Us”?’

‘You and Lily.’ 

There was silence in the bedroom again. ‘Lily?’

She came to the door of the bedroom, her face red and blotchy. ‘I have to go now darling, so I have to say goodbye.’ She started to cry again and held onto him. ‘I know, I have had such fun with you too, I cannot wait to spend time with you again soon.’ 

‘I don’t want you to go.’ She sniffed against him.

‘I know, I don’t want to go either.’ Tom cuddled her before handing her to her mother. Tom leant over and gave Alexianna a kiss. ‘I will see you both soon.’ he promised. Alexianna nodded before giving him a small smile, she believed him. ‘Goodbye.’

‘Stay safe and have a great rehearsal.’ she commented as he walked out the door and back to his car, waving to them both before driving off. 

Alexianna went back to organising things after their few days out of the house, saddened to not be with Tom any longer, but elated to have been with him for the weekend and for their two nights which told her all of Jonathans comments regarding her being impossible to pleasure were dismissed in mere moments with Tom’s actions leaving her very happy as she thought over their escapades once more. She was pulled back to reality by Lily standing in front of her looking at her expectantly. ‘I said, there’s a man at the door,’ the youngster piped up.

‘Oh, thank you, sweetheart,’ Alexianna walked to the door, expecting it to be Tom having forgotten something. ‘Did you for…’ The smile on face fell as soon as she realised who was standing in front of her. 

‘Hello, Alexianna.’

‘What are you doing here?’ She closed the door over so Lily could not see the man on their doorstep. 

‘Is that any way to treat family?’ He grinned coldly. 

‘We are not family.’

You’re still married.’

‘He left.’ She hissed. ‘You’re not welcome here.’

‘I don’t care if I am welcome or not, if you want a divorce, you better let me in.’

‘I don’t need him to get the divorce; if he won’t sign, then the judge can permit it anyway.’ 

‘It’s simple, you sign his piece of paper, he signs yours.’ Edward grinned smugly. 

‘Leave it and I will read it, if it is fair, I will do it.’

‘No, here and now, or he will make life difficult for you.’

‘The only way he could do that is for him to return and I am not taking him back.’

‘He would not want you anyway after what you did.’

‘And, pray tell, what did I do?’

‘You’re kidding? You and your little stunt with that kid.’

‘“Stunt?” What stunt?’

‘He touches you, for the first time in ages from what he says, and you magically get pregnant.’

‘I remember that saying from sex ed, “it only takes once”. Trust me, no one feels more cheated by that than me.’

‘He was excited for the baby, he was the happiest he had been in years, buying everything you and it everything it could want, and for you to do that.’

‘Do what, I know Law is your thing, not biology, but here’s a lesson for you, men choose a baby’s gender, not women, if he wants someone to blame, he can blame himself.’ Alexianna was shaking with anger. ‘He is the reason she is a girl, not me.’

‘What are you talking about? You’re mad, you are. This isn’t about her being a girl, he knew she wasn’t his, and the whole world saw her on your little excursion to the zoo. Funny how close she looks to that actor when he was younger, blonde, curly haired, some would even say it is obvious to see. He found those photos you had hidden of him and his family. You are out now, showing her to the world, my brother forced to look at your indiscretions.’

‘Indis...are you insane? I never did anything out of line when I was married, I did everything asked of me, and look where it got me.’ she felt her heart pounding in her ears. ‘Get out away from my door, how dare you come here, to my home and say these things to me. I am finally getting on with my life. I am finally realising I am not the pathetic mess he made me think I was, I have someone who cares for me, who cares for…’ she paused, not wanting her former brother-in-law to know Lily’s name. ‘I am happy with my life, tell that bastard, sign the papers or not, I don’t care, I am going to be free, and that I genuinely hope to never hear his name again. She is not Tom’s daughter, but you have no idea how much I wish she was. She loves him, he loves her, he is more of a man than Jonathan could ever wish to be.’ she turned and walked back inside, going to close the door, only for Edward to push in after her. ‘Get out.’

‘Sign these papers and I...Jesus Christ.’ He looked around the house, disgusted at it. ‘You live in a hovel.’

‘Thank you for your unwarranted opinion, now get out.’

‘Sign these and I will never bother you again, trust me, and you will have your divorce papers by Friday.’ He held an envelope out to her. 

Alexianna looked at the envelope, unsure as to what could possibly be inside, but she knew the only way she was going to get rid of Edward was to at the very least attempt to act as though she was considering what was being offered. Taking it, she took it out and read it, her eyes going wide. ‘You think I am going to sign this?’ She threw them back at him.

‘You say you don’t want anything from him, just a clean divorce.’

‘That is not clean, that is me accepting responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage, something I am not too bothered by, but the reason...I did not cheat on him, I did a damn good job as his wife, I kept my wedding vows, to the point of stupidity on my behalf. I am not going to lie, she is his and there is no way I am saying otherwise, so get that filth out of my home and rewrite it, acknowledging the truth and I will consider it, if not, the courts can deal with it.’

‘Do you really want to go there, Alexianna? Think about your lovely boyfriend, what will he say when it is public knowledge you opened your married legs for him and he got you pregnant, you trying to pin it on your husband, have him work to pay for another man’s child. How will that affect him in work, do you think, hmm?’ Alexianna swallowed in fear. ‘Face it Alexianna, you have no choice, you know that.’

‘I am not signing it.’ she reiterated. 

‘I’ll give you twenty-four hours to reconsider, but come tomorrow evening, if you haven’t, Jonathan will apply for a DNA test on Lily, she will have to get blood samples taken, you know that right, needles, and when it is shown she is not his, he will have you shamed in a court for it.’

‘And were they to prove she is his, which is indeed fact. I can get him for four years of child support payments and I’ll add spousal support payments, because clearly, this is only about money for all of you, so I will have him paying for her the rest of her childhood and teenage years, just remember that.’ Alexianna retorted. She shoved the papers at him, ‘Now get out.’

‘If she is his,’ The look on Edward’s face told her he very much doubted Lily was Jonathan’s. ‘Then you know what that means, don’t you? Access, every second Christmas, weekends, everything, he’ll go for it all.’ Alexianna could not hide her terror at that prospect, Edward realised that she seemed more scared of that than any other threat. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ he promised, turning to the door again. 

‘You know her name.’ He turned to look at Alexianna again, ‘How do you know her name?’ He did not answer. ‘How do you know her name?’ Alexianna repeated, walking towards him. ‘Or where we live?’ Edward said nothing. ‘Have you actually sent a private investigator on us?’ She remembered back to the many times she had sat to dinners with Jonathan’s family and his brother, Edward was without scruples, he would do whatever was needed to win a case, private investigators were something he used with notable frequency. ‘You have had some asshole follow me and my daughter around?’ her anger grew once more. ‘If you don’t get out of my house right now, I will call the police.’ 

‘And say what exactly?’ Edward smiled smugly. 

‘I am not an aficionado at all things law based, but I can tell you, you being in my home without my wanting you here is not legal.’ She warned. Edward’s smile fell a little. ‘I was in Oxford before everything with Jonathan, I think you forget that, though it must be hard for you to since that is where you wanted to study, but you didn’t get in.’ She snarled, Edward’s upper lip curled up in contempt at that. ‘Get out of my house and if you ever so much as mention my daughter’s name again, I will come after Jonathan for everything.’ She swore, “Every copper penny he owes me and Lily.’ 

Edward kissed his teeth before walking out of the house, not saying anything else as he did, but leaving the papers by the front door. As soon as she heard the door click closed, Alexianna’s composure fell and she crashed to the floor sobbing. Lily came out of the bedroom and rushed over to her mother. ‘Mommy?’

Alexianna tried to stop the tears and crying, but she couldn’t, the anxiety, fear, anger and terror that filled her during her confrontation with her brother-in-law continued to pour out of her as she tried to deal with just happened. Instead, she pulled Lily in close to her and hugged her tight. 

‘Who was that man, Mommy?’

‘It doesn’t matter, sweetheart.’

‘He made you sad.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ she reiterated, holding her daughter close. 

 

Alexianna did not fall asleep that night, instead, she stared at the ceiling until morning, Lily curled up against her. Part of her wanted to talk to Daniel, another wanted her to talk to Tom. Daniel because of his knowing Edward, Jonathan and indeed the rest of his family, and of their treatment of her, and Tom because this would affect him. Part of her wanted to just sign the papers, say Lily was not Jonathan’s, get her divorce and never hear from Jonathan and his family again, it was so easy, but her pride hurt because of it. She had been faithful when so many women would not have been, and in her opinion, she could not blame them. But she had been faithful, to a fault, she had respected her vows. It was petty in some respects, but it had been a large part of her getting over everything, knowing it was not her fault, that she had done nothing to deserve that. To sign that piece of paper, she felt she would be taking the blame, allowing Jonathan have another victory as they finally parted ways. She did not want anything from him, no money or acknowledgement of him as Lily’s father, in fact, she wanted the exact opposite, she wanted to be free of him. Alexianna felt trapped and that she had no one to talk to.


	22. What We See and What We Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke discussing some pictures with Tom, but Tom wants to know what is going on for himself.

Tom stared at the pictures Luke had presented to him. ‘Yes.’ He had, and he was unsure what it meant. ‘I am not sure what I am supposed to take from this, Luke?’

‘She had another man to the house, minutes after you left.’

‘And?’

‘And? Tom are you ignoring the obvious concern.’

‘No, I’m not.’ Tom growled. ‘You are not looking at them.’

‘Unfortunately, yes I am. They are here in front of us. Why do you say that?’

‘The third one.’Tom indicated to the picture in front of him.

‘What about it?’ Luke walked over to him to look at it. 

‘Does that look like a woman overly happy to see him?’ He pointed to the expression on Alexianna’s face. ‘Does it?’

‘No, she doesn’t seem to pleased, but she let him in.’

‘How do we know that?’

‘We see the picture of him leaving?’ Luke pointed to a later picture.

‘We don’t know everything.’ Tom reiterated. 

‘You are being made a fool of.’ Luke stated firmly. 

‘I don’t think I am.’ He took out his phone. ‘I am going to see what happened.’

‘Yes, because she is going to be honest about cheating on you.’ Luke stated sarcastically. 

‘She did not cheat, she’s not the type.’ he pressed the dial button. Luke gave him a raised brow that was the epitome of “yeah right” and sat still, waiting to see what the phone call would bring. After three rings, the calling ceased, but no sound came over the phone. ‘Lexi?’

‘Hi.’ her voice was cracked and small. ‘Hi Tom.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘I saw what they are saying.’

‘Who?’

‘People online.’

‘About?’

‘Tom, please stop acting dumb, I know the world is looking at the pictures.’

‘Who is he?’ Luke stared at Tom, admiring the fact he did not even pretend to waltz around it. 

‘Edward Rice, Jonathan’s legal representation.’ her voice was cold. ‘The photos, I notice, did not show where I tried to stop him coming into my home. Tom…’

‘Yes?’

‘He knows Lily’s name, he found out where I live.’ her voice made it clear, she was trying to stop herself from crying. ‘What am I going to do?’ 

‘It’s okay.’ Tom soothed. ‘What did he want?’

‘Me to sign an agreement, in return for my divorce.’ 

‘That’s a good thing, right?’

‘It should be.’

‘What does he want you to sign?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ Alexianna dismissed. ‘I am sorry, Tom.’

‘“Sorry”?’ 

‘It’s not fair to drag you into my mess.’

‘Are you…?’

‘I think it’s best. I don’t want…’ she took a shaky breath, ‘You don’t deserve this.’ 

‘What? No. Lexi!’ Tom stared at the phone before Luke caught his eye, the publicist clearly thinking it was a good idea. ‘Please.’

‘He wants to drag you into this Tom.’ She admitted. ‘I am not going to allow that to happen, you don’t deserve that personally, and as someone who wants to work in a field related to your work, I know this can very easily damage you. I think it’s best to just leave it, before it goes any further.’

Luke nodded approvingly at her decision, causing Tom to become more angered that anything. ‘What do you mean drag me into it?’ There was silence, ‘Lexi?’

‘It doesn’t matter, I...I’ll deal with it.’

‘Like hell, tell me. What did he threaten?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘If it doesn’t matter, then you can tell me. If it involves me, I have a right to know.’ Tom argued. 

‘If I sign, it goes away.’ 

‘What is he making you sign?’ Tom repeated again. ‘Lexi?’

‘That Lily isn’t his.’ she stated, tired of trying to keep it to herself. ‘That I broke-up the marriage with infidelity and Lily is the result.’ Tom said nothing for a moment, even Luke frowned at her revelation. ‘It means I cannot go after him for anything for Lily, or myself.’ 

‘And if you don’t?’

‘He tells people that I was married, I cheated with you and you got me pregnant and effectively, how we ruined his life.’ Alexianna broke down crying. 

Luke’s eyes almost bulged at the thought of dealing with such a claim and his stared at Tom, who to his shock, seemed almost on the verge of tears. ‘Lexi…?’ Tom’s voice was tight as he spoke. ‘What are you going to do?’

‘I have no choice, I…’ she stated simply in a broken voice. 

Tom looked to Luke, who mouthed ‘why is that a problem?’ to him. ‘Lexi, do you want me to come around?’ Luke gave him a disgusted look, to which Tom stared him out of it back. ‘Do you?’

‘No.’ her voice was stern. ‘No, Tom. I think we need to…’

‘Are you pushing me away because you actually want us to break up or because of what he is forcing on you? Because you didn’t mean it the other day when you said you loved me? Or because of what is being threatened?’ Tom’s voice was tight as he finished the sentence. Luke looking at him in shock that such sentiments had been said between the pair. ‘If it is the former, then I have to respect that, if it is the latter, I cannot.’ 

‘Tom, it’s not enough, I am not going to allow him ruin you.’

‘So you are allowing him to control your actions now. You move on, you get someone, you are raising your daughter, you study to better yourself, and he clearly is less than pleased you have the audacity to get on with your life so he threatens you so you turn back into the submissive person he trained you to be and you just accept it.’

‘I have no choice, this is about Lily, if he gets a DNA done on her…’

‘He’ll have to pay for her, how terrible, a father actually coughing up for his kid that he abandoned, perish the thought.’ Tom snarled. 

‘He is going to apply to have access to her, Edward said that they will apply for everything. I can’t...I have to protect her.’ Alexianna explained. ‘I’m sorry Tom, I really am.’ her voice broke again. ‘I...Thank you so much for everything, you are incredible.’ she inhaled deeply, ‘Bye.’

‘What, Lexi no, you…’ Tom pulled the phone back. ‘She hung up on me.’

‘Tom,’ Luke rose to his feet. ‘I know you really like her, and to be honest, she seems like a hardworking and very determined individual, given better circumstances, I would think her a good match for you, but considering what are the circumstances, I think she is doing the right thing.’ Tom looked at him sadly. ‘She is a disaster PR wise.’ 

‘No, this isn’t Lexi, this is him, her ex.’

‘Only you could find a woman like this, Tom.’ Luke sighed.

Tom began to feel his anger rising at Luke’s dismissive manner at Alexianna. ‘What, a woman that has an abusive ex but who is intelligent, has integrity and a good worth ethic? That is something you fear your clients going for in a partner, really? So what do you prefer, tell me, Luke, is it call girls and story sellers that you rather, or perhaps a repeat of last summer?’

‘It is my job to protect your imagine, that is what I am paid to do. Even she seems to have grasped how much it matters in this business.’ Luke stated factually. ‘As I stated already, without the husband issues, she would very much be a good match for you, even with the child.’

‘What has Lily got to do with anything?’ Tom asked. ‘Why would she come into the equation?’

‘Well, she’s not yours, is she? She is added issues.’

Tom felt so angered by the situation he stormed out of the room without another word. Luke called him back but he ignored him, instead he left the building and went straight to the nearest taxi rank. ‘Archway please.’


	23. Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom arrives to Alexianna's to see if he can save their relationship

  
Alexianna watched Lily as she coloured another picture. ‘Look at this, Mommy.’

Alexianna wiped her tears and put on a smile. ‘What is it, love?’

Lily pointed to the different people on the page. ‘There’s you, there’s me. And there’s Tom, he is holding your hand.’

Alexianna winced. ‘Lily, I need to talk to you about something.’ she knelt down in front of her daughter. ‘Sweetie, I need to talk to you about Tom.’

‘I like Tom.’ Lily declared happily.

‘I know you do love, so do I, but...sometimes...sometimes things don’t happen like we want them to, and even when we really really like people, we don’t get to continue being around them.’ she tried to explain, but all she got in return was a puzzled Lily who had no idea what she was trying to say. ‘Lil…’ A knock on the door caused her to frown. Realising it was more than likely Edward, she sighed. ‘Go to the bedroom, okay?’ Lily tried to complain, ‘Now Lil, and I will give you some ice-cream in a minute.’ The child did as she was told. Alexianna walked to the door, terrified of what she was about to face. She opened it without paying attention to who was on the other side. ‘Come on so, you bottom feeder, let’s just get this sorted.’ She growled. Tom walked in. ‘Oh.’ she looked at him, Tom looking at her expectantly. ‘I didn’t…’

‘So he is coming back?’

‘He should be here in a minute.’ she nodded.

‘And what are you going to do?’

‘I have it signed.’

‘Lexi.’ Tom walked toward her but she stepped back. ‘You shouldn’t…’

‘I should never have allowed this Tom, I put everything you worked so hard for at risk because of a crush I had as a teenager. I could not let it affect you.’

‘I am grateful that you were thinking of me, but I am a fully grown man, I can look after myself and when making a decision like this, I think it only fair that you consider both of our opinions on the matter.’ He stated.

‘It’s just too complicated.’

‘No, Lexi, it’s not. We talk over everything, we see what is the best way forward and we go from there. You can’t just push me away…’ he looked at the table, recognising himself in Lily’s drawing. ‘I know it’s not easy Lexi and this isn’t easy, but Lily has accepted me, you said you love me, we can’t throw it all away just because he wants to control your life.’

‘I had to sign those papers.’

‘What is so wrong about signing them?’

‘You’re kidding, right? All I had in that sham of a marriage was my integrity, and now he is taking that from me.’ she cried. ‘I…’ Tom pulled her to him, caressing her hair gently. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘It’s not, which is why he is not going to do it.’

‘I need to go to the bathroom.’ She pulled away again.

‘I’ll still be here in a minute.’ Tom promised, kissing her head. Alexianna left the kitchenette for the bathroom. No sooner than she left, there was a sharp rap on the door. Causing Tom to look at it warily. A moment later, Lily came to the bedroom door. ‘Lil?’

‘It’s the bad man.’

‘What bad man, Darling?’

‘He was here yesterday, he made Mommy cry.’

‘Okay love, you go into the room, alright?’ Lily nodded and did as she was told. Tom inhaled deeply and walked to the door, opening it and looking out at the man on the doorstep. ‘Yes?’

‘I am looking for Alexianna Rice.’

Tom frowned, he had never heard Alexianna’s married name before. ‘Concerning?’

‘That’s nothing to do with you.’

‘On the contrary, considering your threats to her last night, I think it very much concerns me.’ He growled back, stepping out of the house, closing over the door behind him.

‘It’s not a threat, it’s a promise. Besides, it’s not like it’s a hard sell, our paperwork signed, for hers. Your little dirty past doesn’t need to come out.’

‘There is no dirty past.’

‘Of course not, that’s why her daughter looks like you then, is it?’

‘I am not her father, as much as you may want it to be otherwise.’ Edward frowned. ‘Jonathan does not deserve to be her father.’

‘Well, considering the evidence against Alexianna, it is very much doubtful he is.’ Edward grinned. ‘Has she that form signed or are we doing this the hard way, I don’t care either way, you, however, should.’

The longer Tom spent near the man, the more he wished he was more brutishly aggressive. ‘Just have him sign the damn divorce papers. If Jonathan wants to be rid of her, then just sign them, once they are signed, she cannot come after him, his name isn’t on the birth cert, no spousal support and he can continue his miserable existence with whichever poor creature decides to endure him next.’

‘She can…’

‘If you are so sure he is not the father, then it doesn’t matter, does it?’ Tom challenged. Edward said nothing. ‘She has not looked back once in four years, she is glad to be rid of him. Her daughter did what she never could, she got her away from that pathetic excuse of a sack of…’

‘Tom.’ He turned to see Alexianna next to him. She extended her hand to his arm, ‘Don’t bother.’

Tom felt him exhale a breath he did not realise he had been holding. ‘You’re not giving him anything.’ Tom stated firmly. He turned to look at Edward. ‘You’re a legal man, right?’ Edward nodded warily at him. ‘Then you know of Carlton, Hedges and Graham?’ Again Edward nodded. ‘Funny thing about Eton, all sorts go there, I was in the year ahead of Jeremy Carlton, I was at his wedding only last year, so when Alexianna told me your little blackmail story, I got onto him, and guess what?’ Tom grinned. ‘We have you with five charges of malpractice and intimidation.’ Tom stood tall over Edward’s five foot eleven frame. ‘Including the illegal stalking of a woman and minor.’ Edward’s face fell. ‘You are the one with an ultimatum now, sign her papers, and part ways, never to hear from one another again, or be in front of a judge, and well, you know that firms win rate, Carlton has assured me that his father will personally preside over it.’ Tom stood millimetres from Edward’s chest. ‘So, either fax his signed papers over to them in the morning, care of Jeremy, or we will see you in court, and when the DNA on Lily comes back, he will suffer for putting her and Alexianna through all of this, every last copper penny from the day she was born, for every last nappy used, he will be forced to pay back half. Every pair of shoes, every last school pencil, he will pay half on until she graduates college. And we are very much considering private education, Alexianna is a past pupil of Headington in Oxford, the fees there are eighteen thousand for day schooling alone when we checked, we, of course, are looking at all options for her schooling. We want what’s best for her.’ Tom spoke with authority. ‘But if he signs those papers, then she is no longer his concern, her or her wonderful mother. Alexianna is not going to contest maintenance, so he moves on scot-free. Alexianna keeps her integrity, he keeps his money. He will not dictate to her how to live her life for one day longer. Am I clear?’ Edward remained silent. ‘Now get away from this door, you are never to step foot here again. You are never to bother Alexianna _Hughes_ again, or her daughter or I will make one call and you will be neck deep in paperwork for ten years.’ Tom growled. ‘Leave.’

Edward looked to Alexianna, who simply grinned back at him. ‘You heard him, Ed, fuck off.’ Tom grinned proudly at her. Edward’s mouth remained suspended between opened and closed for several moments before he turned and left, his tail firmly between his legs.

When he was gone, Tom looked to Alexianna again, she was shaking violently. ‘Have you eaten?’ She shook her head. ‘Come on, I think you and Lily deserve a nice takeaway, has she had Indian before?’ Tom put his arm around her. ‘I am so proud of you, Lexi.’

‘How…?’

‘I went to school with a guy whose father is the biggest thing in family law, he has represented everyone of note, I gave him a call on the cab over, he works for his father now, I told him your situation, he gave me the quickest rundown of what you needed and told me to have everything to deal with that guy.’

‘Why would he help me?’

‘Well, you remember when I told you and Emma about an incident at Eton where I almost lost my house captaincy?’

‘Yeah, you covered for someone.’

‘I literally saved Jeremy from being expelled, he has always owed me since, this is going to be a big part of his debt repaid, he is doing this, free of charge and if Jonathan decides to play hardball, he will ensure he is shopping in Iceland and Home Bargain for the rest of his days.’ Tom promised. ‘He thinks you’re mad to not go for the jugular.’

‘I just want to be left alone. I want him gone.’

‘We’ll get that sorted, wait and see.’ Tom promised as they went back inside. ‘So, where is the best girl, she deserves something nice for being so good?’ Lily rushed out of the bedroom and into Tom’s arms, he pulled her up. ‘Have you tried Indian before? I think you look like someone who would love a Korma.’ Alexianna smiled as she watched Tom talking to Lily and the child talking excitedly back before beginning to drift into a daydream. ‘I mean it.’ She looked back at Tom when she realised he was talking to her. ‘If you want me gone for a genuine reason, I will respect that, if you try to push me away for a non-reason, I am not going to abandon you, either of you. I am not him.’

‘I know.’ she smiled, her eyes full of tears and her voice low. ‘Sorry.’ She dried her eyes with her hands. ‘Thank you, Tom.’

‘You don’t deserve that Lexi, though, I have to ask, Rice?’

‘My married name.’

‘But that guy was Rice?’

‘He is Jonathan’s brother.’

;So he sent his brother to bully you?’ She nodded. ‘A lovely human being.’

‘Another string in his extensive bow.’ Alexianna agreed.

 


	24. Morning Afters and Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna wake up after the night's confrontation with Edward in better moods, which becomes even better again when Tom meets with his old schoolmate.

Tom stretched as he woke, grinning as he felt a body beside him in the bed, but groaning as he felt his back ache slightly. Opening an eye, he was delighted to see the brunette hair of Alexianna beside him. She moaned slightly in her sleep a moment later and turned over, her eyes flickering as she woke. ‘Good morning.’ He smiled. 

Alexianna groaned and rubbed her eyes. ‘This bed is horrible.’

‘It is actually.’ Tom was forced to admit, he pulled her to him. ‘The company is good though.’

Alexianna curled in close to him. ‘It is.’ she smiled as Tom kissed her head. ‘I need to get up though and go into the bedroom.’

‘Why?’

‘Because Lily might see us.’

‘We are dressed.’ Tom pointed out. 

‘I don’t…’

‘Mommy.’ Alexianna swore silently before looking around. ‘Why are you on the sofa bed with Tom?’

‘We fell asleep last night after your mommy made the bed for me to sleep in.’ Tom answered, ‘Good morning Lily.’

She giggled and jumped up next to her mother. ‘Hi.’ She leant in and tipped her nose off Alexianna’s. 

‘You need to brush your teeth.’ Alexianna smiled. ‘Did you have nice dreams?’ Lily nodded. ‘What did you dream about?’

‘That you, me, Tom and Nana went to a restaurant and I got a big ice-cream with chocolate sauce.’ 

‘Well, that was a great dream.’ Lily nodded happily at her mother before looking at Tom too and smiling. 

Tom gave her a wink and she giggled. He felt a surge of sensation through his stomach, one he had not experienced before. As Lily leant over her mother and held out her hand in a fist, he could not explain it. He looked between her and her fist expectantly. ‘She wants a fist bump.’ Alexianna explained. 

‘Oh right, silly me.’ Tom extended his fist and Lily bumped hers forward before pulling backwards singing slightly, startling Tom before rushing back into the bedroom. ‘What was that last part?’

‘It’s from Big Hero Six.’ Alexianna stretched. 

‘Never heard of it.’

‘You will, she’ll make sure of it.’ Tom frowned at the statement, which Alexianna caught. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel pressured.’

‘It’s not that, I just...it’s odd, I never needed to have a child like me like this before, so to have her so accepting…’ 

‘Tom?’

‘I am in her thoughts, her drawings, her dreams, alongside you and Daniel, her family, it feels...I feel...’

‘Pressurized?’

‘A little, because I feel I have to live up to her expectation of me. She sees me as part of all this now, I feel I could leave her down.’

‘We are all human Tom, we have to accept, even at four years old, that putting people on pedestals only causes us to be disappointed when they err because no one is perfect.’ 

‘How do you bear it, she idolises you?’

‘I am her mum, I will be there for her when no one else is, when Daniel moves on with his life, when you are not here, I will be.’

‘I am not leaving you.’

‘You will, be it for a movie, for a Marvel press junket, or if you decide you are finished with this, you will leave.’

‘I am not going to just up and leave Lexi, stop thinking like that.’ Tom stated firmly. ‘I have to do things that pull me away, sometimes for weeks on end, but I will return.’ She looked at him uncertainly. ‘I will, it is not always going to be easy, I am not going to lie, and there are going to be strains, but I want this, you and Lily. I love you both so much already.’ Alexianna frowned. ‘I do, I love you. You have been forcing yourself out of your shell so much in the time we have been together and you have instilled so much trust and faith in me, I cannot put into words what it means that you do.’

‘But it scares you?’ Tom looked at her guiltily. ‘Tom, I feel incredibly overwhelmed pretty much every day with raising Lily, and I am her mother, the person she has genetic links to, the human that effectively chose to allow her to exist, I cannot fathom how it is for you, but you can leave if you need to, I won’t blame you if the day comes.’

‘I feel like we’ll be doing this a lot.’

‘What?’

‘Me telling you I am not leaving.’ Tom stopped a moment later when he realised. ‘Of course, I am saying this to a woman that only knows people who leave and abandon her.’

‘I am starting to think it is me.’

‘It is not you, Lexi, your parents and your ex are not nice people. Look at my family, we are actively trying to see more of you.’ 

‘Are you sure it’s not you that’s defective?’

Tom chuckled, ‘we could easily be.’ He kissed her for a moment. 

Alexianna pulled back after a minute. ‘I need to get us some breakfast and you need to get ready, you have another day of mopey Danish prince to train as.’ Tom chuckled and got out of the bed reluctantly. 

*

‘Here you go.’ Tom extended his hand and took the envelope. ‘One divorce papers, with every T crossed and every I dotted.’ 

‘Jeremy, I cannot thank you enough.’ Tom beamed looking at the sealed manilla paper. 

‘It’s the least I could do.’ the other man smiled. ‘So, stepdad, bet you never thought you’d play that role.’ 

‘It was unexpected.’

‘It makes life fun, the unexpected.’ Jeremy joked before his face went serious. ‘I need to warn you of something Tom, I am not sure you are going to like it.’ Tom felt unsure as to what Jeremy was going to say. ‘Edward Rice, the firm has had dealings with his before, effectively stalking, the whole shebang your girlfriend went through and more, they are, to say the least, bottom feeling, scrupulous scum.’

‘I have noticed.’

‘You need to be careful, he could still make good on his threats.’ 

Tom pursed his lips. ‘He is going to make it that she will never be free.’ 

‘Those type seldom do, and the force used to twist his hand into this is not going to help.’ Jeremy pointed to the envelope. ‘Just be careful.’ Tom nodded. ‘I am not the first to warn you of this, am I?’

 

‘No, and you won’t be the last.’

‘I’m sorry Tom, I just…’

Tom put up his hand and smiled, ‘You’re just looking out for me,’ Jeremy nodded. ‘Thank you, I appreciate it.’

‘Anytime, and I mean that. If he rears up again, I will deal with it.’

‘Thank you, Jeremy.’

‘I am glad she got away from him anyway, he does not seem like a nice guy, but why not get money for the kid if it is his?’

‘She wants to keep away from him, he said he would demand half custody and she decided that it isn’t worth it.’

‘That’s understandable, though I think, considering his lack of interest until now, that is just a tactic to stop her considering it. She should have gone for it. Just remind her she still can in the future, should she decide to, but I do believe he will demand a DNA test. A judge would very much be inclined towards having one too in a tit for tat situation.’

‘Okay.’ Tom nodded. 

‘Good luck with it all, who knows, you might be giving that little girl a sibling soon enough.’ Tom frowned at the jestful comment as his old friend began to walk off. ‘It’d be handy actually, I need someone to save my kid’s ass in school if it’s anything like me, so if it is the same gender as mine it would be great.’


	25. Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom plans a surprise for Alexianna, but it does not go according to plan.

Tom planned it, saying nothing to Alexianna only that he wanted her and Lily to come over for dinner, and to bring some clothes to stay overnight, that he wanted to watch a movie after Lily went to bed, when she seemed unsure, he insisted he would not force her to stay in bed with him, he simply wanted time with them. The play had taken most of his time over the few weeks, with it ended and with Thor Ragnarok and the associated madness soon to begin, he wished to spend time with Alexianna before that started. 

All through the running of the play, she had sent texts and called on occasion, just to ask him how he was and did he need anything, she even came by as she was about to clean the house a few streets over, for no other reason than to drop some cooked dinners, since he had stated that one night, after a show, he was too tired to cook. She had told him she needed to give him something, then arrived with two cooler bags of cooked meals, gave him a kiss and told him to get rested for the next show, Lily, though she would have loved to spend time with Tom, seemed to realise too that it was important not to bother him and hugged him and gave the same orders. 

Now he wanted to thank her, so he arranged for them to have a nice night, including ordering a movie she had mentioned she wished she had gotten to see in the cinema in passing. He cooked a roast, ensuring to have the trimmings and smiled at his handiwork. He asked her to be there for five, but by ten past, there was no sign of her or Lily. Worried, he tried ringing her, but her phone appeared to be dead or turned off. He then started to think of different scenarios of what caused her to not come, the most worrying of which was something had happened to herself or Lily, but with no way to contact her, he could not tell. It was almost half past, and with no sign of them, Tom felt his heart sink, he thought at first they were delayed, buses could get caught in traffic, or the Tube could get delayed if there was an issue with the signals; he had thought she would at least contact him, but she had not, he felt hurt. When his phone rang a few moments later, he just ignored it; when it rang again, he cursed and looked at the caller ID, frowning to see her name. Pressing the answer button, he brought it to his ear. ‘Lexi?’

‘Tom, I am so sorry, the Underground was insane, we were stopped between Camden and Chalk Farm for forty bloody minutes, and when I tried to contact you, I realised someone used my data allowance watching Paw Patrol on Youtube.’ His glower lifted. ‘I am so so sorry.’

‘Where are you now?’

‘Outside.’

‘What?’ 

‘We’re outside your door, the lights are on, but we have knocked three times.’ he rushed to the door and opened it, sure enough, there was a frustrated looking Alexianna and disheartened Lily standing there, rain pouring down. ‘Hello.’

‘Get in, I am so sorry, I did not hear you.’ He ushered them in. 

‘I am sorry Tom, I...Oh, Jesus, you had something cooking and everything, I am so…’ He silenced her with a kiss.

‘I am just glad you came, I was terrified something happened one of the two of you.’ Tom took the small gym bag out of her hand and put it by the stairs.

‘No, just public transport.’ Alexianna groaned, ‘That smells incredible, by the way. And, this is for you.’ She handed him a small gift bag. ‘Since you’re finished the run.’ she smiled. 

Tom frowned and opened the small bag, pulling out the contents and looking at them, his eyes widening and his smile growing. ‘Wow.’

‘I know you are busy with the Thor tour coming up, but I was hoping before you go that you would want to? I have Elaine booked and everything.’

‘That is why you asked if I was free?’ Tom realised. ‘Of course, I cannot wait.’ He kissed her again. ‘Now, dinner is not as fresh as it was but…’

‘Stop, I literally have not stopped today, we decluttered, so I am starved.’

‘“Decluttered”?’

‘Yes, someone is now too big for a lot of her clothes, and we don’t have the space to hold onto every last hole filled leggings, so we did, you know that game, “Kiss, Marry, Kill”, we played “Save, Donate, Dump.’ 

‘How did that go?’

‘One bag for the bin, one each to Barnardos, the Cancer Society and the R.S.P.C.A. and one shopping bag of really cute things to be vacuum packed.’

‘You keep some?’

‘Yes, just a few of her favourites or ones that mean something.’

‘Do you think you’ll ever…’ she looked at him, not having a clue as to what he was implying. ‘Have another?’

‘Child?’ Her eyes widened. ‘I don’t...probably not. I don't think I can go through all that again. She was an angel, don’t get me wrong, but it was too hard, going alone like that, Daniel was incredible, but I...no, I couldn’t.’ Tom simply nodded pensively. ‘Did I…? Do you…?’

‘I think it is safe to say, I am not near ready for that, I am too dedicated to work to be any use to a woman at present with a baby.’ he replied. 

‘But down the road?’

‘I don’t know.’ he replied. ‘I can’t honestly say.’ Alexianna found herself kissing her teeth as she thought through his words. ‘Why don’t we discuss this another time?’ He placed his hand on her lower back, ‘You lovely ladies need some dinner.’ Tom looked around. ‘Where is Lily?’

‘I’m in the kitchen.’ They walked in to see her sitting at the table excitedly. ‘Mommy, look what Tom got me.’ She held up a plate similar to the one she had at home. ‘It’s the one I wanted.’

‘Wow.’ She looked at Tom, who clearly looked like he was awaiting a scolding. ‘What do you say?’

Lily jumped down from the chair and rushed over to Tom, hugging his legs tightly as she jumped up and down. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’

‘You’re welcome darling.’ She went back to the table. ‘I just got it because I didn’t want you worrying about the plates again.’ he explained quietly to Alexianna. ‘I know it was concerning you.’ 

Alexianna had to concede it was true, she had been terrified for Tom’s plates when they had stayed the weekend. ‘So, what’s the occasion?’ 

‘Well, after everything with Hamlet, and how incredibly understanding you were, I thought we would celebrate with a nice dinner, then after Lily goes to bed, you and I can settle down to watch a movie?’ 

‘What have you in mi?’

‘You’ll see.’ He wrapped his arms around her. ‘But first, how about some roast lamb, baby potatoes in garlic butter and perhaps even some veg?’ 

‘Tom!’ She looked at him, ‘There’s no need…’

‘No, there isn’t, but I wanted to.’

‘Thank you.’ She smiled. 

‘Now ladies, please take your seats and I will get the food.’ He winked at Lily who giggled in return as he brought Alexianna to the table. He organised everything he had readied and soon the trio were eating happily. 

When they were done, Tom looked bemusedly at Alexianna, who insisted that she do the dishes since he had cooked. As soon as Lily realised Tom was in anyway unoccupied, she grabbed his hand and pulled him to the living area, demanding to know about his favourite Disney characters. 

‘I am not too up-to-date with so many. Why don’t you tell me?’ 

‘I love Moana.’

‘I like Maui.’ Tom smiled. 

‘And HeiHei, he’s hilarious.’

‘He is.’ Tom chuckled. 

‘I like Judy Hopps too, she’s a rabbit.’ 

‘The first ever bunny cop.’ Tom nodded. 

Lily beamed in delight at his knowing it. ‘Yep, and Big Hero 6, Baymax is the best.’

‘I have not seen that one.’ he acknowledged. ‘My favourite is Baloo.’ Lily frowned. ‘You don’t know Baloo?’ She shook her head. He rose from his chair and went over to a cupboard and took out a DVD, bringing it back to the couch and showing it to her. ‘Have you not seen this?’

Lily inspected it and shook her head. ‘I have seen that teddy.’

‘That is Baloo.’ Tom smiled. ‘Lexi, what sort of rearing are you giving this daughter of yours, she does not know who Baloo is.’ there was no response, ‘Lexi?’ he walked into the kitchen to see Alexianna looking at him sadly. ‘Lexi, what’s wrong?’

‘I could never watch that movie after…’

‘After what?’

‘I grew up, I stopped seeing you. It literally is the one thing that as soon as I saw anything to do with it, I thought of you.’

‘Was that so bad, thinking of me?’

‘It hurt, I always felt saddened by not seeing you and Emma anymore.’

‘Well, that has been mended.’ He smiled. ‘I know she usually goes to bed at half seven, but I was going to ask, could we perhaps delay bedtime for…’ he checked his watch, then the back of the DVD cover, ‘about twenty minutes, I wish to educate Lily on the Jungle Book?’

‘I suppose once won’t hurt.’

‘Leave the dishes, join us.’ He encouraged, his arms snaking around her waist, ‘they can wait.’ his nose rubbed against the side of hers as his breath ghosted the side of her face. 

Alexianna sighed, caught in the moment, the smell of his cologne and the fact that he seemed to know every way to drive her insane. ‘Lily....’

‘Come in and keep her company, and me.’

‘Is this the movie you had planned?’

‘No, actually, but it is a very good one.’ Tom chuckled, continuing to somehow use his nose as a way to seduce her, simply by running it next to or over hers. He kissed her slowly and chastely; when he pulled away, she nipped his bottom lip. ‘Lexi.’ He warned though there was a difference in his tone, lust or some other such thing. 

‘Later.’ she smiled, causing Tom to look at her startled. ‘Or am I…?’ She asked worriedly.

‘No, Jesus, no. I am more than willing if you are, I just am somewhat startled you said that. I thought it would take longer to get you confident enough to do so.’ 

‘It was really good, when we…’ she leant in again and kissed him. 

‘This is going to be a very long film.’ Tom groaned as he felt his body reacting. 

They watched the film in relative silence, Tom interrupting to sing the Bare Necessities and Lily giggling whenever something was funny. By the end, Bagera gained a new lover. 

‘Why him, he is so boring?’ Tom jokingly asked Lily. 

‘Cause he’s asponsible. He looks after Mowgli without being silly.’

‘Wait, is your four year old actually choosing the adult and more responsible character?’ Tom asked Alexianna in awe.

‘It would appear so.’

‘She is your daughter, there was no mistake in that hospital, she is definitely your daughter.’ Tom laughed. 

‘Hey…’

‘Lexi, I love you, but what used you say about Bagera, that he was “the voice of reason and the only adult in the situation”.’

‘He was, he still is.’ 

'And that is your daughter’s analysis too, I am telling you, you Hughes women are a lot alike.’ 

Alexianna smiled at him. ‘Lil, time for bed.’

‘Will you read me the Gruffalo?’

‘Of course.’

‘Actually, Mommy, can Tom read it?’

Alexianna stood staring at her daughter. ‘Lily Darling, that is something for you and your mum, and I don’t know the words.’

‘I brought my book, please Tom.’ She begged. 

Tom, not used to glistening tear-filled eyes begging him, looking to Alexianna for assistance. Alexianna just looked at him to gauge his reaction. ‘Sweetie, Tom probably…’ Lily began to sniff as tears fell from her eyes. ‘You don’t get anything for crying Lily.’

‘But I want Tom to read to me, please Mummy.’ 

Alexianna looked to Tom again, noting the small smile on his face at being asked for. She silently asked him if it was alright, to which he nodded and she smiled defeatedly. ‘Fine, clearly I am not good enough anymore.’ She stated dramatically, earning a laugh from Lily. ‘Go, abandon me.’ 

‘No Mommy, I love you too.’

‘No, it’s fine, I’ll just have to get over it.’ She held her hand up like a damsel in distress. Lily giggled again. ‘Do I at least get a cuddle goodnight?’

‘Yes, Mommy.’ She rushed into her mother for a hug. ‘Sleep tight.’ She kissed Lily’s head. 

‘Are you sleeping in with Tom tonight?’ She asked innocently. 

‘I don’t know.’ Alexianna swallowed at that, not sure how to deal with her daughter’s questions on the matter. 

‘So I don’t get the bed to myself?’ She frowned. 

‘Do you want it?’ Lily nodded. ‘Well I am really been kicked out today, aren’t I? Go on, you better let Tom read to you.’ She instructed the pair to go upstairs. 

After a few minutes, she went to the base of the stairs after hearing a high pitched noise from upstairs. Listening, she could hear Tom using his skills to bring the characters to life and Lily’s joy at it. Smiling, she finished the dishes. As she left the plate to drain on the draining board, she felt Tom’s hands on her sides. 

‘Are you upset?’

‘A little, I have never had to share my daughter before. Daniel was never asked to read over me.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m not, as long as you are okay with it.’ she turned and looked at him. ‘I don’t want her to be too much for you, it’s not fair on you.’

‘I actually loved it.’ He admitted. ‘I...I have never realised what it is like to be wanted, but not as I usually am.’ Alexianna frowned. ‘People want photos, autographs and other things from me all the time, you and Lily want nothing of me, and Lily innocently sees nothing but me.’

‘We care about you Tom, you, not the fame or the money. I love how you make me laugh and smile, you make me feel like I can do things I have been terrified to do for so long again.’

‘You wish I didn’t have the money?’

‘No, I am delighted you have the money, you work so hard at your craft, the least that can happen is you are paid well for it.’ Alexianna commented. ‘I am so happy you made it.’ She gave a genuine smile. ‘You deserve it.’

Tom kissed her. ‘I have a present for you.’ Alexianna frowned at him. ‘I planned on giving it to you later, but I think now is the time.’ He walked over to another part of the counter and grabbed a white A4 envelope before handing it to her. Alexianna just stared at it. ‘Open it.’ 

Still unsure, Alexianna did as he requested, worried by the odd look on his face, a mixture of fear and excitement. She took out the papers, her eyes immediately drawn to the names boldly declaring themselves on the top of the paper before looking down. As soon as she realised what it was she was holding, a sob escaped her, her hand went her mouth and she began to shake violently as tears fell from her eyes fast and heavy. 

‘Lexi?’ Tom put his hands around her. He expected many reactions, but sobbing was not one of them, she began to shake more, bent over as she shook from the crying. ‘Lexi, are you alright?’ When she tried to stand straight again, Tom felt almost scared when he realised that her shaking was not from crying, but because she was smiling and giggling like a mad person. ‘Lexi?’

‘I’m free.’ She giggled between the tears. ‘He’s gone, he’s really really gone.’ 

Tom swallowed at her words, she was so relieved, she was unable to contain her at it. ‘Yes, Darling, you are divorced.’ she erupted in fresh giggles. ‘He cannot come after you. You didn’t have to sign his papers and you don’t have to leave him near Lily, you are free, both of you are.’ 

‘Thank you.’ She sobbed as she hugged him, her grip akin to a vice. ‘Thank you so much, Tom.’

Tom hugged her close to him. ‘The least I could do,’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘Just promise me you will not let him hurt you anymore. If you hear any more from him, tell me.’

‘I promise.’

‘So, was that a nice surprise for the evening?’

Alexianna looked at him in shock, ‘Wait, you did all this for…?’

‘I thought it would be nice, dinner, divorce, a movie.’ Tom smiled cheekily.

Alexianna giggled. ‘The best kind of evening. Thank you, Tom, you shouldn’t have.’ She curled in against him, inhaling deeply. 

‘What are you doing?’ Tom chuckled looking down at her.

‘I love your smell.’

‘You are making me really self-conscious.’ He chuckled. ‘Now, about this movie?’

‘What one is it?’

He grinned widely at her. ‘Guess what movie you wanted to watch but did not get to see is booked on my Sky Box.’

‘What...it’s not on DVD yet.’

‘Nope, but it is on Sky Box Office.’

‘Tom...this is too much.’

Tom erupted in laughter. ‘You are going out with an actor and you see dinner and a movie in his home as “too much” God Lexi, you are incredible.’ He kissed her.


	26. Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom asked Alexianna and Lily to join him for a few days with his family, leading to her discussing Daniel and a small revelation regarding her and her brother of late, which Tom tries to assist with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to have to speed this along a little, otherwise I will end up with two mammoth stories, which was not my intention at all.

Alexianna looked at Tom with a look of concern on her face. It had been over a month since he had handed her her divorce papers and in that time he has spent as much time as was physically possible with her though it was quite difficult with the Ragnarok premier and press junket that needed to be done also. Since his return, he had been adamant to bring both Alexianna and Lily to his mother's in Suffolk. The Hiddleston family had planned to get together over the Halloween break to spend time as a family. Alexianna felt that she and Lily would be intruding on their time and as such did not see it as her place to go, Tom, on the other hand, felt it was not right it to turn up to his family home without them. This led to the yet another concerning issue for Alexianna, because of the situation before we're Diana turned up to Tom's house unexpectedly, his mother was well aware that she and Tom were sharing a bed from time to time, but to turn up at his family home, for his sisters and their husbands to know the intimacy of the relationship even with the occasional being spotted by the paparazzi, it made her feel somewhat exposed and uncomfortable.

 

‘I'm not sure, I mean don't you want to spend time with your family? Just your family?’

 

‘Yakov and Jack have always been welcome at my mother's even before I married my sisters, come to think of it, they were more welcome then, because since then they have married my little sisters, well one little sister, one is older but still smaller than me so I can count for something, surely?’

 

‘So she was less inclined to like them after their married your sisters?’

 

‘No, my mother is very fond of them still, it's me isn't as welcoming considering they are my sisters.’

 

‘What if Daniel treated you like that? A tad hypocritical is it not?’ She argued.

 

‘I am aware of Daniel's opinion of me, I think you forget I was there the night that he came to the car to invite me in.  I know it was not to say hello, but the scope out exactly what I was doing and what I wanted from you. he made it quite clear how little he approved, but he is your older brother, I understand and respect him looking out for you. Same as I did with my sisters. Speaking of which, when is your brother home?’

 

‘He...I don’t think he is coming anytime soon.’

 

‘Lexi?’

 

‘He went on a holiday with a few of the guys off the rig and met someone.’ 

 

‘That’s nice, isn’t it?’ Tom asked.

 

‘No I am happy for him, I am. I just...Lily is asking to see him and I feel guilty that he is not here.’

 

‘Lexi, you knew he would find someone sooner or later, and with how good he has been with Lily, he was going to be taken by some girl.’

 

‘I know, and I want to be happy, but I have not heard from him in two and a half weeks and the last time I did was a “Fine” text, nothing more.’

 

‘Did you contact him since?’

 

‘Four times.’

 

Tom swallowed slightly, conceding that indeed, that was somewhat noteworthy. ‘Maybe he’s busy?’

 

‘I know he is, he has a picture of her and her kid on Facebook, he went with them to the zoo.’ Tom did not know what to say. ‘I am not being unreasonable. I am so happy he has someone, but he’s all I have left as a family now, so even a once a week “Hey sis, hope you’re okay,” would be nice. I mean, I don’t want anything from him, only to talk every now and then.’ 

 

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her temple. ‘I think that is fair enough. I try to contact my sisters with anything I find out that I think they will enjoy or if I have any news. I never go longer than a week without some form of contact.’ 

 

‘That’s all I want.’

 

‘Why don’t you send him a text or an email saying that, just that you miss talking to him, that you see he met someone and you’d love to hear about her?’

 

‘Isn’t four messages unanswered embarrassing enough?; She sighed. ‘About Suffolk…’

 

‘Please consider coming, everyone really wants to see you and Lily, in fact, Sophie hasn't stopped going on about it. Emma isn't giving her a cousin, so I think she is stealing Lily as one. she seems to think this is brilliant, a new cousin without all the baby stage where they are apparently boring and straight to the “someone to talk to about films, TV and toys” phase, while also being someone she can be older than, which apparently matters, as it gives her seniority, so she can still be the boss that she thinks she is, she is excited to have someone to play with. And the fact, of course, she is another girl, Yakov’s brother only has two boys, I think she's sick of being the only girl.’ For a man of thirty-six, Tom seemed to have perfected the “puppy dog pleading eyes” technique and was using it in an attempt to convince her into going to the event.

 

Alexianna did her best to not look him in the eye as he did it, ‘You’d think since I have a four-year-old, I would be used to this, but you were taking it to a whole other level, mister.’ 

 

‘Is that a yes?’ he asked, with a cheeky grin on his face. 

 

‘Fine.’ she conceded. Though she looks slightly concerned, there was little denying that she had an excited look on her face also. ‘At least I know the people there.’ she laughed, ‘Well most of them.’

 

‘Yakov and Jack will know how you feel, considering he had to do this at one stage, they are very nice people.’

 

‘The difference being, neither of them came with extra baggage, did they?’

 

‘Lily is not baggage, stop that now. My family know about her and are very excited to meet her. My mum adores her, Emma adores her, Sophie is dying to meet her, so is Sarah and Yakov, and Jack is just waiting to see who this girl is that Emma has not stopped talking about and has probably told him every last Detail of what you used to do together when you hang around when your kids.’

 

‘We were teenagers, not kids.’ Alexianna stated indignantly.

 

‘You moved next door when you're eight, who started out of kids.’ Tom argued. ‘I promise, it will be a lovely time, it always is. Just make sure to pack an extra warm jacket. It's fun to walk by the sea but it can get pretty chilly.’

 

* 

 

Tom looked at Daniel’s profile page in front of him on the computer screen. part of him thought it was best to not to interfere, but knowing how much it upset Alexianna to not be speaking more often with her brother. He felt, as her partner, that perhaps, since she was scared to try and contact him yet again, he could try. He was certain, going by the way Daniel acted around his sister and his niece, that this “snuff” was unintended, more than likely brought on by his own new relationship. So clicking on the message icon, Tom type a very short message to the other man, hoping to reinstate contact between the siblings. 

 

**Tom -  hello Daniel, I do not wish to insert myself into something that is not my business, but I feel I need to speak to you regarding Lexi. Of late, she is under the impression that you were in some manner not speaking to her. She says that she has tried to make contact with you on a few occasions but that you never responded. I am aware that this really isn't my business, but considering it is upsetting Lexi and indeed Lily, I thought I would ask if there was an issue because I am sure neither of us wants either of our girls unhappy for no reason.**

 

Tom looked at the message for several minutes, wondering if it was like to send it at all, but remembering just how upset Alexianna was and indeed, seeing with his own eyes that Lily was actively asking when she could speak to her uncle again, he hoped he was making the right decision before clicking send.

  
  


Hardly two minutes later, the message symbol came up on his own screen, telling him that he had a new message. Seeing that was Daniel, he inhaled deeply and clicked on it. 

 

_ Daniel - Hello Tom, I have to admit I was slightly confused as to you contacting me but having read why I can understand. No there is no issue between myself and Alexianna, I kept getting her messages, but if I am honest, I kept thinking to myself I would reply to them soon, but never did. Hearing how hurt she and Lily are by this, make me feel somewhat guilty. I haven't even told her about Anna or indeed when I plan to see her and Lily again soon. Thank you for telling me this, I can imagine it felt somewhat awkward contacting me, considering I am her older brother, but I appreciate it. _

 

_ Though if I'm honest, it's weird seeing “our girls” on your message. Just goes to show, it's been me and Alex for far too long. I will contact her as soon as I finish here, I'd rather call her instead of just typing something maybe that might make up for some of my lack of contact. But other than that, is she ok? _

 

**Tom -  She's fine, she has some news for you actually quite a bit of news, all good. different things have been coming together for her she's incredibly happy and I think it was a little gentle nudge, perhaps with your help, I can convince her to get a slightly bigger place for herself and Lily, while still within reach of Lily's School.**

 

_ Daniel - Shit, I forgot that she's started, what sort of brother am I? _

 

**Tom -  if it's any consolation, I did the same with Sophie.**

 

_ Daniel - I'm going to assume that it your niece. It doesn't make it any better, I always promised Lily that I would do everything I could for her, so for me to not even ask how her first day of school went, that's just wrong. I can't thank you enough Tom for contacting me. I'm here spending time with Anna and her sister, I don't even spend time talking to my own. _

 

 **Tom - You can change that now by contact with them, both of them are really hoping to hear** **from you.**

 

_ Daniel - Thank you Tom, thank you for looking after them and for not using them as camera fodder, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified that you would do that. _

 

**Tom - I understand. Who knows, we might see you soon.**

 

Tom came offline and sat back for a moment, thinking about what he had just done, hoping it was the right thing to do and that Alexianna would not feel betrayed by him contacting Daniel on her behalf.

 

*   
  
As it turned out, Alexianna was elated by his interference, as it meant that she was finally speaking with her brother again. He told her about Anna, her age, her job, her hobbies and other bits and pieces about her. her father had remarried ten years ago and had a child with his second wife, but he had been killed in a car accident, so Anna now helped to care for her sister Joanne a lot, hence the photo of them at the zoo with her. Apparently, any guy that Anna would go with had to be ok with Joanne, that had caused Alexianna to laugh, no one would be more perfect than Daniel. He told her about where he was living now, Edinburgh. He insisted that she and Lily would have to come and visit soon when Lily was on holidays from school, but that he would make his way down to them beforehand, the end of October was apparently too long between visits. 

 

Lily cried with glee at seeing her uncle FaceTime her mum. It took ten minutes to tell her uncle everything that has happened with school, and how she had loads of new friends and of how much fun she was having with Mum and Tom. For her part, Alexianna had the most exciting news. She told Daniel about her divorce, about Edward threats that Jonathan wanted her to sign. Lily, who was across the room when her uncle heard this but able to make out the swear words he was using to refer to the two men. She also told him of what Tom had his friend do, something he messaged Tom about later thanking him profusely for everything he had done. After all of that, Alexianna told him her newest news, she been hired as an intern that would give her extra learning but also a greater income that went hand in hand with her degree.

 

She has not been successful getting an internship with Luke’s company; Luke explained that her lack of experience and her relationship with Tom made it too complicated for her to work for him, but he gave her CV to a friend of his who wanted to train someone from scratch and it had resulted in her working parttime as well as studying, the HR management arranged a timeshare position for her and another intern that permission to them to both go to college and do their job. it's doubled the time that she would have to work as an intern but the income was greater than what she earned before, it was listed employment and went hand in hand with her degree, so in short, it was perfect for her.

 

Immediately Daniel did as Tom has also suggested and asked her to consider getting a bigger apartment, telling her that with her age and the fact that she was in school, Lily needed her own room. Clearly, Tom had whittled her down some bit because she listened to him before making her objections. He told her to find a place, he would pay the deposit for her, as well as moving van, and to give them the address, as well as Lily's room dimensions, because he was going to get her a bed and matching room furniture just for her. Alexianna immediately began to objective, but it was clear Daniel would not be moved, insisting that it was the right thing to do and something she had earned, reminding her of every fault and issue that she had had in the apartment she was currently in. Though she did not wish to admit it, his sister knew that he was right. 

 

With promises to see them soon, Daniel said his goodbyes, leaving a happy and somewhat relieved Alexianna looking at her phone wondering what caused a brother to ring her out of the blue. It was only ten minutes later, when she was making a cup of tea for herself, that Alexianna realised he had mentioned her getting the bigger apartment in the exact same way Tom had. She needed to take out her phone and pressed the dial button.

 

‘Hello Lexi, how are you this afternoon?’

 

Alexianna immediately noted Tom's delighted tone. ‘Actually, I'm great thanks how are you?’

 

‘Good, yeah.' 

 

'I actually wanted to talk to you about something.’

 

‘Okay?’ Tom was unsure by her tone if this was a good or bad thing.

 

‘I just got the most unexpected phone call,’ she began.

 

‘Good or bad?’ Tom realised she was referring to a call from her brother.

 

‘Great actually, care to guess who it was from?’

 

‘The National Lottery?’

 

‘Don't be a smartass. Why is it my brother, the brother I have not spoken to in quite a few weeks, rings me up out of the blue, asks me how I am getting on and then goes on with the exact same idea as you for me to get a bigger place?’

 

‘Because perhaps maybe it is a good idea?’ Tom suggested. ‘You know the saying “Great minds think alike”.’

 

‘You do realise the second part of that is “But fools seldom differ”? don't you?’

 

‘We both know I'm no fool.’ Tom grin was audible over the phone.

 

‘Tom did you contact Daniel?’ Alexianna asked, her tone did not give away her emotion at this question.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Because you were upset and personally I did not think that it was because your brother had an issue with you as to why he did not contact you, so I said I would ask myself. You had said that after your own unanswered texts that you did not think it best for you to contact him again, so I thought perhaps I could help. I'm sorry if I overstepped the mark, I was just worried for you and Lily, I didn't want to see you unhappy, especially if there was no reason for you to be. I won’t always be able to stop things from hurting you, as much as it kills me to say it, but I felt I could help with this.’

 

‘Thank you, Tom, it was a little weird when I figured out it was you, considering it is my brother and you already made it clear how awkward it can be between boyfriends and brothers but I'm really happy that you did it, thank you. It made Lily’s day.’

 

‘Anytime. Are you ready for this weekend?’

 

‘No. but it's coming anyway isn't it?’

 

‘You will love it, wait and see.’ Tom promised. 


	27. Suffolk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom, Alexianna and Lily go to Suffolk for a weekend with the Hiddleston clan, leading to conversations among family members of the similarities of Lily and Tom and his place in her life, and her in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to have to do little time jumps here or this will never get done!

Alexianna was unsure how she made it all the way to Suffolk in the car, but she succeeded. Lily got bored en route and fell asleep while Tom gave her the rundown of Sarah and Yakov, interests and jobs and other such things to help her feel as though she was not a complete stranger with his older sister and her husband. When they arrived at the house, Alexianna smiled. ‘This is your mum, this is so you mum.’ She beamed as she got out of the car and walked around to get Lily out of the backseat. ‘Come on Lazybones.’ 

She had woken Lily ten minutes out so that the child would not be cranky as they went into the house, hoping not to give a bad first impression. Lily looked up at the house in awe. ‘It’s so pretty, is this a hotel?’

‘No Princess, it is not a hotel. This is my mum’s house.’ Tom grinned. 

In the few weeks it had been since he mentioned the trip to her, Tom had a few bits and pieces he had to do for work, but she was busier, Alexianna was juggling work and study and still managing to be a mother too, Tom watched in awe as she did it all. He had not been able to convince her to move house yet, but with her schedule, he failed to see how she could even consider it. If anything, he insisted she join him in Suffolk to get herself some R&R. In that time also, Lily went from “Darling” to “Princess” as per her own request, not liking that Tom used the word on others. 

‘Nan is here!’ she squealed with joy almost elbowing Alexianna in the face as she tried to get out of the seat. Tom took their luggage as Lily dragged her ever battered two rabbit teddies and rushed to the door, Alexianna closing the car door before helping Tom with the bags. 

It was Emma who opened the door, beaming brightly at Lily. ‘Hello, Princess Lily.’ She bent down and cuddled Lily who adored the attention. ‘We have someone who is dying to meet you.’ 

Lily showed no fear as she walked into the house with Emma and looked around. ‘It’s so pretty.’ She looked at the art and pictures that Diana had up before giggling. ‘Is that Tom?’

Emma looked and laughed. ‘Yep, he was about your age then.’ 

Lily giggled more. ‘Do not tell me Mum has that picture up on the wall again?’ Tom groaned as they came in. 

‘But small smiley Tom is fun.’ Alexianna laughed, ‘You looked so adorable...what happened?’ Emma snorted in laughter. 

‘Aren’t you funny?’ Tom stated bemusedly. 

‘I like to think I am.’ She smiled, causing him to grin back at her. 

‘Come on, everyone else is in the kitchen.’ Emma smiled as they made their way in. Just as they came out of the living room, there was a dart of something back into the kitchen, something smaller, child-sized. ‘Sophie.’ Her aunt warned as they came to the door. 

‘You are taking forever.’ Came another voice from inside before they entered and were met by everyone. 

Immediately Lily noticed Diana and rushed over to her, the older woman smiling as she hugged her. ‘Hello, Sweetheart.’

‘I missed you, your house is pretty.’

‘Thank you, love.’ They noticed another person standing next to them. ‘Lily, this is my granddaughter Sophie, Sophie, I told you about Lily.’

‘My adopted cousin.’ Sophie beamed. ‘Do you like Shimmer and Shine?’ 

Lily’s face lit up and she started singing the theme, which Sophie joined in with and dragged her from the room to her toys.

‘We are not going to have a moment’s peace for the weekend.’ Emma laughed, she noted the peculiar look on Sarah’s face before giving her a confused one. 

Sarah just smiled when she realised her sister was looking at her. ‘Hello, little brother.’ She jested. 

‘I am six inches taller than you and only eighteen months younger, you were still in nappies for goodness sake.’

‘But I am still older.’ Sarah teased as she hugged him before looking to a slightly sheepish looking Alexianna. ‘Hello, I have not seen you in years, how do you look almost the same, what are you using?’ she gave her a hug too. 

Alexianna felt somewhat startled by it, ‘Em, water?’

‘Very funny, wise ass.’ Emma scoffed. ‘You know Jack.’ She indicated to her husband, who she had introduced to Alexianna one afternoon when they met for coffee. ‘And this is Sarah’s husband Yakov.’ 

‘Hello.’ Alexianna waved nervously. 

‘Now that we are all here, let’s get dinner on.’ Diana smiled as she went to the stove. ‘Sarah, you set the table, Emma dear, make sure the meat is glazed properly, and boys, out, how are we supposed to get anything done with you all in the way. Alex darling, could you help me with the potatoes.’

With the men shooed from the room, Jack and Tom getting wood and coal in for the fire and Yakov making sure the two girls were safe, they got to work on the food. 

‘Hey?’ Emma turned to see Sarah looking at her as she went to get a cushion for Sophie and Lily to sit on at the table. ‘Can I ask you something weird?’

‘’What?’ Emma remembered the way her sister had looked at Lily earlier. 

‘Do you think Alexianna’s daughter…’

‘Looks exactly like Tom?’

‘So it’s not just me.’

‘No, the first time I saw her I thought it too.’

‘She’s not his though….is she?’

‘No, they haven’t seen each other in years.’

‘What does her ex look like?’

‘You think after everything, she has photos she shows people or that I would ask?’ Emma scoffed. ‘Why?’

‘Well, part of my degree, I did Psychology, you know that, and part of it as transference, if Lily looks like her father, and her father looks like Tom…’

‘Look, I am not going to think about it.’ Emma stated, ‘Tom seems happy and Alexianna is really starting to act like the girl I was friends with in school.’ 

‘But…’

‘No buts Sarah, she’s divorced from this Jonathan guy, he is nothing to do with her and she is happy with Tom, that’s all we could want surely?’

‘I just find it weird, I mean if she and Tom ever have kids, they honestly could not look more like Tom.’ 

‘It’s weird, but Lily looks like who she looks like and that isn’t going to change.’ Emma shrugged as she got the cushions and walked out again. The pair went downstairs to see Jack and Tom had finished getting the fire sorted and for Tom to be between the two girls on the floor being educated in the world of Shimmer and Shine. ‘Poor Tom.’

‘Where’s Yakov?’ Sarah laughed on seeing her brother looking confused between the girls.

‘Fled for a minute to get a tea while he still had his sanity.’ Tom joked. ‘I am being told about...these things.’ He pointed to the toys. 

‘Toys can be frazzling, can’t they?’

‘Was there this many when we were kids, I genuinely don’t think there was?’ He looked around at the different things. 

‘I think they came all in the one pack and not all sold separately.’ Sarah stated. 

‘Parenting joys.’ Tom commented. 

‘Yeah, mock me.’ 

Tom’s brows furrowed, ‘I don’t do anything on that front.’

‘You don’t help with….?’

‘I am under strict instruction not to go buying toys all the time and I have kept to it.’ Tom stated factually. ‘Lexi made it clear, Christmas and Birthday and birthday is not until July.’ 

‘Do you help with anything else?’

‘Financially, absolutely not, Lexi is crystal clear, her daughter, her responsibility.’ Tom informed her. ‘She doesn’t want anyone, myself included, to think she wants someone to raise her daughter for her.’

‘But you are involved in other ways, aren’t you?’

‘I spend time with her, I read with her, yes.’ Tom explained. ‘I am chief story reader now.’ He declared proudly. 

‘Right.’ Sarah sighed, relieved her brother was not half ignoring Lily. ‘And down the road?’

‘We are not worrying about too far ahead, we don’t want to pressure ourselves.’ Tom informed her. ‘Lil’s, princess, you cannot use my knee as a mountain, it is too old and rickety.’ He smiled as she tried and failed to get a monkey character to stay on his knee. 

Lily giggled in return. ‘Silly Tom.’ 

Sarah watched how Tom reacted with Lily, she had seen him before with Sophie, it was so natural and caring, Tom adored his niece, but with Lily, he noticed he kept just a step back, as though not allowing himself invest fully. When he realised she was looking at him again, he smiled, but she did not return the gesture, causing frown lines to knit on his forehead. Before any more could be said, the “five minutes til food” call was given. ‘Tidy up.’ Sarah ordered, surprised that Sophie did not make a show in front of Lily, as well as Lily helping immediately without being asked. ‘Thank you, Sweetheart.’ She smiled. Lily beamed back at her. ‘I bet you help your mum a lot.’

‘Mum says I should always tidy my things because they could get lost or broken, and I don’t want my Paw Patrol to get losted.’ She shook her head. 

Sarah smiled at the use of the incorrect word. ‘No, that would not be nice. Come on, your mum will want you to go inside to the kitchen.’ Lily rushed off, holding Sophie’s hand, Sarah watching them. 

‘What was that look for?’ Tom asked, closing over the door.

‘Why are you standoffish with her, she adores you?’ Sarah queried. 

‘She is not my daughter.’ 

‘That we were told.’

‘I...I don’t want her getting…’ Tom inhaled deeply. ‘If this goes wrong, if Lexi and I cannot make this work, she will be the one left upset.’

‘Her, or you?’ He did not answer. ‘You have two choices Tom; accept this fully or pull back, it is not healthy for Lily to think otherwise. What if, in say five years, you are still with Alex and you have a baby with her, will you give that child everything and continue to make only half an effort with Lily, or change how you treat Lily, who would be old enough to realise there is a difference, what is the long-term plan, or is it that there is none, that you have a foot halfway out the door already?’

‘No...I…’ Tom said nothing for another moment. ‘I don’t want this to crash and burn and to have dedicated all this time and effort into Lexi and Lily and be left with nothing.’ 

‘What nothing?’

‘Lily is not mine, so if Lexi and I part ways, I do not have the right to see her again,’ Tom explained, his voice tight. ‘I…’

‘You holding back isn’t going to help.’

‘Lexi is keeping it very formal, not letting me get too close, she has set rules, she’s mad for rules these days.’

‘Alexianna was always a stickler for rules, that’s not new. What sort of rules?’

‘Don’t get her stuff, don’t pay attention to tantrums, don’t...why are you looking at me like that?’

‘You do realise this is Alexianna involving you in a parenting aspect, right?’

‘What?’

‘She is setting boundaries so Lily does not see you as her personal ATM and is helping you be a figure of authority and importance in her life. She is making sure you are in the same role as her, her mum, this is the exact opposite of keeping you back, she allows you do story time, she is making sure you are not just some part-time fun adult, you are misconstruing her solidifying you as a person Lily should see as an important adult in her life as her being boring and distant.’ Tom stared at her blankly. ‘She seems to really want this Tom, you can see she is terrified here, but she came, because I would imagine, you made this seem like a big deal to you.’ 

Tom’s face became one of realisation. ‘I think you are so busy looking for something to be wrong, you are failing to see what is going right. Swift caused you to be suspicious, you gave yourself to that and she took it and toyed with you for her personal amusement and now you think Alex’s attempts to start you off on the right foot in Lily’s life is her being cold and cruel, it’s sad really, the cruel one made you skeptical of any further nice ones.’ She patted her brother’s shoulder. ‘Alex is a good fit for you, if you are both willing to put in the effort.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Your job is hard at the best of times, how many families separate when an actor is in their prime, look at Chris Pratt, even in a recent interview, Hemsworth said it put an incredible strain on his marriage, especially after the kids, and didn’t you say Cumberbatch is cutting a lot of work away from home?’ Tom nodded. ‘If you put in the effort and Alexianna is understanding enough to realise you will be away from time to time, you could make it and be really happy, I think anyway. Seeing her in the kitchen with mum, seeing Lily and how she is raising Lily, I think she is nice and normal and someone you should endeavour to be with.’ Sarah admitted. ‘I have to say though, Lily looks so much like you it is scary.’ Tom frowned. ‘Look at that photo and tell me that little girl does not look like you.’ She pointed to a particular photo in their mother’s living room, which Tom had to concede, made him and Lily seem more similar than most could argue. 

‘If you look at that picture, you’re right, yeah.’ 

‘You sure you didn’t sleep with Alexianna five years ago?’ Sarah was only half joking. 

‘I am pretty sure, yes.’

‘Said I’d ask.’ 

‘Are you two ever coming to dinner?’ Yakov queried from the living room door, ‘Everyone else is at the table.’

‘Sorry, just chatting.’ Sarah grinned walking forward. 

*

The afternoon went well, Sophie and Lily acted as though they had been raised together rather than having just met and as a result begged and pleaded to stay in the same room that night. The adults acted as though it had not already been discussed seeing as they needed to try and figure out how to facilitate everyone and said fine, knowing both girls would probably stay up late, but with Tom acting as storyteller, and two stories instead of one, they went to bed at an intermediate time between their usual bedtimes and were asleep by nine-thirty while the adults spoke more in the living room. 

‘Are you alright?’

Alexianna turned to see Tom behind her as she washed the cup she had been using and smiled. ‘Yes, why?’

‘Just wanted to ask, I don’t want you overwhelmed.’ He wrapped his arms around her. 

‘I’m fine, tired, but okay.’ 

‘We’ll go to bed soon.’ Her face gave away the emotions he knew she had been hiding. ‘Sarah and Yakov are in bed together, so are Emma and Jack so us being in bed together isn’t an issue.’

‘They’re married.’

‘We have spent how many nights together in bed and you never worried?’

‘Not in your mother’s though.’ He gave a small brow raise. ‘No funny stuff.’

‘I cannot promise that.’ He smiled, she gave a warning glare. 'Everyone adores you, you know?’

‘I missed your family, they are so incredible.’

‘They adore Lily too.’

‘How could you not, she’s amazing.’ Alexianna smiled proudly. 

‘With you for a mum, how wouldn’t she be?’ He inhaled deeply. ‘Lexi, can I ask you something?’ She looked at him concerned. ‘Do you see me as someone of authority in Lily’s life?’ She looked at him nervously. ‘Be honest, please.’ 

‘I...I want you to be, but I understand if that is too much for you.’

‘But what if we part ways? Will that not confuse her?’

‘What if we don’t?’ She challenged. ‘If you don’t want to Tom, I understand, but if you want this to work, I think you need to be somewhat like that for her. You’re not her father, I know that is a wedge you cannot ignore in some ways, but with Jonathan not being involved…’

‘At least there’s that.’ He acknowledged. ‘I’m scared in some ways, but...I want this.’ He stated clearly.


	28. Scars To You Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna and Tom take Sophie and Lily to the beach, causing Alexianna to feel guilty before they go to Diana's home for the evening and Tom makes Alexianna deal with her scars, even if she is unsure.

Alexianna smiled as Lily giggled uncontrollably, having been brought to the seaside for the first time in her life. She seemed to almost become a different child as she used a stick to draw in the sand and watched the water crash on the shoreline. Sophie was beside her, helping her draw her name in the sand. 

‘Are you okay?’ Tom looked at her, noting the sadness on her face. 

‘I am failing her.’ Alexianna’s voice was tight. 

Tom immediately pulled her to him. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘She...this is the first time she has had something as normal as a visit to the seaside.’

‘Lexi, you had no car or the way to bring her, you are getting over this issue of yours now and she is only four, not fourteen, relax, you are not failing her.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘Look at her, look how happy she is, don’t feel sad when she is so happy.’ Alexianna gave a small smile. ‘Take a picture, send it to Daniel, he would want to see this.’ 

‘I didn’t bring my phone.’ She admitted. 

‘We’ll use mine.’ Tom reached into his pocket and took out his phone, taking two pictures without Lily noticing before calling her. ‘Lily Princess, we need a picture for Uncle Daniel.’ Upon hearing her uncle’s name, Lily squeaked with joy and rushed over, smiled wide, her hair every direction, the cool windy weather causing her to have a runny nose. ‘What do we say for pictures?’ He laughed. 

‘Pikachu!’ 

Tom looked to Alexianna who was laughing at her daughter, not knowing where she got that from. ‘I was thinking cheese.’

‘But I don’t like cheese.’

‘Then say please.’ Alexianna suggested laughing. 

‘How about pineapple?’ Lily suggested. 

‘Just say Lily, please or even say nothing and smile.’ Her mum smiled. 

‘Fine.’ Lily frowned for a moment, but seeing Tom pointing the phone at her, she smiled widely. ‘Now you and me, Mummy.’

‘No.’ Alexianna refused, stepping back. 

‘Yes.’ Tom stated, ‘He’d love that.’ 

‘Tom, please.’ The way Alexianna looked at him pleadingly, with tears in her eyes told Tom everything. 

‘Okay, it’s okay.’ He pulled her to him and kissed her temple. ‘We’ll get a picture of Mum in a minute, okay Princess, how about a big smile?’ Lily was about to complain about her mother not taking a photo with her, but as soon as Tom mentioned another photograph, she beamed widely. When he was done, she demanded to see them all, scolding him if one was blurry. Lily watched as Tom sent the pictures and a video of her saying hello to her uncle by PM on Facebook and they continued with their day, Tom making sure to reassure Alexianna with small gestures as they did so. 

By evening, Lily was bleary-eyed on the couch watching Moana with Sophie, the fresh air and the hours spent outside having worn both girls out. Tom and Alexianna were the two cleaning up after the dinner since it was cooked while they took the girls out. 

‘Did you enjoy the beach?’ Tom asked, looking at Alexianna drying a plate. 

‘Yeah, it was nice.’ She gave a small smile. 

‘Lexi…’ She looked at him in a way that told him she knew what he was going to ask. ‘Why don’t you want a picture of you and Lily?’

‘I don’t like photos.’

‘They use not bother you when you were younger.’ It was true, she never rushed into pictures, but when she and Emma used to laugh and have fun if there was a camera around, she used to pull funny faces with his sister and smile. 

‘I just don’t.’ She stated, refusing to say any more on the subject. 

He pulled her against him. ‘You are beautiful, inside and out.’ He stated, kissing her forehead. ‘We have had people take photos of us together.’ He reminded her. Admittedly neither had consented to it and the photographers did not seem too respectful of the clear dislike that she had for their actions. 

‘In all fairness, they don’t get too close, if they did get a close-up, it is blurry, they can’t see them.’

Tom frowned for a moment and realised she was referencing her scars. He often forgot about them, knowing that they were there, he never actually paid any attention to them, but clearly, she was bothered by it. She never wore her hair up and did nothing to bring attention to her face. Even now, as she cleaned dishes in a warm house, her sleeves were down. ‘You are more than those scars, you know that, right?’ He pulled up her sleeve on her right arm, the one that took the brunt of the car crash. ‘These mean you survived. You showed me the photos of the crash, he ploughed into you at forty miles per hour in a large metal machine and you are still here.’ He kissed the healed wounds. 

‘But when people find out about them…’ 

‘They will realise how incredibly strong you are.’

‘Or say he should have gone fifty and done the job right.’ She stated. 

Tom swallowed, there were “fans” out there that wished ill on their celebrity crushes partners. He was sure, somewhere in the far corners of the internet, someone somewhere, under the anonymity of pixels on a screen would say something like that. He pulled her against him and kissed her head. ‘Don’t say that, please don’t say things like that. You are incredible and if something more happened you I would never have gotten to see you again, I would not have had the chance to tell you I love you. Jesus, without you, there would be no Lily, that beautiful, sweet, wonderful little girl is only here because you are here. If you never see anything else worth it all, look at her, think of her when she is asleep or looking up at you with that sweet twinkle in her eye of excitement as she tells you about her day in school, don’t ever think that it would have been better if he had.’ 

‘You can be a big sweetheart sometimes, do you know that?’

‘As long as it makes you realise how great you are, I’m okay with it. Just don’t tell anyone, I am the most mischievous God in the universes, okay?’ She laughed against him. ‘Come on, we’ll get this sorted.’ he urged her back to the dishes. 

‘Hey, how are things going in here, has Tom broken any dishes yet?’ Sarah joked as she came in to get some tea not long after. 

‘I never broke a dish, that was you and you blamed me.’ 

‘I broke two other ones that day, if dad found out I broke a third, he’d have kicked my ass.’ 

‘So poor Tom took the blame, why not blame Emma, she is six years younger? She’d have gotten away with it.’ Alexianna asked. 

‘I said that too, but no, it had to be me. I was punished for it too, an evening without TV, and something good was on too, I can’t remember what, but it was good and I had been wanting to watch it.’ 

‘I’m sorry.’ Sarah stated honestly. ‘I promise never to blame you again.’

‘We are adults now; if you cannot take the blame at this stage, when can you?’ Tom scoffed. 

Sarah rolled her eyes for a moment before her gaze came to Alexianna’s rolled up sleeve, which caused her eyes to widen before she could help herself. Swallowing to try and get rid of the lump in her throat, she cleared her voice before speaking again. ‘Do...do you need help in here?’

Both Tom and Alexianna had realised what had happened, Alexianna immediately pulling her sleeve down. ‘No, we have it covered.’ Tom insisted. He looked at Alexianna, who could not take her gaze from the floor. ‘Alexianna, as you know, was in a car crash and her right arm took a lot of the damage, she had glass shards and even part of a Bentley embedded in it and two surgeries to fix it, so she can get a little bothered with its appearance.’ Alexianna looked at him shocked. ‘You are so hung up on thinking you look terrible you are not enjoying being around people who love and care about you.’ She looked at him guiltily. 

‘We see enough people being fake or not who they really are around us, trying to get to Tom or with Sarah with her work.’ They turned to see Diana walking into the room. ‘No one in this family is allowed feel as though they cannot be themselves in here. Wrinkles, grey hairs, scars and even high hairlines,’ Tom rubbed his forehead at that, fully aware of his ever-receding hairline. ‘It’s all normal in here.’

‘And stretchmarks.’ Sarah reminded her mother. 

‘Are those a thing now, back in my day, no one gave a monkey’s about them.’

‘They are, and cellulite.’ Sarah informed her mother. 

‘No wonder so many girls are starving themselves these days or caking themselves in make-up, you cannot be yourself.’ Diana shook her head. ‘So what is so bad you are risking your sleeves being dirty to hide it?’ She asked. 

Alexianna looked at her scared before looking to Tom, who immediately came to her side to show her he was there for her. Shaking slightly, she lifted up her sleeve to which Diana walked over and inspected it. ‘Well, you were always a tough cookie, I bet that was not pleasant.’

Alexianna found herself laughing, ‘No, I spent a month on heavy-duty painkillers for it because of the operations too.’ She admitted. ‘My ulnar is more metal than bone now.’

Diana immediately pulled her to her and hugged her tightly, ‘You don’t have to worry about that here. You are you and we love you for who you are. Am I clear?’ She nodded. ‘Scars are proof we lived, no one gets through this life unscathed. Even this silly boy has some.’ Diana pointed to Tom, who rubbed his forehead from his accident in the Donmar. ‘Now, no more silliness, do you hear me?’

*

‘Are you mad at me?’ Alexianna looked at Tom, who was sheepishly standing behind her in his old bedroom as they got ready for bed. 

‘No.’ 

‘You have been quite quiet with me this evening.’

‘Tom, I’m tired.’ She stated, not looking at him. 

Tom, however, did not yield, having realised in their time together, she had a tendency to go into a quiet state, not saying anything. ‘I had no right to tell my family about your arm, I’m sorry.’

‘You had no right.’ She snapped, looking back at him, her face a mixture of angry and hurt. ‘I don’t want people knowing about it.’

‘I know, I thought if they knew, you would not worry and you could just get on with life without having to think to keep your sleeve down around them. I’m sorry.’ He stated sadly. 

‘I decide who I tell what about in my life, you do not get to do that.’ She had tears in her eyes as she spoke. ‘I am not something to be pointed at.’

‘No, you’re not, hence why telling those around you your issues is important, we need to be able to show you that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are perfect.’ Alexianna scoffed. ‘Yes, you are perfect as you are, scars and all, or do you not realise that when I tell you that I love you, and when we are intimate. Do you think what I say and how I react when I am with you, when we are in bed together, is just bullshit?’ Tom asked, his features displaying his hurt. ‘I want you to be part of my life like you say you want me in yours and Lily’s, but you do not trust me when I say I love you and your arm does not impact on that and seeing it cause you to clam up, seeing you ashamed or repulsed by it makes me so upset, because I want you to see it and think that that car crash is not going to define you, that even though it led to a difficult time, you got through it, that you have Lily and that you are glad to be where you are today, you’re doing well in work, your daughter is doing well in school and we are doing well, is that so hard for you?’ His voice filled with heartache for her, Alexianna looked at him guiltily. Tom wanted her to get past the bad that had happened. ‘The longer you hold onto the meaning of those scars, the longer you are allowing all of that in your life. Don’t let them or him take any more of your life, you have me and Lily, we want you to be happy, we want you to get past all that. You said the therapist was adamant to talk about him and that is why you did not want to continue going, but holding onto your opinion of your arm,’ he pointed to her arm. ‘Is doing exactly that.’ Alexianna stared at him shocked. ‘Don’t stay thinking about that, please.’ he beseeched. ‘You are not those scars, he and those thoughts you have do not deserve your time. You deserve better.’

Alexianna said nothing, instead, she stewed on his words before she bit her lips together and her eyes began to water. ‘Oh God.’

‘Lexi?’

‘I...You’re right. I...I have been letting this...him stay in my head.’

Tom immediately walked over to her and pulled her to him, holding her tight as the realisation rocked her. ‘I’m here, don’t worry. You’ll be fine, you just need to work through it, it won’t be quick or easy, but you have me, Daniel, my family, we love you as you, okay?’ He kissed her head. ‘Even when I am busy, when I am working, you can text me and I will text or call you as soon as I have a chance, okay?’

‘Thank you for being honest.’ She hiccuped into his chest. 

‘What do you mean?’

‘For not saying that you’ll be there no matter what, that you are being realistic.’

‘I have to be, I cannot say I will be there at the drop of a hat if it is not possible to be, that would be setting us up to fail, I don’t want to do that. It is the same for you, when I need something from this, from us, I have to wait for you to finish work or study or when you are not dealing with Lily.’ 

‘I know.’ 

‘I love you, Lexi, with your scars, stretch marks and when the time comes, even grey hairs.’ He promised, kissing her. ‘As much as I hope you don’t mind my scars, my receding hairline and the greys I know are edging in.’ 

‘Yes.’

‘Those scars are not you, they are just marks on your skin.’ He insisted, bringing her to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the song Scars to your Beautiful, a great song.


	29. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom begins his Christmas shopping before having Alexianna and Lily over for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I hit a serious writer's block with this but as I explained on I Love You, I Hate You, I finished all the stories on my other profile leaving only this and I Love You so I will be focusing on them more now.

Tom made sure no one of note saw him as he went into the toy store to get what was needed. He was present when Lily made her “Santa list” as well as other items that were shortlisted, but scrapped as Alexianna had a firm rule, Lily could only ask Santa for three things. As a result, he knew what other things were on the list, Alexianna had said what was going to be from her, Daniel had given her money to get one from him as he would be working on the rig for Christmas, leaving Tom with the idea to get her the other item on the list. 

It was the most expensive of the items on the list, but it was still extremely reasonably priced at a meagre sixty pounds, so he saw no issue. He ensured it was adequately concealed on his departure for fear that he was seen and Lily would find out what it was before Christmas. 

He was right to be cautious, as there was indeed a few fans asking for photos as he made his way through the street back to his car, Lily’s present in hand. One or two made comments about the big Paw Patrol present bag, saying their kids/nieces/nephews were the same, others seemed less than impressed, but said nothing regards it.

With that done, he went about getting something for Alexianna. He wanted to get her something fancy or even extravagant. She was working hard, juggling their relationship, being a mother to Lily, her job and her schooling in some miraculous way. Tom often found himself wondering how she did it all. She assisted Lily with her learning to read and write, while also doing work and her own schooling. He sat watching as she had Lily on her lap colouring while she wrote a shopping list to get on the way home from work before collecting Lily from school the next day. She never put pressure on him, respecting his need to work and often space to deal with it. He knew she wore little jewellery, only a necklace she had gotten herself after Lily was born to signify the two of them, nothing else and he did not want to infringe on that. Then he considered a weekend away, just them, but he also knew she would be frantic about Lily, so he contacted Daniel to ask him when he would be back their direction, since he was certain the only one that she would permit take Lily for a night was her brother, but sadly, there was no way for him to tell just yet, as he had his own life in Scotland now, leaving Tom to try and figure out something. He thought of a gift voucher somewhere, but he was worried she would take that as a suggestion that what she had was not good enough. It was a minefield, and he was terrified of insulting her in one manner or another. 

One thing Tom noticed was the sheer amount of women that now made up the inner circle of his life. Between his mother, his sisters, his niece, Alexianna and Lily, he was utterly surrounded. He had a few good male friends, but it was funny all the same how many women he had around him. As he bought the rest of his presents, he felt more confident of what to get her and proceeded to do so. 

By the time he got everything done, he checked his watch and realised he was late getting home, having asked Alexianna and Lily over for the evening for dinner, with no time to cook, he thought it best to arrange a takeaway when he got there and texted Alexianna to tell her he was slightly delayed. 

When he got to the house, he was smiling, having just passed Alexianna and Lily, who were a mere few houses away making their way to his home. ‘Good evening, ladies.’ 

‘Hi, Tom.’ Lily giggled. ‘You’re so silly.’

‘Good, that means I am making you laugh.’ Tom smiled, cuddling her as she rushed to him. When she pulled back, her mother came into his view more. ‘Hi.’ He looked at her in concern. ‘Are you…?’

‘I’m fine.’ She dismissed, though it was clear something was bothering her. He had spoken to her earlier in the day and everything seemed fine, so whatever it was more than likely occurred in the afternoon sometime. But he knew she never wanted to share her worries too much, be it because she was scared that she would frighten him off or because she did not want to let Lily realise something was bothering her, but either way, she was refusing to say anymore. ‘Good afternoon?’

‘Busy, I had to get a few things sorted.’ He smiled, his glance going to the car or a moment. ‘I did not get a chance to cook, so what about a pizza for dinner?’

‘Can you have one?’ Alexianna asked worriedly, knowing that Tom’s diet was restricted by his job. 

‘So long as I do not stuff myself to beyond normal.’ He smiled, putting his arm around her and giving her a small kiss. 

In the time since their trip to Suffolk, Alexianna had become slightly more lenient with what Lily saw between them. She had seemingly watched Jack and Emma’s interactions, as well as Sarah and Yakov’s around Lily and indeed Sophie to gauge what would be deemed an acceptable level of interaction between adults in a relationship. It was hard for her because part of her was saying it was not right. There had been an argument as a result of her shying away from Tom with Lily present. Tom stating that such actions implied to Lily that there was a reason for Alexianna to shy away from him and in turn, that he was someone to worry about. Alexianna was forced to concede that it was true and allowed some contact, a kiss or a hug be visible in front of Lily, something Tom and Emma on another occasion, insisted would teach Lily what healthy and good adult relationships looked like, and would set her up with what to expect when she was older. Though Alexianna was none too pleased at considering her daughter as a teenager with a partner, she accepted it was true and that she needed to be more understanding of it. 

‘When she is gone to bed, will you tell me what is bothering you?’

‘I am just tired, Tom.’ She dismissed again. 

‘Lexi?’ She could not look him in the eye for a moment, and when she did, he could see there was indeed something bothering her. ‘Please.’ 

‘I just am worn out today, and then someone made a stupid comment.’ She explained. 

‘Okay, thank you, Darling.’ He kissed her again. ‘We will talk more later, alright?’

She nodded slightly. ‘So long as I do not render unconscious after my food.’ She smiled. ‘Where will we order from?’ She smiled, feeling somewhat better having confessed some of her woes to Tom, and wanting to be happy around Lily. 

Grateful to have gotten her to open up slightly, Tom smiled too, amazed at the lengths Alexianna was willing to go to to ensure Lily had a happy home environment, even if all she wanted to do was crawl in a corner and remain there. ‘Dominos?’

Alexianna scoffed slightly, ‘That is hardly fine dining.’

‘I never said we were going to do such.’ Tom grinned. ‘Are you against it?’

‘Hell, no. I am all for it.’

‘Then don’t complain about a delicious dinner,’ He chuckled. 

‘Meateor for me please, tomato base, not barbeque.’ Alexianna asked. ‘And Madame will have some of mine.’ 

‘Okay, and sides?’ Tom took note. 

‘As long as there are wedges, we’re happy.’ 

‘I will organise that, you get Lily sorted.’ Tom gently rubbed her arm in a show of affection before Alexianna did as he suggested. 

With the food eaten and Tom brought up to date on Lily’s life, courtesy of an enthusiastic Lily, she was finally ushered to bed, with Tom as her storyteller, as often happened when they stayed at his before Alexianna and Tom were left to an evening to themselves again. 

‘How about we sit down and watch a film?’ Tom suggested as he wrapped his arms around her waist as Alexianna dried the last of the dishes. 

‘In a minute, I just want to sort these.’ She leant into his embrace. 

‘What’s wrong, tell me.’ He pleased, wanting her to feel better.

She considered not telling him for a moment before conceding that he would probably badger her until she told him. ‘I am getting comments, at work, and at college.’

‘About us?’ She nodded. ‘And?’

‘I knew it would happen, but what they are saying, who thinks it’s okay to go up to a person and say these things? Do you remember when we were growing up, you never dared to speak to people like that?’

‘It is the modern day, people overuse social media and hide behind little icons on a screen and say all sorts of things that they always thought but knew to never say in public, or else they enjoy the reaction and attention they get from saying these horrible things and then forget that they are no longer behind the onscreen persona, or indeed forget that this not acceptable human interaction or that their right to say what they want excuses them from ramifications.’ Tom explained, pulling her close to him. ‘So, what are they jabbering about. You sleeping with me to get ahead? You’re using me in some other way.’

‘Among other things. I think the words “Sugar Daddy” were used at some point.’ 

Tom shook his head with a look of distaste on his face. ‘It makes me sound old.’

‘The other is that Lily is yours.’ 

‘We had those accusations a few times now, that is hardly the most insulting, is it?’ He was unsure whether or not he should be insulted 

‘No, that one doesn’t tend to bother me, I mean,’ She smiled slightly. ‘Of all the men to be her father, I wish you were a candidate.’

‘Then what about it?’ She looked at her hands. ‘Lexi?’

‘Apparently, I am punishing you, for the whole Taylor Swift thing, and you are being forced to take me back and I am holding you to ransom with our daughter. I should just stop being vindictive, that you deserve a decent woman, that I was jealous of Swift and that is why I forced your break up.’ She stated, her voice low as she recalled the nasty words she had been forced to listen to. ‘I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but...she was actually an employee there, and if I went off on her….’ 

‘You look bad and get punished,’ Tom nodded, understandingly. ‘I am so sorry, Lexi.’

‘You did nothing wrong.’

‘No, but you are working so hard, for you and Lily and my part in this is why people are being like this to you, you don’t deserve it.’ 

‘It’s just hard because to give the same back, I am bringing myself, and in turn us down.’

‘“Us”?’

‘Well, yes. I mean, it doesn’t say much for us if I am acting like someone from Shameless, screaming at people like trash.’

‘No,’ Tom agreed, kissing the top of her head. ‘Thank you for keeping your cool.’

‘Well, I would be trying for the wrong career if I could not keep my cool.’ She laughed. 

Tom chuckled. ‘That’s true.’ He kissed her again. ‘I got Lily’s Christmas present today.’

‘Tom, don’t be worrying about things like that.’

‘Hey, you said I am allowed get her something at Christmas. I love spoiling Sophie and I want to spoil Lily when I am allowed to, so please.’

‘I just don’t want you to feel like we want things from you.’

‘I don’t think that. I think you both deserve nice things.’

‘Please Tom, I don’t want anything off you.’ 

‘I know, that is why I want to give you something because you don’t expect it. You were always like that, I remember you giving out to Emma.’

‘Those were Spice Girls tickets, completely over the top.’

‘You went though.’

‘It was the Spice Girls, of course I went, I am not an idiot.’ Alexianna laughed before smiling at the memory. ‘It was so much fun.’

‘I still cannot Mum let Sarah take you both.’

‘We were eleven and Sarah was eighteen and we were well behaved. You on the other hand….’

‘We won’t talk about me.’

‘And your little stunt with the Drama club and getting drunk when….’

‘You know way too much.’ Tom commented. 

‘Sounds like a threat when you say it like that.’ Alexianna laughed. 

‘Come on, let’s relax.’


	30. Awkward Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to black mould, Alexianna and Lily are being forced to move, resulting in Tom helping her find a place. When they get to the school to collect Lily, she answers a question that Tom and Alexianna were not ready for.

Alexianna looked around the room and bit her lips together. It was as though someone asked her if she could design her dream apartment, and gave it to her, but the landlord wanted a month’s rent and another’s for a deposit and that was up on three thousand pounds, it would eat considerably into what money she had. 

Tom and Daniel badgered her time and again about getting a better place, the other one had begun to get black mould and when Lily started coughing and could not shift it, Tom put his foot down. 

‘It’s perfect, I’ll tell Lionel we’ll take it.’ Tom declared with a smile. Alexianna stared at him in disbelief. ‘Lexi, it is a small direct bus journey distance from the school, clean, two bedroomed, spacious, what more could you want?’ 

‘It is fifteen hundred pounds a month.’

‘A bargain for this part of the city.’ Tom commented. 

‘Why though?’

‘Because Lionel is my cousin, he is moving to the States for two years for work and he just wants it looked after while he is gone, that fee pays for the charges of the property mostly.’

‘I cannot afford that, Tom. Even with Daniel’s contribution, it is leaving me a little tight.’ 

‘You will be earning more soon, you are on the ladder now. This is usually a two and a half grand place, the council tax is included, and the licence fee, you are saving huge there.’ She said nothing in response, knowing it was true. ‘It is so much nicer for you and Lily, think of it, Lexi, her own room, and he said you can decorate it for her, posters, paint….we could get someone to paint the paw patrol on the walls for her, she would love that.’ He beamed. ‘And I can stay here from time to time then, and not have you rushing off at seven am to get Lily to school and you to work on time. It’s gated, so it is safe. If Jonathon or that goon of a brother of his try to get in, they are on camera and everything.’ 

Alexianna paused for a moment. It was true, she was safer there, Lily was safer there. ‘I just….’ 

‘It is best for you, Lexi, please take it. Lily isn’t going to need an inhaler here.’

Alexianna swallowed, she still felt terrible that Lily was forced to use steroids, a nebuliser and inhaler as a result of the damp and mould. Her daughter needed a clean home, they had been all but living at Tom’s because the apartment had suffered from the wetter than usual winter. She nodded slightly. ‘Okay.’

Tom beamed. ‘This is going to be wonderful Lexi, we will get the notice to your other landlord and we will get you here by the end of the week.’ he insisted. 

‘I won’t be anywhere near ready.’ 

‘We’ll start today, I am not working this week, so why don’t I start things by getting the place here ready, it needs a few things, nothing mad, just getting Lily’s room started. Daniel told you to let him know what you need, those will take a few days to be delivered. Think about it, Lexi, Lily is going to love it.’ Tom was excited to think of Lily’s reaction to the new place. It was technically an apartment spread over two floors, so the bedrooms and bathroom were upstairs and the living room and kitchen were downstairs, leaving an incredible amount of space for them. The living room alone was the size of the last apartment and its layout meant that Alexianna could store everything without clutter. 

‘You are more excited than me about this.’ She laughed. 

‘I cannot help it.’ Tom beamed. ‘By the way, I need to ask permission for something.’

‘Tom, you are a fully grown man, you don’t need to ask permission for anything.’

‘I want to get Lily a Baloo bear from the Disney store as her “welcome gift”.’

‘Are you trying to indoctrinate her? You know Stitch is her favourite.’

‘No, Stitch is YOUR favourite and you are trying to indoctrinate her.’ Tom argued. Alexianna looked at him with a guilty smile. ‘So, may I?’

‘I can hardly say no, and thank you for asking.’ She smiled. 

‘I don’t want to overstep.’ 

‘She is going to get so much from this.’ Alexianna sighed. ‘And on top of Christmas.’ 

‘She deserves it, you both do. You will start the New Year afresh, divorced, happy and loved.’

‘Thank you, Tom. I feel like you do too much.’

‘I am not doing anything near it, I am helping as best I can, same as you do.’

‘It feels unbalanced.’

‘Interestingly, I never assist you with financial issues, do I?’ she shook her head. ‘Yet you actually have worked for an hourly rate as a cleaner, so there is a monetary value to the work you do and yet you clean my home when you are there.’

‘It’s us making the mess.’

‘You washed the back room floor, you don’t even go in there.’

‘I was cleaning anyway.’

‘I know you did the skirting boards too.’ She looked at him guiltily. ‘Just….don’t feel like you are obliged to do these things, you’re not.’ he looked around. ‘This is perfect. And the bathroom divides the bedrooms, and they are quite soundproof, so we can…’ his grin told her what he was thinking. 

‘Please behave. I have to pick up Lily in…..shit, half an hour.’

‘Plenty of time, you are only fifteen minutes walk, and we are driving.’ 

‘You don’t have to….’

‘Nonsense Lexi, we have to get a few things sorted at your place anyway. It’s the fastest way.’

‘You spend as much time in traffic.’

‘We need to start, the best way to do so is to start now. You’re off for the rest of the afternoon from work, so get two hours of sorting done, then study this evening when Lily is in bed.’

‘And what about dinner?’

‘I would bet money that you have meals that can be thawed.’ Tom ventured.

‘Yeah,’ she conceded, ‘I am just dawdling because the idea of starting on everything is scary.’

‘Talk to me.’

‘I have been there for four years, it was the place I moved after everything….It….’

‘For as small and cramped as it is, it has been a sanctuary and a haven after everything.’

‘I knew there was mould, I just didn’t realise it was that bad.’ Alexianna stated. 

‘It is done its job, but you and Lil need somewhere that suits you better now.’ 

‘Yes.’ She nodded. 

‘Come on, let’s go get her.’ Tom put his arm around her and they left, Tom sending a text to his cousin to thank him for the offer, and that they accepted. 

*

At the school gate, Alexianna felt somewhat awkward, there were people staring at Tom and her, though no one said anything, she felt like a museum piece. When Lily came to the door, her teacher checking who was waiting for her, she saw Tom first, due to him being taller and rushed forward once the teacher was certain she had someone collecting her. Alexianna was more than ready for the fact that Lily would rush into Tom’s arms, since he had promised with a while to come with Alexianna to collect her one of the days, but they could not coordinate it, so for the first time, he was able to do it, it was a momentous occasion for the child. 

‘Hello, Demi.’ Alexianna smiled, seeing the little Welsh girl her daughter had befriended on her first day come over and stare at both Tom and Lily, who seemed to be clinging onto him with the power of a limpet. 

‘Hello. Lily.’ The little girl looked up at Lily, who was in Tom’s arms. ‘Is that your daddy?’

Alexianna swallowed and Tom was slightly taken back at the question, but before either could say anything, Lily beamed and nodded. ‘Yep.’ Before turning to Tom and her mother. 'When can I have a brother?'


	31. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna and Tom talk to Lily about her comments outside the school.

Alexianna was unable to look at Tom as she waited, Lily’s hand in hers, for Tom to put the car seat in the car for her daughter. 

Tom, for his part, did not know what to say. He found it funny that the little girl would ask such a question. It was odd that she would expect a sibling as though they were mandatory and she was overdue one. 

When they sat in, Lily looked at her mother wondering what she had said to make her not ask her about her day. 

They got back to Alexianna and Lily’s home fairly quickly considering the time of day, the entirety of the journey filled with silence, Tom looking at Alexianna periodically throughout the journey, but she seemed adamant to simply stare ahead for the limited time in the car. When they got to the dwelling and Tom looked at her again, she clearly avoided his gaze. ‘Let Lily in for a moment.’ He instructed. Alexianna swallowed fearfully and did as requested, letting Lily into their home before turning to see Tom behind her on the doorstep. ‘Talk to me.’

‘How do I tell my daughter that the man she thinks the world of is not her father?’ She asked. 

‘I thought you were thinking I would flee at her saying “yes” if I am honest.’

‘No, I mean, I did for a moment, but you look so amused since, I realised I didn’t have to worry about that.’ 

He leant forward and kissed her forehead. ‘Good, I am glad I am getting that much through to you. As for the other matter, we just tell her that biologically, no, she is not my daughter.’ 

‘But you know what comes after that, don’t you?’ Alexianna commented. ‘That’s where “Where is my dad?” comes in.’

Tom cursed for a moment, for as much of a chance that Lily would accept their simple answer, there was a far greater chance of her curiosity making her ask about her biological father. ‘It was going to happen sooner or later, Lexi. You cannot hide it from her forever, she does deserve to know, just not all the terrible finer details.’ 

Alexianna looked to the sky and sighed. ‘I know.’ When she looked at Tom again, she gave a small smile. ‘You don’t have to….’

‘Do you want me here?’ He asked. ‘Or is this something you need to talk about as mother and daughter?’

‘Part of me is wanting to say yes, the other part is thinking that this does involve you.’

‘I will say nothing unless you want me to.’ He smiled, opening the door for her; when they entered, Tom felt guilty as they looked at the clearly worried face of Lily, who stood nearby as though waiting to hear some bad news. 

‘Lil’s, I need to talk to you about something important for a moment.’ Alexianna stated as she sat on the sofa, Tom immediately going to her side. 

‘Am I in trouble?’ Lily asked. 

‘No, Princess, you’re not.’ Tom reassured. ‘Your mum just wants to talk to you about something.’

Lily came over and looked at Alexianna sadly. ‘Lil’s, we need to explain something to you. Tom…..Tom is lovely, and we love having him in our lives, don’t we?’ Lily nodded. 

‘And I love being in your lives.’ Tom smiled. 

Lily gave a small but genuine smile at that. ‘But today, when Demi asked if Tom was your dad, you said yes.’

‘Because he is.’ Lily stated assertively. 

‘Lily, sweetheart, I am afraid that Tom is not your father.’ Alexianna felt almost upset saying the words. 

‘But he is, daddy’s read stories, they tuck you in, they ask you about what you did and make sure you are happy and I thought that daddies had to live with you, but Ms Jones said that not everyone’s daddy lives with them, and sometimes they have to go to a different house for their daddy, and we do that with Tom.’

Both adults looked at her for a moment, seeing clearly, though incorrectly, how the child had made the correlation between her teacher’s words and Tom’s role in her life. ‘Lily, a father is a man that helps make a baby, they are not just defined by how they help raise one.’ Alexianna attempted to explain. ‘Sometimes, it is different, but that is when the mommy gets married or some other event happens, but Sweetie, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Tom is not your dad. I'm sorry.’ Alexianna gave her daughter an apologetic look.

Lily’s eyes began to well up with tears. ‘But I want him to be.’ 

‘We know you do Princess, and believe me, I would love to be your dad,’ Tom explained, feeling his own voice becoming tight as Lily’s reaction to this conversation. She walked over to him and hugged in against him as she cried, Tom kissing the top of her head and holding her close as they did. ‘I wish it was different, I really do.’

‘I want you to be my daddy.’ 

‘I know, Love, I know.’ Tom found himself unable to stop the tears welling in his eyes. ‘I love you, so much, you know that, don’t you?’ He felt her nod against him. ‘You are a great little girl and I am so grateful and honoured to be in your life.’ He looked to Alexianna, who was looking at them sadly beside her. 

‘I need to talk to you about something else as well, Sweetheart.’ Her mother started, hoping to get her daughter away from the idea of asking about her biological father. Lily looked at her again. ‘I am afraid you’re not getting a little brother, at least not for quite some time, if at all.’ Lily began to cry again. ‘Lily, babies are a lot of work, they need space, a lot of things, prams, cots, loads of nappies, clothes and they cost so so much.’ She explained. 

‘But….everyone else in my class has brothers and sisters except for Maisie and she told us today that she is getting one.’ Lily whined.

‘Lily, babies are not like teddies, you cannot just put them in a corner of a room and they wait until you want to play with them again, they are very needy and for a mommy to have one, her belly has to grow a lot to have the baby and she needs to be able to take time off work and I cannot take time off right now, I have a new job and college, and you and well, Tom and I….’

‘Are not married?’ Lily asked. ‘You should get married first.’

Tom bit his lips together as Lily went into another subject that was not on the cards yet.

‘Oh, sweet Jesus.’ Alexianna groaned. ‘You don’t need to be married to have a baby Lils, but most people want to be because it shows they love each other and that they are old enough to know what a baby means.’ 

‘Oh, were you married when you haded me?’

‘Yes.’

‘So Tom and you are married?’

‘No.’

‘What?’ The child became confused. 

‘I will explain it more to you some other time, but for now, all you need to know is there are no brothers happening.’

‘I would be okay with a sister.’ Lily offered.

Tom snorted in laughter as Alexianna’s face fell into her hands. ‘You don’t get to choose Lily, science does. Mommies and Daddies don’t get to choose what they have.’

‘Did you want me to be a girl?’

‘I wanted you to be healthy and I was so happy you were. When the doctor told me you were a little girl, I cried, I was scared at first, because I am not very girlie, so I was scared about how I would do your hair and when you are older, I was scared I would not know what you were talking about, but when they gave you to me, I was so so happy and I loved you right there and then and I never stopped.’ She smiled. Lily beamed at her. ‘Now, we have a lot to do today, I want to get our room completely cleared of stuff we don’t need.’

‘We did a few weeks ago, silly mommy.’ Lily laughed. 

‘I know, but we need to clean it even more.’ Alexianna stated, not telling her daughter about their impending move. 

‘Okay.’ Lily sighed dramatically.

‘Your mum and I are going to get a cup of tea and then the three of us are going to start, so go and play for a minute, okay Princess.’ Tom beaned. 

‘Okay.’ She darted off to the bedroom. 

‘You’re not telling her.’

‘About the move? No, I want it to be a surprise.’ Alexianna smiled. ‘I am sorry, about her comments.’

‘I wish she had a father she could be proud of, she is so deserving of such a thing.’ Tom commented. ‘Hearing her say she wishes it was me, I have never heard such heartache from a child.’

‘She adores you.’

‘Likewise.’ Tom admitted before laughing, ‘The sibling comments were hilarious, though.’

‘Jesus, she is something else.’ Alexianna groaned as Tom chuckled. ‘How are you not running away?’

‘Sophie asks for a new sibling every other day, it’s natural to not want to be alone, and as Lily said, most families these days have two kids by the time the first is four.’

‘I suppose.’ Alexianna conceded. ‘I could not handle a baby, college and work are hard as it is, add morning sickness, Lily, the complications it would add to us, Jesus, it would be the worst thing possible right now, we are finally able to get out of here.’

Tom said nothing but noted her words for a few seconds. ‘No, it would not even be something to discuss at present.’ He agreed. He pulled her to him. ‘You handled it well.’

‘I felt the need to divert so she would not ask about him, I should not have said I was married.’

‘It wasn’t a lie, don’t lie to her, Lexi. You need to trust one another, you have others in your life, but you and Lily, you need to be close, you need one another.’

‘You’re right.’ She rubbed her hands on her legs for a moment before getting to her feet. ‘Tea?’

‘I’ll get it, you get her changed and we’ll get started.’ Tom offered, going into the kitchen. While he waited for the kettle to boil, he thought of Alexianna’s words regarding more children, noting that she had gone from swearing off having any more to saying not for some time at the least. He was uncertain as to how to interpret it.


	32. Photographs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna is continuing to ready for the changing house, but she finds herself dealing with questions from Lily and small glimpses of the past, both good and bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates, as I stated on I Love You, I Hate You, I was forced to deal with a situation in Ireland for a while and had to go home to it, but I am back now and ready for more. 
> 
> Had to dig up some adorkable young Tom pics for this chapter as well, I do NOT own them, copyright to the people who do.

Tom and Alexianna worked tediously on getting the apartment ready. Some of the more expensive furniture was put into storage, Alexianna felt as though having it there was too risky with a young child, the rest was all purchased as required, including a lovely bed for Lily that Tom was in trouble for buying behind Alexianna’s back. It was a raised bed with a little area underneath to store toys and clothes. Tom revealed it was not his idea, per se. Sarah and Yakov had bought one for Sophie since they were on sale and his sisters and mother insisting on getting it for her as a treat. Alexianna was annoyed, not wanting people to think she expected handouts, but as it was opened and Tom had Yakov assist him in constructing it, she could not send it back. 

 

It was not easy keeping secrets from Lily, the child seemed to know there was something amiss as her mother bagged their possessions bit by bit. She seemed to be silently observing her mother as Alexianna went and placed ten recycling bags outside the wall for the council to collect in the morning, commenting to herself just how much clutter was in their home. 

 

‘Mommy?’

 

‘Yes, Love?’

 

‘What are you doing?’

 

‘Tidying.’

 

‘But you are tidying silly things.’ 

 

Alexianna laughed slightly. ‘You’re not wrong there.’ She agreed. ‘I am getting everything we don’t need out of the house.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Because there is so much.’

 

Lily looked around her, analysing her little world. ‘But I like our things.’

 

‘I know, Love, but you cannot hold onto everything forever, that’s not healthy. We need to sort out our home.’

 

‘Am I getting a brother?’

 

Alexianna rolled her eyes. ‘No, Lily, you are not getting a sibling.’ Alexianna grabbed her daughter and blew raspberries against her cheek, causing her to erupt in giggles before she starting tickling her. ‘Why are you so desperate to get a sibling?’ She questioned. ‘You’d have to share me if you had a brother or sister.’

 

‘I want us to be a family.’

 

‘We are a family, you and me, then there is Uncle Daniel, he is part of our bigger family.’

 

‘And Tom.’

 

Alexianna inhaled and smiled slightly, ‘Yes, he is out on another aspect of our family.’

 

‘What does that mean?’

 

‘Well, you know how you and I are related, don’t you. I am your mommy, I had you in my belly and you are my little princess, right?’ Lily nodded. ‘Then Uncle Daniel is my brother, your uncle, so he is related to us too, and he is part of our extended family. Then you have Tom, he is not related to us, but we choose, him and us, to make each other part of a family where you are not related but you want to be with. It is very special when we do that, same as with friends, when we become very close to people that we see them as our family.’

 

‘Like you and Nana and Aunty Emma?’

 

Alexianna was forced not to correct her daughter for it, knowing she would lose the conversation and its lessons if she did. ‘Yes, actually. Emma is not my sister, but I see her as being as close as one, same with Diana.’

 

‘Can I call Sophie my cousin?’

 

‘Sure, go nuts.’ Alexianna grumbled as she realised she was failing once more to get Lily to not be overwhelming on the Hiddlestons.

 

‘Mommy?’

 

‘Yes, Love?’ Alexianna was fearful as to what her daughter would ask next. 

 

‘Where is my Elsa doll?’

 

Alexianna would have preferred another family question. ‘I am not sure. I think I saw it a few days ago, why?’

 

‘I want it.’ 

 

She pursed her lips, thinking of the doll, who was indeed safe and sound, on the cute little bedside shelf Tom had placed in her daughters' room, in the other apartment. ‘Well, I will get it for you soon, but I am trying to get things sorted here Lil’s, we need to get everything sorted.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘This place is just too full.’

 

‘But everything is going missing?’ 

 

Alexianna could only laugh. It was true, half the things they needed to be moved had been brought to the other place. ‘It’s where it needs to be.’ She stated before yawning. 

 

‘Why are you yawning all the time?’

 

‘Cause I’m tired Lil’s.’

 

‘You should go to bed earlier.’

 

‘Oh, I wish, trust me. Soon I will. I have a lot of homework at the moment.’ She smiled as she thought of everything she had done since getting the keys. Part of her was terrified, but as she looked at the fridge and the note she put up to bring Lily for her next doctor’s appointment, she knew she had to keep going. ‘Electronics off, bed in an hour.’ She ordered as she readied a snack for her daughter. Lily turned off her mother’s phone and ate her food as instructed. 

 

After a story, goodnights and hugs, Alexianna went and cleaned up before working more in the living area. She rubbed her dust covered hand across her face before cursing herself and then got back to work. With digging out all their belongings that had been stuffed in every small corner of the small area, she realised just how much dust got stuck into things as time went by since they had been placed in them. She got sidetracked by a box, one that startled her. She had forgotten she even had it. She opened it and looked inside sadly. 

 

Tom smiled to himself as he half skipped up the steps to the house, he had delivered what he had bought Lily and a little present for Alexianna while he was at it, to the new house and was now going to check on her to see how she was getting on with packing and see if he could take anything to the apartment or get rid of some stuff for her. Looking at the sheer number of bags ready for collection, it was clear she had not been idle since he saw her the day before. He took out the key she had given him since he was getting things from the flat to help get everything moved while she was working and knocked on the door once before letting himself in. The place, he realised, had dust in the air, signifying Alexianna was cleaning but when he looked for her, he realised she was on the floor looking at the contents of a box. ‘Lexi?’

 

‘You had the most ridiculously curly hair.’ She giggled, holding up a photo. 

 

Tom frowned and walked around the couch and sat beside her, before looking at the photo and groaning loudly. ‘Oh, God.’ 

 

She laughed beside him. ‘Remember this day?’ She held out another one.

 

‘Why? Why did you have to remind me?’ Tom chuckled in embarrassment as he recalled the situation of how the photo came to be. ‘That….’

 

‘You were all sad because you dumped that Rosie girl.’

 

‘I didn’t dump her, she dumped me.’ He confessed, sitting down beside her. ‘I lied and said that I dumped her because I knew the guys would get on my back that I never dumped a girl, I was always the one dumped.’

 

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ She rubbed his leg slightly. 

 

Tom looked at her and put an arm her and smiled, looking at the photo again. ‘But you….you did this.’ He held up the photo. ‘To try and make me feel better.’

 

‘It didn’t work.’

 

‘Yes, it did, look at the smile on my face. You always have been there, for Emma and for me.’ Tom looked at himself in the picture again. ‘Why did I never really see it?’

 

‘Probably because we were younger and with a six-year age difference, it was weird then?’ Alexianna pointed out. 

 

‘If I had not gone away that day at the river, if I had stayed with you and Emma, things might have been different.’

 

‘Or they may not have been.’

 

‘You would have had us after the accident, he….’

 

‘I would not have Lily.’ She pointed out. ‘I still feel as though no matter what happened, having Lily was the result and I cannot regret her, Tom. I love her with all my heart.’ 

 

‘No, of course. I just wish you hadn’t to go through everything with him.’

 

Alexianna inhaled deeply. ‘I wish I had thought to contact Emma by other means and who knows what would have happened, but I didn’t and I cannot dwell on that, since I would only get upset. I am happy now, I have Lily, Emma, you, my life is mine again.’ She smiled. 

 

‘I come behind Emma, I’m hurt.’ He smiled. 

 

‘Oh yeah, hoes over bros, sorry.’ She giggled, causing him to chuckle. ‘Lily and I were talking about families today.’ Tom looked at her with interest. ‘She was asking about what makes a family and the degrees of it.’ 

 

‘And?’ 

 

‘Apparently, Emma is “Aunty Emma” now.’

 

‘See, it’s official, you’re stuck with us.’

 

‘I remember when I was pregnant with her.’ She rummaged around in the box and found what she was looking for, she showed it to Tom, who studied it carefully. It was clear she was pregnant in the photo, but she looked nothing like Sarah had, or indeed Ben’s Sophie and Chris’ Elsa had looked, happy and excited and almost glowing when he had spoken with them while they were pregnant, she almost looked like someone screaming at the camera to help her. He never saw such a fake and sad smile. ‘I wished I had Emma, I wanted her to be Godmother.’ 

 

‘Who…?’

 

‘Well, he chose his “lovely” brother to be Godfather and told me the Godmother had to be his wife.’

 

‘But Daniel….’

 

‘Well, when “George” was Lily and I never saw them again, I didn’t give her Godparents, I did not bother with any of it.’

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘I was a little preoccupied with everything that happened.’ She stated sadly, looking at the photo again. ‘I look terrible.’

 

‘Actually, I think you look very good, as in the pregnancy seemed to suit you, but you, yourself, you looked so unhappy.’

 

‘I would have rathered she was the result of some drunken night than to have conceived her as she was.’

 

‘Hey...shhh. Don’t talk like that. She is here and we all love her as she is.’ Tom gently pulled her to him more. ‘Is there any pictures in there of her?’

 

‘About fifty.’

 

‘Show me what else is in there.’

 

They went through the box, laughing as they found dozens of photos of their teen years, more than once Tom groaned at his auburn curls. One thing he did realise, was bar the picture of Alexianna when she was pregnant and the man who seemed to be sneering more than smiling holding on to her that he could only assume was Jonathan, there was no other photo of him in the box. When they came to the end, there were a few photos that he noticed Alexianna had put to the side, including that one with him. ‘What….?’

 

‘I want to destroy them.’ She explained as she carefully put the ones she loved back in the box. ‘They are staying here, these memories, they are not coming to my new home.’ 

 

‘There’s a few with Marie in them.’

 

‘I know. They are from times I can remember her being horrible and like with Jonathan, they don’t deserve to be kept. I need to let go of them. I am starting something new and I want them gone.’ She pulled up the photo of herself when she was pregnant again. ‘In five years time, if I show this box to Lily and she sees this photo, she will know I was pregnant, she will know it was her in me and she will know that that is not my happy smile and I do not want her ever thinking that she is the reason I was like that. I don’t want her to know what he looks like, I don’t want her to think anything was her fault, I want her to know that as much as I did not want to be in that situation, I never once regret her.’ 

 

Tom gave her a loving smile. ‘That’s a good idea.’

 

‘I have never felt as tired as I have of late, but do you know what, I don’t think it is because I have been doing so much, though I dare say that has contributed somewhat to the situation. I read that when you get rid of clutter, you cause your mind to become more at ease, but when you get rid of bad clutter, the things that cause you to feel negative thoughts, your mind begins to feel a stress is relieved and you feel exhausted from it, but in a good way. How can I really move on if I hold onto things that force me to live in the past? I didn’t even know I had these, I don’t want to keep them now I know they are here.’

 

‘We’ll add new ones.’ Tom smiled. ‘I have some great photos of us and Lil’s on my phone, we’ll get them printed and add them.’

 

‘I think I’ll buy a few picture frames and put them up in the new place. There’s a picture of you, me, Emma, Daniel and Sarah from the time your Mum took us all to the circus…’

 

‘No.’ Tom shook his head violently, causing Alexianna to look at him worriedly. ‘No, don’t tell me you have a picture of that.’ 

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘No, you cannot let my family know. Add it to the pile.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘My hair.’

 

‘What about your hair?’

 

‘I looked like a poodle.’

 

‘Tom, you know I love you, but this may hurt, you always looked like a poodle, you had poodle hair, live with it.’ She looked at the box again. ‘Look at this one.’ She showed him a picture of him she had when they were all at dinner for Sarah’s birthday. ‘Why is this an issue now?’

‘If people see these….’

 

‘You do realise your earlier work is you with poodle hair, right?’ She laughed. ‘I am not going posting these online, don’t worry. I am not going to sell your embarrassment.’

 

‘Thank you.’

 

‘I don’t need to when I know your mum and sister will make it amusing enough when they see them.’ She giggled again as he growled. 


	33. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily finds out what her mother has been up to behind her back.

Alexianna and Tom looked at the apartment, Alexianna almost giggling as she looked at her belongings in their new home. From the pictures on the walls to the bed linen in the rooms, everything was theirs, a sign that this beautiful place was the place they would call home for some time, enough time to get themselves through the stresses of the rest of Alexianna’s course and for her to be able to work full time at the end and earn more to look after them. 

 

‘Do you think she will like it?’ Tom smiled, already knowing the answer. 

 

‘I don’t think she is going to know if we are joking.’ Alexianna laughed. ‘I need to get a shower and we will go collect her then.’

 

‘Go, you don’t have a lot of time.’ Tom ushered. Alexianna did as he stated, leaving Tom to smile as he waited for her return. He could hear the water running upstairs and the door to the bathroom closing, telling him that Alexianna had gone for her shower. It was then he leapt up the stairs and rushed to retrieve his gifts for her and Lily, placing them where they needed to be before going down the stairs again and hoping that with the rush they were in, she would not return to her room again before they left, leaving her to receive her surprise alongside her daughter on their return. He had just made it to the kitchen when he realised that her phone was ringing. Usually, he would not go near it, but hearing it was Daniel’s ringtone, he knew she would rather someone answer. ‘Daniel, hello.’

 

‘Tom, how are things?’

 

‘Very well, and you?’

 

‘Great. Listen is that terror of a little sister of mine around at all?’

 

‘She is in the shower at the moment. We have to collect Lil’s in a moment and she needs to clean herself off after the last few boxes.’

 

‘It’s all in?’

 

‘Every last bit.’ Tom confirmed. 

 

‘Thank fuck.’ There was a definite sigh of relief from Daniel. ‘And Lily’s appointment?’

 

‘On the mend, she is off the steroids, but on the inhaler for another two weeks, if she gets better, she is off that too.’

 

‘Thank God. So no more of that dive hole?’

 

‘We are taking Lily there after school to say goodbye.’

 

‘Does she know?’

 

‘Not a clue. We are just going to walk into an empty house and say nothing.’

 

‘Tom, please, I am begging you, get Al to record her for me, okay? I need to see her face.’

 

‘Of that place or the new one?’

 

‘Both, please, I need to see my Lily-pads face at this. I am devastated I cannot get there.’

 

‘I will be sure to pass on the message.’

 

‘Cheers, Tom. Listen, about that question you asked about someone minding Lily...can I ask why?’

 

‘I want to bring Alexianna away for a night as a treat for her, but I know she will not leave Lily for that long.’

 

‘I’m off the rigs for six weeks, I was planning on spending at least two in London with her and Lily, maybe even an extra one with Anna to finally introduce them.’ 

 

‘She will love that.’

 

‘Actually, could you do me a favour?’

 

‘If I can?’ Tom was half scared as to what Daniel would ask of him, but when the other man began to tell him, he smiled. 

 

‘Tom?’ Alexianna rushed down the stairs. ‘Tom, it’s nearly…’ He was standing there with her coat in his hand, ‘Thank you.’ He smiled as they rushed out the door, her bag, keys and phone all in Tom’s hand. ‘I would be lost without you, Tom.’

 

‘I will quote you on that.’ Tom chuckled as they got into the car and went towards the school. ‘Before I forget, Daniel called your phone.’

 

‘You answered him?’

 

‘Yes.’ She smiled in relief. ‘He said to record Lily’s reactions and that he will call tonight before she goes to bed.’

 

‘Thank you.’ 

 

‘Anytime.’ Tom took her hand and kissed it as they waited at traffic lights. 

 

*

 

‘Come on, Lil’s, get your bag.’ Tom instructed as they arrived at the old flat, opening the door of the car to let her out. Lily hopped out carefully, Tom taking her hand so that she would be safe. 

 

They rushed up to the front door, the rain was not too heavy, but enough to hasten them. ‘Get in and get your uniform off.’ Her mother ordered as she opened the door. Tom behind her, unbeknownst to the child getting ready to record her. 

 

Lily immediately rushed into the bedroom to do as she was told. ‘What the…?’

 

‘Lily, do as you are told.’ Alexianna ordered, trying to hide her giggles. 

 

‘Mommy, we’ve been rob-bed! Call the police!’ Came a very concerned little voice from the room. 

 

Alexianna and Tom laughed to themselves as Lily became more and more befuddled. ‘Just get changed, Lily.’ Alexianna forced out, unable to hide her laughter. 

 

There was the sound of drawers opening and closing. ‘But everything is gone.’ 

 

‘We must be in the wrong house.’ Tom stated simply. 

 

‘No, Tom! This is the right one, cause the key worked in the door, don’t be silly.’ Alexianna erupted in laughter behind her hand again as her daughter reprimanded Tom from the bedroom. ‘All our stuff was here afore, Mommy where is everything?’ Lily demanded, coming out of the room looking both peeved and confused. 

 

‘I guess the fairies took them away when we weren’t here.’ She shrugged. 

 

‘We need to call the police.’

 

‘Okay, how about we go in the car to the police then?’ Tom suggested. Lily nodded decisively. ‘Alright, back out to the car.’ Tom instructed. 

 

Lily paused for a moment and looked around. ‘Maybe it’s not our house, it was never this big. But that’s Uncle Daniel’s bed.’ She pointed to the lumpy foldout. ‘I don’t know.’

 

‘Come on, we’ll get out and get sorted.’ Alexianna encouraged. ‘Say bye.’

 

‘Why ´would we say bye to a house, Mommy?’

 

‘Because it’s polite to say goodbye to fairies.’

 

‘Bye fairies!’ Lily all but shrieked as she turned and left. 

 

They got into the car again and Tom started the car. Looking to Alexianna, he waited for her to look away from it and back at him. ‘Ready?’

 

‘Yes.’ She nodded. 

 

Tom indicated out into traffic and began the journey to their new destination. 

 

Inside the damp and musty flat, there was no sign of the woman and her little girl that called it home for four years. Who sought refuge there after an abusive marriage came to an end, only a keyring with two identical keys on it and an envelope posted from a rig in the North Sea, containing the exact same as what was on the table. 

 

*

 

‘Mommy, why is the gate doing this silly thing, who is opening it?’

 

‘They are electronic.’ Alexianna explained. 

 

‘Is this the police station?’

 

‘No, love.’

 

‘But we were rob-ed. We need to tell the police.’

 

‘Lil’s, we just need to come here first, okay?’

 

‘Okay.’ Lily was less than pleased with the delay but could do nothing about it from her car seat. 

 

Tom parked in the allocated spot for Alexianna’s apartment and the pair looked at one another again. 

 

‘Come on Lil’s.’ her mother exited the car and opened the door for Lily to come out. 

 

‘This is pretty.’ Lily commented as she looked around. ‘Why are we here?’

 

‘We need to do something.’

 

‘Like what?’

 

‘You’ll see.’ Her mother smiled as she walked up the steps and towards a door. 

 

Lily watched curiously as her mother took out a key and walked into a home. Assuming it was like the other nice houses her mother cleaned, Lily stepped in and wiped her feet before stepping forward. She frowned to see her mother standing expectantly in front of her. ‘Mommy, you’re being….Mommy, that’s my Paw Patrol jacket.’ She stared at the coat rack inside the door where indeed, her favourite coat was hanging. ‘And that’s my picture.’ In the hallway, Alexianna had put her pictures from Lily’s first day at school. ‘Mommy?’

 

‘Well, that is odd, that is your picture.’ Alexianna played up. ‘What else is here?’

 

Lily rushed from the hallways into the room beyond it and gasped. ‘My DVD’s.’ Alexianna and Tom made their way in, Tom holding his phone as he recorded her reaction for her uncle. ‘Mommy, all my stuff is here.’

 

‘It is, isn’t it?’ Alexianna beamed. ‘I wonder what’s upstairs?’

 

‘Up...there’s upstairs?’ Lily rushed out the door again and ran up the stairs. 

 

‘Lily, there are people below you, don’t stomp.’ Alexianna warned, but she followed her quickly.

 

‘MOMMY!’ Lily was standing at the door of the bathroom. ‘A real bath, Mommy, it has a bath.’ 

 

Alexianna swallowed at how something like a bathtub caused such a reaction in her daughter. ‘It’s lovely.’ 

 

‘There are even duckies!’ Lily looked at the set of coloured rubber ducks on the back of the bath, set up neatly. 

 

‘What else is here?’ Tom asked, too excited to wait to see how Lily would react to the next bit. 

 

As curiosity overtook her, Lily walked out of the bathroom and looked at the two closed doors that she noticed on either side of it. One was plain, but the other was not. ‘That’s my name.’ She pointed to the door that was decorated. ‘That...why is my name there?’

 

‘Why don’t you open it and find out.’ Alexianna beamed as she watched her daughter go to the door and open it. 

 

Lily did as instructed and looked around. ‘What the…?’

 

‘What’s going on Princess?’ Tom asked. 

 

‘All my toys are in this room.’ She looked around, inspecting everything. ‘That’s all mine, and that’s a picture of me and Mommy and Uncle Daniel.’ She pointed to a picture on the wall of when Daniel and Alexianna had brought her to a petting zoo when she was younger, the three of them smiling happily. ‘Why is everything here?’

 

Alexianna knelt down and smiled brightly at her. ‘What if I told you that all your stuff is here because this is your new bedroom, all for you.’

 

Lily’s confusion intensified. ‘What?’

 

‘This is our new home, Lily. We live here now.’

 

‘No more smelly house that makes me sick?’ Alexianna shook her head. ‘And this is my room?’

 

 

‘All for you, no sharing with me anymore, you get to be a big girl, with your own new bed and these shelves are for your books and everything.’ When Lily began to cry, Alexianna was terrified and hugged her. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

 

‘I have my own room.’ Lily sobbed. 

 

‘I thought you would like it.’ 

 

‘I do.’

 

‘Then why are you crying?’ Alexianna asked. 

 

‘I am so happy.’ Lily wailed. 

 

Alexianna looked up at Tom who had been filming but was, until that stage, was wondering if he should stop. When Lily’s sobs became more powerful, Alexianna hugged her tighter. ‘Talk to me, Lils.’

 

‘I have my own pretty room.’

 

‘I know, Tom made your bed, and got the lady that painted your walls.’    
  
Lily looked around her, noticing that there was art on the walls, beautiful fairies and flowers and even a Fairy door in the corner with a little letter with it. She walked over and took the letter. ‘Mommy, what does it say?’ She sniffed, wiping her tears on her sleeve. 

‘Let’s see.’ Alexianna took it and opened the wax seal on it. ‘This is fancy, it’s like Harry Potter’s letter, isn’t it?’

 

‘Is it from Harry Potter?’

 

‘Probably not, you’re too young for Hogwarts.’

 

‘I thought she would be too young for knowing who he is?’ Tom confessed. 

 

‘No, she’s seen the first movie.’ Alexianna informed him. ‘Now, let’s see here. _ Dear Lily, we were flying past your home and noticed the lovely painting on your wall and thought that perhaps, if you are moving in, then we could be new neighbours and stay too? My name is Delia and I live with my little fairy sister Amelia and we would love to be friends.’ _ She read. 

 

‘Mommy, our very own fairies.’ Lily bounced with joy. ‘Tom,’ She turned to look at Tom. ‘We have fairies.’

 

‘I see that.’ He smiled as she rushed over to hug him too. ‘Are you happy, Princess?’

 

‘Very.’ 

 

‘Look at your bed.’ He stood out of her way so she could look at it. Giggling excitedly, she climbed up the steps and onto the raised bed. ‘Baloo!’ she giggled. ‘Tom, I have Baloo.’

 

‘Well, isn’t that wonderful.’ He beamed, looking to Alexianna who was crying and smiling as she watched Lily look around. ‘Come here.’ He pulled her to him and kissed her. ‘You shouldn’t be tearful.’

 

‘Not even happy tears?’

 

‘There are more permissible, but not too many, you need to be happy, you deserve this, Lexi.’

 

‘I never thought it possible.’

 

‘Well it is, and you deserve it.’

 

‘Mommy, look at my Paw Patrol pillow.’

 

‘I see it, Sweetheart.’

 

‘Where will you sleep?’ Lily noted the issue of one bed.

 

‘Well, I have the other room.’

 

‘Another whole room?’ Lily’s eyes were wide. ‘Really?’ 

 

‘Yes, and when Uncle Daniel comes to stay, you and I will sleep in here and he can have my bed, because…’ She pulled out the seat that was in the corner of the room and got it to go from a chair to a bed. ‘Or when you are older, you might have a friend for a sleepover.’

 

Lily’s eye lit up and fresh giggles ensued. ‘Do we get to have downstairs too?’

 

Alexianna and Tom looked at her and smiled. ‘Everything is ours Lils, we have a proper home, and we only need to get a small bus to school unless it is dry.’

 

‘So I still have my friends?’

 

‘Yes.’ Alexianna nodded. 

 

‘I like our house, Mommy.’ 

 

‘I do too, Lils.’ 

 

‘Can I see your room?’

 

‘Sure.’ Alexianna helped her daughter off her bed. ‘Mind the railing. That’s there to stop you falling out.’

 

‘I love it.’

 

‘Good.’

 

They walked to the other room and Lily rushed in to look at it. ‘Mommy.’

 

‘Yes, Love?’

 

‘Your room is boring.’ 

 

Alexianna and Tom laughed. ‘Is it?’

 

‘It’s pretty but boring.’ Lily stated as she inspected it. 

 

‘Well, I am a grown-up.’

 

‘Will Tom stay here too?’

 

‘Sometimes, maybe.’ Tom smiled. 

 

‘Now you don’t have to take Uncle Daniel’s bed, you can share with Mommy like you do in your house.’

 

‘Okay, please tell me you have the….Tom, turn that off.’ Alexianna instructed.

 

‘I’ll edit the end.’ Tom promised, stopping the video. ‘I like it by the way.’ He smiled at her. Alexianna studied him for a moment before her eyes narrowed. ‘What are you up to?’

 

‘Nothing.’ Tom looked at her as though insulted.    
  
‘Tom, you are up to something, I know that glint in your eye, I have known that glint since I was eight years old, don’t BS me.’ 

 

‘I did nothing.’

 

‘That’s a lie and you and I both know….it.’ Tom’s grin increased in size as Alexianna looked past him to the shelf behind him and to something on it. ‘Did you….?’

 

‘Do you like it?’ 

 

Alexianna reached up and took down the stuffed toy, smiling as she looked not only at it, but at the thing in its hands. ‘I love it.’ She whispered. Taking out the framed photo and cuddling the toy before putting it on her bed, in the centre. 

 

‘Mommy, you have Stitch!’ Lily smiled happily. 

 

‘Yes.’ Alexianna watched as her daughter climbed onto the bed and inspected the blue Disney alien. ‘You are not allowed steal him, he’s mine.’

 

‘Okay.’ Lily sighed. ‘I can let him play with my toys though, can’t I?’

 

‘Fine.’ Her mother grinned. ‘I need to put this over here.’ She took the photo and placed it pride of place next to her bedside lamp, unable to hide her smile as she looked at the picture Sarah had taken of her, Tom and Lily by the seaside on their trip to his mother’s, Tom with Lily on his back, all three of them not paying attention to the camera, instead smiling and laughing together. It was so natural, she had never realised Sarah had taken it, but was utterly grateful she had. 

 

‘Only up here?’

 

‘It’s personal, I don’t want everyone staring at it.’ She smiled. She walked back over to Tom again and wrapped her arms around him before he did the same to her. ‘Thank you, Tom.’

 

‘You deserve it.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘Now, who wants dinner? Let’s christen this lovely new home with a wonderful Indian, my treat.’

 

‘You have done enough treating.’

 

‘No, I haven’t, not yet.’

 

‘I am terrified to know what you mean by that.’ 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so some genius came up with "Irish Fairy Doors" which are now a huge thing, so for little Lily, as she is of the age for it, we are going to give her her very own one. 
> 
> The images used are not mine, full copyright to the owners.


	34. Guess Who

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Christmas approaches, Tom readies to leave for his mother's leaving Alexianna feeling a little upset. But he has left a surprise for her.

Alexianna sighed sadly as she looked at the tree that was set up in her living room. 

It had been a fortnight since they moved in, and already, she could see the difference it had made in their lives. Lily had blossomed with her new space and her individuality being allowed be expressed in her far larger room. Even her teacher had commented that the already bright and happy young girl was flourishing all the more after their move, much to Alexianna and indeed Tom’s pride. 

For Alexianna, she felt so much better after the initial night or two without her daughter in her room. Tom had insisted that after staying the first night in the new house with them, he give them a day or two to get settled, which was indeed something they needed, but it meant Alexianna having to get used to a bed by herself. Since then, Tom had stayed twice, both times the pair locked the bedroom door and allowed themselves some privacy for whatever they chose to do. It improved their relationship also, having Alexianna not feel as though they had to go to Tom’s all the time, in fact, since then, they had not been to Tom’s as both adults agreed that with the new space for themselves and indeed Lily, it made life easier at their home, since everything that could be needed for the four-year-old was there. 

But now Christmas was coming, and Tom was helping her hide the presents for Lily that needed to be ready since they had been kept at his, but he was now heading to his mother’s for the holiday. 

Alexianna was slightly hurt by it. It was not that she expected to have him stay away from his family, of course, she knew he would go home to his mum, but the severe lack of discussion as to when he would come back hurt her slightly. All he said was “Whenever suits you” with a large smile on his face caused her to wonder if he was trying to get away without giving her an answer because he simply did not want to be dealing with her. 

With a kiss and an insistence that he would be back soon, Tom left for his mothers, but not without telling Alexianna that there would be a package waiting for her later, and to enjoy it. Still hurt that he was leaving and was not saying whether or not he would be back before New Years, she set off to collect Lily for school, another thing that hurt her feelings, she thought he would at least say a proper goodbye to Lily before going. 

She continued to think about it, allowing it fester more and more as she went to collect Lily. When she got back to her apartment, there was indeed a large present near the tree, too large, if anything. 

‘Mommy?’

Alexianna walked over and pulled at the tag. ‘I have no...OH MY GOD!’ When a person came into view, she shrieked. 

‘Surprise!’ 

‘You….evil….sadistic….’ Alexianna clutched her chest, attempting not to swear violently. 

‘’Uncle Daniel!!!’ Lily rushed over to her uncle, who cuddled her close. ‘I missed you so much.’

‘I missed you too my Lily-Pad.’ He cuddled her into him tightly before looking at his sister. ‘Are you okay?’

‘How did you get in?’

‘Tom.’

‘What?’

‘He let me in and got a key cut for me so I could be here when you came back.’

‘But, he left for Suffolk.’

‘Yes, after he collected me from Stansted, he left about fifteen minutes ago, he needed to collect his sister and her family to drop them to Heathrow before heading there.’

‘So he…How long are you here?’

‘Christmas, all of it.’

Alexianna’s eyes widened. ‘What?’

‘If you don’t mind, of course, I thought we could...Al? Hey, are you okay?’ He went over to his sister, who was crying. ‘I don’t have to…’

‘You want to be here, with us?’

‘I...Al, I have never missed Christmas with the two of you.’

‘But...with everything…’

‘No, Al. Look, I know I have not been here a lot, with work and with Anna, but you and Lily, you are my family. And I cannot wait for you to meet her, I want you to like her, but this...even she insists I need to be here with you both at this time of the year.’ Daniel hugged her close, noting how tight she was holding onto him. ‘Al, talk to me.’

‘I...I thought we were going to be alone.’

‘No, never. I could see it in Tom’s face, he is in two minds about going to his Mum’s. I bet if I said I was not coming, he would be here.’

‘How did he know?’

‘I rang you one day and he answered, so we got talking and I said how I wanted to surprise you, so we planned around that.’

‘He knew all along?’

‘Yes.’

‘The prick said nothing.’

‘Language Mommy. And stop hogging Uncle Daniel.’ Lily pushed her out of the way so she could get to her uncle. 

Daniel smiled and lifted her up. ‘I hear you have a cool new room.’

‘It is so cool, did you see it?’

‘No, I wanted you to show me.’

Lily jumped up and down in his arms. ‘Come on, I’ll show you now.’ She slid to the floor and dragged her uncle to the stairs. 

Alexianna took out her phone and rang Tom, knowing he would not answer. Sure enough, his answering machine came on. ‘Hey, I nearly had a heart attack, I hope you’re happy.’ She half laughed. ‘Listen, I...I…’ She stopped. Alexianna wanted nothing more than to tell him how she felt, but she was scared of making herself seem too needy. She wanted to tell him that she wanted nothing more than to spend New Years with him, sitting on her sofa or just going to dinner, if he wasn’t busy, of course. But she couldn’t. She cursed that part of her mind that controlled her thoughts, the ones that struck fear into her and made her unable to voice her feelings. ‘I hope you have a good time at Christmas, bye.’ She hung up and cursed herself again. 

*

‘You look different.’ Alexianna turned to see Daniel studying her carefully. 

‘How so?’

‘Just...there’s something new about you. You look better than I ever saw you before.’ 

‘I have never been so…..it’s not even happy, because it goes deeper than that. I feel so much like….’

‘The old you?’

‘I think so, yeah. I mean, it is tiring as hell and hard, I am not going to pretend it’s not. I sometimes get only four hours sleep, but I am working on something, and Dan, it is so much more than I thought it would be. I love it.’

‘Brilliant.’ 

‘And college is hard, paperwork and study are exhausting, and Lily….she is taking up so much time with school and making sure she is doing okay, but I love it, more than I thought possible.’

‘That makes me so happy to hear.’ Daniel hugged his sister again. ‘And Tom?’

‘It is not always easy. He has work stuff and going out with him is hard sometimes, but...when we are sitting here, just reading, watching tv or talking, I feel so...content does not seem right, but it is the closest that comes to mind.’

‘You are quite alike, away from his job.’

‘That is Tom Hiddleston, the actor, but Tom, the guy from two streets away that leans against the counter there,’ She pointed to Tom’s usual spot. ‘With his cup of tea and talking to me about the weird guy that was tutting at the newspaper as he got the tube out from a meeting, that guy I think, is similar to how I enjoy being.’ 

‘You should always surround yourself with people similar to how you want to be.’ Daniel commented. ‘This place is incredible, Al.’

Alexianna looked around. ‘So much so. It just...It has added so much to my happiness. A clean and good home for Lily.’

‘She has brightened too.’ Daniel noted. 

‘A proper home environment will do that to a little girl.’ 

‘With a Mommy and Daddy.’ Alexianna stared at him. ‘She and I were talking earlier, she is under a very clear impression that Tom is her father.’

‘Oh Jesus, not again. We already sat her down with this.’

‘Yes, and explained she is not the man that made her with you, she told me.’

‘Then why is she saying otherwise to you?’

‘Because she knows her friend Sadie has a dad just like that.’

‘She wants him to be her dad so much.’

‘What is bad about that?’ Alexianna gave her brother a look. ‘No really, Al, what is wrong with it?’

‘It’s not true.’

‘He reads to her, looks after her well being, is a father figure in her life, why fight it?’

‘He’s only been here six months.’

‘And? That’s double the time with the pop princess at least. At least you two have a relationship, there is mutual respect.’

‘Dan…’

‘Anna has her new album, she shits all over him. I heard the lyrics myself.’

‘I don’t know or care if I am honest. I know he was annoyed and hurt when it came out since he had been respectful of how he spoke of her, but we don’t talk about it, same as Jonathon, it’s nothing to talk about. It is only something that will upset and bother.’

‘Yes, well, you’re better that way. Any more from him?’ Alexianna shook her head. ‘Good.’

‘I cannot believe, after everything, we are free.’

‘You deserve it.’ Daniel commented. ‘Though, there is something else I need to ask.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Lily mentioned a baby brother.’

‘Oh for fuck sake.’ Alexianna growled in frustration. ‘There are no babies. I am nowhere near able for one right now.’

‘That’s a slight change from “Never again”, what about in the future?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Would you have another, with him?’

‘I don’t know. I am not there now, so I cannot answer that.’ 

‘But you might?’

‘I am thirty-one, Daniel, I am not jinxing myself either way.’ She insisted. ‘I don’t ask you about yours and Anna’s plans to have any kids.’

‘We both want some, in a few years.’ Alexianna looked at him. ‘Well, it’s important to know if you are investing in someone that has the same wants in life as you, I think anyway.’ She said nothing in return. 

*  
Tom took the phone down from his ear, having listened to Alexianna’s message a few times. At first, he was elated, she sounded so happy, but the second part of her message told him that something was bothering her. He could hear her attempts to force the words from her mouth as she spoke but to no avail. Part of him wished he had been face to face with her to try and urge her to say whatever it was that was bothering her. He hoped she would want him back between Christmas and New Years for a few days together over the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to move this along, I had plans for this!!!!!


	35. Presents and Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas day and Tom speaks to Alexianna about things.

‘You are terrible.’ Alexianna chastised. 

‘Does she like it though?’

‘She adores it. I think you are the winner of the year.’ She smiled, looking at Lily surrounded by her gifts. 'Or did you not hear the fifteen hundred "thank you's" she just gave you?'

‘Good, and what about you, do you like yours? What did Daniel get you?’

‘He got me a new laptop, apparently, my old one was haggard.’

‘It was, really.’ He agreed. ‘And my present…?’

‘I haven’t opened it.’ 

‘What?’

‘I...I don’t want it.’

‘Lexi?’ 

‘I know whatever it is, it is too much. I don’t want that, I can’t….I can’t compete with that.’

‘I don’t want a competition, if I give you something, Lexi, it is because I want to give it and I do not expect anything in return. It is your reluctance to take things that makes me want to bestow something wonderful on you on occasions such as this, because the rest of the year, I know you will not accept them.’

‘I don’t have to accept them now.’ Alexianna pointed out. 

‘No, you don’t.’ Tom conceded. ‘But I hope you will on the basis of I am good the rest of the time.’

‘This is hard for you, isn’t it? Me not just taking everything?’

‘It’s not hard, per se, but it is different. Though I am not as misfortunate as others I have spoken to have been, I have come across the few that have expected a lot of me because of my profession.’

‘I don’t want that.’

‘I know you don’t, that is why you are so refreshing and why I love you so much. You care about me, not what I have.’ There was a few moments silence on the phone. ‘Please, Lexi, open the present.’

‘You want me to do it with you on the line, don’t you?’

‘Yes, actually, I do.’

‘Okay.’ 

He heard her rummaging around. ‘Lexi?’

‘I can’t take this.’

‘Yes, you can.’

‘But Lily…’

‘Dan has agreed to take her for it.’

‘I...you asked Daniel?’

‘Yes, I knew you would be reluctant to leave Lily with anyone else, so I checked with him about him taking her for the night, and of course, he agreed.’

‘It’s too much, Tom.’

‘It’s dinner, a show and a night away, not a cruise around the world.’

‘That would be tempting, though I would settle for a boat down the Thames.’ Tom erupted in laughter. ‘What?’

‘I love you so much. I cannot believe how much I miss being around you after only a few days.’ There was silence at his words. ‘Lexi?’

‘You….miss me?’

‘Yes.’ 

‘Really?’

‘I...How could you not see that? I love spending time with you, you are so smart and loving and I cannot wait to see you again.’ Tom decided as he had been outed already, he should simply admit his thoughts. 

‘I….can’t wait either.’ He stared at the phone startled, thinking he had heard her wrong. ‘I miss you too.’

Really?’

‘I know we are not around each other all the time, but knowing you are only a few stops away on the Tube makes me feel good.’ 

‘Good to know. Though when I have to work….’

‘I’m a big girl….though I still will miss you.’

‘Likewise.’ Tom grinned, licking his teeth. ‘So, are you excited?’

‘I am.’

‘Wonderful.’

‘Thank you, Tom. So you are back soon?’

‘Well, yes, it is on in three days. And I forgot my present.’

‘I cannot believe you left it behind.’Alexianna rolled her eyes, looking at Tom’s present, which was indeed under the tree still.’

‘I was too sidetracked making sure your brother got from the airport, Madam!’

‘Thank you, Tom.’ 

‘Anytime, beautiful.’

‘What day are you coming back to London?’

‘The day after tomorrow, we tend to go a little liberal on the wine and whiskey here after dinner today and I am not risking injury or other things to drive tomorrow.’

‘Please don’t.’ She pleaded, ‘One second.’ He heard her talking and Daniel’s deeper voice in the background, though not what he was saying. ‘Sorry, Dan is just taking Lily out for a while.’ 

‘That’s good of him.’

‘It means I can start cooking.’

‘Well, that is important.’ Tom acknowledged. ‘How is it, him being there?’

‘Great actually, Anna is coming New Years Day, so we are going to get to meet her, Lil’s is excited.’

‘And you?’

‘I am worried that we won’t get along and it causes a rift that is complicated for Dan, but I think that is just me being a little neurotic.’

‘Ever so slightly.’ Tom agreed. ‘She loves your brother, she is good with her sibling and she respects you and Lily in his life, you will get on well.’

‘I know, I am just scared.’

‘Does she know, about Lily and everything?’

‘Yes, apparently.’

‘You don’t sound too pleased.’

‘I feel as though it shouldn’t really be something people spend time talking about.’

‘Because it is not their business or because you just don’t like it being discussed?’

‘Both. The more people talk, the more likely Lily is to hear things.’

‘Understandable, talk to Daniel about it.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I better help Mum here now, I will see you in a few days, Lexi. Try not to miss me too much.’

Alexianna scoffed and laughed. ‘You’re an egotistical prick sometimes, you know that?’ 

‘I am, I’m your egotistical prick, though.’

‘Maybe a little.’ She smiled. 

‘I cannot wait to see you again.’

‘Me or your present?’

Both.’ There was a playfulness to his tone.

‘Thanks for the honesty.’

‘You deserve that at least.’ Tom’s smile was clear. ‘I will call you again later, after the joys of dinner.’

‘Sounds like a plan. I won’t be insulted if you fall asleep.’

‘I don’t make a habit of that.’ Tom went into self-defence mode. There was silence. ‘Fine, I have a tendency to doze off, but not for long.’

‘Sure, sure.’ Alexianna quipped. ‘Bye Tom, I love you.’

‘I love you too. Give lily the biggest hug from me.’

‘I will.’ 

Tom looked at the screen and felt the same dislike as he always did as he clicked “end call”.

‘So, how is Alexianna’s day?’ He turned to see his mother walking into the kitchen with plates from the living room where the family had been having tea and cake. 

‘Good, they are loving having Daniel around.’

‘Good.’ Diana noted a disheartened look on her son’s face. ‘Tom, darling, what is it?’

‘I wish I was there.’ He confessed. Diana said nothing in response. ‘It feels wrong, missing Christmas with Lexi and Lily. I just….I feel like I should have been there for Santa, to see her excitement. It feels wrong.’

Diana nodded slightly. ‘She’s your little girl.’

‘No, she…’

‘She is. Her not being yours biologically does not take from your feelings Tom, she sees you as her father figure and you, whether you realised it or not, have had that little girl edge her way into your heart so much the idea of not being there for her today hurts.’

‘What can I do?’

‘At this stage, nothing, but that’s okay, you will see them again soon, and next Christmas, you will ensure you are not away from her.’

‘Mum?’ Diana smiled as a manner of telling her son she was paying attention to him. ‘What will I do if something divides me and them?’

‘You mean if you and Alexianna break up?’ He nodded. ‘I don’t know, Sweetheart, I hope it will not happen.’

‘I...I don’t want to be without them, they….they are everything I ever wanted.’ 

Diana was elated for her son to think that way of the woman their family adored and her lovely little girl who she too had come to adore as her own, but she was concerned also that he was so attached, with no biological link, if they were to break up, Tom would have no right to see Lily, and she was scared what that would do, not only to her and her son but to Lily too.’


	36. After Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom returns to London after Christmas with his mother, and Alexianna's is his first stop.

‘Hey.’ Tom pulled Alexianna to him as soon as he got over the door frame. 

‘Are you okay?’ She asked, looking up at him. 

‘Yes, I just missed you.’ He kissed her. 

‘I missed you too.’ 

‘Where’s Lily?’

‘Daniel has brought her with him to the shop. She’ll be disappointed she was not here when you came.’

‘Well, I am back now. And I should warn you…’ He held up a gift bag. ‘Mum and the girls may have gone a bit wild.’ 

‘What….no!’

‘I also was told to tell you, that Sarah has a tonne, no really, I think it would way an actual tonne, of clothes that if you want, she would give, on loan, because Emma wants them if she has a little girl or if Sarah has another.’ 

‘How weird is it to talk of your sisters as mums?’

‘Well, Sarah is a mum. But the oddity is them talking about having children. It’s weird, the idea of your little sister getting pregnant.’

‘She’s not the young girl that went horse riding and read Saddle Club books anymore.’

‘Neither are you.’ Tom pointed out. 

‘No, so if your happily married sister wants to have kids…’

‘It’s Lily and Sophie, she feels left out I think.’

‘That’s not a reason to have a baby. It’s more than that. She wants to be a mother.’ 

‘Is it odd for you?’ Alexianna frowned. ‘Them actually planning this after…’

Alexianna gave a pained smile. ‘I am at the age where people are planning their families, I am happy for anyone who is doing it. I wish I had been as fortunate, but I don’t regret Lily.’ 

‘Of course not.’ Tom agreed, kissing her again. ‘How could you, she is adorable.’ He looked at her nervously. ‘Did she miss me?’

‘She did. We both did.’ Alexianna smiled.

‘Not possibly as much as I did you both.’ He kissed her again. ‘I cannot wait to bring you away for a night.’

‘It will be fun.’ She agreed. ‘Tea?’

‘Please, Darling.’

They made tea and sat talking about how Tom’s family had enjoyed the holiday, Alexianna insisting on not opening anything without Lily. it was half an hour later when the door opened and there was a squeaky voice. ‘Mummy?’

The pair walked out to greet them. ‘Hey Baby. Guess who…’

‘Tom!’ Lily ran straight past her mother and into Tom’s arms. ‘I missed you so much.’ Her voice was tight. 

Tom pulled her closer to him, feeling a part of his jumper begin to get a little damp. ‘I missed you too, Princess.’

‘Are you back now?’

‘Yes, I just had to see my mum for a few days.’

‘I wanted to go.’

‘You’ll get to see her again soon. I promise.’ Lily pulled back from him enough to confirm to Tom she had been crying in against him. ‘How about you show me what Santa got you?’

‘Okay.’ She darted off to get what she had been given. 

Tom rose to his full height again, looking at Alexianna and Daniel as he did. ‘Merry Christmas, did you have a good day?’ He walked over to shake Daniel’s hand. 

‘Good, yes.’ Daniel smiled. ‘How about you? How are your family?’

‘It was good.’ Tom nodded before looking at Alexianna .’Too quiet though.’

‘Well, it was anything but quiet here.’ Daniel commented, noting the saddened face on Tom as he said that. ‘But your arrival back will mean a lot to a certain someone.’ 

They walked into the living area, where Lily had lined up the presents she got before rushing excitedly over to Tom and grabbing his hand. Going through everything, one by one, showing him how they worked and explaining the present he got her in detail. 

Alexianna started cooking while Tom and Daniel kept Lily occupied. When Tom rose to get another cup of tea, he smiled at her. ‘Are you staying for dinner?’

‘If I am allowed.’

‘Of course.’

‘Then, please. How can I help?’ There was a sadness in his tone. 

‘Are you okay? You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.’

‘No, I want to. I just wish….I wish I got to see her face when she got these, I wish I had been here with you both.’ 

Alexianna’s eyes widened with his confession. ‘Well, you were busy with your Mum, you said Sarah wasn’t home and Emma left Boxing Day.’ 

‘Still, it felt wrong.’ 

‘Mummy?’ 

‘Yes, Princess?’

‘I need to go bathroom.’

‘Okay, come on.’ She dried her hands and took Lily out of the room. 

‘It’s amazing isn’t it?’ Tom turned to look at Daniel.

‘What?’ 

‘How much it is possible to love them both.’

‘I…’ 

‘You’re not fooling anyone, I can see it on your face. You wish you were here with them Christmas Day, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’ Admitting it made Tom feel as though there was a large sense of burden taken from him.

‘I get it. I feel bad being away from Anna, I cannot wait for her to come down.’

‘But Lexi and Lily…?’

‘I wanted all three of them, I’m greedy in that respect.’

‘Do you find yourself surrounded, in your personal life, by incredibly strong women?’

‘Well, you have more sisters than me, but overall?’ Daniel nodded. ‘Yes, very much so. I never got to thank you.’ Tom frowned. ‘She is so different. So much more….back to the old her. Being away and only talking to her a little, I did not really see it, but coming back, seeing how she is now. You are the reason for that.’ 

‘Nothing of the sort, that was all her work.’

‘No, the confidence is back, “Lexi” is coming out again, not this meek little thing he turned her into, and it is you, start to finish, the divorce, the feeling that she is worthy of someone, that is you. You brought her back, and Lily... she is so happy now, that squirt was always cheerful, now….I never thought a little girl could be so happy, yet she is incredibly so. And the way she talks about you, the way the both of them do, I am somewhat envious. She sees you as the male figure in her life now.’

‘I am not trying to encroach.’

‘No, but that’s the thing. I have Anna now, and Al has you. The lines have changed somewhat.’ There was a clear sadness in his voice as he walked away, hearing Alexianna and Lily come back down the stairs. 

When Alexianna walked into the room, he paused and stared at both men worriedly for a moment, knowing that there had been something of interest occur in her temporary absence. ‘Everything…?’

‘Of course.’ Tom promised.

‘Lils, you need to tidy all of this so that we can get ready for food soon.’ Alexianna ordered. 

‘Uncle Daniel?’

‘Sorry Sweetheart, I need to make a call to Anna.’ 

‘Actually, I was going to ask if you saw my bag.’ 

Alexianna and Tom bit their lips together as they attempted not to laugh. 

‘Fine, if I am not needed.’ Daniel joked as he walked off. ‘You’re getting to be a very big girl. Tidying up all by yourself.’

‘I am not tidying it by myself, Daddy is going to help me.’ She pointed to Tom. ‘Come on, Daddy.’ 

The adults were unsure of what to say in response.


	37. What is a Dad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes and Alexianna and Tom are juggling work, college and a little girl, how does Tom's first afternoon (albeit less than an hour) of minding Lily go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to move this along.

‘Daddy, look at this.’

‘I’m watching, Princess.’ 

Tom had stopped fighting it after a while. Lily was adamant that he was “Dad”. She knew that he was not a biological relation but it did not matter. To Lily, Tom was Dad, no negotiation. Alexianna found it difficult to accept the “Daddy” situation, mostly because she was terrified that if things did not work between herself and Tom, Lily would get caught dealing with more heartache from getting so attached but seeing Tom choose to allow it, she accepted it more. More than once in the time since she had started, he swore, that come whatever between them, he would always want to be part of Lily’s life. Daniel seemed the most unsure of it at first, but with seeing how Tom treated Lily and her perception of him, he seemed to almost forget himself that Tom was not his niece’s biological father. That said, he did have a few pointers for Tom on how to embrace the role more and to be less standoffish. For Tom, it was a steep learning curve, one that was far more difficult in his opinion than any he had encountered before. He had to call Sarah more than once to ask for her help on certain topics. 

Tom had been away on the Infinity War press junket. He had travelled the world with it and was gone for a few weeks, and on his return, Alexianna was doing her exams. When there was an emergency alteration to one of their times and she could not get a babysitter until evening, he was forced to step in and assist. That is how it turned out to be him and Lily together in the park. He had collected her from school and with Alexianna currently on the Underground to their location, he thought it best to burn some of her energy before handing her back to her mother, or he hoped that that would be acceptable. To be honest, he was utterly terrified of being alone with Lily for the first time. He was scared that she would get hurt or lost and he would be at fault for it. This was not some simple request, this was Lily, Alexianna’s pride and joy, their little Princess. He had never been so scared in his life as he had been for the last thirty minutes, every person in the distance he prayed was Alexianna, but he knew she was not going to be there yet. It was only forty minutes, he could surely handle that. He hoped.

There was another child at the playground with the same uniform as her, and on seeing the child, she shrieked excitedly and rushed over to play with him. He too was there with a man. On seeing that the girl his son was playing with was with a male guardian, he seemed to take all but mere seconds to make his way to Tom. 

‘You’d swear they had not just spent the day in school.’ He joked. 

‘It’s a good sign when they actually enjoy each other’s company.’ Tom smiled in return.

‘Very much so.’ The man nodded. ‘Lily, is it? Rhodri talks about her a lot, smiley thing, loves to just talk.’

‘Yes, that’s our Lil’s. Her Mum puts it best, she is more like a radio really, she talks at you.’ 

The man laughed. ‘A perfect analogy, just like our Rhodri. I am Timothy Ainsley, by the way.’ He extended his hand. 

Tom took it with a smile. ‘Tom Hiddleston.’ 

‘So...what is the deal with everything, were you away for a while and came back? Was that thing with the singer a rouse, how did all this come back together?’

Tom frowned. ‘I don’t quite understand you.’

‘Well, your daughter, you weren’t with her mum for everything because you were seeing that singer for a while, right? I have the right actor?’

Tom inhaled for a moment. ‘I am not Lily’s biological father, her mother and I were friends years ago, I met her again and she had Lily by then.’

‘Oh...Sorry, I….I shouldn’t have asked.’ The man seemed to realise his error and looked away embarrassedly. ‘She looks like you.’

‘So I am told….frequently. But no, she is not mine biologically.’ 

‘Is it hard? I don’t think my wife likes it. Rhodri is my youngest, I have two from my first marriage too, though they live with their mother. But it’s clear, she doesn’t like Jane and Jane is not fond of her.’

Tom was feeling uncomfortable with the sheer invasiveness of the man’s questions as well as his oversharing of his own life, he was trying to think of an answer when he was relieved to see Lily run over with her friend. ‘Daddy, I said I can see Mummy.’ 

‘Oh good, be happy now, she is probably tired and wants you to be her best girl.’

‘I am always her best girl.’ Lily giggled. ‘Rhodri, come say hi to my Mummy.’ The kids rushed to the gate of the playground just as Alexianna got there, Lily giving her a huge hug as she did, both kids shouting their day at her and Alexianna making faces of overdramatic smiles and shock as they told her. 

‘Hello.’ She smiled on reaching the two men. 

‘Hi.’ Tom smiled, his relief blatant.

‘Mr Ainsley, Rhodri’s father, correct? I was talking to your wife last week about Rhodri coming over to ours to play with Lily some afternoon after school.’ Alexianna extended her hand. ‘I’m Alexianna, by the way.’

‘Oh, yes, she mentioned that.’ He shook her hand. ‘She had not mentioned the child, I had assumed Alexianna was the child.’ He laughed.

‘Mommy, can Rhodri come today?’

‘Not today, Sweetie. I have to go to work for a few hours this evening, you have Elaine coming to mind you.’

‘Why can’t Daddy?’

‘Because Tom has to meet Luke this evening.’

‘I like Luke.’ Lily declared to no one in particular. ‘He’s silly.’

Tom had to bite his lips together at Lily’s perception of his publicist as Luke was utterly uncertain of kids, having been an only child himself and not having any younger cousin’s, only older ones, so his interactions with children were so limited, he came across as awkward at best, which only endeared Lily to him more. ‘Well, Luke and I will be very busy.’

‘Oh.’ Lily began the sad face. 

Tom cursed. Her tantrums did little to guilt him, if he was honest, they were actually irritating, though he did not admit that to himself until Alexianna confessed that she hated them, that they made her angry with Lily more than empathetic. But when she gave the sad acceptance with no arguing look, he felt like the worst human being to ever exist for breaking her heart. ‘Your mum has two more exams tomorrow,’ He stated, getting to one knee to look her in the eye. ‘So, how about you and I go to Auntie Sarah’s and play with Sophie, yes?’ She did not change her face, instead, just nodding solemnly. ‘I know it’s not what you want Princess, but grown-ups have to do some work sometimes that is not always fun.’ 

She walked into him, her arms around his neck as he rose to his feet again. ‘Being a grown-up sounds boring.’

‘You’re not wrong.’ Her mother agreed. ‘Mr Ainsley, a pleasure to meet you. Unfortunately, we are being forced to rush home now. Rhodri, we will see you again soon Sweetheart, when you come over, the two of you can have a great day, okay?’ Rhodri nodded enthusiastically. ‘Say bye, Lils.’

‘Bye Lils.’ Lily stated solemnly from Tom’s arms, causing the adults to chuckle. With the goodbyes said, they parted ways. 

When they got to the car, they put Lily in and got into the front seats. 

‘Hello, by the way.’ Alexianna smiled. 

Tom leant across the car and kissed her. ‘Hello, how was your exam?’

‘Okay.’

‘Lexi?’

‘No, I am just second guessing myself, I did not get one or two and I think I underdid a question or two but I should be okay.’

‘And the ones tomorrow? They are both your hardest and the easiest ones, right?’

‘Yes, I am so nervous, I want to go into work for an hour this evening and speak with Donna for a while regarding the legal one, she said she would help. If she can get the last two or three things I am nervous about done with me, then I will be fine.’

‘What time is Elaine coming?’

‘Five. I had Lily have dinner in school today so she will only need beans and toast in a minute and she can have porridge before bed. What time are you meeting Luke?’

‘He is coming to mine for five. I can’t give you a lift to the office.’

‘It’s fine, I will take the Tube, it will only take a few minutes at this time. How was it?’

‘Lil’s?’ Alexianna nodded. ‘Great actually. We just went to the park so that I knew she would be happy and that is it. She fought me on wearing her jacket, but we got there in the end, didn’t we, Princess?’ Tom smiled, looking into the rearview mirror to look at Lily before turning on the car. 

‘Yes, Daddy.’ She beamed, having forgotten her earlier moroseness at not being able to spend the afternoon with Rhodri or meet Luke with Tom. 

Tom smiled proudly as he drove into the flow of traffic. ‘I have this down.’

‘Yes, did so well.’ Alexianna smiled proudly. ‘Thank you, Tom. I appreciate it so much.’

‘I am glad to give you a hand, thank you for having faith in me.’

‘You don’t have to mind her tomorrow.’

‘I already made plans with Sarah. You’re not back until nearly six, we will have dinner there and everything.’ He smiled reassuringly. 

‘Thank you.’ Alexianna mouthed, her eyes filled with tears at Tom’s allowing them to step forward more. 

'And it prevents me coming across that man again.'

Alexianna laughed. 'Timothy is not to bad actually, from what I have gathered, it is his wife is the dose, she is dying for Rhodri to have acceptable friends.'

'Like Lils?'

'Lily scrapes acceptable, but only because of you, I am anything but acceptable. You, however, You are worthy.'

'I admitted I am not her biological father though.'

'You are famous and an ex-Etonian, that is all that matters, Mrs Ainsley is only interested in such things.'

'I see. Why do you want to allow such a child to your home so?'

'Because he is a sweet boy and Lily likes him.' Alexianna shrugged. 'I am not some classist cow, I don't care about who her friends are, they are four, it's not like they are going to convince her to do cocaine.' 

Tom chucked. 'True.'

‘Daddy?’

‘Yes, Princess?’ 

‘You’re the best.’ 

‘Why’s that, Lils?’ Her mother asked, looking around at her. 

‘Because some Daddies are the daddies that made the babies and they go away, but my dad didn’t make me and he is here being my daddy when he doesn’t have to, obviously.’ She explained nonchalantly as though it was the most obvious statement to ever be made, looking out the window of the moving car at the traffic, not realising she caused Tom to choke up at her innocent words.


	38. What am I Then?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gets more confident in the role of a father and takes Lily to the park and gets her a little treat, Alexianna however, is not pleased and says something that may destroy everything.

‘Which am I, Lexi, am I her father figure or not? Because you cannot pick and choose the parts of both you want, I am either all in or I have no part in this. It is not fair to her or me to do this to us. Pick one.’ Tom growled before getting his jacket and turning and walking out of the apartment, leaving Alexianna crying at the situation. 

*

It had been, in Tom’s opinion, a good day. He had taken Lily to the park again solely because he wanted to and Alexianna was busy tidying the apartment. As far as he was concerned, it stopped Lily from getting under her feet and gave him more time with the little girl he did, on more than one occasion, have to remind himself he did not father biologically. 

Lily adored him. Every time he left for work, she gave him the biggest hug and asked him if he would forget her before saying goodbye. She would not cry, she merely showed her sadness at his having to go but also her understanding that he would return. He would facetime her and Alexianna constantly. When he would return, her happiness and excitement upon seeing him again, he felt, could never be rivalled. She would rush into his arms, her legs would wrap around his waist and she would squeal “Daddy” with such elated joy that Tom could not put into words what it meant to him. She was his little girl. Alexianna’s smiles on seeing him, ones of genuine delight at his return, were overshadowed by her daughter and she knew it. It had become almost a joke between the two adults, her usual line being that if she tried doing as Lily did, she would hurt one or both of them.

When they were leaving the park, he decided to get her a treat, nothing spectacular but there was a nice toy shop only across the street from there and Lily had been so well behaved that he thought it okay to get her something small as a result. So, taking the excited child into the shop, he set the limits of what she was allowed and allowed her to choose her own present. She chose the characters of a TV show he knew her to like, so paying for the toys, they headed back to the car, Lily excitedly holding her toys blabbering on about them as they walked, her hand in Tom’s as they did so. Tied into her Paw Patrol car seat that had been gotten specifically for his car, the pair made their way back to the apartment, Lily continuing to talk incessantly the whole way. 

When they got back to the house, Lily was still excited, trying to get the box open to get the toys out. Tom had barely opened the door when Lily rushed in. 

‘Mummy, Mummy, look what Daddy got me.’ She jumped up and down while showing her mother the toys.

‘Oh.’ Tom immediately noticed the lack of enthusiasm in Alexianna’s voice. ‘That’s lovely, Sweetheart.’

‘We’ll get them out of the box and you can go play with them, okay?’ Tom encouraged, smiling brightly at Lily, who seemed to notice her mother’s lack of enthusiasm too. After he opened the box and got the toys out, Lily rushed up to her room to play with them. Tom smiled at her excitement for a moment before turning to look at Alexianna, who was busy flattening the cardboard box for the recycling. ‘Did something happen when we were out?’

‘No.’ She did not even look at him as she spoke. 

‘Lexi?’

‘What?’ She snapped. 

‘What is wrong?’

‘Nothing.’

‘I know you since you were eight years old, please don’t lie to me.’ She did not look at him. ‘Is it something I did?’

‘Why did you get her that?’

‘That’s what this is about?’

‘Why did you buy that for her, Tom?’

‘Because I wanted to.’

‘You cannot just buy her things for the sake of it.’

Tom’s brows furrowed. ‘I do it with Sophie from time to time too. Look, we had a great time in the park, she has been so good recently, I thought it would be nice to get her something.’

‘You never asked me.’

‘I was not aware I had to.’

‘I am her mum, you cannot just buy her something without asking me first.’

‘Something that is expensive, yes. That was on sale.’

‘How much was it?’

‘What?’

‘How much was it, Tom?’

‘Twelve pounds.’ Alexianna walked over to where she kept her purse. ‘What are you….no, I am not taking it.’ Tom insisted as she got out the money and held it out for him. ‘No.’

‘Take the damn money, Tom.’

‘Why?’

‘Because we are not sponges, living off you.’ 

Tom’s eyes widened. ‘I am well aware of that.’

‘Lily cannot think that she can just get what she wants off you.’

‘She doesn’t, this was a treat, something to happen only every so often. I suggested going in, she never once asked to get it.’ 

‘But now she will expect to get more.’

‘And she will learn that it is not guaranteed, but that there are days when she will get something nice, today it was this, another time, maybe an ice-cream.’

‘But you can’t do that.’

‘Why not? Give me a legitimate reason and I will agree with you.’

‘Because you’re not her…’ Alexianna did not even have to finish the sentence before the hurt consumed Tom’s face. 

Tom pursed his lips together. ‘Okay.’ He turned away from her, his voice tight but after a moment, he turned around to her again. ‘What am I to you?’

‘What?’

‘You got almost perfect results in your English exams, so I know you understand what I am saying. I asked what am I to you, what do you see me as?’

‘My boyfriend.’

‘And to Lily?’ She did not answer. ‘What do you see me as to her?’ Tom repeated. 

‘A father-like figure, I guess.’

‘You guess?’

‘I don’t like labelling it Tom, it makes it sound more….’

‘Real?’

‘Forced. You have no obligation to be here, you don’t have an obligation to pay for her or for anything for her.’

‘So that tells you that anything I do for her, I do willingly. I want to get her a nice thing every so often. I want to do things with and for her. I am not going to get her a pony, a box of toys that are reduced to clear is not the same as that. That I would understand you being bothered about but twelve pounds…’

‘I can’t afford to get her those sorts of things. How do you think it makes me feel to see you throwing around money on things I could never afford.’

‘So, that is what this is about? You think I am trying to outdo you?’

‘No, it’s not...’

‘Then why say that?’

‘Because I am trying to explain to you why this is so frustrating.’

‘You are frustrated because I am doing something nice for Lily and you don’t want me to because you can’t, that is what I am getting from this.’ Alexianna swallowed. ‘You are okay with me doing everything else, why not this? You don’t mind me taking her when you need to get study or cleaning done’ She said nothing in response. ‘Why are you so afraid to share her properly with me?’ Alexianna shifted uncomfortably. ‘That’s what it is, you don’t want to share her with me.’

‘I…’

‘I am the man she calls Daddy, I am who is here for her as a father is supposed to be. I love her like she is mine. I take that role more serious than I ever will an acting one. Why won’t you see that? Are you that ready for this to end and for me to leave that you won’t embrace it fully?’

‘No.’

‘Then why are you trying to sabotage this. I want to be part of her life and yours fully and entirely.’

‘You are.’

‘But you don’t want me as her father figure?’

‘No, I do.’

‘Which am I, Lexi, am I her father figure or not? Because you cannot pick and choose the parts of both you want, I am either all in or I have no part in this. It is not fair to her or me to do this to us. Pick one.’ Tom growled before getting his jacket and turning and walking out of the apartment, leaving Alexianna crying at the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It needed some turmoil


	39. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom fights with himself as to whether or not he did the right thing concerning Alexianna. During his conflict, he recalls that he was supposed to collect Lily from school the next day, but also receives a call from Luke.

Tom didn’t know what to think or do. He lay in bed thinking about the ultimatum he had given to Alexianna. He felt terrible for forcing the situation into a corner, but he felt it was the right thing to do. Getting Lily a small present should not have caused Alexianna to react in such a manner, to say she did so implied there was something wrong in the relationship and he knew that he could not continue as they were doing and that were he to leave it now, the same issues would arise again in the near future and they would suffer worse in the long run. It was not an option. He would not continue being everything to Lily that Alexianna wanted without the joys of parenting that came with it.

He loved being there for them both, he had no issue with the boring and mundane aspects of it all, in fact, he enjoyed them most of the time. The quiet and relaxing life of sitting in doing silly art and reading to Lily was a welcome change from the fast and hectic life he had when he was working. She saw him only as Tom, or Daddy, who was the best reader and who only expected him to do funny voices for their stories, she wanted nothing more from him. Alexianna never asked for anything of him or expected anything from him either. She accepted, without question, when he was not available, she would only give him a kiss and tell him that she would see him again when he was free and that she loved him. He could not ask for more in a partner and a child. Though, the rules that Alexianna set at the beginning of the relationship, he felt, were voided by the developments of the relationship, especially regarding Lily’s decision to make him her father figure and Alexianna not correcting it, allowing it to happen.

He swallowed. If Alexianna decided to not talk through everything, if she decided that she wanted to put an end to the relationship, he would lose them both. The fear he had when he began to develop feelings for Alexianna and Lily in turn at the beginning of the relationship and the fear that were it to end, he would lose them came to the fore once more. He was scared.

Part of him thought to send a text or call and apologise so that he could prevent such a scenario. He did not want to lose either of them, but the bigger part of him knew that he had to make himself clear, otherwise they would be in the same position again in a few weeks time. Ignoring the elephant in room would do nothing but delay the inevitable argument. The longer they left it, the more damage it would do.

But he felt guilty. He had promised Lily that he would read her a bedtime story. He felt terrible for not being there to do so. Laying back in his bed, he hoped voicing his issues was allowing Alexianna to know exactly how he felt and to allow her to see his side of things. He had sent her a text saying that he would talk to her the next day, he only hoped that she would want to and that they could work through everything. He was not a religious man but he prayed that everything would work out, that he could be a more definitive and solid part of both Alexianna’s and Lily’s lives.

In her apartment, Alexianna sighed in exhausted frustration. Lily took Tom’s leaving without a goodbye very badly. She was fussy for the rest of the evening and refused to do anything her mother asked of her to the extent that she screamed when Alexianna tried to read her a story, sticking her fingers in her ears, crying and begging for Tom. The more she fussed, the more angry and frustrated Alexianna became. By the time she put Lily to bed and got the apartment tidied, she felt terrible. She had found herself on the verge of tears more than once.

She looked at Tom’s text more than once and bit the insides of her cheeks as she did so. When she thought over his words, she sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. She had no idea how she was going to talk to Tom about everything partly because she could not even understand fully to herself what was causing her to feel as she did regarding everything, something she knew was an issue, there was no way to work past something if there was no way to articulate it. Sighing again, she just sat down and tried to make sense of everything.

Tom woke the next morning feeling almost as tired as he did going to bed. He had not slept well during the night, more than once waking to the reality that he had possibly lost the relationship he loved and may not, for a considerable time see either Alexianna or Lily and that worried him more than he ever thought it could.

Checking his phone, he was disappointed to see there had been no texts from Alexianna in acknowledgement of his text the night before. He decided to get up and go for a run in hopes to give her a chance to wake and see what time would suit for them to talk.

By the time ten o’clock came, there was still nothing from her regarding meeting and talking which terrified him. He genuinely hoped they would work through things, it did not bode well if she would not even speak with him. He knew that Lily was in school and that Alexianna was due to work until five. They had previously arranged that he would collect her, but all things considered, he did not know where he stood and it bothered him. Deciding that he needed to know if he was to collect her, and what arrangements were there for Lily, he took out his phone and typed.

_“Am I still collecting Lily today?”_

He looked at the text for a considerable amount of time before inhaling deeply and pressing send. Nervous of what would be the response, he paced anxiously, half doing chores as he waited to hear the tone of his phone receiving a message in response.

In the following half hour, he received four emails and two messages, none from Alexianna. Feeling defeated and downtrodden, Tom sank into his seat, unable to concentrate on anything. When the phone informed him that he had another new message, he did not care enough to check it instead he found himself remembering the first time he came home from Eton after his parents split. He was considerably older than Lily when it happened, but he knew the sensation of being forced to watch how your whole world as you knew it to be being broken apart. If anything, he felt it was harder for Lily, at just four years old, she would not understand everything as he had, and with her only having a father figure in her life a few months, he worried it would make it even harder on her and how it would affect her. That made him feel worse, he felt guilty that should they not repair things, he would be part of the reason she felt such emotions.

When another message came through, he was still too busy thinking of the ramifications of breaking up with Alexianna. He wondered how he could try to assist her with Lily if he was no longer with her. He also knew that that would do nothing to quell the rumours that he was her biological father, but he did not care, he wanted to continue being there for both of them no matter what. They deserved it.

He was a good twenty minutes thinking about it all when his phone rang. Seeing it was Luke, he answered. Overall, the conversation was mundane and uninteresting. He was due to go to Ace Comicon soon so Luke was giving him a rundown of certain dates. Tom, not able to cease thinking of the situation with Alexianna, was only half listening.

‘Tom?’

‘Yes?’

‘What will she say?’

‘Who?’

Luke gave an exasperated sigh. ‘You’re not even listening to me, are you?’

‘I’m sorry, I am just trying to sort a few things here.’ Tom apologised.

‘I don’t need to know the ins and outs of everything in your personal life.’ Luke warned. ‘Keep whatever you two get up to between yourselves.’

‘Who?’

‘Who...Tom, are you alright?’

‘Yes, why?’

‘You are not listening to me and when I reference your girlfriend, you ask me who I am even talking about?’

‘Sorry. She’s not...she’s at work.’

‘She has an incredible work ethic, you cannot fault her that.’ Luke acknowledged. ‘What did she say about the length of your press tour?’

‘I...It doesn’t matter now.’

‘What happened?’ Luke’s tone told his exasperation.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’ve broken up with her, haven’t you?’ Luke sounded unsurprised.

‘No….I don’t know.’

‘What happened?’

‘I bought Lily a toy yesterday and Lexi got annoyed. So I told her to choose between me being a proper father for Lil’s, meaning I am permitted to choose to get her something on occasion or to not expect me to act as her father so much and to let me know what she wanted but she hasn’t.’

‘Tom, what do you mean “a proper father”? Are you her father?’ Luke asked warily. ‘I thought you weren’t her father?’

‘I’m not, biologically, but I am her father figure. I am the one she calls “Daddy” and who reads her stories and everything.’

‘You are not even together a year, I am not sure being so involved with her daughter is a wise decision.’

‘You don’t particularly get much of a choice when there are children involved, Luke. The majority of the time Alexianna and I spend together, Lily is there. Alexianna would never cast her aside for anyone, much less a man.’

‘Well, no. Of course, she shouldn’t, but to take on such a role in her life…’

‘You don’t get it, Luke, I love that little girl like she is my own daughter, she is so pure and sweet and funny and her father never wanted anything to do with her and she is so good and she is doing so well at school and…’

‘Jesus Christ, you really adore the kid.’ Luke realised, having never fully paid heed to Tom’s relationship as neither he nor Alexianna and her daughter caused the publicist any issues. As far as he was concerned, Alexianna, though divorced, was no problem. She did not cause scenes, falling out of clubs drunk, she dressed in a manner that, though it drew criticism from some, was only petty comments and not based on her being overly revealing and there was apparently no more from her ex-husband since the divorce, meaning there were no embarrassing media brawls for him to concern himself with, so in many ways, Luke simply ignored the whole Alexianna and Lily situation. There were a few pictures of Tom and the pair, but people gushed over the apparently healthy and good rapport they saw of Tom with them, but hearing the way Tom spoke about the little girl, he was forced to acknowledge just how much she meant to him. ‘I thought you were giving up on the whole kids' thing?’ Luke asked fearfully.

‘I...No, I could never….not with Alexianna.’

‘Wait, she’s not pregnant, is she?’

‘No, no, she’s not.’

‘Tom, listen, I am not going to lie to you, I have no idea how to process all of this, this is more than I bargained for. You are the same man, who told me, not two years ago, as all your friends were becoming parents, that you were not so sure you wanted to be anchored down like that.’

‘I didn’t have Lexi and Lily then.’

‘You don’t have them now.’

‘I need to talk to Jeremy.’

‘Who?’

‘Jeremy Carlton.’

‘That name is ringing a bell.’

‘I went to Eton with him, his father is big in family law.’

‘Why?’

‘I need to know if I can fight for visitation for Lily.’

‘Wait, what? Visi….she is not your daughter. You’re not even living with her mother, why in the name of anything would any judge give you visitation?’

‘But I….’

‘You are not her father, Tom.’ Luke repeated. ‘Why….why does this matter so much to you?’

‘Because I can’t lose them. I can’t abandon Lily. You don’t get it, Luke, you don’t know what it’s like, I do. And I can’t do it to her.’

‘Tom…’ Luke’s voice was softer when he spoke again realising Diana and James's separation still toyed with some part of Tom, a quarter of a century later. ‘Tom...don't do anything drastic.’

‘I am just going to ask him, nothing more.’

‘I don’t think you want to hear what he will more than like say.’

Tom felt his phone vibrate and looked at the screen to see there were three messages from Alexianna. Seeing the contents of the last message, he felt himself become fearful. ‘Luke, I have to go.’

‘Tom…’

‘She messaged me back, I have to go.’ He hung up the phone and looked again at the message on the screen. He unlocked the screen and looked at the two previous texts, in particular, the times they were received. He had not realised she had contacted him.

**11:03 am - Hi, I was going to let her go to the afterschool club, considering. I thought with everything that was going on it was the only option, I would never expect you to do it.**

**11:07 am - I am not sure if you wish to talk about this today or another day. You said you would talk to me today, but I wasn’t sure if it would be about this specifically. If you wish to collect Lily, then, of course, I won’t stop you, but please don’t feel obliged.**

**11:51 am - Nevermind, I am sorry Tom, for everything, obviously you have made other plans for today.**

He immediately tapped on her number and called Alexianna. At first, he was scared that she would not answer, causing him to become worried. When the line picked up, he waited for a moment to see if it was her voicemail.

‘Tom?’

‘Lexi.’

‘Hi.’

‘Hello.’ There was an awkward silence then. ‘I didn’t make other plans.’

‘Okay.’

‘I was on the phone with Luke, I never realised you messaged back, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine Tom, you don’t owe me explanations.’

‘No, I feel I do.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘You never make demands of me, you never demand to know where I am or why I don’t get back to you.’

‘You’re a busy guy.’

‘Please, can I take Lily afterschool? I will bring her back to yours on time.’

‘What about…?’

‘We can talk about it, later when she is in bed.’

‘But what if…?’

‘Lexi, please, at least talk to me about it. That’s all I ask, whatever you choose.’

‘I don’t want you to feel like I am using you for this. I didn’t realise you felt…’

‘No...it’s not….listen. We will talk later when Lil’s is asleep. We will air everything in the articulate manner we are so very much capable of, Ms Oxford.’ he smiled as he spoke, hoping to give her the sense that he wanted them to work through it. ‘As for Lils, I want to. I love spending time with her.’

‘Okay.’

Tom felt himself become relieved at her consent. ‘Thank you. I’ll make us dinner.’

‘Don’t concern yourself with that.’ Alexianna dismissed.

‘Not at all. I’ll see you then, Bye.’

When Alexianna said her goodbyes, Tom hung up the phone and hoped that things would be okay, her tone told him nothing of her decision. 


	40. Putting Into Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alexianna talk.

Alexianna looked at her front door, wondering what she was going to do with regards Tom and their conversation later. She was scared to know what he was thinking as well as trying to articulate her own thoughts. She put the key in the door and walked in. the first thing that hit her was the lovely smell of dinner, she knew immediately it was a hearty one, one she craved. 

‘And then we put….no, Princess, not like that. Careful of your fingers, your mum would kill me if her little girl got hurt.’

‘I’m your little girl too, Daddy.’ 

Alexianna swallowed at hearing her daughter state where Tom was positioned in her life. She did not know what to do regarding it all. 

‘Of course, how silly of me.’ She could hear the sadness in Tom’s tone. ‘Now, I think I heard the door.’

‘Mummy! Daddy, get me down.’ There was the sound of small fast footsteps a moment later. ‘Mummy!’ Alexianna smiled at her daughter. ‘Daddy collected me today.’

‘I see that.’ She smiled, lifting Lily into her arms for a cuddle. She looked at Tom who was smiling warmly at her. ‘Hi.’

‘Hello.’ He gave a faint nod. ‘Lily and I were preparing dinner.’

‘Yes, I can see. I told you not to bother yourself.’ Alexianna placed Lily back on the ground. 

‘I wanted to.’ He assured her. She gave a small smile and nodded walking forward. 

‘Mommy, why aren’t you giving Daddy a kiss?’ Lily asked innocently. ‘You always give Daddy a kiss when you come home.’

Tom and Alexianna looked at one another awkwardly before Alexianna bit her lips together. ‘Lils...’

‘Give him a kiss, Mommy.’ Lily insisted. 

Alexianna sighed and leant forward, kissing Tom on the cheek, inhaling his cologne and natural smell as she did, hating how good he smelled. Tom for his part, gently touched her arm, his grip was light, but it was clear he did not want to let go. When she pulled back, she noticed the sadness in his features. ‘I better get washed up.’ She turned and walked up the stairs. 

‘Daddy?’

‘Yes, Princess.’ Tom found his voice feeling tight, sensing that when he would talk to Alexianna would involve things he did not want to hear. 

‘Why is Mommy sad?’

‘I think she is just a little tired.’

‘She must be tired a-cause she was crying last night.’ 

Tom swallowed hard. ‘What?’

‘Mommy cried all night last night. I heard her.’ Lily explained. ‘Why was she crying?’

Tom felt worse on hearing that. ‘Sometimes, grown-ups have bad days, Princess. Your mum is such a hard worker and she is studying and being a great mum to you, she gets worn out.’ He tried to explain, feeling terribly guilty for being part of it all. ‘How about we get the rest of the dinner on and when your mum is finished getting washed, you give her a huge hug?’

‘Okay, Daddy.’ She trotted off happily as Tom looked at the staircase, wanting nothing more than to go up and give Alexianna a hug, but knowing they had to wait until it was just the two of them to really talk. 

The evening went by awkwardly. Even Lily noticed there was an odd sense in the air. Tom asked Alexianna about her day and her plans for the midterm that was coming up as she would be working and he would be away that week on a role, she was not very forthcoming with speaking to him, instead, she was abnormally quiet and seemed to spend more time thinking about something than even listening. 

Tom read Lily her bedtime story, taking longer than usual. Part of him was convinced that this was going to be the last time he would ever get the honour. Lily seemed to notice there was something bothering Tom and gave him Baloo to cuddle. When Tom went to place him next to her for the night, as was her routine, Lily shook her head, telling him to borrow Baloo until he felt happier. Tom swallowed and gave her a cuddle goodnight before walking to the door of the room. ‘I love you, Princess.’

‘I love you, Daddy.’ She chimed back. ‘Forever and ever.’

Tom closed the door and stood outside it for a moment, the stuffed toy in his hands, not sure what to do or say. Knowing that he could not put off the inevitable, he went to the stairs and began his descent, every step one step closer to it all. When he entered the kitchen, he was shocked to see Alexianna had not touched a single pot or plate as was her usual routine when he did bedtime, instead, she was sitting on the sofa and frowning at her hands. ‘Lexi?’

‘I suppose we should just get on with this.’ She stated, not looking at him. 

Tom sighed and walked over, sitting next to her. ‘Can we talk?’

‘There’s not much to talk about though, is there?’ 

‘There’s a lot to talk about, actually. We should talk about what is happening and why.’

‘I messed up, and now you want to leave.’

Tom frowned. ‘No, Lexi, no. That’s not….’ He inhaled deeply, reminding himself than in her mind, Alexianna was conditioned to think she was at fault, be it for something in her early life or her marriage. Marie and Jonathan had her trained to assume blame and never think about the situation, so he had to be patient and work through it with her. Part of him did not want to be forced to do that, but when he had chosen to be with her, he had accepted that there was a lot she had to work through too and he had accepted that these sorts of arguments would occur. ‘Did you think about what I said yesterday?’ She nodded. ‘Talk to me, Lexi.’

‘Yes, I did.’ 

‘And what did you take from it all?’

‘That I am a terrible girlfriend and mum, that I…’

Tom took her hand. ‘You are an incredible mum.’ He insisted, ‘And a good girlfriend, a little in need to talking more, but I cannot fault you for how much you care.’

‘But you…’

‘Lexi, I love you, I love Lily, I love you both and I love being with you. Yesterday was not me demanding we go our separate ways, that was me voicing my being angered that we are not as good as we could be and my asking why there is an issue with what I do with Lily. If you feel you do not want to work through that, I need to accept that, but if you want to try and work through it, then I do not think we should go different ways.’

‘But I can’t….’

‘Can’t what, Darling?’

‘Explain it.’

‘Try. Please try.’

‘I just…I can’t explain it, I can’t vocalise it.’

‘You are an incredibly intelligent and articulate woman, try.’

‘But I can’t, because I don’t know why.’

‘Okay.’ Tom nodded, uncertain as to what she was saying and how to deal with it. ‘Try and tell me what you do know.’

‘I don’t want her spoiled.’

‘Of course, that is why it was a treat and it is not going to happen often.’

‘I asked you before not to.’

‘Again, I understand, but a lot has changed since then. Back then I was only your new boyfriend, now I am far more involved in her life, I stay in the same house as her sometimes for almost a week at a time, she calls me “Dad” and I am one of her caregivers. Do you think then that it is fair to hold Daniel and I to different rules? He sends her gifts every so often, why is that okay but the man who is here helping raise her cannot get her a small toy?’ 

Alexianna could not answer for a moment. ‘He is her uncle.’

‘An uncle is not obliged to give to his nephew or niece, I know this, I am one.’ Tom pointed out. ‘Is this to do with my not being a biological relative?’ Alexianna shrugged. ‘I know it is odd, Lexi, but I want to be here, I want to do these things for her, she is my little girl.’ Alexianna chewed her bottom lip, and a small flicker of emotion came to the fore for a slight moment, had Tom not been paying attention, he would not have caught it. It startled Tom. ‘You don’t want her to be my little girl too, do you?’

‘I...It’s not that, I just…I cannot explain it. Seeing her with you, and you with her, hearing you talk together, I get so happy, I feel so good that my little girl has a father figure that loves her and treats her as a father should but this stupid part of me feels….’ her hands moved as she spoke, their actions showing her conflict. 

‘Feel what?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Jealous?’

‘Maybe a little, but not that exactly.’ She tried to explain. 

Tom decided to hamper a guess. ‘Do you fear what will happen if you share her, if you allow someone else in when it has always been you two?’ She swallowed and looked at her hands. ‘I am not trying to steal her from you Lexi, nothing of the sort. Fuck, I would never dream to come between you, you are her mum. I love her so much but that is not even a fraction of the ferocity that you love her with.’ He took her hand again. ‘I am not here to come between you, I just want to be part of this.’ She looked at him for the first time. ‘I want to be here, with both of you.’

‘But you want to be her father?’

‘I know it’s not a long relationship, but I think it is safe to say it is a serious one. I cannot help it, I adore her in the way I think, going by how my friends are with their children, is how a father would his daughter. I know she is not mine, I know that if this ends, I…I do not have automatic rights to see her, but I hope, all things considered…’

‘I don’t...she deserves the world.’

‘She is the most incredible little girl, you have done such an incredible job with her, Lexi.’ 

Alexianna bit her lip, she knew that. For all her faults as a person, she had created a wonderful child, she knew that Lily was an incredible child, but she had flourished more than words since Tom entered her life. Having his influence had made her go from a cheery little girl to an incredibly happy child with a zest for life that startled everyone around her. From when she woke in the morning to when she fell asleep at night, she was by far one of the happiest children around. She had her share of tantrums and sulks but for a four-year-old, but overall, there was no denying her way of looking at life, she made people want to smile. ‘I think it’s a joint effort.’

‘No, no, it’s not. She would be nowhere near the girl she is today if you did not give her the love and attention at the beginning. I flicked through one of Sarah’s “What to Expect” books for I think toddlers when I was bored one day, and it states clearly, a happy loving relationship with the primary caregivers from the start sets the foundation for a happy and healthy emotionally stable child. Lily is the child she is because of you.’

‘But you and Dan…’

‘We’ve added to it, both of us, but you did the hard work.’ Tom informed her, getting her to look at him. ‘Why won’t you take the credit for what you have done? You did this.’ He intertwined their fingers. ‘When there was a conflict in your marriage, what happened?’ Alexianna said nothing. ‘Did he silence you?’ She nodded. ‘I don’t want that, Lexi. I want you to talk to me, you need to tell me what you are thinking. And if that means feeling angry sometimes that is natural, but talk through the issue, tell me what you are thinking.’

‘I...I got onto the resources department in work today.’

Tom frowned. ‘What for?’

‘There’s….we have a few perks in the office, little things, discounts for gyms, yoga classes, a few other bits here and there. But they have a counsellor service.’ Tom looked at her curiously. ‘I made an appointment.’

‘Okay?’

‘I...I thought I was doing okay, but I’m not so sure now.’ 

‘Can I ask…of course, if you don’t want to tell me…’

‘When I went before, it was all about Jonathan and I get it, at the time, I was just out of a marriage to an abusive person, so of course, they wanted to focus on that. I get it, but now. Now I am in a healthy happy relationship and yesterday and today, I realised I….I feel things that are not healthy and I have no way of vocalising and I need to fix that. I want to fix it.’ 

Tom smiled and kissed her hand. ‘Whatever you feel is right for you, I support your decision. Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘No, this is me. I know it is all me. I am sorry I have not been the girlfriend you deserve.’

‘Stop, don’t dismiss yourself like that, you are still getting yourself sorted after everything, I knew there would be times it would rear up and I accepted that when I said I wanted to be with you.’ He smiled reassuringly. 

‘I’m broken.’

‘You’re not. Just slightly chipped.’

Alexianna snorted a laugh. ‘Perhaps.’

‘We are all a little bit so.’ Tom stated factually. He looked at her worriedly. ‘While you are fixing the issues with you….is there room for me?’

Alexianna looked at him. ‘How can you possibly want to be around me?’

‘Because you are so incredible, beautiful and strong. You are so intelligent and I find myself at my happiest in your company. You are a partner with interests and intelligence I think to be like my own and our talks make me feel as though I have someone that is not merely someone to have fun with, but someone to have a life with. You know me and my family for so long and I trust you. I also trust that when I finally lose the fight against my hairline, you will still give me the same loving smile.’

‘I don’t care about your hairline.’ She confessed. ‘I never tend to get up past your eyes, the day will come that I will and you will be bald and I won’t even have noticed.’

Tom laughed. ‘Well, as long as it is you that is looking there, I am happy.’ 

‘It might not take long if you continue to be around us.’ Tom frowned. ‘Lily is causing me to go bald, so you are fucked altogether.’

Tom laughed again pulling her to him before gently making his way to lips to kiss her. ‘I love you, Lexi.’

‘I love you, Tom.’ She responded, kissing him back. ‘I don’t have the energy for…things tonight.’

‘No, not tonight. Tonight I want to curl up with you beside me and just feel you next to me.’ Tom kissed her again. ‘We can work through this with little issue Lexi, we just need to figure out how to do it. We’ll get you talking, I want you to have a way to voice this.’ He promised.


	41. A Weight Lifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna starts her therapy, leading to a revelation.

For the next few weeks after the argument and the reconciliation, Tom and Alexianna were not intimate in their relationship, but they still had nights where Tom stayed over. Both tried getting Alexianna to speak about her issues, but words always failed to describe the feelings in her head and as a result, frustrated her and confused Tom. 

She went for her initial therapy session, where the counsellor spoke to her about different things; her childhood, her accident, Jonathan and Lily were the major points, none were in great detail, just what happened. He said he would talk more with her when she came again, but that he was trying to get a general picture. She left that session feeling okay. Nothing overly painful was brought up and she felt he seemed to realise that the issue was not solely Jonathan as the last one had focused on, so she felt she could work more with him. 

Tom was pleased that she was satisfied with her counsellor and insisted on her taking a warm relaxing bath and that he would cook dinner that night afterwards. When he asked her when she was to go again, he was not surprised when she said that the counsellor, Mr Barrows, said that she would need at least a session a week until she felt otherwise. 

*

Tom was sitting down to a script when his phone rang. Seeing it was Alexianna, he smiled and pressed the answer button. ‘Hello.’ There was no response. ‘Lexi?’

‘Tom.’ 

Tom sat up straight. ‘Alexianna, what’s wrong?’ He asked, scared to hear her crying. ‘Lexi?’

‘I...Are you free?’

‘Of course, Darling. Give me half an hour.’

‘Please.’

‘I’ll be there soon, okay?’

‘Okay.’ 

‘I’m coming, just give me a little bit.’ He hung up the phone and rushed to get himself ready, wondering what had caused Alexianna to be so distraught. He drove to her apartment complex and parked his car in her allocated spot before rushing up the steps to her home. When he entered, he could hear Lily singing to a DVD in her room and in the living room, was Alexianna, crying into her Stitch soft toy that he had gotten her. ‘Lexi?’

‘Tom.’ 

He rushed over and held her to him. ‘What happened?’

‘I went to my next appointment today.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I didn’t want to bother you.’

‘Well, that was foolish. So what did today have that made you so upset?’

‘Tom...I am so broken.’

‘No, you’re not as broken as you think you are. You are just seeing small cracks, the same as most people have.’ He kissed her head. ‘Talk to me.’

‘When my father left, he never came back.’

Tom knew that. Alexianna’s father saw nothing of her or Dan when he divorced their mother. He paid their school fees and gave sums of money here and there for other things, but he never actually saw his children. Something that, to this day, he could not understand how Alexianna was not bothered by. Apparently, he was wrong. ‘I know.’

‘I...Why didn’t it bother me?’

‘You always said that he was the one missing out.’

‘I...then the same with Lily and Jonathan.’

‘Lexi, he is a pig, he does not deserve to be in her life. Look how happy she is, she does not need him. The same as you did not need your father, some men bring no positive to your life so forget about them.’ Tom decided to state that immediately, lest Alexianna feel any modicum of guilt in her current state and try and initiate contact with her ex-husband, a man she would never want in her life otherwise. 

‘But I continued the cycle.’

‘No, Lexi, he left you did not push him, though I wish you had the honour.’

‘But am I damaging Lily, I thought I was okay…’

‘You are not doing anything of the sort to that little girl. She is upstairs singing Bryan Adams watching her horse movie and is so incredibly happy.’

‘Some people would classify Bryan Adams as failing her.’ Alexianna joked, causing Tom to laugh. ‘I just...I want her to be more than me.’

‘What is wrong with her being like you? A strong woman, who follows her own path and does not let the setbacks force her down. In one way, she will be stronger than you, because unlike you, she will have you in her corner, you didn’t have Marie. And she will have me and Uncle Daniel, not to mention my mum and her aunts and cousin, that girl will be incredibly supported.’ He promised. 

‘I...I figured it out.’ 

‘Which part?’

‘Why I was bothered.’

‘Okay?’

‘I was jealous, not intentionally, I didn’t even think of it, it’s because you wanted her and my father did not want me, and I realise now, that I was risking her not having something brilliant because of it. I love seeing the bond between you, I love how the smile she has when she sees you. But it opened up something in me, something I have never actually thought about and repressed and then when you did that, and with everything going on with you in Lily’s life, my mind correlated it to my father not bothering with me and my brain construed it all wrong and resulted in the world’s most stupid meltdown.’

Tom held her against him more. ‘Your feelings are not stupid, and the fact you could not explain them shows this was not something you wanted to have, but something you could not control.’ 

‘Thank you for understanding.’

‘How was it overall?’

‘Fine.’

‘Lexi?’

‘I have never been more exhausted in my life. I feel so drained, but not in a bad way and then I felt guilty for what I did with us…’

‘Shh, it was a step in the right direction. I think you know you needed this.’ Tom commented. ‘What did he say about Jonathan?’

‘He didn’t feature much. Just asking about the men in Lily’s life because I said I needed to get to the bottom of that particular event.’

‘Okay.’

‘I...I was thinking, and I realise, that I am completely over what he did, I...I am indifferent. Not angry, not upset, I don’t care when I talk about him or anything. But I still don’t want to mention him too much around Lil’s. Not yet.’

‘Of course.’ Tom bit his cheek. 

‘We will have to tell her someday, I know that.’

‘So do I, but I don’t want to.’ Tom confessed. 

‘Dad’s try to protect their children, you don’t want her hurt.’

‘The idea of that kills me. Her knowing that he did not want her.’

‘Mommy?’ A voice called from the top of the stairs. 

‘Shit, Tom, I can’t let her see me like this.’ Alexianna sat up properly, fully aware of her current state from crying.

‘I have this.’ He winked. ‘Yes, princess?’

‘DADDY!!!!!!!’ 

‘I’m going to count to five and then I am going to go up there, and gobble you up.’ There was a giggle. ‘One.’ 

‘Ah!’

‘Two.’ 

‘Run Lils.’ Her mother giggled. 

‘Three.’ Tom rose to his feet and headed for the door. ‘Four.’

‘No, Daddy.’ 

‘Five. I’m going to get you, Lily.’

‘Mommy!’ Lily’s footsteps rushed across the ceiling above her as Alexianna smiled at the sheer happiness in her daughter’s voice. 

With her day’s revelations regarding herself voiced to Tom, Alexianna dried her tears and assessed. She had been so emotional when she realised why she felt as she did, but telling Tom and having him understand too, meant she felt truly as though an immense weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She knew it was cliche, but it did. The idea of making dinner made her all but gag, so instead, she just went on her phone and ordered a delivery. 

When Tom and Lily came down the stairs, Tom checked how Alexianna was before bringing Lily into the room. Alexianna had washed her face a few times with cold water to lessen the puffiness, though her eyes were still red, but she still nodded for Tom to come in. When they walked in, she smiled lovingly. 

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes. Thank you, Tom.’

‘I am here for you, no matter what.’ He promised. ‘Thank you for talking to me about it, I know it is hard for you.’ 

She nodded. When the bell rang, Tom and Lily looked around. ‘Who wants Indian?’

‘That sounds good, right Lils?’

‘Korma!’ 

‘The boss has spoken.’ Tom chuckled. 

After Lily was put to bed, Tom reading her the story, he walked back down the stairs to see Alexianna reading. ‘Did she go down?’

‘Of course.’ He smiled, sitting down beside her and curling her in against him. ‘I am so proud of you, did I tell you that? Having the strength to acknowledge something was not right, and asking for help, that is an incredibly brave thing to do and I am proud of you for doing it.’

‘I am so grateful you are still here. I don’t like feeling like I am pressuring you to be, but days like today, I really am so grateful to have you and I think part of my wanting to get through all of this is so I do not lose you because of it because that would crush me. I know that there is always a chance of this failing, I am not stupid, but I don’t want it to be because I would not attempt to communicate with you.’

Tom smiled lovingly at her. ‘Even if everything were to fall apart, I would still be here for both of you. That’s a big part of this, Lexi, knowing you for so long, us having a connection more than just this, that matters.’

Alexianna contemplated his words for a moment before leaning up and kissing him. Tom reciprocated which only caused her to become more passionate. Before long, she was straddling his hips, her body against his.

‘Lexi...we...bedroom.’ He sighed, loving the feel of her body against his., but he forced her back. ‘You need to tell me you’re in the right place in your head for this too. You are going through a lot right now, if you think you have to do this for me, you don’t.’

‘I want it.’ She confirmed. ‘Not because I feel I have to.’

‘Then bedroom.’ He ordered, she did not move, instead, she began to unbutton his shirt. ‘Lexi, what if your daughter comes down the stairs?’ He asked, trying to get her to focus.

‘Our daughter.’ She corrected. 

Tom paused for a moment and looked into her eyes, seeing was she just trying to sidetrack him, but seeing the way she looked back at him, it was clear she meant it. Filled with elated joy, he flipped her around so she was with her back to the sofa and he was over her. ‘Fuck it.’


	42. Friendly Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gets a call off Benedict Cumberbatch, asking him to come over to the house but he is minding Lily, leading to a conversation with Ben about his role in her life, since the older actor never really spoke with him regarding the situation.

Tom was conflicted for a moment. Rarely did Ben call on him like this, but he had specified asked him to come over but the issue was that Tom was caring for Lily while Alexianna dealt with something at work. He let Ben know he was coming and that he was not alone before he strapped Lily into her car seat. 

‘Where are we going, Daddy?’

‘To my friend Ben’s house.’

‘You mean Dr Strange Ben?’

‘Exactly, Princess.’

‘Okay.’ 

Tom often wanted to get down on bended knees and thank whatever Gods he could think of, as well as Alexianna for the amazing daughter she had raised that was completely okay with the idea of going to an absolute stranger’s home and not having a tantrum about it. ‘He has two little boys, but they are younger than you.’

‘What are their names?’

‘Kit and Hal.’

‘Okay. Do they like Paw Patrol?’

‘I have no idea, I think they might never have heard of them.’ 

‘I hope they do.’

Tom got into the car and tied his belt. ‘And if they don’t?’

‘I’ll teach them.’

Tom hoped Benedict was prepared for such events.

*

When they arrived at the house, Ben looked at Tom questioningly as Lily smiled brightly beside him, but he made room for them to come in. ‘Dare I ask?’

‘Lexi is working late and you said to come immediately. I have Lily so if you want me here, you get us both.’ Tom shrugged unapologetically. 

‘How long is this going on?’

‘What? I told you about me and Lexi several times?’

‘No, I knew about that, but how long are you being left alone with her daughter?’

Tom felt his jaw clench. ‘A couple of months.’

‘And you are okay with that?’

‘Yes, I offered.’ Tom’s tone became clipped. 

‘Whoa, hey, I am just asking. I don’t want to see you being taken for a fool, nothing else. I swear.’ Ben stated, his hands up slightly as though surrendering. ‘Tea?’

‘Please.’ Tom walked into the kitchen where Lily had gone naturally and was standing still. ‘Princess, why don’t you take off your coat and watch the telly with the boys.’

‘Okay.’ Lily took off her coat as requested and gave it to Tom. ‘Hello again, Mr Ben.’ 

Tom chuckled as he looked at his friend, seeing his reaction. ‘Hello. You remember me?’

‘From the time I was bold and ran off from my Mummy and into the coffee shop and you were there and you told me not to do it again.’ She recited. ‘I remember everything.’

‘Except where you put your shoes.’ Tom chuckled again. 

‘That’s the fairies fault.’

‘Oh sure. Blame them.’ Tom rolled his eyes. ‘Now, that’s...Kit is here, Hal...?’

‘Is currently having a nap. Kit, this is Lily.’

‘Go Jet-bers.’ 

‘Yeah, that is pretty much all you are going to get out of him.’ Ben dismissed. ‘My head is wrecked today and I know it’s bad to slot him in front of a tv but some days, you just have to.’

‘Lily is terrible for trying to steal her mum’s phone to watch some Youtube programme.’

‘That can be dangerous.’

‘Alexianna has her phone on safety settings and specifically blocked several sites, she knows how from work. Mine doesn’t have such features and is passcode protected, so Lil’s is not allowed near it.’

‘How much of an influence are you in her life now?’ Ben asked curiously. 

Tom grinned back, which perturbed his friend for a moment. ‘Lily, come here for a moment, Princess.’

There was a small noise before not one, but two little set of footfalls came to them. ‘Yes, Daddy?’ 

On hearing the little girl call Tom such a name, Ben’s eyes widened as he looked at his friend in shock. 

‘Kit is smaller than you so be careful of him and no messing around on the furniture, alright?’

Lily gave him an appalled look. ‘Why are you saying this, I never do that.’

‘I know you don’t Princess, but I wanted to let you know regardless.’

‘I am nearly five Daddy, I am going into Year One soon, I know how to behave.’ She sassed before turning and taking Kit’s hand and bringing him back into the other room. 'Come on, Kit.'

‘She’s…’

‘Sassy is what her uncle calls her.’

‘Oh, she is that.’ Ben agreed. ‘So, “Daddy”?’

‘Yes.’

‘It’s that serious?’

‘Yes.’

‘What if…?’

‘We break up?’ Ben nodded. ‘I don’t know, Alexianna and I speak about it a slight bit, I don’t think she likes referencing it too often either, but the reality is, it could happen, and if it does, I will see a lot less of her, which would kill me. I love that little girl so much.’

‘But she is not yours?’

‘Why does everyone ask that?’

‘Because she looks like you. You do see that, don’t you?’

‘I never once slept with her mother before this relationship started, she is not mine, and no, I don’t see it.’

‘Well, you’re blind then. What does her father look like?’

‘Shorter than me, stockier built, blonde hair, like he could do with someone hitting him with something hard across the head.’ Tom growled. 

‘Hey, that’s not like you.’

‘Well, seeing what he caused, seeing the damage he did to one of the nicest women I even had the honour of knowing, for what he did with that little girl, that in my PG version of the answer to that question.’

‘So he really did…?’

‘When Alexianna was fighting for her divorce, I met his brother. Ben, this man was the human epitome of a bottomfeeder, horrible, slimy, nasty, he...The way he referenced Lily. I mean you see her, she is...my family are insane about her, everyone loves her. She knows Kit for two minutes and he is following her around.’

‘Yes, usually his is desperate to get back into someone’s arms now.’ Ben acknowledged. Curiously, he walked over to the door and looked into the living area where the two kids were playing with some cars. ‘So her story checked out?’

‘It never changed, it has always been the same, some of what she said was specifically in the divorce papers. Sometimes she will remember something that she didn’t before, or something will remind her. She is going to counselling now, that is helping her a lot. I...Ben, I saw the one picture she found when she was moving with him in it; if you saw…’ Tom shuddered. ‘She was like a ghost, that was not the girl I knew growing up, I have seen pictures before that when you are looking at them, you can tell there is something wrong with it, but with hers...you can see her all but screaming internally to get away from it all.’

‘Fuck me.’ Ben gasped, looking around to see if the kids were close by. ‘I don’t know what to say, that’s a lot for you to take on, are you okay with all of it?’

‘I am a full grown man, I know what I am involved in.’ Tom stated. 

‘You love her?’

‘I love them both. It’s not easy, there are things I have to remember. You cannot just say certain things to Lexi, she could perceive them differently and as a result, think she is being criticised personally, so it is important to remember that but overall, it’s fine.’

‘Criti...Tom, you are literally criticised online hourly, and probably her with you.’

‘Yes.’ Tom nodded. ‘She works in PR, she knows all about that, but for some reason, her brain is able to compute that those people do not know her, so their opinions are not relevant.’

‘Well, that’s something.’ Ben conceded. ‘So, the father has nothing to do with her?’

‘Nothing.’

‘That’s tough on the poor thing. She is a polite child, if not a little sassy and is well behaved. No child deserves that. Do you often have to look after her?’

‘Only when I am not busy. Lexi never expects anything from me, she is the first to remind me that she is not my obligation.’

‘That’s good. How is she about you contributing?’

‘To Lily?’ Ben nodded. ‘We nearly broke up because I bought Lily a toy and Lexi felt it was too much.’

‘How much?’

‘Twelve pounds.’

‘Jesus.’

‘Yes, so I get in trouble for paying too much on anything, though I stated, if I am being called “Daddy” and am doing the role of one, I am treated her like one too.’

‘How did that go down?’

‘We agreed to little treats, here and there.’ 

‘Where is she going to school?’

‘Hampstead Green.’

‘That’s a state school, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good?’

‘Better than a lot in the area.’

‘How does she feel about public schools?’

‘She went to Headington.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

‘Wow, so she is from…?’

‘Her father is big in Barclays, he divorced her mother but paid for her and her brother to go to public schools and for them to go to college.’ 

‘And now…’

‘She was living in a mouldy one-bed shoebox and working cleaning houses, but not now, and no, not because of me, well, getting my cousin’s apartment cheap was me, I will admit that, but her college course, her job they are all her.’

‘That was a change in lifestyle for her.’

‘She is amazing, she works so hard, she asks no one for anything. She is a good woman.’

‘I am glad you are happy, Tom. I really am.’ Ben smiled, but he noted something in Tom’s face. ‘What?’

‘Have you put Hal and Kit’s names down for a school?’

‘Of course.’

‘An independent school?’

‘Yes, why?’ 

‘I want to talk to Lexi about sending Lily to Hampstead Hill, but I am terrified to bring it up with her.’

‘If she thought twelve pounds for a toy was worth an argument, I don’t see how you will get her to agree to a school that expensive, it's about a grand a month.’

‘But it’s Lily’s education.’

‘I mean, I know it’s snobbery, I do, but Hal and Kit’s educations, I want them to have the best.’ Ben commented. ‘It’s not really your place either though, I mean, you shouldn’t have to pay for this.’

‘As I said to Alexianna, if I am taking on the role of a father, I am doing it right.’

‘This role does not have a contract time, you do know that. If you choose to do this, you don’t get to just stop some day. I mean, you can legally. You’re not her biological father or anything, but if you really want to do this right, you cannot just leave now, even if it did not work out for you two.’

‘I know that.’ Tom looked his friend in the eye as he spoke. 

‘What caused this want to send her there, anyway?’

‘Sarah said something to me at the beginning of the relationship, how I have to choose now how I treat her and take into account what it would mean if Lexi and I have a child together, would there be a marked difference in how I would treat them.’

‘Whoa, kids? You are talking about children? After less than a year?’

‘No, but it is something to consider in the future. I mean, Alexianna and I are not there yet, I think she would have heart failure if she was to get pregnant now. She has only a year left in her course and she is talking about a permanent job with the company, taking time to have another is not on her plans right now, and being honest, I think I am the same. I took a step back to do more stuff here for a reason, to take time for me and yes, her and Lily too, to throw in a baby and everything associated with that, that would be swapping one form of full-time job for another. And for the record, you and Sophie were together for less than a year with Kit on the way and before you say "We knew each other seventeen years", I know Alexianna since I was eleven, so that is twenty-something years.’

‘Well, firstly, children of any age are a full-time job and secondly, you really are terrible at maths.’

‘There is a difference between an infant and a little girl who is able to go to the bathroom, and yes, I know I am.’

‘True, yes.’ 

‘So, what was so important that you called me over?’ He smiled. 

‘There’s this role you have to see.’


	43. Broaching Certain Topics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Tom broached the idea of a holiday with Alexianna, they discuss other matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - this chapter will mildly reference past martial sexual abuse. 
> 
> Okay, there is more than likely a few (a lot) of errors in this chapter. I had to do it on my phone, my laptop is, in layman's terms, utterly fucked, and is in for repairs. I will check over it again when I get it back.

Tom was uncertain as how to approach the topic of Lily's schooling with Alexianna, so he said nothing until he could think of the best possible time and way to bring up the subject. That said, it did not prevent him from getting the curriculum and the admission's form from the school, in case she would be willing to listen.

Alexianna had flown through her exams and was currently in the chair opposite him, as the relaxed after a busy day, choosing her modules for the following and final year of her course on her laptop. 'Lexi?'

'Hmm?' she did not look away from the screen as she answered him.

'I was thinking.'

'Seldim does that statement get uttered and what follows is not something to worry about.'

'What date is Lily finished for the summer?'

'The twentieth of next month.' she replied. When there was no sound out of Tom for a few moments, she forced her gaze away from her laptop to look at him, only to see him focislmg ardently on his phone. 'Dare I enquire as to why you asked that particular question?'

'I am checking dates.'

'What for?'

'A holiday.'

'Tom....'

'No, please listen. Nothing mad, I swear. Just the Isle of Wight, for a week.'

'Tom, the Isle of Wight costs a small fortune, some sun holidays are cheaper than that place. I cannot afford it.'

'I would not expect you to.'

'Tom...' There was a stern warning in her tone. 'We spoke about this.'

'Look, Lexi, I want to treat you and Lily to a nice little break away. You won't take well to a foreign holiday, so I am not even going to entertain the idea of such.'

'We couldn't anyway, neither of us have passports.' She interjected.

'You are getting that fixed in the near future.' Tom insisted. 'But, after everything and all your hard work, you deserve a few days of restaurant eating, sea air and relaxing. Think about it, think about how Lily would love it.'

In truth, Alexianna wanted to argue it. It would be expensive. The Isle of Wight was always a costly destination, add to that the fact it was summer, where accommodation tripled in price, she could not condone such money. But she also thought of Lily, who would love to go on an actual holiday, it was incredibly tempting. 'Im not so sure, the ferry and accommodation alone will be bonkers.'

'Ben has a house there, he is giving it to us for nothing.'

'What?'

'My friend Ben, Ben Cumberbatch, he is letting us use his place there. He needs it checked on and Sophie is busy with a production and he has other stuff to juggle, so he asked if we were interested in a few days away in return for checking on it.'

'So this is not costing us for accommodation?'

'Correct.'

'Just the ferry, food and petrol?'

'Correct.'

'Okay, yeah.'

'I...You changed your tune.'

'Tom, my only concern was the cost. If it is not going to be overly expensive, then yes.'

Relieved that he was able to convince her to say yes, Tom did not press the issue further, for fear she would back out. 'Right, tell work that you are taking from the twentieth until the thirtieth of July off. We will celebrate Lily's birthday with my mum and sisters here and then we will pack off the next morning at silly o'clock and make an early crossing over.'

'You want me to take ten days off work?' 

'You were saying last week you have all your holiday days still to use, you can take ten surely? Besides, you don't work weekends so that's only eight days and one of them is a recovery day after you return from the holiday, there's nothing worse than returning and being exhausted heading into work.'

'I can, but that's literally half of my yearly holiday allowance in one go.'

'Argue with me honestly, what else do you plan on doing with those days? If you have something genuine you are going to do, fine, but be honest, what is it you have them saved for?' 

Alexianna looked at him for a moment bur he held her gaze and she sighed, clicking into a new tab and emailing the HR department about it. 'I mean, they can hardly say no, I have not taken a day off sick or asked for time off since I started.'

Tom smiled proudly. It was true. The ridiculous stereotype of the "single mother being flakey" was in no way applicable to Alexianna, though she argued that with the manner in which he was involved as a father to Lily, she was not really a single mother. Him taking Lily for her prevented her from having to leave work early meaning she was able to give herself over more to whatever work she was doing. 'You deserve a few days off. If anything, this will help you with work, you will come back more refreshed and more able to focus on it. With everything with college too, no one deserves it more.'

'I cannot believe that I have another year down.'

'And to achieve a 2:1 with a daughter and a job as well. You are incredible, Lexi.'

'Up from a 2:2 last year. If this continues, I am at the risk of getting a 1:1.' 

'The ball is in your court.' Tom smiled lovingly. 'It's all possible to you. I am here if you need me but it's you that has to do the donkey work really.' He groaned for a moment. 'When I think back on my degree, how the hell did I manage to pass it at all, much less with a 1:1, I was drunk half of the time and acting around the other half.'

'I dare say that that is something of an over-exaggeration.' Alexianna dismissed. 

'Do you wish you had gotten your course finished?' 

'I wish a lot of things about that time Tom, but the fact remains, every thing then led to Lily, and everything then also led me to you.' Tom frowned. 'If I had not gone through all of that, I would not have been in that cafe last sure for you to come over and say hello to.' 

Tom had to concede it was true. 'Thank goodness for Hamlet.' His smile fell. 'You would have still been in that little flat.' 

'Perhaps, that is going under the assumption that I would have been with Jonathan even without the car crash and honestly, I don't think I would have been.' She pointed out. 'Everything happens for a reason. Because of how things were with us, Dan did not rush back on weekend leave from the rig and that is how he came to meet Anna.' 

'Perhaps so.' Tom smiled. 'I just wish that you and Lily had not been forced to suffer everything you did.'

'We can't dwell on such things.' 

'How are your sessions going, are they still helping you?' 

Alexianna sighed, her counsellor, Mr Barrows had gone into areas of her life she was more than happy not to face, but he pointed out that there was little point in dealing with the smaller more inconsequential issues only to let the deeper, more painful ones go without being discussed. It would be somewhat optimistic to only unload the small stuff and expect big changes with all of that still there. The only issued was, she had been forced to acknowledge some painful truths and realities. One of which was that on more than one occasion in her marriage, she had declined Jonathan's sexual advances, only for him to force himself on her after she said no, ignoring her pleas for him not to. She had herself convinced that it was her "wifely duties" but in reality, she was being raped by her husband. She wept and was emotionally exhausted by that revelation. Tom was unsure of how he could assist her with that particular part of her therapy, he merely listened and ensured he was there for her. 'Yes, there are. I just...I am not always overly happy with what he digs up.'

'I can only imagine. You would not be there if it was going to be overly pleasant.'

'He wants to move onto David in more detail soon.'

Tom frowned. Alexianna had no relationship with her father since she was a small child, not that you could say she had much of one with him before that either. 'What do you think of that?'

'I don't really think anything about it. I haven't since I was a child. ' 

'But didn't you say the issue with Lily and I was that you had a revelation that stemmed from that?' 

'It does, but as I said, to the best of my knowledge, I think nothing of David. I have no idea if he is even still alive. He could have remarried and have had seven note kids for all I know. All I do know was he sent the cheques for our schools, that and whatever we needed, that's it.'

'Perhaps then, it's a good thing to talk about him.' Tom suggested with a smile. 'But remember to tell Mr Barrows that you're away those dates too.'

'Sure thing, Boss.' Alexianna smiled. 'Im really looking forward to this now. I have not been on a holiday in years.' 

'Did you go on a honeymoon?' 

'Yes, Vegas.' Tom looked at her knowingly, Vegas was nothing like what Alexianna would call a holiday. She loved history and culture, not drinking and gambling. 'Not my idea. I was so "boring" on that trip, I was not brought anywhere fun after that, though thankfully, with where he chose as "fun" I didn't want to go anyway. When he left for the week, it was a holiday in itself for me.' 

'He would leave you.....' she nodded. Thomas pulled her to him and kissed her head. 'I could never do such a thing. You know when I go that it is for work.' 

'I know that and I would never begrudge you going if you went anywhere, Tom. You deserve a break too.' 

'I cannot believe he did that to you. Did....When you were pregnant?' 

'He went on a few then, his "Blow-out" before fatherhood apparently. What he didn't realise is I had seen him book a holiday for when "George" was going to be twelve weeks old. When I confronted him, he said that because he was working and there would be a lot of noise with the baby, he would need a few nights away to recoup.' 

'That selfish....' Tom felt his anger rising. 'You deserved so much better.'

'That's why the piece of paper he wanted me to sign bothered me so much. My integrity was all I had.' 

'I see now why you wanted it. I am so sorry I dismissed it.' Alexianna smiled at him. 'Can I ask, if David never bothered with you both, why did he fork out for Headington?'

'I honestly don't know, but I am grateful he did.' She shrugged. 'I only wish I had done more with his investment and put it to better use.'

'Do you wish Lily was able to get that sort of education?'

'Yes, wouldn't any parent? But back then, the price was well over half it is today, seventeen thousand for a day student? No one can afford those prices any more.'

'If you had money, would you put Lily into a school like that?' 

'If I had it, I would, yes. Sure there's an independent school just a stop before ours on the bus, part of me wishes she was going there, getting a good education, but where she is, we were so lucky to get her in.' 

Tom took note of her words but said nothing about his inquiries to that exact school for that moment, knowing that that would be too much for Alexianna to deal with at once, but he felt hopeful that he could convince her, if he broached it carefully. Part of him thought to contact Daniel, but he was unsure. Instead, he got back onto Ben regarding the house, though he did add a little comment at the end regarding it.


	44. What's In A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A throwaway comment hits below the belt for Tom.

Tom's nostrils flared and his glare remained fixed on the wall ahead. He was not an aggressive man but at that moment, he shook in anger. He had never felt so angry at a supposedly throw away comment and the manner in which he reacted shocked everyone around him. 

'Tom?’ He turned slightly to see Alexianna in his peripheral vision. ‘Are you okay?’

He knew it was a rhetorical question, he knew he looked almost like a man possessed. 'Where….where's Lily?’ 

'Daniel has her at the moment.’

'He came early.’

'Anna got extra time off work, they decided to come down a few days more so we could all spend some time together apparently. They're thinking of staying in the Premier Inn in Archway.’

'Why not yours?’ He toyed with his hands. 

‘Because they don't want to intrude too much. My place isn't big enough for four adults and a child.’ She said nothing more for a moment. 'Do you want to talk about it?’

'Did Luke call you?’ Tom ignored her question. 

'He did.’ She admitted. 'Talk to me, Tom.’

'How dare she say that.’

'Tom, don't let her annoy you any further.’ Alexianna put her hand on his comfortingly. 'I know it hurt and I know it is completely and utterly wrong, so don't let it fester anymore.’ She beseeched. 

Tom sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. 

*

It was an interview, nothing mad, he had done them a thousand times before. This one was on a BBC programme, it was in reference to several topics, one of which being how UNICEF use celebrities to get people to listen to the plight of others. Tom had done work with the organisation in Sudan and was available to interview along with two others involved with the group, Martin Sheen and Ewan McGregor. The interviewer made a comment regarding seeing these tragic events in different countries and how they affect the most vulnerable, especially children and how the played on the thoughts of Sheen and McGregor as fathers. That in itself, though slightly hurtful to Tom, he did not comment on, but when the interviewer specifically dismissed Tom when Ewan had answered on his personal take on it and looked to both other men for their reactions, Tom nodding in agreement and the interviewer stated “Well, this is not really something Tom can understand fully, he is not a father” that things went downhill. 

Tom first very diplomatically stated that though he did not father a child personally, he had a niece he adored and was the father figure to another little girl. Which both men and the second female interviewer nodded to. But the first interviewer did not stop there, she, without a moment's hesitation added “Well, that's not really the same, is it?”. Her fellow interviewer looked at her appalled, as did the other two men but Tom saw red. He honest was shocked into silence for a few moments. 

'Now, hang on a second here.’ McGregor was the first to find his voice. 'Not all families are cookie cutter design. Tom said that he is that wee girl's father figure, so he does know the feeling. He does not have to be her biological father to be her father.’

'But she had a real father surely.’ The interviewer retorted. 

'That's no one's business but theirs. Some kids don't have the biological parents around and that is no one's business. If she sees Tom and him alone as her Dad, then that is it, end of discussion. Stepfather's are just as much fathers when they are the ones doing the heavy lifting.’ Ewan declared. 

Tom finally found his voice again. He knew Luke would be livid but he could not remain silent. 'I am the man she calls her Dad. I am there to clean up when she has a stomach bug, when she has a night time accident and when she has tantrums, like every other four year old. I collect her from school, read her stories and I can name every Paw Patrol character. I may not have given her half her genes but I am her father in everything but that. Having come from a home with separated parents myself, I understand the value of a good and present father figure and never would I have thought, in 2018, that there would be such prejudice against a family situation that does not fit within the restricting confines of one particular person's definition of a family unit. Families are not always mother, father and two kids, it is often dictated by outside circumstances that prevent such a unit existing for whatever reason; death, abuse, whatever reason and to dismiss a non-biological parent as being incapable of understanding the parental bond with a child is utter rubbish and entirely offensive, both to the child and the adult involved.’ as he spoke, Tom's anger grew in intensity. 

'Here here.’ Sheen commented beside him, McGregor nodding in his seat. 

'Many of the children I met in Sudan are without one or both biological parents. Many of them are in the care of relatives or in some cases, they are orphaned entirely. War and famine tend to cause such situations. They are crying for their parents, they are scared and often weak and you do not need to be a biological parent to feel empathy and heartache for them, such is not a requirement but to put personal perspective on such situations is entirely natural. I have went there again since having my life as it is at present and yes, on a personal level, I project my situation into it, as everyone does and it made it even more harrowing. It is a natural human process. We do it all the time in any situation. These children are what we should be focusing on, not backhanded snipes at someone for no reason other than to attack non-conformist families.’ 

The interviewer became the one to be silenced. She scowled at Tom who held her gaze with a glare of his own. His anger growing as she tried to get him to back down. 

'Now that Tom has put that matter to rest with an eloquence and decorum I would not have been able to maintain, can we get back to the matter at hand?’ Sheen asked. 

The interview continued after that but there was a tense atmosphere throughout. The second and inoffensive interviewer did most of the talking and all three men were wary of anything that the first asked. 

When it was done walked off the set to see Luke looking at him with equal parts concern and anger. 'I stayed polite.’ He stated. 

'I could see that it was a struggle for you.’ Luke acknowledged. 'It doesn't make it any less damaging.’

'Standing up for my personal life should not have to be seen as a potential risk. I am not racist or bigoted so why should I have to worry about what other people think of my home life?’ 

'Because you are a public figure and as such, in the minds of the many, you are public property.’ Luke explained. 'Look, Tom, I get it, I do. In your life, Lily is your little girl and any attack on that relationship is an attack on you and her but this was not the time for this.’ 

Tom was about to respond when one of the BBC representatives came over. 'Mr Hiddleston, I am so incredibly sorry for the personal attack on your personal life in that segment by one of our employees. The company does not share the views of Ms Davies.’

'It's fine. Honestly, I would never have made such a correlation. Mrs Thompson clearly did not share such views either, I understand that on occasion emotions come to the fore, as they did for myself and I must apologise also for taking the focus off the cause that I came here to support.’ 

'Not at all, you have every right to defend yourself and your family.’ The man stated. 'Ms Davies will be subject to reprimanding for her actions. The BBC is an inclusive company and though there are some areas that require some updating, we are insistent that we will not tolerate such actions.’

'Please, I don't want a big deal made out of this.’ Tom requested. 'But thank you for taking time to speak with me, I appreciate it.’

'Of course. Thank you, Mr Hiddleston.’ the man shook his hand again before leaving. 

'So, what are people saying?’ Tom asked Luke. 

'Honestly, I am half scared to look.’ the publicist responded. 

*

Luke called Alexianna immediately after the situation and informed her. She had been due to go to a lecture but for once, she felt herself needed elsewhere and got a taxi to the BBC to help placate the irate Tom. 

After a few minutes, she realised what he really needed and messaged her brother, who rang back, Lily on his lap. 

 

'Daddy?’ 

'Yes, Princess?’ He turned to see Lily on the phone, Baloo in her hands. 'Lily?’

'Why are you sad, Daddy?’

'I am not sad, Love.’

'Are you angry?’ 

Tom looked at her with incredible guilt. Lily had sensed his upset even through the device and seeing how the other adults were with Tom, especially her mother, she was trying to make sense of the situation. 'No, Princess. I am not angry, not really.’

'What happened? Did you not get a prize? I get sad when someone else gets a prize in school and I don't.’

Tom wanted nothing more than to pull her to him and onto his lap. 'No Lily, it's not that.’

'Do you want Baloo? You can have him if you want, for a while. I need him for bed. But if you are really sad you can have him tonight.’

Tom felt his gut clench at her kindness. Every time he thought it was impossible to love her more, Lily proved him wrong. 'To be honest, Lily. I need you more than I need Baloo.’ He confessed. 

Confused but seeing his upset, Lily simply kissed the phone. 'I want to cuddle you too Daddy.’

'Lil's?’ She looked at her mother. 'A lady said something to Tom today and it hurt his feelings.’

Tom looked at Alexianna, shocked she was admitting this to her daughter. 

'She said that he cannot understand what it is like to be a dad because he is not one.’

'Yes, he is.’ Lily declared angrily. 'He's my Daddy.’ She looked at Tom, her indignation clear. 'She is just a silly poo poo bum head.’ She stated factually. 'Tom is my daddy. He loves me and I love him and that lady is stupid.’

'The boss has spoken.’ Daniel chuckled. 

Tom felt himself fill with pride at Lily's words. Any doubt he had as a result of the interviewer and her statements were quelled by Lily's declaration. 

'You told her that, didn't you, Daddy?’

'I told her that I was your dad and that being your dad means more than just making you.’ He admitted. 

'You want to be my daddy, that makes you extra special.’ She beamed. Tom looked to Alexianna, who gave him a look of “I told you so” with her smile. 'Are you coming over for dinner?’ 

Tom looked at Alexianna, who gave a look of “up to you” before looking at the phone and the hopeful look on Lily's face. 'Yes, I'll just finish here and Mummy and I will come home soon and we can have dinner with Uncle Daniel and Anna then.’

There was an elated cheer from the phone before “I love you” and “goodbye”.

Tom looked at Alexianna. 'Thank you.’ 

'You needed to hear it from her, not me.’

'You missed your lectures for me.’

'You have been there for me when I needed it, what sort of partner would I be if I was not there for you?’


	45. A Father's Intuition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom notices something is off in Lily and goes into into Daddy mode

Tom swallowed and thought over Alexianna's words. Every so often, he thought she was only placating him with the notion that he was assisting her raise Lily but her words at that moment told him how much he mattered to their family, even if the context of how it came to happen was not a pleasant situation. 

'What are we going to do for our little girl?’

*

If there was any doubt of Tom's ability as a father, it would be obliterated immediately after the chain of events that led to Alexianna asking that question as it was Tom that first noted the change in Lily's demeanour. He noted it for the first time after they returned to school after the Easter. The Monday evening, she seemed unimpressed, the Tuesday her spark was quelled some bit, by Friday morning, she was quiet and seemed to have lost her joie de vivre. It was then Alexianna looked at her daughter worriedly but Tom had sensed it sooner. They tried to ascertain what it was but she said nothing. Her midterm had went well, she spent time in the park and was even stolen by Diana and Emma for a few hours, so they thought for a moment that it was that school was not as fun as that, but that would only explain her lack of liking for school, Tom had noticed that the little girl that loved to draw her pictures and sing and dance in her home was replaced by a child who sat still and just seemed lost. 

Tom was due in a meeting and was not supposed to be part of the school run that day but with her current behaviour, he sent a message to those involved and decided to assist Alexianna with the run. 

Usually Lily would be ecstatic to have both drop her to school but that day, she seemed on the verge of tears. When they got to the front gate, she gave her mother and hug and then gave one to Tom. Against his shoulder, she seemed to stifle a sniffle. Normally, when Lily would act in such a manner, it was simply juvenile complaining but he felt this was different. 'What's going on, Princess?’

'Please Daddy, please let me go home.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Shawn is here.’ She pointed to a little boy nearby. 

Tom looked at the boy in question. He was screaming and hitting his mother. 'What about him?’ 

'He hits everyone and screams, it is really horrible.’

'What does your teacher say?’ 

'To not be mean to him, he is just new but it's not fair because he is mean to all of us and all he is told is that it's okay.’ 

Tom clenched his jaw at the idea of his little girl feeling as though there was an inequality in her class. 'When did this start?’

'He started on Monday and he is not nice.’

'Well, do you want us to speak with Miss about it?’ Alexianna asked, having heard most of what her daughter said. Lily nodded silently causing Tom and Alexianna to straighten up and walk to the front door of the school where the teacher was waiting. 'Hi, can we speak to you for a moment?’ Alexianna smiled politely. 

'I'm sorry, I really need to help one of the other students.’ She apologised before looking behind them and rushing to help the struggling mother ship her son into the school. 

Lily stood in against Tom as he went by, grabbing him tightly. Tom instinctively wrapped his arm around his little Princess to show her he was there for her, that he would protect her. 

The teacher said nothing to them as she went in, placating Shawn as she did so, the boy only lashing out more as she and another teacher took him from his mother who walked off and had her phone in her hand laughing as soon as she was through the gate not even an apology for knocking into Alexianna as she did so. 

The pair looked at the woman before looking at one another then down at Lily. Alexianna knelt in front of her daughter. 'Lily, you have as much right as any to be in school and no one has the right to make you feel like you cannot be happy in school. You like your school and you love being happy, don't let anyone take that from you, and if someone hits you once, tell a teacher, if they hit you twice…’

'Hit them harder.’ Lily beamed. 

For a moment, Alexianna had contemplated correcting her daughter before she nodded. 'You have the right to defend yourself.’ She stated. Tom looked at her. 'You are no one's punching bag and so long as you tried telling an adult and if it persists, you Lily Diana Hughes, have consent from me to defend yourself however you feel necessary. Do you hear me?’ 

'Yes, mommy.’ She looked at Tom who nodded in agreement. 'Daddy?’

‘Yes, Princess?’ 

'You need to go.’

‘I’ll go when you're in school.’ He smiled. 

'You need to stop upsetting Luke.'

Tom frowned. 'What…?’

'You're always late and it upsets Luke, so stop talking and go. I love you.’

'We love you too, now in you get.’ Tom urged. 

With her demeanour a little brighter once more, Lily went in the door. It was at that moment the teacher came out looking frustrated. 'Lily, go to class now, you are going to be tardy and that is not nice for everyone else to disrupt them, go.’ Immediately, the brightness sunk again and Alexianna and Tom knew it. They watched angered and should led as the teacher rolled her eyes and ushered Lily in briskly. 

Tom brought her away from the school door. 'I think there needs to be a meeting with the teacher.’ He stated. 

'If not the headmaster.’ Alexianna added. 

*

As it stood, Alexianna didn't need to make a call to anyone at the school, the call was made to her. Nothing much was said, only that if she was available for a meeting at nine am the following Tuesday, to be there, that there was an issue with Lily. It took rearranging bit she was able to get the morning off work. 

Tom learnt of an issue when he turned up to the school to see the teacher looking at him unimpressed with a statement that the school had been in touch with “the child's mother” and that was it. He took Lily and said no more to the teacher before bringing her to the car. 'Lil's, tell me what happened, Princess.’ Lily's facade broke. The tears started and she cried. Tom knelt down and held her to him. He cuddled her and kissed her forehead. 'Lil's, talk to me, tell Daddy everything.’

'Shawn was mean to me and I told him to leave me alone and he wouldn't and I told him I was going to tell Miss and then he hit me and I went to tell her and he pulled my hair and it really hurt Daddy, he even broke my hair tie, and I started to cry and he hitted me again and kicked me and I remembered what Mommy said so I hit him back and he told the teacher and I got in trouble and I told her he did it to me first and showed her my leg and my hair and she said that I was wrong to hit him and I said Mommy said I was allowed protect me and she got angry.’ Lily sobbed. 

Tom felt his heart broke, the way Lily grabbed onto him, the way she held herself into him and the sheer anguish in her voice crippled him. It was all he could do for several minutes to hold onto her and console her as his anger grew. 'It's okay Princess, Mommy and I will deal with this, I promise. You did nothing wrong and we are not going to punish you for it.’ 

'Promise?’

'Lily, defending yourself is never a bad thing. You have every right to do so.’

'Do you do it?’

'I did it, with us and the mean lady, the one that said I could not be your Daddy, remember?’

'Did you hit her?’

'No, I didn't hit her, but she did not hit me either, she just said bad things. There's a difference. You cannot hit a person unless they have or they are going to hit you.’ 

*

Alexianna listened to what her daughter told her of the day. It took several deep breaths for her to calm after everything, especially seeing the dark bruising on her daughter's leg as a result of everything. She too told her daughter not to fret, that she was not in trouble, that she was proud of her and that she was so loved and that would never change. 

For the first time that week, Lily went to bed somewhat happy. She knew her parents were on her side and their love and affection allowed her to feel it could be fixed. Down in the living area, however, Alexianna's question resonated with Tom; one because she was genuinely seeking his opinion and two because of how she asked.


	46. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom decides a weekend away is the best cure for a blue little girl, some space and fresh air being the cure for some problems before Alexianna asks for him to join her at the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering one of the comments I got last chapter, I will not apologise for the way I raise my kids if it differs from other people's (which is how I have Alexianna raise Lily regarding bullies). There is more than one way to raise a good child and should your method differ from others, it does not mean it is the only right one solely because it suits your mindset, as long as parents are not raising bullies, they are doing okay.

Tom took charge of the whole situation. He ordered that Alexianna pack an overnight bag for herself and Lily and that he would be back soon, he was going to do the same. They would be leaving first thing. Alexianna made an argument about her coursework to which she was told “bring it”. 

That night, Tom held Alexianna against him as sleep evaded him because of the day’s happenings and the same caused her to toss and turn for the night in fitful sleep. Come four AM, he had been sleeping lightly for a short time when he woke as he heard the door to Lily's room open. He listened as she rambled to the bathroom but instead of her going back into her room and closing the door, he heard nothing. Gently, he moved Alexianna to the side as she continued to sleep before getting out of the bed and over to the door. Opening it, he saw Lily sitting on the top step of the stairs, looking at him sadly. 'What's wrong, Princess?’ 

'I'm sorry, Daddy.’ She whimpered. 

Tom didn't know the reason for her apology straight away, it was only when he he put on the hall light and saw the back of her PJ's wet and the ashamed look on her face he realised what had happened. 'Okay, it's alright. This happens.’ He consoled kindly. 'Come here.’ She got up and walked over to him. 'You go into the bathroom and take off the wet clothes and I will get Mommy, okay?’ she nodded and did what she was told. Tom went into the bedroom and gently shook Alexianna. ‘Lexi, we have an accident.’

Alexianna groaned and stretched. 'Coming.’ She got up and got her nightgown. 'Where are we?’

'Lily is in the bathroom getting out of the clothes.’ 

'I'll deal with it, you go back to sleep.’

'You clean her up, I'll get the bed sorted.’ Tom instructed. 

Tired and seeing that he was adamant that he would not be swayed, Alexianna merely nodded before going to the bathroom. 'Hey Munchkin, let's get you cleaned up.’ 

'I didn't know until it was too late, sorry Mommy.’

‘It’s okay, come on, we'll wash you up and get you comfy and ready for bed again.’  
Alexianna kept her voice calm and relaxed and assisted Lily get cleaned and redressed into fresh PJ's passed to her by Tom before bringing her out of the bathroom and back to her bedroom. There, Tom had redone her sheets, and placed the soiled ones on the floor by the door. 'Ready?’

'Yes, indeed.’ He smiled and picked up the freshly cleaned Lily. 'You need to get back to sleep now Madam, we are going on an adventure tomorrow.’

'What are we doing?’

'Only girls who are well rested get to find out.’ He grinned as he lifted her up and placed her in her bed. 'If you have a problem, Princess, never hesitate to come and knock on the bedroom door, okay? Mommy and I are more than happy to help.’

‘Okay, Daddy.’ She sighed contently, grabbing Baloo and cuddling into it before leaning forward to kiss his cheek, then looking to her mother for one. 

With her goodnight’s said and with no fuss made of her accident, the adults left and went back to their room. 

‘Did I do okay?’ Tom asked curiously, having never done a night accident before. 

'Tom? He looked at Alexianna curiously. ‘Thank you.’ he gave her a small smile. 'You are incredible.’

He kissed her. 'I only follow your example. Now back to bed, we are up again in two and a half hours if we want to leave at eight.’

'Yes, Sir.’ Alexianna joked with a salute before Tom chuckled and they got into bed again, holding her against him again as they tried to get some more sleep.

*

Lily inhaled deeply as the sea air entered her little lungs as the car drove by the coast. When she realised where she was going, the foul mood that had engulfed her over the past week disappearing immediately. When Diana stood on the footpath, she giggled and bounced in her car seat. When Tom pulled in, she beamed brightly out the window as Diana opened the door. 'Nana.’

'Hello, Poppet.’ Lily all but wriggled out of her car seat when Diana opened the clasp and into Diana's arms. 'I missed you.’

'I missed you too, Nana.’ She cuddled the older woman. 

A moment later, Diana gave both Alexianna and then Tom hugs in turn. 'I missed all of you. You know, you don't require occasion to come visit.’

'Are you sure it's okay?’ Tom asked, pointing to Sarah's car, indicating that his sister was at their mother's also. 

'The more the merrier.’ Diana beamed honestly. 'Sarah and Yakov left her Ladyship here last night, they had a wedding to go to. They should be back come tea time apparently.’ She informed them. 

As soon as they entered the house, there was excited squeals as Sophia and Lily both realised that the other was there. The girls immediately rushed to the living room to play with their toys, giggling and laughing. 

'So, what is the story? I am delighted to see the three of you, of course, but there is clearly something afoot.’

'Lily is being bullied in school.’ Tom explained. Diana's face went stern. 'She is so down in herself, both at home and out and about and yesterday she begged us not to send her in. Alexianna told her to tell the teacher if the boy bothered her again and when she went to try and do that, he beat her up.’

'The poor pet.’ Diana shook her head. 'Sure, she's the quietest little thing. I never met a child as naturally quiet as her.’ As though to make a liar of her, the very next moment, both girls screeched loudly. 'Bar when she teams up with her cousin, that is.’

‘But before she went in, I told her that should she be physically accosted by him, if she was being hurt, she has the right to defend herself.’ Alexianna explained further. 

'How did that go?’

'I am going into the principal on Tuesday. I was called in because of our daughter's behaviour.’ She responded angrily. 

Diana took a moment to think about it. 'I deplore violence, as well you both know.’ Tom and Alexianna nodded. 'It solves nothing. What did he do to her?’ 

'Tore her hair tie out, painfully and hit and kicked her.’ Tom recited. 

'And she struck back?’ 

'Yes, just once.’

'Did she tell a teacher?’ 

‘She tried to.’ 

'So it's a he said/she said really.’ Diana sighed. 

'Not really.’ Tom clenched his jaw as Alexianna spoke. 'Lils?’ A moment later, she and Sophia rushed into the room. 'Show Diana your leg.’

Lily's smile fell and she lifted the leg of her pants. There on her shin was a dark purple bruise. 'Shawn was mean to me, Nana, he hurt me.' She said with teary eyes. 

Seeing such heartache, Diana extended her arms and Lily walked over. 'My poor little girl.’ She kissed the side of her head. 'You are such a wonderful little girl and you are incredibly loved by your family, you know that, don't you?’

'Yes Nana, I have the bestest family in the world. I have you, Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Dan and Auntie Anna, Auntie Emma and Uncle Jack, Auntie Sarah, Yakov and Sophia.’ She listed. 

Diana felt herself smile at the addition of her family to Lily's view of her family. 'That's right, my dear. Now why don't you run along now and go back to the game you were playing with Sophia.’ Lily's smile returned as she rushed off to play with her “cousin”. When the children left the room, Diana spike again. 'I see.’

'Her hair was also unkempt when I collected her.’ Tom explained. 'I thought nothing of it, I thought she was playing and the hair tie fell out but no, he tore it out and you could see the scalp was red. I took photos and have them saved, in case this needs to go further.’

Diana nodded. 'Good. State your case. You need to do right by that little girl.’ Alexianna and Tom nodded. 'And don't think I didn't hear your little piece on the TV.’ She smirked. 'I am so proud of you, sticking up for Lily like that.’

'A man defends his family.’ Tom smiled looking to Alexianna beside him before taking her hand and kissing it. 

*

The weekend did a lot to brighten Lily's mood, as well as give Alexianna and Tom some time to think and plan their course of action. Sarah revealed a lot when she confessed that Sophia had suffered similar to Lily to the extent they demand that Sophia be put in the other reception class in the school but also stating they considered changing schools because of the remarks on their daughter. The talk of changing schools made Tom consider his plan to talk to Alexianna regarding Lily going to Hampstead Hill again but he decided to say nothing until the result of Tuesday's meeting was known. He asked if she wanted him there and was met with an emphatic yes.

* 

In truth, Alexianna was anxious as she sat in the office chair, even with Tom by her side as they waited for Lily's headteacher to join them. When he did, he apologized for being late as well introduced himself formally to them as her teacher sat in another chair. 

'Ms Hughes, Mr Hiddleston, I am Thomas Martin, and of course you know Ms Smith, Lily's teacher while Mrs Robinson is on maternity leave.’ They nodded in acknowledgement. 'We are here because of an incident last Friday where Lily struck another pupil. This school has a zero bullying policy, we state that clearly, so we need to discuss the procedure going forward with how we deal with this, have either of you anything you wish to say?’

'Yes, actually.’ Alexianna sat straighter in her chair. 'I wish to know what procedure will be given to the boy and Ms Smith?’

'I'm sorry, I don't understand.’ the headteacher looked at her. 'Why would they be involved in any procedure?’

'For the week of abuse my daughter endured before she finally defended herself against it. For the fact that she told her teacher about her issues more than once with her classmate and was dismissed and told to let him settle. For when I came to said teacher on Friday to ask about it only to be told that said child was her priority and she gave no indication that she would discuss the matter with us at another point and then proceeded to snap at my daughter that she was delaying things. Where are the procedures for all of the above?’ Alexianna was seething as she listed the wrongs against Lily and her and Tom's attempts to seek a resolution. 'I am not a violent person, Mr Martin, I do not believe violence solves much in this world but I do feel my daughter has the right to defend herself when she is being assaulted by another pupil and I will fight to my last breath to defend her in this situation. On Friday morning, after a week of her becoming more and more withdrawn and unhappy, she revealed to us the reason for her depleting happiness and I told her to tell her teacher, but also that should she find that that was of little help, that I gave her consent to protect herself.’

'Violence does not solve violence.’ The headteacher began. 

'Neither does sticking your head in the sand and pretending it is not happening.’ Alexianna retorted. 'Do I have to wait for my daughter comes home with a broken arm or suffers childhood depression and fears school because of one boy before I do something? No, I won't allow it and I will go all the way to the department before I let it happen.’

Tom looked at Alexianna in awe. The woman that was still working so hard to get back to herself was going full mother bear mode for her daughter. 

'What does Lily say this boy did to her? I was not made aware of this.’ Mr Martin asked with intrigue. 

'A few random hits and name calling through the week, she told Ms Smith who proceeded to dismiss her, then on Friday, when she was accosted by him again, she went to tell the teacher and he pulled her hair so hard her hair tie snapped and kicked her and hit her more, so she gave him a slap back.’

'I didn't see any of this.’ Ms Smith declared. 

'It's alright.’ Tom stated, taking out his phone. 'I collected her and she told me what happened so I got on to a legal friend of mine who told me to document any and all marks she had, so I did.’ He showed the headmaster the photos of Lily's marks. 

Mr Martin looked at them for a moment before inhaling deeply. 'Ms Hughes, Mr Hiddleston, I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to you both and I will also extend my apologies to Lily.’ He handed Tom back his phone. 'It is blatantly clear that Lily has been on the receiving end of this and I will ensure that it is dealt with.’ 

'Thank you.’ Tom put his phone back in his pocket. 

'I would ask that you ask Lily to refrain from violence also.’

'I will tell her as I did before, she is not permitted to hit anyone for no good reason, but should she require defending herself and a suitable adult is not around.’ Alexianna specifically looked at Ms Smith as she stated those words. 'Or the assault continues, she is allowed to do so.’

‘I understand, well we will make sure that does not need to happen.‘ Mr Martin stated. 'Thank you both for your time. Ms Smith, have you anything to add.’

'The boy is a good child and is just settling in. He does not need to be dragged into this.’

'Perhaps you require seeing Lily's shin also?’ Tom offered taking out his phone again. 'This is not a “boys will be boys” situation, that excuse is for grazed knees and mud not assault. If we did not document this and she showed these marks to someone outside of our family we could easily be investigated for child abuse or neglect such are her injuries.’

'I frankly don't care about whether or not he is settling well.’ Alexianna stated. 'I know new schools are scary and I feel for him on that level, I really do but if you think for one moment his way of relieving his emotions supercede my daughter's health in my eyes, you are very much mistaken. My daughter has wet herself with anxiety caused by this Shawn boy and I will not have it. Her, her education, and mental well-being are my priority, above all else.’The teacher remained quiet after such a statement. 'Thank you for your time, I think I speak for both Tom and I when I say we are pleased that you are seeing sense here. We had to rearrange work for this so we had best go and let you both get on with your day.’ She stated. 'I really hope we can meet next time on better terms.’ 

'As do I, Ms Hughes. Once again, I am sorry for all of this. Mr Hiddleston.’ 

Tom gave a small nod and a thank you before they left the room and went back to the car. 'To be honest, I am not overly fond of that teacher, or her attitude.’ Tom confessed. 

'Nor I.’ Alexianna concurred. 'I feel guilty for being annoyed at Mrs Robinson for having a baby.’

'Come September, she'll have a new teacher.’ Tom consoled. 

'Still, I just really am not happy at her being stuck around this situation.’ She sighed and let her head hit the back of the seat. 'I thought I was doing the right thing getting her into that school but I just feel like it is not the right fit for her.’

'We can look into other schools if you'd prefer?’

'She was registered in this catchment area, Tom, it will be hard to get her in anywhere else. The one closest us is Hampstead Hill and unless I get a magic eleven thousand pounds in my bank account every year, it's not going to happen.’

'We can look at other options.’ He rubbed her hand. 'Let's just see what happens.’


	47. A Shocking Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom plans to mention Hampstead Hill to Alexianna, when it is forced out, Alexianna learns a shocking revelation

The situation with the school improved somewhat after the meeting. Shawn and Lily were kept at different tables for classroom activities and during lunchtime, the headmaster and teachers kept a close eye on how Shawn interacted with Lily. As a result of correcting him when he became aggressive, he settled a little more and Lily, as was the norm for the friendly child, was more inclined to speak with him, if only to say hello in passing.

Tom was apprehensive about referring to Hampstead Hill, he knew it could cause an issue if Alexianna was not in the right mind for it. 

When they were having a lazy day together, the three of them watched Coco, and after the movie, Alexianna asked Lily to take off her jumper as it had gotten some juice on it and it had gotten stained. 

“Tom, have you anything you want washed, I may as well do everything I can in one go?” Alexianna asked cheerfully. 

“Actually, I have a few things in my overnight bag.” He went to get up and get them. 

“I'll grab them, I have to get some of my own laundry also.” She dismissed as she walked to the stairs and up to her room. She opened the part of the bag that Tom left his dirty clothes and took them out and placed them in the basket after turning them inside out but noting there was only one sock. She checked the bag again but to no avail so she looked under the bed and did not see it there either. Going to the top of the stairs she called down. “Tom, you're missing a sock.”

A moment later he came to the stairs with Lily in front of him and walked up behind her. “Did you check the rest of the bag?”

“No, you keep contracts in that thing from time to time.” She pointed out. “Not to mention other things on occasion.” 

Tom waited for Lily to rush into the room before leaning in close to Alexianna so to whisper and not let the child hear them. “Considering you use those other things with me, I cannot see the issue with you seeing them. Which reminds me, we put them in the far side bed locker, right?”

“We did.” She confirmed. 

“Good, I don't think I could handle a 'Daddy, what are those’ right now. I am terrified she will think they are balloons.” 

Alexianna snorted as they walked into the room before the laughter started. 

“What's so funny, Mummy?”

“Nothing, Princess.” She dismissed. “Tom said we have to play sock detectives and it sounds silly.”

Lily giggled. “It sounds super silly.”

“Really?” Tom joked, grabbing her and playfully pretending to throw her onto the bed before carefully landing her on it. “I think you are being super silly.” Lily erupted in fresh giggles. “You have silly giggles too.”

Alexianna had planned on trying to find the missing sock but seeing Tom and Lily acting ridiculous, she merely sighed and joined in. “Those aren't her full giggles, these are...” She then jumped onto the bed and attacked Lily with tickles, the child becoming nothing but fits of laughter as her mother went to all of her favourite spots, Tom chuckling next to them. 

“Stop Mommy.” As soon as Alexianna heard her daughter, she ceased. Lily beamed brightly loving when her mother showed her playful side, something Alexianna was always trying to balance with having to raise her daughter. “Okay, more.” Alexianna just smiled lovingly as she went to her favourite spots once more. 

Tom chuckled again as he went to his bag and looked around to see if the sock was there. He pulled out a few things, including his laptop and looked around. 

“What's this?” It was Lily that asked the question. 

“Lily, don't go at things that are not your business.” Alexianna chastised. 

“But that's my name.” Lily pointed to a piece of the paper with her first name clear on it. 

Alexianna had not paid any heed to the contents of the bag until Lily pointed to the page in question, then she found herself focusing on her daughter's name before reading the heading on the page before looking back to Tom who was looking a tad sheepish. “Tom?”

“I…”

“Mummy, it's the pretty school and they have horses.” Lily had ceased looking at the cover letter she had found and was looking through the Hampstead Hill prospectus. “Are there horses at the school? Where do they run around?”

“No, Sweetie, they are probably at a stables outside the city, there is no room for them in the campus.” Her mother explained. “Tom?”

“I just asked for a prospectus.”

“But it is personalized, it has her name on it, and yours.” 

“Yes, I rang them about it, they asked for her name, obviously and her she, her year, her school, all of the above and…”

“Can I ask why?” 

'I want her to get the best education and with everything with Shawn and all that…” He explained. Alexianna nodded slightly but said nothing as she thought about his words. “I was going to talk to you about it later.”

“I gathered, since you had it with you.” Alexianna looked at her daughter who was looking at the pictures in the book with keen interest. “Dare I ask what your plan for it is?”

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, it is eleven hundred a month? You know I cannot afford that, I am stretched to my limit as...” She paused and looked at Lily. “Later.” She stated, knowing better than to say anything else in front of Lily. 

Tom nodded and watched for demeanour. It was a tad stiffer than it had been before seeing the booklet, but she still remained more or less the same as she had been before. 

By the time Lily went to bed, she had looked at every picture a hundred times. Both Tom and Alexianna had attempted to take it from her, but she would not leave it out of her hands, mostly because of the horse picture, her current obsession being horses. 

Tom went for a shower after they put Lily to bed and readied himself for the discussion with Alexianna. He had been shocked that she had not reacted to even the idea of the school as she had to the toy those few months before. He knew that with the school situation, she would be much more receptive to such things but he had not thought she would be so calm regarding it all. He hoped that she would be willing to listen as calmly with Lily not present. 

When he went back to the living area, Alexianna was looking at the school prospectus sadly. “Lexi?”

“This school is incredible.” She looked at it. “It has everything.” She put it down. 

“It is brilliant, everything from the school dinner to the activities, you pay for quality.” Tom agreed. 

“I can't...Tom, you know I cannot even consider this.”

“I know you are pushing yourself as much as you can financially so…”

“Tom, you can't possibly expect me to allow this. I can't. I mean, I don't want an argument regarding this but I…”

“Firstly, thank you for actually listening to me earlier.” He smiled. “Secondly, I actually spoke with Daniel…”

“No, Tom. No, I am not your problem, or Daniel's for that matter and Lily…” 

“Lexi, please, just listen. Please?” She said nothing. “Dan met someone on a trip back to shore.” Alexianna frowned. “Your father.”

“What?” 

“Yes, he met him and, well, I think you need to speak with Daniel about it.”

Shocked by the revelation, Alexianna grabbed her phone and rang her brother. After a few rings, her brother answered. “Hello, Al.” The manner her brother answered her, it was clear Tom had forewarned him of an imminent call from his little sister. “So, how are you?” 

“Daniel, Tom just told me you met Oliver.”

Neither sibling, like with their mother, called their father by anything other than his given name. 

“I did.”

“What...what happened?” 

“Nothing really. Asked me was I actually me, apparently I look like his father, I told him I wouldn't know, would I? Then he asked what I was doing with myself and if I was married, I said no, then he asked about you too. I told him the truth, that you had a bad accident in college, ended up with an abusive piece of shit and that you were thankfully divorced and raising your daughter.” Alexianna was not overly pleased by that. “He was actually curious about her, and asked about her and where she was in school, I told him and he seemed somewhat insulted it was a state one, I told him if it offended him that much, he should find something more appropriate.”

“What?”

“Well, Tom and I had discussed the whole Hampstead Hill thing before that and I said that if he wanted his granddaughter in a good independent school, there was one near you for eleven hundred a month if he was willing to put his money where his mouth was. You were busy funding living in a good apartment in a good area of London and college and her biological father wouldn't pay a penny, so…”

“So what?” 

“He said he'll pay it.”

“What?” 

“Oliver will pay her school fees if you want her in Hampstead Hill.” Daniel stated plainly. “With all due respect, Al, I know she is your daughter, not mine, but...I really think you should do this, for Lily. I Googled the place, it's incredible.”

“I know, I just read the prospectus. I…Why would he...he never bothered with us?”

“Apparently, Marie made it too hard.” She did not respond. “Yes, I told him that was a lazy excuse. He wanted to make something of an amends, I think. You know how he was obsessed with education. The idea of his granddaughter being in a state school would personal affront to him, I think. I think this is his way of starting to make up for everything.” 

“I'm not sure, what does he want from this, no one funds something like this for no personal gain.” 

“He remarried.” Alexianna frowned. “Yes, she never had kids, apparently they were not for her, which of course, is fair enough and on hearing about us and ..”

“I am not whoring my daughter as some grandchild for hire to him and his wife. I rather send her to the worst school in Britain.” Alexianna declared angrily. 

“I said that too but no, this is not about that, apparently. He is willing to do it all legally if you want, sign over whatever she needs for education into a special bank account and never hear from him again if you want…”

“Dan, you know that saying 'If something is too good to be true then it probably is'?” 

“Look Al, meet him yourself if you want...I truly think he has realised he was a shit father and, well…I want to give him a chance, I think he realised his wrongdoings, I don’t know, I just am going to see how it goes. He gave me his number and told me to extend it to you too. I'll text it on, decide what you will for you but if you want my input, I think you should take it, for Lily. Sign his little waiver if you feel really unsettled but don't turn down Hampstead Hill. It's the opportunity of a lifetime for her. That's my input.”

“Okay, I'll think about it.”

“You'll let me know either way, won't you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well I better go here. Anna and I want you all to visit soon, think about that too, alright?” 

“Yeah, I was thinking about that, maybe after the Isle of Wight sometime.”

“Sounds like a plan, don't leave it too long to talk.”

“I promise. Bye Dan.” After her brother said his goodbyes she hung up. 

Thomas studied her face intently. “You look like you are going to decline.”

“You know what I hated when I was growing up? How little he cared. I swore if Oliver ever came back wanting to get to know me, I would not do it. I mean, James left your home but he was always part of your lives, Oliver thought a private education was all he needed to do to soothe his conscience, that's all he is doing now too. I get why Dan wants to get to know him, but for me...I don't know. If I do, am I setting up a situation where Lily will try the same with Jonathan if he ever decides that he wanted another chance? I cannot risk that. And why now?”

“What do you mean?”

“He had twenty odd years, why now? I am just suspicious, is it for her, his wife, is it even more sinister, I mean, I get seen with you and all of a sudden, my father is back and willing to spend God knows how much on Lily's education. I mean, it is eleven hundred a month right now, what will it be when she is eighteen, what if she gets Oxford or Cambridge like us? Will he fund that too? Why? Why is he doing it?”

Tom could not answer her. He knew Oliver Hughes was big in finance and in London, then he moved to the States apparently with the company, so yes, there was little doubt, if he had been intelligent with his money that he would have earned a significant amount over the years, but calculating that Lily had at least more a decade in education before even heading to college, it was a fair question. Education was getting more expensive, so of course her fees would rise, he had not thought of it from that aspect. “Think about it, Lexi. Take time and think.”

“Dan thinks we should take it and so do you.” 

“If you do not want Oliver involved, and I can understand why, I would do it for you, Lexi, in a heartbeat, for both of you but I know you don't want this to be how we do this. I think the Hill is the place for her, that I am certain of, she will do so well there and their program is incredible. If it were up to me, I would have her start there in September.” He stated plainly and honestly. 

“Thank you.”

“Whatever for?”

“Talking to me about this as you have. After the toy incident, I cannot imagine this to be something you were overly excited to speak with me about. And thank you for your honest opinion.”

“Your sessions have done so much for us, allowing us to talk more openly. I am not pointing a finger at you, by the way, I am saying that I am learning from what you say Barrows said about communication and applying it to us too.” Alexianna gave a small smile. “What do you think of it all?” she inhaled deeply and said nothing as she thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH this is a hard one, there are so many reasons to act as Daniel AND Alexianna react to this news and one is as valid as the other in this situation. Obviously where sexual and physical abuse are involved, there is less room to even debate it, but Dan and Lexi both have valid points for them.


	48. A Bit of A Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexianna is considering Daniel's words when she receives some mail that shocks her. Luckily Tom, though away, is there via the phone to listen to her and offer advice

For longer than she cared to admit, Alexianna considered Daniel's comments regarding Oliver. 

She could not comprehend how Daniel would welcome the man back into his life after he abandoned them when they needed a father. She thought to her counseling sessions, the ones specifically regarding the male influences and indeed role models in her life, or as was brutally honest, the severe lack of said role models. There was a correlation between her lack of father figure and her subsequent relationship with Jonathan in which she had accepted abusive and negative behaviour from him. It was not the sole reason, which she knew, but it was a notable part of the overall picture. 

Tom, on more than one occasion, pointed out that Daniel was simply the polar opposite of her reaction to the situation, and in many ways, also understandable. He more than likely was hoping to make up for the lost relationship with his father during childhood. Both approaches, he stated diplomatically, were completely comprehensible and neither sibling was in anyway wrong for their feelings on the matter. 

Daniel spoke to her a bit with regards what he and Oliver discussed when they met up, Oliver, now living in York, went to Edinburgh when Daniel was off the ships to talk with his son. Alexianna listened to her brother, but never said much on the matter. When Daniel pushed her for an answer as to whether she wished to speak to their father or not, Alexianna would find a way to change the topic of conversation with him and on mentioning Hampstead Hill, she would find a reason to cease speaking altogether. 

Lily was no longer having the same issues with Shawn, thankfully, but she was still not overly happy with her daughter's teacher and neither was her teacher pleased with her and it was showing. It left Alexianna in something of a predicament, she wanted Lily to have the best education but she was terrified at what Oliver would expect in return. Then she thought of Tom's offer. In all honesty, of the two, she would be more open to Tom's proposal to pay than her father's as she knew that Tom was offering out of love for Lily and genuine concern for her wellbeing and love, Oliver's motives were anyone's guess as far as she was concerned. 

She spoke with her counselor regarding it in her next session. He delved into it all with her and attempted to assist her in uncovering what was bothering her so greatly in the situation. They both knew her father's lack of being there for her growing up was a pinnacle reason for her wariness to everything, but Mr Barrow also tried to see if there was other reasons for it, noting her anger at her father's remarrying, not because she held any ill against him for finding happiness but for the fact he chose a wife that specifically chose not to have children. She respected that was a personal choice for her stepmother, a term that her therapist used and caused her to shudder such were her preconceived notions of such a title, but it caused her to wonder if her father regretted being a father and made her feel rejected even further by him. It was hurtful enough that Oliver left them and never returned due to not wanting to deal with Marie but the idea he had never wanted children, that made her feel even more rejected by him and of course, behind it all, she worried for Lily. 

Tom left for a week to deal with an event he was part of, leaving Alexianna to deal with her concerns, work and Lily, something she was becoming more comfortable and confident in. Even with the increased workload of her job and college course, Alexianna was finding it easier to do everything as a result of her dealing with her past and feeling better in herself as a person. She still had doubts, her scarred arm caused her to feel some self-conscious thoughts but overall, her achievements, her loving relationship with a man that allowed her to be her own person and respected her personal space and expected the same and help raising Lily meant she was able to grow, both personally and as a mother. She always loved Lily with all of her heart, but did not show it as much as she wanted to as she tried to learn how to love herself and express it. Her happier attitude transferred to her interactions with Lily also. 

While going home from work on the bus, she looked out the window. Elena, a lovely English language student who needed a few hours work while she completed her course, had become Lily's new minder while Alexianna worked. Tom spent what time he could with her also but there was need for someone else to pick up the times they could not and Elena was perfect since Rebecca moved to Manchester. She also taught a very eager Lily some Spanish, something Alexianna was delighted about. She spoke French and Latin as well as English and Welsh so she liked her daughter embracing foreign languages. 

When she arrived home, she was attacked for hugs in the hallway. “Hey Princess.”

“Hi Mommy.” Lily cuddled into her as she walked into the kitchen carrying her daughter in her arms. “I had a silly day today.”

“Tell me about it.” She smiled as she said a quick hello to Elena also. 

“We went to the park.”

Alexianna knew that already, having signed a consent form for her daughter to be allowed do so. “And what did you see in the park?”

“Ducks.”

“Very exciting.” 

“Can I tell Daddy?”

“I will contact him and see if he able to talk.” She smiled, taking out her phone, frowning at the cracked screen, having been in a slight disagree with gravitational pull. She texted Tom and left her phone on the counter as she took out the few groceries she had acquired also before thanking Elena for handing her some post. At first, she scanned them, some junk mail, a “to the occupier” from the council and finally a letter for “The parents of Lily D. Hughes” letter. Alexianna looked at the letter for a moment. It was a thick A4 size one but it was the postmark that gave it away. The stamp of the illustrious girl's school told her who sent it. Opening it, she wondered why it had arrived.

Just as she was about to remove the paperwork from the package, her phone rang. 

“Mommy, Daddy is calling.” Lily chirped as Alexianna placed down the letter. She lifted her daughter onto the countertop and answered the phone, placing it to Lily's ear. “Daddy.” She giggled. 

“Hello, Princess. You sound very happy.” 

“I miss you Daddy.”

“I miss you terribly too. I wish I was able to give you a big cuddle.” Tom's voice was sincere. “Tell me about your day.”

“We went to the park and we sawed ducks.” She informed him. “And we feeded them, but not bread acause that is not good for them, Daddy and I sawed doggies and they were chasing each other and we had so much fun.” She informed him. 

“I am jealous.” Tom declared, earning giggles from Lily. “Are you excited for your birthday next week?” 

“Yes.” Lily cheered loudly. “You'll be home, won't you Daddy?”

“I am home in two days, my beautiful girl.” He promised. “So do not fret, I will be there.”

“Yay!”

“Where's your Mum, Princess?” 

“She's holding the phone to my ear and making sure that I don't fall from the counter, Daddy.” Lily informed him. 

“Okay, Princess, I will send you a big hug and kiss through Baloo and I will just talk to Mummy for a minute, alright?”

"Okay, Daddy. Bye bye, I love you.”

“I love you too, Lily.” His smile was audible through the phone. 

Alexianna let Lily off the counter before putting the phone to her ear. “Hey, Tom.”

“Darling, is everything alright?”

“I'm not sure.”

“Talk to me Lexi. Is it therapy, work?”

“No, I just...I think Lily has just received another prospectus from Hampstead Hill.”

“You think?”

“I was opening it when you called, but yes, I think she has, it looks like one.”

“Open it and see.” Tom listened to the sound of paper moving around then silence. “Lexi?”

“I…”

“Lexi?”

“Dear Ms Hughes, we are delighted that your daughter, Lily Diana Hughes will be joining us in Hampstead Hill at the beginning of her reception year, this coming September. We thank you for choosing our school for your daughter's education and I can assure you, Hampstead Hill will endeavour to bring out the very best in your child. Please find enclosed….Did you do this?” There was no answer. “Tom, did you do this?”

“No... I...no, I had nothing to do with this.” Tom promised, slightly startled by what Alexianna had just read to him. “Do you think Oliver…?”

“Who else could have done it, Tom?” she challenged, her anger increasing. “I am going to kill Daniel.”

“Why?”

“How else would this have happened, Tom? Oliver shouldn't know her name, I...does he have my address?” She asked worriedly, rushing up the stairs to prevent Lily hearing such a conversation, not wanting the little girl to see her stress. 

“Alexianna, I don't want to anger you, Darling, but I don't think him having your address requires such panic, he is not as bad as Jonathan.” Tom placated. “If you want nothing to do with him, it's not ideal, but it's not like he can walk up to the front door; you, Elena or I have to let him in, so don't fret, my Darling. Also, remember the school hàve your address, I was in contact with them, remember?”

“But...you gave your address.”

“I gave yours also, they needed it, so he could very well not know it.” He placated. “I think when you have settled slightly, you need to speak to Daniel.” He suggested. 

“Yeah, I...I'm not sure about this, Tom. I don't want to owe Oliver for anything...I don't want anything to do with him.”

“We will talk to Daniel, and see what he says, alright?” Tom urged. “But for now, relax.”

“Tom…” 

“Lexi, you are annoyed and you and I know that if you talk to Daniel now, you will get angry and you love your brother, you don't want to argue with him.”

“I don't want this. I don't want Oliver to pay for this.” 

“Will I send him a reimbursement?” Tom offered. 

“No because I don't want anyone paying this money for her.”

“Why not, Darling?”

“Because it's not fair on you, I am not going out with you to fund Lily, this relationship is uneven enough without…”

“Okay, I am going to have to stop you there, Lexi “ Tom stated calmly. “A relationship does not have to be fifty-fifty when one is in a different financial position to another. You give me so much, I cannot put into words my happiness when I am with you, and that little girl. Alexianna, I love you both so intensely and you both give me unconditional love and respect in return and to be honest, I feel unworthy. Your additions to my life have so much more than financial worth.”

“But I don't want money from you, I want you, I want our cuddles, our conversations, our intimacy, that sort of thing.”

“That is why I am so invested in this, Lexi, because you don't want money and other such things. But is why I am so willing to do this too, I want to help Lily achieve everything she can in life.” 

Alexianna sighed, uncertain of what to say. She wanted nothing more than to have Lily have the best of everything, as most parents would, but uncertain that she could take it.


	49. Happy Birthday Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Lily's birthday party, Tom speaks to Ben about Lily's gift from her long estranged grandfather before he and Alexianna discuss it more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn but doing stories on my phone is hard. I am trying to rotate between all 4 of my stories a chapter at a time so hopefully more soon.

Alexianna found herself unable to speak with her brother. Every time she tried to ring him, her anger would bubble in her stomach and chest again and she would have to “X” off his name and number. 

Tom returned as he promised two days later and tried to calm her by talking it through with her but she was too angry at her older brother, she knew he was the one to tell Oliver to go ahead with paying Hampstead Hill and the fact he had not even discussed it with her or allowed her time to think it over fully, especially when she had only went to Mr Barrows and discussed her issues with her father the day before the acceptance letter arrived. She was livid and nothing would calm her. 

She was incredibly suspect as to Oliver's motives and Tom realised quickly that she was even losing sleep to it causing him to contemplate telling her brother. He knew interfering too much was not a good idea but the manner in which Alexianna was dealing with it clearly showed her anger. As it happened, Daniel was at sea with limited access to reception so there was difficulty getting hold of him. More than once he talked her out of simply withdrawing Lily's name but only by asking her to wait until she thought it over more. 

The twenty-first of July came and with it, Lily's fifth birthday. The day was too much in Alexianna's eyes. They held a party for Lily and her friends at a play centre nearby, amongst those invited were Sophia, her school friends and even Kit, who she still pleaded with Tom to allow her play with again and to a lesser extent, Hal, who was too young to care about anything bar the colourful and soft balls that seem almost irresistible to him as he waddled through the padded play area for smaller children. 

“You are a natural at this.” Ben commented to Tom after Tom assisted Lily and Sophia to take off their cardigans without ruining their newly done glitter tattoos on their arms and painted faces before the pair ran off again while the two men stood outside the waddler play area where Hal was playing happily. 

“It's not natural, I have failed to save the glitter a few times. It is a learned skill.” Tom responded, tidily folding the two cardigans over a chair. “I am learning all the time.”

“Look, Tom; no one is instinctively able to do everything, it's not possible, have you any idea the amount of nappies I failed to do properly, from not tucking the boys down to not ensuring the leg pieces were out as they are supposed to be.” Tom looked at his friend in bewilderment. “Parenting is not easy.” Was all Ben declared in response. “But you seem so at ease with it.”

“I have to be if I want to be there for Lexi and Lily.” Tom shrugged. “It's like you said, it's a fulltime job. There's no picking and choosing what I want to be part of, it can't be like that. She needs solid structure. My being gone for work is unstable, I know, but how many parents work those sort of jobs? That's okay as long as when I'm here, I am fully immersed in being there for her.”

Ben looked at Tom blankly for a moment before chuckling slightly. “You get it.” His friend acknowledged. “That's exactly it.” Tom gave a proud smile. “So how are things with Alexianna, do you feel as happy with her?”

Tom frowned slightly. “We have the same issues as everyone else, nothing serious, just slight issues. She doesn't like that she is not as wealthy, she feels it puts an inequality in this and she feels as though it puts pressure on us but she's working through it.”

“There's a considerable difference though.”

“And that doesn't matter. She doesn't ask for anything from me. She literally looks for nothing. She refuses to let me even pay for a takeaway without her paying her share. She is incredibly independent. She pays her and Lily's way, to her, that is not my responsibility.”

“Good, for both of you. You because I don't want my friend to be someone's ATM but also for her because she clearly does not want to depend on others and to be able to do her own thing is clearly important and to hear she is in the position to do that is a good thing.” Tom nodded. “I had to ask because she seems to be forcing a smile today.” Tom chewed his cheek for a moment. “I'm not imagining it then?”

Tom sighed. “No. Do you recall our conversation before on schools?” 

“Yes?” Ben answered, the single word elongated as he thought of how this was in reference to the situation. 

Tom glanced to see where Alexianna was, seeing her talking with Rhodri's father and a mother he had seen at the school gate a few times. “Lexi is currently pissed off at her brother and their father.”

“What has this to do with the school situation?”

“Her father is some big guy in business, hence her private education, well her brother and father have arranged and paid Lily's fees for Hampstead Hill for the upcoming school year and Lexi is irate.”

“I thought after the bullying and all that you planned on talking about it to her and you thought she would be open to it. Surely Lily's grandfather paying is a far more acceptable situation for her?”

“Oliver left when she was seven or eight and never so much as spoke to her since, he just paid school fees.”

“And now he is swanning in and playing the caring grandfather and she's…?”

“He said she doesn't even have to have him as part of Lily's life but she is very sceptical.”

“Understandable. And what about the brother, I thought you said they were close. How does this involve him, is he siding with the father?”

“Daniel assisted Oliver getting Lily's details to pay the school and register her and Lexi sees him not giving her time to think about it as a betrayal of sorts.”

“When did this all happen?”

“In the last week. I feel as though I should contact Daniel and tell him what is going on because she is too angry to speak with him.”

“Getting involved with her and her brother's argument may not go well for you.” Ben warned, recalling a simple argument concerning his wedding Sophie and her brother had and he got involved in, causing it to flare more. “They are both adults.”

Tom sighed. “I just feel like it's a big mess over nothing really.”

“You think she should just take it?”

“I offered to pay her father back and we just send Lily there ourselves but that's not acceptable either. It's an incredible school, Lily will thrive there but Lexi is stubborn about other people paying.”

“Yes, my publicist, her granddaughter goes there. She raves about the place, swears it's the best school in Britain. Lily is a smart child, and I agree that she should be given this opportunity.” Ben agreed. “I understand Alexianna's hesitation but this is about doing what's right for that little girl and the best is the best and when that is an option, it should be taken. If her father is a prick then why not accept this if there's an option to not speak with him, they deserve this much from him if that's the case.”

Tom nodded slightly before smiling brightly. “Is it time for cake?” He asked as Alexianna came over, looking between the men warily as though worried she was interrupting them. 

“Not yet, they have another ten minutes or so of playtime. I'm not walking in on a private conversation, am I?”

“No, Ben and I were discussing the situation with Hampstead Hill.” Tom confessed, deciding to brave the truth. 

Alexianna bit her lips together and nodded before looking to Ben and noticing his features and what they indicated. “You think we should accept it?” She asked. 

Benedict was slightly taken back at her asking for his opinion. “Honestly, for Lily's education, yes. If this was our situation, I would. I have been told some back story and all things considered, because it is her education, I would do it.”

“Thank you, for your honest blunt answer.” Alexianna smiled a small smile before looking at Tom. “I got a message from Daniel, could you facetime him for the part where we sing “Happy Birthday” please? My camera has a crack through it so it looks terrible.”

“Of course.” Tom nodded, knowing it to be true with having tried to facetime her while away. 

“Thank you.” She took the cardigans to bring over to the table. “If you see the Loopers, tell them how long they have only a bit of time left. Benedict, I have not had time to say much to you, thank you for bringing the boys. They are lovely and adorable.” She smiled as she looked at Hal who seemed to realise he was being spoke about and looked up at them with a bright smile. 

“Thank you for inviting them.”

“Tom said that Lily enjoyed Christopher's company and she asks to see him at least once a week.”

Ben smiled proudly. “He is a great kid.” 

“He is.” 

“This is actually a great idea, hiring this place for a party, I didn't realise they did this.” He looked around the play centre. 

“I thought it best to not have things overly public, it's a great idea.” Alexianna agreed before seeing Sophia and Lily running towards her. “Hey girls.”

“Mummy, do you know how you and Daddy said I am not allowed a little brother or sister?” Lily began. 

Alexianna and Tom looked at one another, knowing that this conversation could go anywhere, Benedict looking at his friend with a mixture of shock and amusement. “It was not as basic as that but yes, I remember telling you that you won't be getting one, and I am scared to ask why?”

“Well, Aunty Sarah told Sophia she can't have one either and since we both can't have one, can we be each other's sisters?”

“Sure, go nuts.” Alexianna agreed, not wanting to deal with the madness of their innocence to how being siblings actually worked. “As long as you don't start bickering at nothing, then have at it.”

They squealed with joy before Lily turned and rushed into Tom's arms, something he was used to and prepared for. “Daddy?”

“Yes, Princess?” She said nothing but kissed his cheek. Tom looked at her and smiled lovingly before she cuddled in against him tightly.

When she got back down she looked at her mother. “Can I call Uncle Dan?”

“Daniel's at sea right now, love.” Her mum explained. “We'll send a message to him later, okay?”

“Okay.” Lily accepted, knowing there was nothing she could do to change her uncle's current status. “When he and Anna have a baby, will that be my cousin?”

Alexianna shook her head in exasperation. “If Uncle Dan becomes a dad then yes, that baby is your cousin, but that involves Uncle Dan becoming a Daddy to happen.”

Lily erupted in laughter. “Uncle Dan would be a silly Daddy.”

“I'm sure he'd appreciate that. Now, birthday girl, cake time.” The two girls looked at each other before erupting in cheers and squeals. 

It took several coaxings by Tom to get Alexianna to allow herself be in video footage and pictures with her daughter but he succeeded in doing so. He reminded her of the girl of old who smiled at photos with his sister and their family and reminded her that Lily would want to see happy pictures of her mother from her childhood, to not have some would concern the child in years to come. Accepting such, she sat with her daughter. Tom was included in a few also, Ben noting that he never looked happier. 

That evening, Tom took the call from Daniel and allowed Lily facetime from his phone as well as send the pictures and videos from the day to him. Alexianna chose the moment she realised it was her brother on the phone to go for a shower, something that was not missed. Dan gave Tom a small message to give his sister before saying his goodbyes. 

When Lily was settled into bed, Tom looked for Alexianna, who was packing the last few things they needed for their holidays the next day. “Dan knows you're avoiding him.”

“Has he figured out why?”

“Yes, and he told me to tell you that he understands but the dates for application had been exceeded already and they had one chance to start her on time in September and he will accept your anger until you see it is what is best for her and that was his only motivation.” Tom recited. 

“Do you think it is best for her?” Alexianna asked. 

“If you recall, I am the one that started this particular snowball.” 

“But you think I should do this for her?”

“Lexi, I understand your reasoning but for Lily, with everything that has happened, I think it the only good choice, I really do. Talking it over with Ben today, he mirrored my thoughts on it also.”

She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. “Thank you for your honesty.” 

“You keep saying that like a politician, if I am honest, it is slightly concerning.” 

“I am trying to see if my thoughts are completely different to other people's to decide what to do.” She admitted. 

“And?”

“I will think about it this week and decide then. Maybe the time away with some distance, I may get clarity.”

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her head. “That's a good plan I think.”


End file.
